SHC Chapter 21

21. The One Who Will Leave

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After confirming that Samdu was safe and sound, I went into the dining hall to cook some meat before the other members woke up, just like the ringmaster told me. On my way back to the dorms, the ringmaster didn’t even glance at me and was absorbed in his work. He seemed busy.

I approached something across from the fridge he had mentioned, something I had always walked past without thinking. I didn’t expect it to be a storage room for meat.

But even after opening the door, I couldn’t tell the difference between the cuts, so I grabbed whatever was in front and started grilling it.

Thankfully, it was beef.

I was happy since it had been a while, and at first I devoured it, but I got tired of it faster than expected and had to leave half of it.

Why? Did my taste change?

Was it because I’d been eating only greens and my appetite had shifted? That shouldn’t be it.

In the end, I packed the leftover meat in a container.

I’ll eat it tomorrow.

When I burst out of the dining hall and washed my somehow even more worn-out body quickly, I came out just in time for the members to wake up.

“I’m going out for a bit!”

Even then, the ringmaster only glanced at me and didn’t reply.

He must really be busy.

Still, he’d never ignored me so blatantly before.

It felt a little disappointing, but well, what could I do.

Clicking my tongue once, I hurried toward the shack.

“Samdu!”

All three heads, already awake, looked at me at the same time.

“Did you sleep well?”

But Samdu’s tails were wagging even harder than usual, almost like he was more excited.

“Oh wow, now you’re greeting me too.”

I still didn’t know why he barked yesterday, but I decided to blame Kiss. That made things easier.

While I was silently cursing Kiss for whatever he had done to Samdu yesterday, his voice came from the shack entrance.

“What’s with the smell of meat?”

He wasn’t noble at all. And he also showed up exactly when someone talked about him.

“Did someone grill meat nearby? Smells like beef.”

I stuck to playing dumb, stood in front of Samdu’s cage to block him, and asked,

“What are you here for?”

“What do you mean, just….”

Kiss trailed off mid-sentence, still smiling, and stared straight at me.

Then he lightly bit his lip and opened his mouth.

“Something happen during the day?”

“During the day? I just slept.”

“You slept?”

Kiss’s smile deepened.

“The ringmaster told me to. Why?”

His even brighter grin irritated me, so I frowned and asked, and Kiss finally let out a laugh.

“It doubled.”

What?

He pointed his index finger at my head.

“The sealed thing.”

Then he walked toward me with quick, heavy steps. I was startled but made a point of extending my arm firmly to tell him not to come closer.

“Stop.”

“Why?”

“Keep your distance.”

“Why are you acting like that?”

I tried to block Samdu’s cage door with my body as much as possible and answered,

“If you come close, Samdu gets scared.”

At that, Kiss’s expression softened.

“Oh… then can I at least apologize to Samdu?”

Apologize?

“I can talk to them, you know.”

“He’s basically a baby. He won’t understand you.”

“Oh, right. Forgot.”

I stayed put in front of the cage door, keeping my guard up.

Seeing that, Kiss looked a bit hurt, as if asking whether I really didn’t trust him, and my heart wavered a little.

He was one of the few members who treated me well, and he had been kinder than most.

Besides, today Kiss’s presence felt much weaker than usual, like he had completely let down his guard. Almost as if his whole body was saying, I have no intention of harming you.

Even so, I still felt uneasy, and the bruised pride wasn’t healing.

After we stared each other down for a long time, with Kiss wearing a pitiful expression, I finally spoke first.

“Why did you fight with the ringmaster yesterday?”

But that one question made something inside Kiss shift.

He hummed, scratched his cheek with his index finger, then smiled brightly.

“So you knew?”

“Rumors spread fast.”

When I dodged the question vaguely, he nodded in agreement.

“True. Plenty of people saw him limping, and with the mood yesterday, you probably noticed too.”

Then he casually sat on the edge of the small empty cage beside us and replied,

“It was just a light argument.”

“But he ended up limping?”

“Oh, that was…”

Then Kiss changed the direction of the conversation.

“You only worry about the ringmaster because we fought? He’s strong! Worry about me too. I’m strong as well though.”

“…He said you injured your leg.”

“That was just a little accident. He’s the one who grabbed me by the collar.”

