RSL Ch 109

Fragment 3

The judge’s words didn’t register at all. Jae-yi was thinking about something else the whole time. He hadn’t slept properly for days, and his mind was wandering. The date of the next hearing was announced, and the trial was over, but no one left immediately. A fellow lawyer was talking to the legal team from the client’s side, and Jae-yi was still distracted.

It was a situation where he would be dropped from the case. He had joined this case last year, but he hadn’t made any significant contributions. Lawsuits against the German local government always take years. Actually, he wasn’t very interested in criminal cases, so if he was dropped, he would willingly give up his position. It would look bad, but that wasn’t the problem right now.

He was facing the biggest crisis of his life. His fiancée had mentioned breaking off their engagement. Her reasoning was logical. No matter how sudden it was, she said, no one would abandon their job and rush to Korea just because of a friend. She said he wasn’t normal.

It was all true. He apologized to her. He said that Max was closer than family, so it could be seen that way. But he swore that they were never like that.

Friend.

She couldn’t believe it, but that was all. Of course, he knew it looked special. There were definitely some people who tilt their heads in question. Nevertheless, he could be so confident with him because he could be sure that there had been no emotional exchange beyond friendship between him and Seo-jin for the past 15 years.

‘What about now?’

‘What do you mean?’

‘I mean, are you still confident? Do you think Max really didn’t go to Korea because of you?’

‘I said it wasn’t because of me.’

‘Do you believe that?’

It sounded sarcastic.

‘…What do you mean? What do you know?’

She remained silent. She turned away and avoided his gaze, as if she wouldn’t tell him anymore.

‘Anyway, it’s not just that. I’ve felt it all along. Even if we get married, I don’t think I can take Max’s place.’

She said it was strange that Max still had the key to Jae-yi’s apartment. She said that most of the snapshots on the walls were taken with Max, and that there was no trace of her, his fiancée.

The fact that Max didn’t know anything about the marriage, and that he hadn’t even told him that he was dating, was also shocking. The term “close friend” might sound plausible, but she pointed out that it was full of contradictions in some ways.

That was the conclusion. She said she couldn’t stand their excessive, self-congratulatory friendship that they didn’t even want to explain to others, so she told him to choose one. Either stop seeing Max or end things with her.

‘I won’t give you much time. If you can’t decide, just don’t contact me. I’ll take it as you’re breaking up with me, so let’s just break up.’

‘….’

Jae-yi couldn’t answer. He couldn’t stop her from leaving. Once the shock subsided, only reality remained. He sent a message saying he would think carefully and contact her again. He thought it was right to take this situation seriously and reflect on himself first.

As she said, there were many traces of Seo-jin in his apartment. The pictures of him on the walls. The toothbrush Seo-jin left behind, the t-shirt and a few extra clothes he used as pajamas. The mug with a funny picture of them at Disneyland in Paris when they were twenty was always his coffee cup.

What else was there? He remembered that the old champagne bottle Seo-jin gave him when he passed the bar exam was still in the center of the display case. The magnetic souvenirs Seo-jin brought back every time he finished a flight, stuck on the refrigerator. And his first wing trophy.

If he asked why all those things were taking over his house, he had no answer. Jae-yi unconsciously let out a troubled laugh.

That’s right, why is that? It’s strange.

There was a faint suspicion in his heart, but he was trying not to jump to conclusions. He thought it was the least he could do out of respect for his fiancée, Gisella.

He cut off all impulsive thoughts. He decided to judge everything as objectively as possible. He mulled over her words, saying that they were not normal, several times.

Yes, he could see how one might think that.

He acknowledged it once more. That part was easy. But then, what constituted a normal relationship? Jae-yi had no idea what he should have done. They were just fifteen-year-old boys. At that time, they thought it was silly to be obsessed with love or romance. The title of friendship among men, which could not even be compared to such things, seemed so cool. Don’t she know? Boys around that age are usually foolish.

Jae-yi was in the midst of making excuses to himself in that way. He was too young to realize that the desire to always be together had surpassed friendship. Even if he had realized it, what could he have done? Even now, fifteen years later, it was still so hard to admit. His chest felt tight.

‘I will declare the court adjourned.’

