RSL Ch 58

We returned home around noon the next day. In the passenger seat, Han Jae-yi’s phone, which had been off for three days, started ringing incessantly and spewing out missed messages. It seemed not just work-related as he frowned and replied to someone. The phone rang immediately after, but Han Jae-yi didn’t answer. I was curious.

“Who is it?”

“My father.”

I had expected a woman, but it turned out to be an even more significant person.

“Are things still not good between you and your father?”

He couldn’t answer my question and just sighed while holding his phone. Come to think of it, I hadn’t asked about his parents. The unresolved issue he mentioned during our brief meeting in Germany was a family matter. It was a relationship thicker than water, one that I did not have.

“Your parents must be upset.”

Not that it needs saying, but—

“Father seems quite displeased.”

“How much did you tell him?”

“I told him everything. Quitting the company was one thing, but he couldn’t understand me coming back to Korea at all. So, I told them about my feelings for you. There was no other way to explain it.”

My feelings for you. He spoke as if everything that happened was solely his doing. I felt awkward as an accomplice. Of course, I wasn’t upset that he told his parents about me. Rather, I felt relieved. If he had kept me hidden and denied my existence, it would have depressed me in a different way.

The feeling I had now wasn’t about him; it was about the trust I had built with Han Jae-yi’s parents over the past 15 years. The thought that all the faith they had in me had likely crumbled left a bitter taste. Furthermore, I even felt guilty, as if I had become a scoundrel who lured away their only son and ran off to Korea. And this unease connected with another emotion that had been quietly festering within me.

‘Everyone thinks I had an affair.’

I felt the same way when I heard that story back then too. It was as if I had stolen Han Jae-yi from everyone.

***

One of the worst things to do in the cockpit is to leave the door open when you step out, but perhaps I wasn’t in my right mind lately—I did exactly that.

Our plane was ready to take off for Shanghai, with a bit of time left. The co-pilot went to the restroom, and I stepped out to grab my phone charger, but during that time, I failed to stop a little guest from dashing into the cockpit. As the child blinked his dark eyes and tried to touch this and that, I was so surprised that I just picked him up.

A flight attendant ran in, took the child, and apologized for not paying closer attention. The child, nestled in her arms, stared at me intently and then grabbed my nose with his tiny hand, and laughed. . I froze, not knowing how to react to this sudden and innocent attack. I like children, but I’m very awkward when dealing with them.

The co-pilot said it was because I’m “not used to it.” He used to think of children as annoying and bothersome creatures when he was single and childless. He even considered living as a DINK (Dual Income, No Kids) because of his nephew, who often cried whenever he saw him as a child.

“But once I had my own, life changed so much that I wonder how I lived before.”

“That’s what people say.”

“Last week, after flying back from New York, I was awake for almost 30 hours. I lay down to sleep, but my kid was rolling over by himself next to me. He was so adorable, ha ha ha. I stayed up for two more hours.”

“Sounds like a good time.”

These little beings poke at adults’ hearts without even realizing it. I learned about these things from TV and other media.

Since I never had the bond that forms with parents during childhood, this knowledge was acquired like watching a movie—visually, but without the feeling that comes with it. I probably won’t know that feeling until I die. Not because I can’t have a child with the person I chose, but because I’m afraid of forming this kind of relationship myself.

I fear beings like children or pets that wither if not constantly filled with affection and care. That’s why I’ve never had pets either. I’ve also preferred relationships with grown adults for the same reason.

When you become an adult, you can create various rooms in your heart. Depending on the person you meet, the type and number of doors you open vary. Friends or colleagues are met during daylight hours, and you show them only the rooms that you’ve always shown. You part ways when the sun sets. Sometimes, with alcohol involved, you might open doors you hadn’t intended to, but the next day, you both pretend it never happened. I liked relationships that only allowed those predetermined spaces.

The chief attendant entered the cockpit.

“All passengers have boarded—186 in total.”

“Oh, that was quick. What’s the occasion?”

“Indeed. Chief, please close the gate. Co-pilot, request takeoff clearance right away.”

“Yes, Captain.”

The plane, having completed all takeoff preparations, entered a brief waiting period to receive its turn to fly to Pudong Airport.

As I accumulated more flight hours in Korea, my experience flying around Asia began to grow. Flights to China generally experience delays during takeoff. Maybe it’s something about the passengers. There was always a high ratio of guests who had completed check-in but hadn’t boarded the plane.

Later, when I would hear the chief’s report, it often turned out that they were either at the duty-free shop or had mistaken the boarding time. So, today’s boarding completion time was record-breaking. I put on my headset, hoping the return flight would go just as smoothly.

* * *

While returning the chart and flight log in Seoul, I heard a familiar voice from behind. If I had been a bit quicker, I would have passed by without turning my head, pretending not to notice, but I guess I wasn’t trained for that yet.

“I mean, if you don’t want to drink, just say so. Why ignore my texts? Oh? Captain!”

As if the universe had used up all its coincidences, there stood Co-pilot Jeon Seong-wook facing Co-pilot Cho Min-woo. Jeon Seong-wook’s voice, calling out to me, was filled with delight, while Cho Min-woo’s face showed a hint of complexity.