Still pouting, Kiss fixed his fluttery pre-makeup hair as he continued speaking.

“There was that uninvited guest yesterday. The human woman with glasses.”

Ah. He must mean her.

“That human took a wrong turn and ran into a man-eater.”

“What?”

The word man-eater made my spine prickle. The sound of something chasing me from behind and sniffing sharply flashed back vividly. I reflexively turned around once, then sat back down and leaned my back against Samdu’s iron bars. That made me feel a little safer.

“For reference, the human got rescued by the ringmaster and went back properly. Anyway, the ringmaster was chasing the man-eater, and by chance I happened to be there, so he attacked me thinking I was it. We almost fought in the dark.”

Kiss said the man-eater ran past him on all fours, and the ringmaster, who chased right after, threw him onto the ground.

“He mistook you?”

“Mistook, huh… who knows?”

Kiss shrugged.

“With that nose? Nah. He just hates me.”

He let out a rough puff of breath.

“I hate him too. Biologically.”

“So then what do you eat?”

“…Huh?”

The ringmaster said he ate meals, and Kiss probably ate meals too, so I just tossed the question. Not really a fitting question in this situation.

It could even sound like I was saying, I think you might be the man-eater.

“You’re doubting me?”

And just as I expected, Kiss looked truly hurt.

“The ringmaster even cleared me as a suspect yesterday. Why are you suddenly… don’t do that. Seriously, you can’t.”

He even stomped his feet like he was genuinely offended.

“There’s a saying that a strong denial means a strong affirmation.”

“That’s total nonsense. Nonsense! Woof!”

“Woof!”

When Kiss barked convincingly, Samdu responded from behind.

“Uh….”

When I looked back, the blue head stuck its snout out through the bars and barked softly again.

“Woof!”

Kiss answered, and Blue barked once more.

“You can really bark like a dog?”

“More like dog language.”

“How?”

“I fought a lot of dogs.”

Kiss gently stroked Samdu’s nose bridge.

“You’re supposed to be closer to me than the ringmaster.”

While he was muttering that, Yellow suddenly shot flames at him, and Kiss quickly stepped back. The hot burst startled me enough that I bit down on my lip.

It had been close enough that I almost got burned. Seeing the bars behind me glowing red, I slid to the side.

When I rolled my eyes toward Yellow, he was inside the cage door blowing white breath and glaring at Kiss even more fiercely than he had at me when he was on edge earlier.

“Guess the lady doesn’t like me. I’m usually popular with girls though.”

At Kiss’s words, Yellow kept growling deep from his throat.

“That’s why you’re still a baby… ah, hey!”

Another burst of flames shot out, even fiercer than before. It reached at least three meters, and my jaw dropped.

He could breathe fire this far?

“Strong kid. Looks like it’s time to stop feeding him mush and give him real food.”

While still watching Yellow, who continued to keep his guard up, Kiss waved a hand.

“Okay, I’m leaving. See you later.”

When he waved at me too, I only gave him a stiff nod. I didn’t wave back. Acting terrifying yesterday and flipping to friendly today, he was impossible to read.

No matter how much we talked, the fear hadn’t gone away.

And most importantly, he avoided answering one of my important questions. Like what he eats.

Couldn’t trust someone like that.

Once he left and the entrance flap covered the tent, I quickly moved and looked through the still-red bars at Yellow.

“Yellow. Were you holding back this whole time?”

So he could shoot it that far… and he deliberately only fired about thirty centimeters until now.

And with weak flames at that.

“Good boy.”

I was a little touched.

But Yellow didn’t react to me and simply turned his head with a huff. Even that felt cute though, which meant I had really grown attached.

But I was someone who would have to leave soon.

“How am I supposed to go back after getting attached like this?”

Then I suddenly felt like this wasn’t the first time I’d thought that.

“Well, thoughts don’t cost anything.”

Anyway, who would take care of him then?

Naturally, it would be the ringmaster, who had originally been in charge.

“I should at least ask him to take good care of them after I leave.”

Still, it was strange that I kept feeling this sense of déjà vu while thinking to myself.

“It’s scary, getting attached when I’m going to leave.”

At my small murmur, Yellow snapped his head toward me.

His eyes were wide.

