RSL Ch 74

On my way home after the Moscow flight, I tried calling Han Jae-yi, but he didn’t answer. It had been several days since we last talked. Perhaps things weren’t going well locally, as he couldn’t immediately call back despite my accumulating missed calls. I could only confirm he was alive through the occasional messages I received. I picked up my phone again during a brief moment of signal.

[I want to hear your voice. Unless you’re too busy.]

I sent a message using an embarrassingly affectionate expression to try and get Han Jae-yi’s attention. But even during the second and third ring, and even long after that as I passed the convenience store in front of the villa, there was no contact from him. I checked my phone again while returning home with a sandwich and drink, but the dark screen remained unchanged.

I waited for him like that throughout my waking hours.

Just in case, I switched my phone to ring mode. Even my confidence that the vibration sound would be enough due to my light sleep had disappeared. Although I knew I should sleep, I kept tossing and turning. My hearing was sensitive to even small noises, waking me up.

After a few more hours passed, someone finally called my phone. However, it wasn’t the person I was waiting for. After a short call with Chris checking in, I waited with my eyes open for dozens more minutes, but the call didn’t come. I fell asleep staring blankly at my phone, which didn’t even receive a message.

It was 5 hours later when I finally got through to Han Jae-yi. In a half-asleep state before dawn, I pressed the call button impulsively, disappointed after checking my phone. It was out of stubbornness, and a bit of pettiness for making me wait this long.

-Yeah, Seo-jin. You’re still up? Or did you just wake up?

It was frustrating that he could answer so casually now when he hadn’t contacted me at all before.

“Why didn’t you call? You knew I was waiting.”

I couldn’t help but let my sulky voice burst out.

-It’s dawn there, isn’t it? I didn’t want to wake you. I’ve been struggling all day and just parted ways with the client, now on my way home.

“What home?”

-My apartment. It’s still empty. I thought it would be more comfortable than a hotel even though it’s a bit far, so I’m staying there.

“You still haven’t cleared it out? I thought you said you were going to sell it. Didn’t you put it on the market?”

I got excited without realizing it. It seems he still kept it as it was, despite saying he would dispose of it. If he could go in and sleep there, it means the furniture is still there too. After acting like he had thrown everything away, it felt like a betrayal to learn he had a place to return to. It was also true that I felt hurt thinking he might still have lingering attachments to Germany.

-Why are you so on edge again? Are you angry because I didn’t answer the phone? I’m sorry. But I was really busy. I didn’t even eat all day. I’m just now finally getting a breather.

He tried to change the subject. This made the embers inside me flare up even more. I know he’s busy. But I was quite angry at his thoughtlessness, having sent only brief “I’m alive” type messages for days, saying “I’ll call you” but never doing so.

“You could at least send me a message. Think about the people you care about.”

-I wait for you like that for dozens of hours every time. You lose me when you start arguing.

“Is that the same thing? I’m flying.”

He was right about the lack of cell service during the flight, but I could always reach him using the in-flight internet. So it’s not so much that it’s physically impossible, but rather that I’m focusing on the controls.

On the flip side, my comment could have sounded like I was criticizing Han Jae-yi for what he does, which is to look at his phone mid-flight and pretend it’s not a big deal. I regretted spitting out those words. But he didn’t ask about it and sighed.

-Haah… I’m so tired, Seo-jin, don’t be angry. I had a really hard day today. Please cut me some slack. Let’s go to Korea and talk.

The voice faded into the other end of the phone, sounding tired. He’s tired, he’s been running around all day cleaning up the mess, and here I was harassing him for not being able to reach me. I instantly kicked myself for my immature behavior.

At the same time, I remembered Han Jae-yi’s words to me, “Don’t make a fool of yourself in front of me,” and I was tempted to say something more. I told him that kind of work wasn’t for him. I wanted to show him that I didn’t like his new job more and more.