The voice that broke his thoughts echoed in the courtroom. Another day had passed. His daily life was shaken and he couldn’t live properly. His mind was filled with thoughts of one person, so it was hard to help others with their grievances.

He would rather have himself stand trial. Maximilian Schmitz should be called as a witness. He would explain everything that had happened over the past fifteen years. If, despite that, he was found guilty, he would accept the punishment without regret.

Han Jae-yi, guilty.

For some reason, he felt as if all the jurors were pointing fingers and shouting that. Jae-yi quickly packed his bag and followed his colleagues out of the courtroom.

A few more days passed. It was exactly a week since he received the breakup notice from Gisella. Jae-yi sat at his desk at the office, flipping through the case law brought by his assistant. He had been waking up repeatedly at night, making his mind feel hazy. He had drunk so much coffee that he felt a bitter taste rising from his stomach. At that moment, someone placed a warm cup of chamomile tea on his desk.

‘Are you okay? You look like a zombie.’

At the voice in Korean that felt both pitiful and ridiculous, Jae-yi looked up. It was Kay. She was a German mixed-race girl with a Korean mother and had lived in Korea until middle school. Thanks to that, she had quickly become close to Jae-yi.

‘Yeah. It kind of happened.’

Jae-yi turned his neck to assess the situation around him. Everyone seemed to be getting up from their seats. It looked like lunch hour was almost over.

‘You haven’t slept much, have you? What’s going on?’

“Yeah, something’s up.”

He then took a sip of the chamomile tea she had made for him. It seemed to be working, as his body was getting a little refreshed.

Kay looked at his face with a puzzled expression. He had answered her in short, clear sentences, but there were no additional explanations. If that was the case, he wouldn’t be the type to go on and on about his own situation, so he passed the test as a lunch partner for today.

‘Let’s go out. Charlie Meyer is treating everyone on our floor to lunch today. Crazy. We have to eat something expensive.’

‘Why’s that?’

‘They won the case against Sonetic. They’re getting a bonus of 100,000 euros, so if he doesn’t treat us, he’s not human.’

That’s why everyone was rushing out. Jae-yi wasn’t particularly keen on it, but he felt that if he didn’t go along with the crowd, he would end up starving all day. He had stopped exercising and wasn’t eating on time, so his body was clamoring for him to get his act together. He followed her, grabbing only his jacket and phone before heading outside.

The early summer Marienplatz was bustling with locals and tourists. It was lunchtime, and office workers were pouring out of the alleys of the old town. A group of about a dozen men in suits entered a Japanese restaurant. Jae-yi and Kay were among them.

The lawyers occupying three or four tables began their pre-meal conversations. The content was predictable. Discussions about new cases, complaints about clients, evaluations of picky judges. Jae-yi quietly fiddled with the kimchi that had been served as an appetizer. Someone asked him how he was doing these days, but he only gave a formal response that everything was fine.

The pieces of cabbage sprinkled with chili powder, sugar, and sesame were torn apart by Jae-yi’s chopsticks. It wasn’t just the kimchi that had lost its identity in the Japanese restaurant. The soup was a Thai meat broth, and one of the main dishes being pushed was Vietnamese pho. The staff were all Turkish, and the Japanese tourists who had unwittingly settled in looked flustered as they struggled to communicate.

The taste was average. At least it wasn’t bad for Germans. However, it seemed to be at an unforgivable level for Kay. She had been making dissatisfied gestures with her chopsticks for a while.

‘I’m going crazy, seriously.’

Kay’s fluent Korean made the Japanese tourist sitting next to her flinch and glance over. She bit into a pork cutlet with half the batter falling off. She complained for a while, saying she could do better if she were the one frying it.

‘When this place first opened, it was decent, but it’s getting worse and worse. I think I should ban myself from eating here in the future. These guys keep coming here thinking it’s delicious without knowing anything.’

‘……’

‘Last time, I ordered gyudon, right? Wow, the thickness of the meat was like this. It was like they had sliced a steak.’

‘……’

Even though there was only one person who could understand Kay’s Korean, the person in question didn’t respond at all. She felt like a madwoman, poking Jae-yi’s bowl with her chopsticks.

‘Ah, seriously, what’s wrong? What’s going on, huh?’