For a moment, remembering how Blue barked at Kiss as if he understood made the back of my neck chill.

No way… did he understand?

Yellow had the same eyes as yesterday. Intelligent.

I lowered my gaze a little, then looked back at him.

“Yellow.”

And not just Yellow.

“Red, Blue.”

All three heads perked their ears and stared at me.

“You three are cute even when you’re just staying still.”

Even if they couldn’t understand, telling a dog about something that would happen later felt frightening. After finally giving them affection and receiving it back, the fact that I’d have to leave… it really drained the energy out of me.

So I started rambling about something else.

“Just doing nothing and being here is cute. Red smiling is cute, Yellow glaring at me is cute. Blue even burps cutely. It’s not like you’re pretty because you do anything, your existence itself is just cute.”

I probably looked like a doting fool.

“I don’t know why you growled at me yesterday, but you must’ve had a reason. You wouldn’t do that to me for nothing. It was because of that bastard Kiss, right?”

Samdu stared at me the whole time.

“Well, I should go help with the circus preparations now.”

I deliberately made my voice louder as I got up. And realistically, it was about the time when Balbari would be running around writing down who would perform in Part One and Part Two and where helpers were needed.

Right before stepping out of the shack, I turned back, and all three pairs of Samdu’s eyes were still watching me.

With that as the last look, I lowered the flap and headed toward the circus tent.

He said this was Russia, didn’t he.

How am I supposed to go home later? Isn’t it way too far?

I’d probably have to talk it through with the ringmaster at some point.

But there wasn’t anything particularly different.

The members preparing for the performances were acting just like usual. But a few hours later, when the crowds poured in, I finally realized the country had changed.

Wow… everything here is new.

When the circus was in Korea, at least the shapes felt somewhat familiar, but here most things were new.

There’s even something like white smoke drifting around. What are all those ghost-looking things?

Among them was a huge roly-poly doll.

It was a roly-poly with the picture of a girl smiling with a pure expression painted on the outside. Later I saw that armless roly-poly clap… something like clapping, on stage, and I thought it could easily work as a performer too.

Its whole face and body were split vertically in half, attached only at the bottom, and it knocked its two halves together to clap.

It looked like a clam. Or castanets.

And the most surprising thing was what was inside the split, another identical body.

But could you even call that clapping? It should be called body-clapping. Not the character for hand, but the one for body.

Unfortunately, it was seated right in the very center, basically the VVIP seat, so I kept seeing it.

Later, when the “Spiderweb Man” on a unicycle fell off the tightrope, I saw it body-clapping even more excitedly.

Even the inner body inside the split had split again and was knocking together, and inside that inner part, yet another identical figure was sitting.

Seeing its onion-like layers reminded me of that Russian folk doll I had seen before. A doll within a doll within a doll.

I couldn’t remember the name, but it was definitely a famous doll.

The one I saw split horizontally, but this one splits vertically.

Eventually, during the “Crushed Acrobat’s” act, when the court-swing acrobat failed and fell to the ground, the roly-poly went wild clapping.

By then, five layers of bodies had split apart and were clapping in mismatched rhythms, and instead of the subtly smiling girl’s face on the innermost figure, it now had a wide-grinning bright red baby’s face.

It was a bit creepy, so I did my best to ignore it and climbed onto the stage as an assistant.

Hearing that today’s court swing was assigned to the Crushed Acrobat meant he would fall and get crushed, and I would have to pick up his body.

I’d done it twice before, but even so, it felt unpleasant like it was my first time.

Something about it was especially eerie today.

With the Hahoe masks or the mountain spirits, I’d gotten used to them quickly, but these spectators were all completely new faces.

And why is that weird clapping thing clapping again?

“Whew.”

At first, I had barely held back vomit doing this, but now it was only mild gagging.

Still, the circus was finally coming to an end.

Just as I sighed in relief and stepped off the stage, I turned around and saw the ringmaster stepping up onto the stage.

…?

Did our eyes meet? Did I imagine it?

But I was sure those bright blue eyes swept past me for a moment. Must’ve just been coincidence.

“Ladies and gentlemen!”

The ringmaster’s typical greeting began. While I watched from below the stage, a strange thought crossed my mind.

Why isn’t he speaking Russian? Why is he speaking Korean?

