RSL Ch 9

I returned home and collapsed as is. It was still early evening, but without even dealing with dinner, I fell into bed and slept. Occasionally, the sound of Han Jae-yi’s phone calls could be heard. The work-related calls were crisp, and conversations between lovers were tender. I was grateful to be too tired to fuss over such things. I was exhausted to the point where I couldn’t be meticulous about each and every detail.

I thought I had slept for a while. When I opened my eyes, expecting morning, it was pitch-dark. I heard someone typing on the keyboard nearby. Han Jae-yi was working, occupying one side of my bed. The light from the laptop monitor cast a dim contour on his face.

“You’re not sleeping?”

I called out to him in a hoarse voice.

“I did. I woke up earlier and thought it might be better to get up.”

It seemed Han Jae-yi was also struggling with jet lag. Fortunately, the bed was spacious. Even if two grown men like us shared the space, there was enough room.

Han Jae-yi is a workaholic. Many documents were scattered next to the pillow. His law firm specialized only in corporate litigation. I thought he must have had a lot of things to handle.

“I ordered a desk, my back hurts.”

He said with the corner of his mouth raised, not taking his eyes off the screen.

“There’s a chair at the kitchen table. It’s better there.”

“I started there and came in. You were sleep-talking.”

“What about?”

“The day you went to see your birth mother. I thought you were dreaming.”

He stopped typing and turned his head to look down at me. His dark eyes narrowed and his brow furrowed. It seemed that I was the one who had called Han Jae-yi into the room. For some reason, I woke up sweating a little. He was worried about my dream, which I didn’t remember. Understandably so, because it must have been a perfect nightmare.

When I was seventeen years old, my biological mother, who gave birth to me, came to visit me in Germany. Some would say that such an insignificant connection was so precious that it resulted in a tearful reunion. My adoptive parents were hypocrites and tried their best to organize such a family reunion. Perhaps they wanted to hear a thank-you for raising me well. In line with such ups and downs, I didn’t willingly agree to meet.

‘Shall we go together?’

Han Jae-yi said those words for my hesitant self. I don’t know if those words gave me courage or what, but I waited for her in a nameless cafe with him. I wondered what she would be like, if she would be older or younger, if she would hug me and cry. Did she have a disability, did she have a difficult life, did she think of me in the end, and if so, did she miss me all along?

The whole time I was waiting for her, I was so busy organizing my endlessly recurring hypotheses that I didn’t realize two hours had passed. Han Jae-yi wordlessly grabbed my shoulder.

My mother never showed up that day. I was abandoned twice.

I thought she was a person without basic courtesy. She flew for 11 hours claiming to want to meet, making someone wait, and then running away again.

Perhaps she saw me from a distance and recognized the seventeen-year-old Asian boy. It wouldn’t have been difficult. Did she realize that I was her son, not Han Jae-yi?

I had been crying for a while, and Han Jae-yi hugged me. I was embarrassed to show my tears, but I was only seventeen years old, so I couldn’t help it. After that day, I decided not to think about my mother again.  I abandoned any lingering feelings I had for Korea on that day.

“Are you okay?”

“It happened thirteen years ago; what’s there not to be okay about?”

“It might not be okay for a lifetime. Since you don’t express your emotions well, you might only answer after being asked ten times or so.”

That’s why we’re still friends, Han Jae-yi. Leaving him to his rambling, I got up from my seat. I pulled a cigarette out of my bag, lit it, and jerked my head at him. He caught the meaning and stood up.

I opened the balcony door and breathed in the dawn air that seemed like an owl might hoot. I lit the cigarette and offered the pack to him.

“I quit.”

“What?”

I was stunned and couldn’t help myself. It was Han Jae-yi who taught me to smoke, and it was he who made me hate smoking alone. When did you quit?

“It’s been a year and a half. Wow… did we really spend that much time without seeing each other?”

“Why did you quit?”

“Well, I thought Gisela would hate it, and just for the heck of it.”

I bit my lip. I intended to be on the defensive, but an attack came. I wanted to kick him out of my house right now, even if it was just for a week’s grace period. I felt like I was having an affair over a single cigarette with a hotel employee. If I had known this would happen, I would have asked him to sleep with me, even if it meant he would call the police on me.

But who am I to complain? Even though he quit smoking, Han Jae-yi’s kindness of standing by my side and supporting me made me feel even more miserable. I couldn’t even complain.

“You did well.”

As a thirty-year-old, that was all I could say. I thought I should get used to smoking alone from now on. In my imagination, the owl that had stared at me pitifully cried sadly.

* * *

It was five days off.I asked what he wanted to do, as I would throw a bachelor party for him as he wished. Should we go to a club or a hooters? Since he didn’t like drinking and running, I gave him complete control over the choice.