He didn’t say it out loud, but every time he was overwhelmed by his work, his frustration blossomed instead of support and encouragement. He probably already knows this. The boundaries between us had disappeared, and a little disrespect had taken their place.

I wondered how far I could get involved in his life. Technically, we were just starting out, but our words and actions were already as thick and heavy as those of fifteen-year-old lovers. I had to stop discord from seeping into the gap created by these contradictions.

“Okay, let’s talk about it. But eat dinner and get some rest.”

-Talk some more, I wanted to hear your voice, too. Are you up now?

I felt a stabbing pain in the pit of my stomach at the affection I hadn’t heard in a long time.

“I don’t know. I’m heartbroken and can’t sleep.”

I was so relieved to hear his voice return to a soothing temperature that I couldn’t help but whimper again. It’s so childish and immature that I can’t even understand myself, so half of the reason I’m in a bad mood is because of myself.

-Sorry, I’ll be right there. Don’t be angry.

I was being manipulated by him. I had melted sweet and hot, then hardened into the shape he wanted me to be, and now I could never go back to the way I was before. I pitied myself for falling so hard for Han Jae-yi that I couldn’t even last three days without him.

Like seawater, the more I drank, the more I craved his affection, and it seemed like it would eventually drive me to my death, but it was too late. I had already drunk too much salt water.

I hung up the phone and realized I had to go outside. As I stared out the window at the rising sun and imagined spending time alone, I felt dry and empty. I’m not a lonely person, but I felt like I wanted to meet someone, but I couldn’t think of anyone. We must have been living in this place with no friends or family, just hugging each other.

I wonder if Han Jae-yi felt lonely when he stayed behind and waited for me. I must be suffering from a severe case of love sickness, imagining his pain that may not even exist.

Indeed. The speed of metastasis of this disease that began with the birth of mankind is beyond imagination.

* * *

It was three days after that call that Han Jae-yi returned to Korea again. After that call, he was still busy, but there was a change in the way he messaged me after work, even if it was late, and let me know his schedule for the next day.

We each made an effort not to bind him with excessive attention, and he not to neglect me with indifference. We knew too well that it could be the other way around at any moment.

Everyone falls in love at different speeds. Even in a relationship that started at the same time as love at first sight, it is normal for one to fall faster and the other to fall slower, each carrying their own weight. So in this relationship, which I started first, if you asked me who would reach the abyss first, it was obvious that it would be me.

My lungs were already bursting with suffocating feelings for him.

On my way home from Shanghai, I knew that Han Jae-yi had already arrived home, so I rushed to get out of the airport. My blood was rushing through my veins, my heart beating faster and faster as I drove and even as I climbed the villa stairs. I opened the front door and went straight into the bedroom, climbing on top of him as he slept soundly.

He was warm. I could faintly smell his cologne, which had been volatilizing for over 20 hours.

“Um… you home?”

Han Jae-yi woke up and wrapped his arms around me. His body heat, which had risen while he slept, transferred to my back and waist. His soft cheek brushed my earlobe and he whispered.

“Home is good.”

Those words calmed my nerves, which had been on edge for days.

“Are you sure this is your home?”

“Home is where you are, I guess.”

I nuzzled into the nape of Han Jae-yi’s neck, liking the way he answered. Their tightly interlocking bodies embraced, sharing the afterglow of their reunion.

“It’s foul to jump on me in your uniform, and look, we’re already here.”

He chuckled and slid his hands up my waist. I slid it down between his legs, pressing it gently against his thighs. He looked up and asked.

“Do you want to?”

Han Jae-yi reached down from his hand around my waist and squeezed my ass. He then put his hand back on my waist, making a gesture suggestive of sexual activity.

“I’m secretly more excited now that you’re asking.”

He smiles at me, his expression turning lascivious. He grips my waist firmly as I raise my upper body and pull down my uniform tie, and then he flaunts it once more with a hip thrust.