But then I noticed the words I was hearing didn’t match the movement of his mouth.

Is that magic too?

Come to think of it, inside the circus, I could talk to anyone no matter what they looked like. And there were no honorifics, and everyone called each other by nicknames. Maybe we were all speaking our own languages this whole time.

But the ringmaster’s mouth and words looked perfectly in sync… and Kiss’s too.

I figured if I kept observing, the answer would come eventually, so I talked to the acrobat’s body that I divided into two large tubs.

“You’re going to the body-sculpting artisan again?”

“Of course. Hurry up, idiot. It hurts like hell. Why were you dragging your feet earlier?”

He was in so much pain that his tone had become foul.

Even though they would eventually regenerate on their own, members still rushed to the artisan because the pain was apparently unbearable.

“Hey, you slow-ass turtle! Want to get cut up too? Move! You useless assistant!”

His face, which resembled a middle-aged Arab man, had already regenerated enough to shout freely at me. His lungs in the other tub were rising and falling.

I wanted to pretend to trip and dump him all out.

Thinking I’d stepped in crap, I let his increasingly violent insults go in one ear and out the other while I searched for the artisan.

“Body-sculpting artisan.”

He turned at my call. He looked like a sage from old Chinese stories. When I first heard “artisan,” I imagined a Western sculptor like Michelangelo, but in reality, he resembled a gentle Buddha statue, a classic-looking East Asian figure.

“Fix me up.”

Unlike how he acted toward me, the acrobat suddenly became meek and started begging the sculptor. The sculptor pressed his index finger under his own cheek, thought for a moment, then nodded and set a condition.

“Let me carve something on one part of your body.”

“Fine, just hurry!”

At first, I used to look out of curiosity, but after seeing it a few times, I realized he carved the same things every day.

“Today I’ll carve a butterfly on your butt.”

Apparently the sculptor loved butterflies. He always engraved all kinds of butterfly designs onto the bodies he sculpted.

I wasn’t particularly interested in what would happen next, so I turned my back right away.

A butterfly, huh. Was he an insect collector when he was alive?

But what does that have to do with sin?

Maybe killing too many insects sends you to hell.

Murder, killing, extermination…

Well, it was all just guesswork anyway.

Rubbing my shoulder, stiff from carrying the heavy tubs, I slipped quietly out of the waiting room. Staying here only increased the chances I’d get dragged into filthy cleanup work with the laborers under the excuse of being an assistant.

What did those laborers even do to end up here?

Were they paying for their sins by doing tasks other than performing on stage, or did they come here for something completely unrelated?

“What are you looking at?”

While holding open the circus entrance flap, I was standing in the middle of the doorway staring at the dwarf-like laborers when a voice made me turn my head.

Kiss was waiting outside to give the departing audience their final send-off.

“The laborers.”

“What about them?”

“Are they also humans who sinned to get here?”

When I asked, Kiss placed a hand on my shoulder and pushed the entrance closed.

“Shh.”

His tone implied I should keep my mouth shut. He led me away toward the merry-go-round.

Over there, the Pink Bear was dozing at a small table with her chin propped up.

“Why? Is it a secret?”

At my much smaller question, Kiss smirked.

“No. It’s just that someone asking questions like that might look suspicious to other people.”

While he said that, Kiss kept glancing at my head, reaching out twice to touch it.

“Why do you keep trying to touch me? Keep your distance.”

But both attempts were blocked by my hand. After failing twice to pat my head, he just asked openly.

“Let me pet your head once.”

“No.”

I said that and began walking clockwise around the carousel as if running away. Kiss chased after me, eventually laughing lightly and starting to jog like he was enjoying himself. As if this had turned into a game of “catch me if you can.”

So I turned back, placed a hand on one of the carousel horses, and stopped.

“Why are you following me?”

“Because you ran. Why did you run?”

“…”

Good question. Why did I run?

I could’ve just said no and left it at that.

“Do you like it?”

Kiss asked, referring to the carousel horse I was touching.

“Seems like the horse likes you.”

He pointed at it with his index finger, so I lifted my head and looked. The horse, frozen in a dynamic pose as if ready to bolt forward, had its twisted neck angled downward toward me.

It felt like I was making eye contact with it.

Was this its original pose?

