RHH | Chapter 3.2

This comfort was something he should be wary of. Yet, his heart, already relaxed, sought Absalom’s warmth. Unconsciously, Leehwan leaned his face against Absalom’s shoulder. A tremor passed through where they touched.

He barely managed to lift his heavy eyelids to look at Absalom. The flushed cheeks and wandering eyes tickled Leehwan’s heart. Could even that expression be fake? Leehwan couldn’t bring himself to think so.

Perhaps because he had once thought that way, or maybe because he was half-asleep, other thoughts kept creeping in. Like the assumption—or hope—that not all of Absalom’s past actions had been lies.

Just as his consciousness was fading, something soft touched his forehead. It hesitated before making contact and didn’t linger long. The warmth it left behind was regrettable.

Perhaps, on that day he had slipped out of the barracks, Absalom had spun the first thread of a web around Leehwan’s body.

As Absalom had predicted, the storm continued into the next day. While Absalom prepared a meal, Leehwan walked deeper into the cave. He had noticed almost no traces of animals or monsters near the entrance or the floor.

As expected, there were signs of previous occupants further inside. Leehwan gathered some dried branches. He also found a blanket, but the stench was too foul to use.

When Leehwan returned with the branches, Absalom’s face lit up. Soon, a small fire was crackling in the cave.

After breakfast, Absalom boiled water in a small pot and tossed in some tea leaves. The aroma of tea spread calmly through the heavy humidity.

Soon, two wooden cups were filled with a light brown tea. Absalom handed one to Leehwan and sat down first. It was on the blanket he had laid out the previous night. Leehwan took a seat beside him.

It wasn’t until Leehwan took a sip of the tea that he realized how naturally he had sat down next to Absalom. He glanced sideways and caught a glimpse of Absalom’s profile. The faint steam rising from the tea made it seem like there was a thin veil between them.

After staring for a while, Absalom lowered his head. His ears, visible through his hair, were red. Leehwan quickly averted his gaze. Then, he noticed the shoulder slightly higher than his own.

He had never compared or measured, but Absalom’s build wasn’t much different from Leehwan’s, a knight. Judging by the shoulders, Absalom might be a bit taller. In short, he was undeniably a man.

So, when Absalom had confessed, Leehwan had been surprised but not displeased.

‘Is it because of his face?’

Lucien came to mind. Even now, he was still handsome, but back then, Lucien had looked like a girl to anyone who saw him. Thinking about it now, it was almost laughable how Leehwan had fallen for him at first sight.

Leehwan had acknowledged his feelings as soon as he realized them. Considering the values Korean society expected from men, it was quite unexpected. Now, it seemed it was because he hadn’t seen anything masculine in Lucien’s appearance.

Was Absalom’s confession in the same vein? If he had the appearance of a handsome man, perhaps Leehwan might have disliked it. Leehwan lifted his gaze again, and then he saw not only the ears but the entire face flushed red.

Thud.

His heart skipped a beat. It was a faint echo, but to Leehwan’s ears, it sounded like thunder.

‘This can’t be.’

He knew this feeling.

Just then, Absalom abruptly stood up. The cave ceiling was low, and his head barely grazed it. Leehwan was about to stop him when he opened his mouth.

“I’ll go do the dishes!”

Absalom’s lips trembled as he forced a smile. His flushed face made him look pitiful. Leehwan impulsively stood up as well.

“Forget it. I’ll do it.”

It didn’t make sense for one person to handle all the chores while traveling together. Leehwan thought this, forgetting his initial resolve to make Absalom do all the work. True to his knightly nature, where actions came before words, he brushed past Absalom and picked up the dishes.

Doing dishes on a rainy day was easy. After roughly scrubbing the dishes, the heavy rain rinsed them clean. Still, he couldn’t stop his hands from getting cold. Leehwan looked at his red, frozen fingers and thought about the hardships Absalom had endured.

Just as he was about to return with the clean dishes, he saw Absalom rooted to the spot. For some reason, he looked like a loyal servant who had lost his country.

“Do you not need me anymore?”

Leehwan couldn’t answer because Absalom’s words were so abrupt. In the brief silence, Absalom’s face grew darker, as if he had been thinking something.

Absalom slumped his shoulders and lowered his gaze. Leehwan couldn’t help but think of a flower wilting in the shade.

His faded lips moved slowly.

“But… but I can’t leave you.”

“What?”

Absalom’s words were still out of nowhere. This time, Leehwan reacted. If he stayed still, it felt like Absalom would sink into an endless abyss. But the voice that followed was deep and damp, like a swamp.

“I told you before. I’ll never…”

“No, that’s not it. What are you even saying?”

Leehwan cut him off and approached Absalom. The dishes in his hand clattered. After carelessly setting them down, Leehwan straightened up. In an instant, Absalom closed the distance and grabbed his shoulders.

The grip was incredibly strong. Leehwan swallowed a groan. Absalom seemed to notice and loosened his hold. Seizing the moment, Leehwan spoke.

“I don’t understand what you’re trying to say.”

“It’s just that Leehwan…”

“Me?”