“I’m so full of energy from sleeping, are you sure you’re okay with that?”

“I’m pretty sure I’m piled up too.”

Han Jae-yi rode along with his rising waist, rubbing his erogenous zones like mounds. His brow furrowed slightly as he unbuckled his pants at the groan swallowed in his throat. With minimal undressing and the most effective foreplay, the sex began.

* * *

After about three hours of intense s3x, I lost Han Jae-yi again. His constantly ringing phone made me realize how busy his schedule was.

San-il Tech was the biggest client of Han Jae-yi’s company. They had a logistics center near Frankfurt in Offenbach, where a group of employees had filed a lawsuit. Over 30 out of 80 employees claimed they were not paid for overtime and were mistreated.

Usually in such cases, subcontractors are hired to take the blame, so the headquarters doesn’t have to worry. But this case was different. It seemed difficult to completely deny the capital relationship with the subcontractor that only handled San-il Tech’s volume in front of a German judge. The German court was asking San-il Tech to take moral responsibility instead of the bankrupt subcontractor, and the headquarters was troubled by this unexpected situation.

Had they underestimated the national character that files lawsuits against even neighborhood stores as if it’s nothing? In Germany, when workers file a lawsuit, it’s never favorable for the company. A tedious battle will continue for years, and during that time, the company can never fire those workers.

“No, I’ve already looked at the contract, and it was a mess. The nuance may be a bit different in Korean, but in the original text, there was plenty of room for different interpretations. Yes. No, that’s not the case. All the more reason why all conditions should have been written into the contract. The judge interprets items not defined in the contract. Do you realize that the judge is not on our side at all right now?”

His appearance as he talked on the phone while looking at the laptop screen was stressed out. He nervously brushed up his hair, disheveled from s3x, and reached for a cigarette. I handed him a cigarette and a lighter and buttoned up his crumpled shirt. Han Jae-yi stroked my cheek once and went out to the balcony. I curled up on the sofa watching him.

His voice could be heard muffled from behind the tightly closed door. He was trying to solve the case itself, while the client was looking for ways to punish the defendants out of spite. It didn’t seem like a common ground would be easily found.

The Han Jae-yi lawyer I know is not someone who takes money to side with clients. If a case seems likely to incur greater costs through a tedious fight, he prefers to settle or end it with minimal fines. He’s not very interested in personal revenge or justice. That’s the biggest reason why he’s only dealt with corporations from the beginning.

“They really don’t listen.”

He came back into the living room. Bringing in the chilly autumn wind, he sat down next to me. His bare skin was visible through the shirt I had buttoned up. The time was already well past evening, pointing to 8 o’clock.

“Sorry. The call took longer than expected. Shall we go out to eat?”

“Won’t you be tired? You said you have to go to work early tomorrow.”

“We can go somewhere close by. Or should we order delivery? Chicken?”

We didn’t often order delivery food, but we both came to like chicken. It’s a method Han Jae-yi often uses when he wants to fill me up simply, as I don’t eat Korean food well. He preferred the usual red sauce, while I liked the soy-based one, so we always ordered half and half. Han Jae-yi, after placing the order, checked the beer in the refrigerator.

“Let’s go grocery shopping together on Saturday. The fridge is empty, and there’s only one beer left. With me gone, there’s no one to take care of the house.”

He joked, tapping my cheek.

“Can you rest this weekend?”

“Haha. Someone might think you’re waiting for me at home all day. Let’s rest together until Sunday. It’s been a while since you had a weekend off too.”

“Then let’s not go anywhere and stay at home.”

“Is that what you want?”

“Yes, that’s what I want.”

I wanted to let Han Jae-yi rest. It was also an apology for bothering him on the phone during his business trip to Germany. But there was still something I wanted to ask. I didn’t want to face him while leaving a misunderstanding dusty in a corner of my mind.

“Are you not going to sell the house in Germany?”