Then I noticed the two curved horns on its head.

It was the one the ringmaster always rode.

When I stroked it a couple of times, Kiss spoke with a voice tinged with laughter.

“He wants to carry you.”

That shocked me into wondering if the horse actually had thoughts and feelings.

“So… is this horse real?”

“This one?”

“Yeah. Is it alive?”

Kiss looked between me and the horse, gauging something, then suddenly grinned.

“Oh, he’s a blessed horse with a curse on him. But he’s been dead for a while.”

“Huh?”

The answer that followed only confused me more.

A blessed yet cursed horse? And dead for a while? That meant he wasn’t alive. So was he also a performer here who had died and come to be punished?

Seeing that I clearly didn’t understand, Kiss elaborated.

“A blessed horse that got cursed.”

“So is that good or bad?”

“He’s cursed, but his base stats are blessed.”

“….”

I understood even less.

“If you have to categorize it, he works outside the circus, not inside, so the blessing is stronger. Means he’s less evil.”

Then Kiss pointed at the Pink Bear.

“Like that kid.”

Then his finger pointed at me.

“Or you.”

So I reflexively voiced the question that suddenly came to mind.

“You too?”

Kiss also worked outside the circus doing greeting and host duties.

But Kiss didn’t answer. Instead, his pupils stretched horizontally.

Once again, he stayed silent about the important question.

“Are you also a less evil being inside here?”

This time, I didn’t want to back down. Whether his answer was truth or lies, I still wanted to hear it.

“…Well then, the show’s over.”

Kiss, who had been about to speak, shifted the subject as loud noises from the audience erupted from the tent. The Pink Bear jolted awake and ran to the entrance, and the waves of spectators who had stayed for the ending came pouring out.

“Let’s finish talking later.”

Leaving only that, Kiss ran toward them. He bid them farewell, telling them to come again, and beside him the Pink Bear was raising both arms high, giving a big wave to the departing audience.

Then I noticed the Russian doll spectator again. It split open and clacked its body, then suddenly jumped as if to bite and clamped down on Pink Bear’s head.

“Ah!”

Seeing Pink’s head get crushed and twisted, I hesitated for a split second, should I run in to stop it or keep my head down? …then shut my eyes tight and sprinted toward them.

But Kiss was faster. He pulled the thing off before I could get there. Even in that situation, he was smiling, his face still bright.

He quickly shooed the Russian doll away, then gave me a sign that everything was okay before comforting the Pink Bear.

That crazy…

Pink Bear, who had just been attacked, grabbed her bitten head, lowered it, and trembled like she was on the verge of tears.

I hesitated even at Kiss’s gesture telling me to go, but only when Pink Bear suddenly straightened up and resumed her cheerful waving did I finally turn away and head back toward the shack.

There are troublemakers everywhere.

When everything settled later, I’d have to go check on Pink and comfort her.

Feeling bothered, I turned back once more, and thankfully, I saw Kiss comforting her with great care. Watching him made my head tilt on its own.

Confusing guy.

Kind Kiss. Playful Kiss. And Kiss who was somehow scary.

I had no idea which part was the real Kiss.

And even though I had already decided not to trust him, something in the corner of my heart wavered. The reason was simple.

If he lied, at least I’d know. But he doesn’t lie, he just refuses to answer.

That makes it feel like he’d rather say nothing than lie.

Or is that, too, all calculated?

His refusal to answer is a bit too obvious.

In the end, I reached the shack, then turned around and hurried to the ringmaster’s office. After the show ended, he always disappeared instead of helping with cleanup, so he should be inside.

And sure enough, when I opened the door, he had just come in and was undoing the top button of his collar.

“……”

If our eyes met, he should’ve asked what I wanted, but he stayed silent.

I called him and walked straight up to him.

“Ringmaster.”

“What is it?”

He didn’t even turn his body toward me, yet his voice hit me like a physical touch, my whole body tingling.

What’s going on?

Rubbing my ear and cheek, I opened my mouth.

“You told me not to trust Kiss, right?”

At that, the ringmaster stepped forward at once, finally those blue eyes landed on me.

“Why? Did something happen again?”

But I couldn’t exactly say, “Kiss seems like he’s trying not to lie.”