Our eyes met. After a brief moment of hesitation, we decided to act like adults. He wiped the expression off his face, and I casually walked over to them.

“You had a flight today?”

“Yes. It’s a surprise to run into all three of us like this. Where did you fly to, Captain?”

“I just came back from Shanghai. It’s been a while, Co-pilot Cho.”

“Yes, it has. A while indeed.”

He answered with a casual smile, but there was a sigh in the way he said “a while.”

They had already changed into casual clothes. It seemed like Co-pilot Jeon had been scolding Co-pilot Cho for ignoring messages in the group chat the three of us shared, and Co-pilot Cho hadn’t bothered to make excuses. Although it wasn’t my fault, I felt uneasy and awkward, like a thief caught in the act.

“Well, this works out. Since we’ve met today, let’s have dinner. Is that okay with you, Captain?”

“Ah, I…”

“Sure, let’s do that.”

I was trying to think of an excuse to decline, but Co-pilot Cho suddenly agreed. It was hard to ignore as he seemed to be trying hard to maintain his composure as a colleague. I agreed and then went to the changing room. I messaged Han Jae-yi that I’d be coming home after dinner and changed into casual clothes.

“Captain, did you bring your car?”

“No, I left it at home.”

“Then ride with me. Min-woo, you can head straight to Seiren. You know where it is, right?”

“Yeah.”

“Let’s go, Captain.”

Co-pilot Jeon seemed excited. He was probably relieved to have run into friends and colleagues while worrying about how to spend the evening alone. Not knowing the backstory that led us to this dinner, there was nothing I could say. The place we were headed to was a pork rib restaurant. At least I was relieved that today’s menu wasn’t too adventurous.

“You’re off tomorrow, right?”

“Yes.”

“I’m off for two days as well. Should we have a drink too?”

“Well, sure.”

Humming a tune, he told me to wait at the departure hall entrance while he got the car, then headed to the parking lot. Turning in the opposite direction, I saw Co-pilot Cho smoking alone. This was going to be a tough dinner.

* * *

Intense smoke and smells wafted the moment we arrived at the entrance. Co-pilot Jeon and I, who had arrived first, sat down at a low table and ordered five servings of pork ribs. We also ordered some soju.

Co-pilot Jeon was in high spirits, while I grabbed my glass with a determined mindset. I decided not to drink more than three glasses. But just as I was thinking that, the co-pilot downed his drink in one go, so I had no choice but to empty my glass as well. Only two glasses left now.

“Min-woo, over here!”

Co-pilot Cho Min-woo, arriving late, took off his shoes and sat opposite us. Behind me, a male customer who already seemed drunk kept bumping into my arm.

“I’m not drinking.”

“What? You? Oh, come on. Just have one drink.”

“I said no.”

Co-pilot Cho firmly turned his glass upside down. Disappointment was evident on Co-pilot Jeon’s face as he repeatedly asked why, but Cho quietly picked at the side dishes, saying he just wasn’t in the mood to drink. Eventually, his excuses piled up, and he had to convince his friend by saying he wasn’t feeling well. If he’s not feeling well, there’s no pushing him further.

To cheer up the sulking Co-pilot Jeon, I had to sacrifice myself. It hadn’t even been 10 minutes since we sat down, and I was already down to one glass left.

“I’ll light the grill for you. Be careful.”

As the charcoal fire was brought in, my face grew hot. The server skillfully moved the meat around the grill. Of the two co-pilots sitting across from me, one quietly poured his own drink while the other silently ate the side dishes. Feeling like I should say something, I blurted out something I’d often thought about.

“Korea is the only place where the staff grills the meat for you like this.”

“Is that so? Now that I think about it, I’ve never seen that anywhere else.”

“Sometimes, they get really mad if you touch the meat.”

“That’s right, that’s right. Hahaha.”

It was a long time ago, but I once got scolded by an older woman at a restaurant for flipping the meat she had placed on the grill. I was so flustered, feeling like a child being reprimanded, that I ended up apologizing, even though it was my own money and my own food.

“We do it for you because it tastes better that way.”

The waiter, overhearing our conversation, chimed in while cutting the grilling meat with scissors. The smell of melting fat burning with the sauce stimulated our appetites quite convincingly. Come to think of it, cutting meat with scissors is also a Korean characteristic.

“True. In Japan, the meat comes pre-cut. It was frustrating watching them grill one piece at a time.”

“They’re surprisingly particular about whose meat is whose. You get scolded for eating what someone else grilled. What’s grilled on this side is mine, what’s on that side is yours. You have to place it very distinctly.”

It seemed my strategy was working, as Co-pilot Cho Min-woo started to speak more. As a co-pilot specializing in Haneda, he seemed well-versed in Japanese culture.

“How can they eat like that? It’s so unsatisfying. Koreans need to eat everything all at once, quickly. I even cut up my steak before eating it, seriously.”

“Haha, that’s right. I also cut up my tonkatsu before eating it.”

Co-pilot Cho Min-woo’s laughter made me feel a bit more at ease. The sizzling of the food and the light-hearted banter were softening the atmosphere. I poured more soju into Co-pilot Jeon Seong-wook’s glass and filled mine halfway.