SHC Chapter 17

17. Dancing with the Bear

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To be honest, I’d been so wrapped up thinking about the ringmaster that I completely forgot about Kiss.

“You slept in the shack again?”

“…”

“I said I was sorry earlier, didn’t I?”

Evening, just after sunset. Kiss approached me like an affectionate pet. He was wearing his usual extravagant makeup, but today he sparkled even more, as if he’d polished himself with extra effort.

“I waited to see if you’d follow me, but you didn’t.”

His arm draped over my shoulder in a friendly gesture, but the way it pressed down felt more like he was squeezing my neck.

“I couldn’t go back to the shack because the ringmaster was watching. So… did you fall asleep working there?”

“Yeah.”

I couldn’t bring myself to say I slept in the ringmaster’s quarters. I had a bad feeling that if I said it, he’d ask why I was being treated specially, and then somehow he’d figure out I was human.

It seemed better not to tell Kiss that I was human.

No… better not to tell him at all.

The ringmaster told me to watch out for Kiss.

His warning held the number one spot on my trust list.

But ironically, it overlapped with the warning from the flower girl who was on my distrust list.

Either way, in this place, it was safer to pretend I didn’t see strange things and to doubt things that seemed reliable.

Just doubt everything.

“Why are you so stiff? Ah, is it because of me? Right? Are you mad? Are you really mad?”

He kept circling around me. For a moment, it almost felt like he was truly trying his best to cheer me up.

“You wander around during the day, I kind of figured it out. I was just curious about you.”

“…”

“I wanted to know what kind of kid you are.”

“Yeah.”

“And the paperwork is weird too, right? So.”

“So that’s why you scared me?”

Kiss made his eyebrows droop like a sad puppy. Seriously, how did he make eyes that innocent?

“Sorry.”

He relaxed the grip he had on me, though he still refused to let go of my clothes.

“Do you not like me anymore?”

Well, it’s not like I liked him in the first place.

“But.”

“Yeah?”

I hesitated a little before speaking, and Kiss brightened instantly, stepping closer.

“What would change if I were human?”

I tried to keep my face as expressionless as possible. I wasn’t sure if I succeeded, but I worked hard at looking indifferent.

Kiss gently brushed my hair and smiled.

“It’d change.”

“How?”

“You wouldn’t be able to work here.”

There had to be more to it than that.

I pushed his hand off my head and asked him one of the questions I had originally saved for the ringmaster.

“What is this place?”

“Huh?”

Kiss blinked as he pulled back his pushed-away hand, looking completely caught off guard.

“You’ve been working here as an assistant for almost two weeks…”

Then he covered his mouth.

“You don’t know anything. Oh no, what if you get scammed somewhere?”

Pretty sure you already scammed me.

Thinking about that parchment contract he waved in my face earlier made anger flare up again. If I’d taken the ringmaster’s words seriously, and not been tricked by that young girl into entering the cage, and if I hadn’t signed the employment contract Kiss shoved at me, I wouldn’t be working here at all.

I opened my mouth, but realizing I might say something harsh, I shut it again and walked away. He hurried after me, apologizing.

“I know, I know. I made you mad. You’re right, I’m the bad guy. Yeah. Sorry.”

He sounded like he knew exactly how irritated I was about the contract.

He kept apologizing nonstop while following right behind me.

“Why are you following me?”

“I’m bored.”

Even to my sharp question, Kiss answered with his usual slippery cheerfulness.

Tonight was the final show in this location.

Small Hell Circus usually held performances for one to three days in a single place before moving on. I knew Kiss and Pink Bear, who were in charge of attracting guests, were free tonight since this was our third night here.

“If you’re that bored, then be tonight’s temporary assistant.”

“Would that help me get closer to you?”

“If you work in my place, I’ll at least be grateful.”

“Okay. I’ll do it.”

…Huh?