“No, it’s not that. I keep ending up asking Kiss things I’m curious about… and he does tell me some things. So, well…”

“What kind of things?”

I looked at him, his face twisting with displeasure.

“Stuff about the circus. About the members here.”

The ringmaster stayed silent for a moment. Then slowly, he spoke.

“…Why don’t you ask me?”

“Sorry?”

He waved a hand and turned his head away.

“No. Never mind.”

Because of the angle, I could only see the side with the eyepatch; his other eye was hidden.

“For matters like that, anything related to work, you ask me from now on. Not the others.”

“Yes, I will. Then… can I also ask you some things privately, things I’m personally curious about?”

It was just a casual question. I hadn’t thought much beyond the moment.

But the ringmaster stared at me with a completely frozen face. He looked stern, like a teacher scolding a student.

His voice came out hard.

“You leave in two weeks.”

It was about the day I would be leaving.

“Why are you curious about personal things?”

My gaze dropped. I suddenly couldn’t look him in the eyes.

“You’re someone who’s going to leave.”

For some strange reason, that hurt.

I mean, I knew that already.

It was exactly the same thing I’d said and felt about Samdu… but hearing it from someone else made it feel different.

With my head lowered, I forced myself to speak.

“Ah… yes. You’re right.”

Awkwardly rubbing my neck, I lifted my head. The ringmaster had already looked away and was turning his body aside. Our eyes missed each other by a hair.

Then he sat down at his desk and ignored me while opening his laptop. As it booted up, I stared at his profile and asked a fundamental question.

“Then, um…”

Should I ask this or not?

I promised myself not to trust anyone, but… I wanted to ask the ringmaster directly.

“Can I trust you?”

But his answer was unexpected.

“No.”

The ringmaster fiddled with his eyepatch and turned his face away from me completely. Watching him rummage for something, I stood there a little stunned.

Even as he did that, he continued speaking.

“I already told you. Don’t trust anyone.”

So I shouldn’t trust you either?

My head throbbed, part irritation, part exhaustion.

He tells me not to trust anyone, tells me to ask him instead of others, then tells me not to trust him. What am I supposed to do?

I stepped closer, leaving only a single step between us. The ringmaster slowly turned and looked up at me, wearing an unreadable expression.

Maybe it was because I couldn’t control my face today, my expression must have been showing my thoughts too clearly.

“Why are you making that face?”

See? I knew it. I really can’t hide my expressions.

“Then what is it about you that I’m not supposed to trust?”

“……”

“How far can I trust you, and how far can’t I? And can I even trust your answer to that question?”

He couldn’t answer. I expected him to shoot back immediately, but he didn’t.

My frustration started leaking out. Until now, I’d kept quiet, doing whatever work I was told, all because I accidentally signed a contract in some strange place. And just when I’d finally started to open up to someone, that person told me not to trust him. The sadness I’d been unconsciously avoiding pushed up all at once.

“Then why don’t you just tell me to stay quiet like a mouse until I leave?”

Thinking back, the ringmaster had always told me to stay low and leave quietly.

I knew logically that this wasn’t something I should be saying to him, but I was unloading every bit of hurt I’d built up.

“Or just don’t be good to me in the first place.”

The moment those words slipped out, even I was startled.

“……”

“……”

The ringmaster said nothing. And I, too, shut my mouth and darted my eyes around.

Don’t be good to me? What was that?

Well, he had been good to me. He gave me a room, helped me, looked after me. But was that for the circus? For me? For my sake? Why? For what reason?

But suddenly, my mind went blank.

The reason he helped me.

What even was it?

“I must’ve really treated you well, then.”

The ringmaster’s voice hit my ears.

My scattered thoughts snapped back, and I focused on him.

“…Anyway, how far can I trust you?”

My voice had shrunk so much that I wished there were a mouse hole in the office I could crawl into.

The ringmaster looked at me quietly and absentmindedly touched his eyepatch again.

“Only on things related to work. Don’t trust me on personal matters.”

His answer somehow sounded like he was saying never come close to me personally.

So my reply came out a little sharper than intended.

“What personal things have we even talked about?”

Truthfully, we’d talked about plenty, living in the same lodging, we inevitably bumped into each other a few times.

But the ringmaster, unusually, showed a hint of anxiety. The hand touching his eyepatch moved to his lips, and he carefully asked,

“How much do you remember?”