“How about throwing darts after a long time?”

He didn’t mean going to throw actual darts. He and I had a few rules for spending holidays since childhood. First, we each wrote down what we wanted to do on a piece of paper. When a sufficient number was gathered, we flipped them over so that the writing couldn’t be seen and attached them to the door. We then threw darts, and based on the two pieces of paper hit, we spent the day accordingly. Of course, there were no darts in this house, so I picked up something suitable to throw.

“You go first.”

He yielded the turn to me. I lightly threw a tennis ball stained with ink. It bounced back with a thud, leaving a red mark on the spot it hit.

“Here we go.”

Han Jae-yi held his form as if he were practicing a poem, and then, just before he threw, he relaxed his stance and threw the ball lightly. Another mark was made on the sheet of paper.

Actually, there wasn’t much to do when we were kids. Going to watch a horror movie, going swimming, smoking marijuana. Sometimes, playful pranks like asking for the phone number of the part-time bakery worker in the neighborhood were also included.

Once, because that prank got unexpectedly chosen, Han Jae-i had to ask for the phone number of a bakery employee who looked ten years older than him. Despite my repeated attempts to stop him, he boldly went ahead, trying to engage her in conversation. I saw her face, smiling not displeased. Maybe they went on a few dates afterward.

I flipped two pieces of paper stained with ink. Both were in Han Jae-i’s handwriting.

Bungee jumping.

Horseback riding.

I stared at him in bewilderment. Compared to what I had written, like going to watch a movie or hiking, his wish list was dazzling. Even if I flipped other options, such as watching the sunrise, windsurfing, paragliding, they were all enormous and impulsive.

“Let’s go to Jeju Island.”

As if he had planned it from the beginning, he smiled and revealed his inner thoughts.

“Do we really have to take a plane on my day off?”

“Rules are rules.”

That’s right. Knowing my personality, which strongly dislikes breaking rules, I had no choice but to go along. Riding horses was always enjoyable, but bungee jumping was daunting.

I hoped there wouldn’t be such a facility on Jeju Island, but the top result in the internet search bar was ‘Jeju Island’s bungee jumping system with international facilities…’ I picked up my phone to book tickets.

“Is two days and three nights enough?”

“Yeah, because you need to take a day off too.”

“Shouldn’t you be working? It’s not like you’re on vacation.”

“Haha. Seo-jin-ah, I’m not an office worker.”

Whatever. I had never worked at a company, so I couldn’t understand the meaning, but it seemed like there was no problem going to Jeju Island. Traveling. Come to think of it, Han Jae-i and I had a deep history of traveling together.He loved to go somewhere on a whim, and I was always the victim.

The time we cycled around Bavaria with just the two of us, the time we took the train to Switzerland for a mountain trip, and the time we drove over 10 hours to the beach in France on a whim. All of those trips with him have remained unforgettable memories in my life.

I realized that I should probably enjoy it a little bit, and whether or not the timeout between him and I was coming to an end, I should be excited about our first trip together in a while.

I bought a ticket for the day and the company said they’d find me a hotel. Before I knew it, I was packing my bags. Han Jae-yi’s luggage was the same. Whether he was coming here or going to Jeju Island, he was just free.

I had an early lunch at the airport and spent some time in the domestic departure lounge. I could see four B737s out the lounge window. The popular airplanes are different. You could always tell Boeing planes by looking at the cockpit window. Unlike the pentagon-shaped Airbus, Boeing always had a straight drop.

Among the parked planes, maintenance workers were bustling about. On one side, a foreign airline’s plane was being pushed back by a towing car. Since planes can’t reverse, those that mistakenly entered the taxiway needed to be towed on the ground. I found it amusing that I was here to watch planes. Well, I liked planes that much.

“Let’s go in.”

Whether it was time for departure or not, Han Jae-yi stood up from the lounge chair. He walked down the escalator and went straight through the gate.

“Welcome. Good afternoon.”

The seats of the old Boeing 737, which seemed to have been around for 20 years, were quite narrow. Well, it’s only a one-hour flight. While thinking about it, Han Jae-yi pushed his knees towards me.

“What are you doing?”

“As you can see. I can’t just straighten my feet there.”

The distance from the seat in front of him was too narrow, and his long legs were wandering aimlessly. Since extending his legs towards the aisle would be disruptive to others, he turned his direction toward the side where I was sitting. Due to the cramped space, both of us reached the point where we could hardly move.

Before departure, the cabin manager came to greet me. I apologized and asked if it was possible to change seats if there were any available. Seeing the tall men crammed into the narrow seats, she smiled and said she would check and help us out.

A kind female passenger accepted the cabin manager’s suggestion and moved her seat. Two connected seats were now available. I quickly sent the tall man to that side. Thanks to that, I was able to stretch my cramped body a bit.