“Um… I was actually going to talk about that.”

He looked at me with gentle eyes. And his low voice that came out vibrating his Adam’s apple tickled my ears. With this gaze and this voice, I can only agree. Whatever he says, I’ve already lost.

“You said you don’t know what will happen in 3 years. I mean about your contract with the airline now.”

“Yeah. Usually it gets extended, but you never know.”

“I just don’t think we’ll keep living in Korea forever. You and I are still more comfortable in Germany, right? Even if we don’t live there, we’ll be going back and forth a lot, so I’d like to keep one house there. It would be good for you to have a comfortable place to stay too. You still have the key, right?”

Come to think of it, I still had the spare key to Han Jae-yi’s apartment.

His words made sense, but it wasn’t a situation where we could go back so easily. After all, an airline hiring a pilot isn’t like regular hiring at a general company. Unless I move to a low-cost carrier, captain positions at major airlines don’t come up that often. I have to admit that a considerable amount of luck was involved in my being able to transfer to Korea while maintaining my airline rank.

“Okay. Let’s do that.”

Still, I raised my hand in agreement with Han Jae-yi’s opinion. You never know. There’s no guarantee that such luck won’t come again then. I didn’t want to show anxiety for such reasons in front of someone who had given up a successful job and come here because of me.

Just then, the doorbell rang.

“I’ll get it.”

Jae-yi brought in the chicken and set up a late dinner on the table. He poured beer into cups and placed a fork and knife for me, knowing I don’t like eating with my hands.

“You ordered boneless, right?”

“Yes, don’t worry, you picky one.”

He handed me an empty plate and put the pickled radish into a bowl. I sat at the table, waiting for him to finish setting everything up and take a seat across from me.

“Eat.”

At his word, I took a sip of beer and put a piece of chicken in my mouth. The outside was crispy, while the inside was tender. If anyone asked me lately what my favorite Korean food was, I’d answer without hesitation—chicken.

“Actually, I met my parents in Germany.”

Jae-yi spoke while holding his beer glass, not yet starting his meal. Since I was still chewing, I could only look at him without speaking. Inside, I was saying, “Go on.”

“I thought it wouldn’t be right as their child to not see them since I was there, so we just had dinner outside. But I regret it. I shouldn’t have seen them. I should have given them more time, and now I wonder if I just made things worse unnecessarily.”

“Why? What did they say?”

After quickly clearing my mouth, I spoke. Seeming not to want to make the atmosphere too serious, Jae-yi gave a faint smile and shrugged as if it was nothing.

“Mother didn’t say much. Father’s the problem. He said if I’m going to keep living however I want, he’ll consider himself childless.”

“…Why didn’t you just say you were sorry?”

I mumbled while cutting up my second piece of chicken without putting it in my mouth. Since this wasn’t something I could do anything about, I didn’t know what to say.

“Yeah, I said sorry. And I told him if he wants to consider himself childless, then go ahead.”

“Jae-yi.”

“You’re right about everything. Actually, it’s not that he can’t say it’s because he hates seeing his son dating a man, but because of his position as a university professor. So he keeps making other excuses, but I can’t convince him anymore. If he can’t be progressive, he should at least be honest. How am I supposed to understand this contradiction where he acts like an enlightened person teaching students from the podium but wants to control every aspect of his child’s life? I’m tired too. I’ve waited as long as I could. Like father said, maybe it’s better for both of us not to see each other.”

His beer glass was empty before I knew it. I held Jae-yi’s hand that was on the table. His hurt feelings flowed into me like an electric current, making me feel the same pain. The pain that passes between Jae-yi, his father, and me.

They were constantly clashing. It was hard to guess whether it was because they were truly father and son bound by blood, or if it was conflict from cultural differences. I couldn’t even offer comfort easily in case it was the former reason.

What do you know?

If he had asked me that, I wouldn’t have had an answer. That’s why I couldn’t share his pain.