It was just something I said, but Kiss accepted immediately. I turned around. His yellow eyes, which had been downcast gloomily, lifted toward me. Our eyes met, and he smiled as if genuinely happy.

What’s that. Is that an act too?

How much of him am I supposed to believe?

“You finally looked at me.”

Kiss said that, and tightened his hold on my clothes.

“Curious about where we are?”

My earlier question came back out of his mouth.

I glanced from his hand gripping my clothes up to his face. Kiss was smiling with an oddly graceful expression. The not-yet-dark night made the pale man look like a sculpture.

“This is Small Hell Circus.”

Then he leaned in close and whispered,

“A little hell.”

A little hell.

It was the direct translation of Small Hell.

One of this place’s defining characteristics came to mind, the simple, easy-to-understand naming style.

“A little hell?”

I repeated after him in a lowered voice. Kiss leaned in even closer, bringing his lips to my ear as he added an explanation.

“One of the places where sinners die and receive punishment.”

His lips brushed against my ear. I turned my head to avoid him, but Kiss stuck close, whispering persistently.

“But not just anyone can come here.”

My ear felt hot. Kiss’s breath was rough.

“Only those who are chosen can wash their sins and earn a chance here.”

His voice, instead of its usual bright liveliness, felt like it was sinking directly into my brain.

Before I knew it, Kiss was nibbling my outer ear lightly with his teeth, then pulling away.

“What are you doing!”

I rubbed the saliva off my ear roughly and yelled.

It had grown dark around us. Once the sun set, darkness came quickly. Even in the dim light, Kiss’s eyes glowed yellow.

That faint glow felt like it could entrance someone.

The scenery around us distorted, and only Kiss’s yellow eyes filled my vision. For a moment, it even felt good. Like I was floating.

Just as my body relaxed and turned languid, someone tapped my back.

“!”

I snapped out of it and turned around, only to see a familiar shade of bright pink.

It was Pink Bear.

“Pink.”

As a nickname, I simply called Pink Bear “Pink.” Anyone could see she was the cutest in the whole circus. She bent her knees slightly and lifted her white lace skirt in a polite curtsy.

“Hello.”

Turning completely away from Kiss, I grabbed Pink Bear’s hand and shook it enthusiastically. She flinched, startled, trying to pull away. I almost felt hurt, but quickly realized the fault was mine, grabbing a girl’s hand so suddenly, and let go immediately.

But Pink Bear wasn’t looking at me. She was looking behind me.

Was she looking at Kiss?

Pink Bear subtly tried to slip away.

“Where are you going? I only have to help with the second act tonight, so I’ve got lots of time. Don’t go, let’s hang out.”

Pink Bear, who only had to take tickets without doing the usual crowd-attracting act tonight, would also have plenty of free time. I chose to stay with Pink Bear rather than Kiss.

“Should the three of us hang out?”

But Kiss said that as he set his hand on my shoulder.

‘Who said I wanted to hang out with you?’

I already disliked him after what he did to my ear, so I immediately shrugged his hand off. Kiss glanced at me, then shrugged his own shoulders casually before speaking sweetly to Pink Bear.

“Our cutie Pink. Then please take good care of the assistant.”

As if he had any right to ask her to look after me, annoyed, I looked back at him. Kiss blew a light kiss from his palm toward me and left without hesitation.

‘Why does he do stuff like that.’

It didn’t even touch me, but I still fanned the air in the direction he had blown it.

“Let’s move somewhere else.”

It seemed better to hang out near the entrance where it was brighter. Pink Bear clapped her hands cheerfully. The brown rabbit doll she always carried dangled from her arm.

Glancing at the doll made a sudden question arise.

‘That doll…’

The floppy rabbit doll, if I remembered correctly, was supposed to be Pink Bear’s older brother.

‘Hmm, let me think more.’

There were bits of information I had overheard in all the chaos. Especially things about Pink Bear, someone I had met before, stuck more easily in my mind.

‘She said she came here willingly because of her brother.’