Absalom’s voice trailed off, perhaps overwhelmed by emotion. His white teeth bit his lip. Leehwan was momentarily captivated by the vivid changes in Absalom’s face, which paled and then flushed with blood.

“…go.”

By the time Leehwan regained his composure, Absalom had already finished speaking. Looking at Absalom’s face, which seemed on the verge of tears, Leehwan felt genuinely troubled.

“Uh, well. Sorry, but…”

As Leehwan hesitated, Absalom’s face darkened with despair. It looked like he might bolt out of the cave any second, so Leehwan instinctively grabbed his arm.

“I didn’t catch what you said. Can you say it again…?”

“If I can’t even do this for you, how can I stay by your side?!”

Absalom shouted with a voice full of moisture. Leehwan couldn’t believe his ears.

“What? No, I heard you, but…”

“Should I say it again?”

“No. It’s fine. I heard you.”

Leehwan waved his hands dismissively, denying Absalom’s question. Absalom, with his head bowed deeply, muttered.

“You’re so cruel, Leehwan. Really, so cruel…”

It was a small voice, but the misery laced in those words struck Leehwan like a blow to the back of his head.

He felt miserable knowing he had clung to that small warmth and softened at a brief apology. Yet, he hadn’t considered Absalom’s feelings, who had begged to accompany him despite all the unreasonable demands. A sense of self-loathing swept over him.

At the same time, he realized.

‘I’ve started to trust him.’

Like a drizzle soaking his clothes, the warmth had slowly seeped into him.

“That’s not it. I just thought you were doing all the work alone…”

“I told you to use me because I’m useful. You said you’d treat me like a dog, so I’ve been waiting and waiting, but you’re not doing anything! So, I have to do even the smallest chores to prove my worth.”

Leehwan let out a groan. The content of Absalom’s words was somewhat embarrassing. It was true that Leehwan had said, “I’ll treat you like a dog.” But hearing it from Absalom’s mouth made it sound strangely twisted.

“But why now…? Anyway, I won’t leave you, so you should know that…”

Leehwan covered Absalom’s mouth. His large palm covered half of Absalom’s pale face. Watching the other half turn red, Leehwan spoke.

“That’s the thing.”

But Leehwan couldn’t bring himself to say what he wanted. Hesitation blocked his words.

It hadn’t been long since he had vowed to torment Absalom, and now he couldn’t stand to see his miserable face. When had his feelings changed so much? Yet, Leehwan found it hard to admit.

The longer the silence dragged on, the more color drained from Absalom’s face. Leehwan realized this silence was torture for Absalom. He finally steeled himself.

“First of all, I’m sorry. I didn’t know you felt that way. I’m also sorry for pushing you so hard.”

Something lightly tickled his palm. Leehwan’s cheeks flushed as he realized what it was. There was only one thing it could be in this situation.

“You said I haven’t asked for anything, but I’ve been asking you to do things here and there.”

His palm tickled again. Leehwan pressed harder against Absalom’s mouth.

“Okay. Okay, so just listen to me for now. I don’t know what you thought I’d ask of you. I don’t know how you see me either. Let me tell you, I’m not that great of a person. I don’t expect you to destroy the world or wipe out monsters or anything like that.”

This time, Absalom’s deep blue eyes stared straight at him, protesting. Leehwan smiled bitterly.

“You’re not listening… Absalom?”

Absalom’s silver eyes welled up with tears. Leehwan’s eyes widened.

Plop.

A transparent tear fell on the back of Leehwan’s hand. He flinched and pulled his hand away. His hand burned as if scalded, but there was something more urgent to address.

“Ah, Absalom.”

Flustered and unsure what to do, Leehwan reached out again. His still-cold hand touched Absalom’s cheek.

This time, Absalom’s eyes widened. His eyelashes fluttered, and a few more tears fell. Leehwan, as if entranced, wiped them away. He couldn’t let those tears fall to the ground.

His rough fingers brushed against Absalom’s marble-like cheek. Despite his rugged appearance, his touch was delicate. When no more tears fell, his fingers moved upward, as if to erase the path they had taken.

The moment Leehwan’s fingers touched Absalom’s eyes, Absalom’s shoulders trembled. Leehwan quickly pulled his hand away. If he stayed still any longer, the atmosphere would become too strange. He hurriedly spoke.

“Why, why are you crying?”

His words came out sounding accusatory. Regretting it, Leehwan heard Absalom reply.

“I thought I’d never see that expression again.”

“What expression?”

“You just smiled.”

Absalom smiled as he said this. Leehwan, who had momentarily lost his composure, opened his mouth. He had definitely smiled before. That’s what he wanted to say. But Absalom’s expression stopped him.

The smiles Leehwan had shown recently were either fake or not genuine. Absalom knew that.

“Leehwan, you’re kind. That’s why you try to forgive and understand even those who’ve wronged you.”

“That’s not…”

“But.”

A serious tone cut off Leehwan’s denial. Absalom continued with a resolute, yet painful look in his eyes.

“Don’t do that to me.”

Thud.

Once again, his heart sank, this time for sure.

“Why?”