Under Kay’s relentless questioning, Jae-yi glanced at her. Then, as if it were no big deal, he casually blurted out.

‘My fiancée is calling off the engagement, and the reason is a bit unsettling.’

‘Oh, you’re getting married? I didn’t know.’

Oops. Kay made a troubled expression and pursed her lips. She didn’t particularly like relationship counseling. Not only did she not know about the engagement, but it seemed like a big deal that it was about to fall apart. She thought she should change the subject, sensing the gravity of the situation. She had no talent for immersing herself in someone else’s long-winded story, getting angry on their behalf, and suggesting solutions.

‘She said I seem to like my friend more than her.’

‘Haha.”

Once again, she didn’t know what to say. A flustered Kay threw out random words.

‘So, do you actually like that friend more?’

‘Yeah.’

‘Haha.’

Another hollow laugh escaped. The answer came too easily, leaving her speechless. I don’t know, is that really the case? It wasn’t at all, so why does she have such a misunderstanding? That was the kind of whining she had expected. Her expectations were completely off. He already clearly knew his own feelings.

‘Then what’s the problem? Isn’t it right to break up with your fiancée and date that girl?’

‘It’s not that simple. I do like her, but, um…’

Jae-yi quietly stared at Kay’s face. He scrutinized her as if interviewing her. He looked at her with a doubtful gaze, as if to ask whether she could be the vessel to hold this story. But in the end, perhaps he deemed her unqualified, and he started saying something absurd.

‘You know, you were wearing rain boots that didn’t match your suit. But everyone just let it slide, even though they all knew. For quite a while.’

‘What are you talking about? Out of the blue.’

Kay frowned, but Jae-yi continued without caring.

‘It’s a bit mismatched, but you could wear rain boots. You thought it was no big deal. After all, you were wearing shoes, so if someone pointed it out, you could just say you liked them and move on.’

‘Is this some kind of nonsense quiz?’

‘No, just listen. It’ll help you understand my problem objectively.’

‘Ha.’

Kay tilted her head, as if she didn’t understand. But soon she nodded in agreement, putting down her chopsticks and crossing her arms. It seemed much easier to immerse herself in this than to listen to someone else’s complicated love story.

‘Okay, go on.’

Seeing her adjust her posture, Jae-yi continued.

‘Good. Anyway, you thought you had no problems and lived like that. But one day, you found a store you liked and tried to go in, but the owner stopped you. He said you couldn’t enter in such an unbalanced outfit. You had to take off the boots and wear dress shoes to enter.’

‘Hmm. Is it a restaurant that cares about TPO? If it’s a high-end restaurant, I can understand that, but if I don’t want to go in, then it’s no big deal.’

She shrugged her shoulders, getting absorbed in her own situation.

‘Right. If you don’t want to go in, then it’s fine. In fact, that can be simply resolved. But now you start to worry. Is wearing rain boots such a big problem?’

‘I get what you mean. The point is not that you couldn’t enter the store, but that you started to doubt yourself, right? Wondering if there’s something wrong with your appearance? Is that friend like those rain boots to you?’

Jae-yi smiled as if he wouldn’t deny it. Intrigued, Kay began to ask him questions in earnest.

‘So, it’s that you started to care about something you hadn’t realized until now because of someone’s remark. When did you start wearing those rain boots?’

‘Fifteen years ago.’

‘Wow. The store owner had a point in asking you to take them off.’

Kay chuckled. Jae-yi also let out a light laugh and nodded. Yes, it was deserving of criticism.

The sushi he had ordered as the main dish arrived in front of him. There were many customers, so the food was being served a bit late. Kay took another bite of her sad pork cutlet and chewed it slowly.

‘So, do those rain boots like you?’

That was the most important question. He mumbled that as he swallowed his food.

‘I’m not sure. I think they do, but if I say I’m being turned away at the door because of the boots, I wonder if that would make them feel burdened.’

‘Why do you like those rain boots?’

‘They’re pretty and very comfortable.’

‘You’ve thought a lot about it. The answers come out so clearly.’

Probably because being pretty is 99 percent of the reason, Kay chuckled to herself.

‘But why are you so worried? Can’t you just take off the suit and wear a raincoat instead?’