And Kiss said only chosen people could come here. So what was the difference? Coming to a hell that only chosen sinners could enter… by one’s own choice.

‘Does that mean she had no sin, yet came anyway?’

That was the only conclusion I could reach.

‘I should’ve listened better back then.’

There were lots of stories floating around, but most of them were trivial. The only things with substance were the things I overheard while secretly listening outside the shack after signing that employment contract.

“Pink.”

“?”

Pink Bear tilted her head at me, her ears nearly the same height as my own head. Despite her size, she looked tiny and adorable.

“That doll.”

Pink Bear hugged the brown rabbit doll tightly to her chest.

“No, no, I’m not asking for it.”

It looked like she feared I was going to take it, so I quickly waved my hands.

“I heard it’s your brother. Is that right?”

Only then did Pink Bear loosen her grip and nod. She stroked the rabbit’s head. Because of the size difference, her palm completely covered its head.

Holding the rabbit like a precious treasure, Pink Bear led the way.

“Where are we going?”

She led me toward a small carousel.

Pink Bear hopped lightly onto a white horse with a red saddle and set the rabbit in front of her, then activated the carousel herself.

Soft rainbow lights and brass-like music filled the air, making the carousel even more enchanting.

“You want me to ride too?”

I shook my head at Pink Bear’s beckoning.

“No, I’m good. I’m too old for…”

Then I realized.

My sense of age here was smaller than an ant’s antenna.

“…Should I ride?”

Almost everyone in Small Hell was older than me. Like Kiss said, if they all came here after dying, most were probably adults. And considering they were working as circus performers even after death, their life experience far exceeded mine.

‘Pink must be older than me, too.’

So acting like a kid here might not be strange at all.

I stepped onto the rotating platform, found my balance, and got onto a random horse, only to see something familiar.

“Gah.”

It was the horned horse the ringmaster always used.

Well, not “always,” I guess. It was set out on the carousel like this, so maybe it was meant for anyone to use.

Whatever. I’ll just ride it.

I grabbed the horn like a handle and let myself sway up and down, feeling nostalgic for my childhood. Then…

“Hey.”

Someone called out to me.

‘A circus member?’

I turned my head and saw a rather neat-looking woman staring up at me.

“?”

She must’ve been calling me.

But before I could answer, the rotation blocked my view.

Soon, I saw a woman in her thirties with her hair tied back and wearing glasses.

“Ex-excuse me!”

She called out urgently. Since I was already preparing to get off, I jumped down and approached her.

“What? Do you need help?”

Normally, I would’ve used formal speech toward someone so much older, but here in Small Hell, all the performers spoke casually to each other. When I spoke casually as usual, she looked a bit startled.

“You need an assistant?”

But I’d never seen her before. What kind of performer was she?

“No, well, yes. I need help…”

From the woman’s trailing tone, I felt a strange sense of déjà vu and paused. During that moment, Pink Bear hurriedly climbed down from the carousel.

Soon, the audience would start arriving for the show.

So was she a spectator?

No. Something about her was too plain. She just felt like an ordinary person.

It wasn’t surprising that I could tell the difference. After all, every audience member who came here had an intense presence. Since her presence was faint and blurry, I recognized it right away.

When I looked at Pink Bear awkwardly, she pointed in a certain direction for me.

“I don’t know well.”

Pink Bear seemed frustrated, and this time she directly held something out to the woman.

“?”

It was a memo.

On the light yellow paper I’d often seen in the ringmaster’s office, there were instructions on how to leave this place.

“Huh?”

After reading it, the woman looked back and forth between me and Pink Bear. Then she thanked us and followed the indicated path. Even as she walked, she kept glancing back at the circus in amazement.

I bowed deeply and told her to be careful on her way. The woman gave a small smile and dipped her head politely.

“So it was a memo.”

I had wondered how Pink Bear guided lost people, turns out she used writing. When I glanced at it, I was surprised to see it written in Korean: [We are practicing for an amateur play. The way back is…]

“You can write?”