“Huh? Remember what?”

What was he talking about?

“Ringmaster?”

“This afternoon. You slept. Right?”

“Uh? Yes. Right.”

It had been a moving day, and even so, I slept deeply with his permission, didn’t even dream.

But why bring this up now?

“Good. Then can you recall what happened around this time yesterday?”

“…You almost got into a fight with Kiss at the shack?”

“No, after that. What you said to me.”

The conversations we’d had.

After the circus ended, I returned to the office and spoke with him.

“Ah.”

Why had I forgotten that?

I had kept asking him what I was curious about, my missing person report, the identities of the circus members.

All of it was basically personal conversation.

Was he worried I might forget? Did he think my memory was that bad, like a goldfish?

I let out a baffled laugh.

And then…

“You’re being really unfair, you know?”

I deliberately lowered my voice. The ringmaster slowly met my eyes.

“…What is.”

His tone was calm, but the answer came slightly late.

“You won’t even let me use my phone.”

I remembered begging him yesterday to let me make one call.

I wanted to contact my parents.

Of course, this wasn’t a normal situation. I was hanging on the edge between life and death. I knew it was impossible.

One phone call would only convince Kiss that his suspicions were correct, and if the members found out who I was, things would get complicated. And if the ringmaster had to take responsibility, that would be the worst.

So obviously, it wasn’t allowed.

But just now, wanting to lighten the heavy atmosphere, I whined at him a little, almost playfully.

“Come on, just one call. You’re so mean. You don’t like me, do you?”

Even though I deliberately used a playful tone, the ringmaster’s face froze completely.

It was as if he’d taken a light joke as something serious. His mouth shut tightly, and I could see the muscle in his jaw clench and release.

“…Ah, no, I’m kidding. I know I can’t. Don’t be upset. You don’t dislike me, right? If anything, you…”

I hurried to smooth it over, wondering if he was in a bad mood today or if I had crossed a line. But before I could finish speaking, the ringmaster cut me off with a sudden, urgent voice.

“Don’t talk nonsense.”

“…What?”

The ringmaster lowered his gaze a little, then smoothly shifted his eyes toward the monitor.

Then, a somewhat belated answer followed.

“That will never be allowed.”

I know that…

Feeling embarrassed, I bit my lip.

Without taking his eyes off the monitor, he opened several document files at once. The screen turned white, and his mouth opened again.

“You need to return safely.”

“……”

I didn’t know how to respond to that.

“I…”

I barely managed to open my mouth, but even that was cut off by the ringmaster speaking first.

“So don’t get attached here. Stop caring.”

My words dried up immediately.

Stop caring, stop asking, avoid personal conversations, detach yourself quietly and leave, that was what it felt like he was already telling me.

While I sat there speechless, missing my chance to reply, the ringmaster dismissed me.

“If you have nothing more to say, go.”

As if he had no more time to spare for me, he buried himself completely in his work. Watching him like that, I moved away with slow, heavy steps.

My chest felt tight, like something was choking me.

Kiss wagged his tail begging me to trust him, yet the ringmaster pushed me away, telling me not to trust him. It left a strange knot in my heart, one I couldn’t identify.

But that feeling was pushed aside the moment I stepped out of the office and saw something.

“Pink?”

Pink Bear was running toward me with a tearful expression.

She rushed past me and burst into the office in a panic. Soon after, she came out with the ringmaster. With a grave expression, he sprinted toward the direction Pink was pointing, and she chased after him.

What’s going on?

It looked urgent, so I ran as well. Catching up to Pink, who was slow at running, I asked,

“Did something happen?”

But Pink Bear couldn’t even sign. She just kept wiping her eyes with both hands. Her pupils and the backs of her hands were wet.

Pink was actually crying.

“Why… why are you crying?”

That’s when it happened.

Kiss appeared… not from the circus side, but from between the bushes. He looked at the crying Pink Bear with somewhat dry eyes, then turned his gaze toward me and motioned.

Come here.

His gesture clearly meant follow me.

As I passed through the trees toward him as if in slow motion, commotion roared out from the circus entrance loud enough to shake the tent.

Among the noise, a shout rang sharply:

“It’s the eighth incident!”