But Pink Bear didn’t answer.

“You can’t write?”

Still no answer.

After a moment of hesitating, Pink Bear reached into the opposite side of her lace skirt band, the side not holding the memo, and pulled something out.

“A pen? You know how to write?”

Again, no response.

“?”

Curious, I watched her quietly. Pink Bear held the pen and began writing something. She was definitely writing alphabet letters, but it was in a language I didn’t recognize. It looked like English… maybe.

After thinking it over, I finally understood what she meant.

“You can write, but not in Korean?”

Pink Bear quickly nodded.

“Then who wrote this memo?”

Pink Bear pointed toward the ringmaster’s container office. Only then did I realize the ringmaster must have written it. No wonder the memo paper looked familiar.

Pink Bear folded the pen and memo neatly and tucked them into her skirt band. Then she held both hands out to me.

“What? What do you want?”

As I hesitated, she shook her hands and made a little “jam-jam” gesture.

Cute, but what on earth did that mean? Maybe…

“My hand?”

Unsure, I placed my hands in hers, and she grabbed them tightly. I let out a small laugh and gave her both hands fully. Immediately, she spun me around in a dance.

“Hey, I’m getting dizzy!”

Pink Bear laughed as she twirled me, her wide-open mouth showing pitch black inside. I had seen that smile several times now, so I just held tight.

Eventually the speed slowed, but I was already exhausted, wobbling like the rabbit doll as Pink Bear bounced around in joy.

“You really love dancing, huh?”

After flailing my body in some unknown form of dance for about five minutes, I was panting heavily, amazed I hadn’t fallen over. Pink Bear let go of my hands and cupped her cheeks with both palms.

She was embarrassed by the compliment.

Then, feeling even happier, she held her hand out to me again. This time, she offered it gracefully, holding her skirt with the other hand like a formal dance invitation.

“I can’t dance.”

But she gently coaxed me with a soft shake of her hand, so I took it. She guided me, moving rhythmically with clear and gentle motions.

Dancing with the teddy bear felt surprisingly pleasant. Her fur was soft, and even her plushy feet were adorable.

“This is nice.”

As if saying, “Right?” Pink Bear glanced at me, then jumped lightly, her skirt fluttering as she bounced and led me.

Who knew how long we danced.

We only separated when we saw the first guest arriving.

Without realizing it, sweat was pouring down my whole body. When I checked the time, we had been dancing for almost thirty minutes.

‘No wonder I’m tired.’

While I was completely drained, Pink Bear, clearly delighted from playing with me, was especially lively today, greeting the incoming audience cheerfully by the entrance.

Watching her near the entrance, I skipped saying goodbye and quietly tried to slip into the circus tent.

But Pink Bear suddenly shrieked in surprise and dashed back out, making me stop in alarm.

She had gone to retrieve her rabbit doll, which she had left on the carousel while dancing with me.

The doll was sprawled across the horse since no one was watching it.

‘Ah.’

Come to think of it, she’d left it behind the whole time we were dancing.

As I walked past the line of people waiting to enter the tent, someone’s voice reached my ears.

“Doesn’t it smell like a human?”

I felt my body tense immediately, but I forced myself to slip quickly inside the tent.

A moment later, it occurred to me that the scent they smelled wasn’t mine, but that woman’s from earlier.

The ringmaster had removed my scent today.

‘Ringmaster.’

The moment I thought of him, I saw the ringmaster’s back as he inspected the stage from afar.

My heart thumped anxiously as I pressed a hand against my chest and headed backstage.

What was this?

It was a strange feeling, uncomfortable, suffocating, but not entirely unpleasant.

“Sigh.”

The moment I stepped into the tent with a sigh, someone grabbed my arm and dragged me away, saying it was time for the second act rehearsal.

‘I really just want to rest today.’

A wave of fatigue hit me all at once.