SHC Chapter 29

29. Severe Inner Turmoil

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Even with shoes that made my steps lighter, there was a limit to my stamina. I eventually stopped, gasping for air.

I bent at the waist, braced my hands on my thighs, and tried to catch my breath. Behind me, I heard the clattering sound of hooves.

I turned only my head to the side and saw the ringmaster pulling up behind me on his horse. He must have followed me while I was running.

I straightened up quickly and wiped the sweat running down my forehead and under my chin with my forearm. A little farther back, Samdu was watching us cautiously from a distance.

“Finished running?”

Something about the ringmaster’s question irritated me, so I nodded without looking back at him.

“Then let’s continue on our way.”

My eyes snapped open.

That’s all you have to say?

My nerves went taut again. But I didn’t have the courage to drag the conversation back up when he seemed determined to avoid it. I kept my mouth clamped shut and followed the direction he led.

He didn’t even tell me to take the reins.

Even the usual grumbling in my head about being a servant or a stable boy didn’t come. He didn’t give me that chore either, and somehow that stung. I glanced at the empty reins and, annoyed beyond reason, snapped at Samdu instead, who was keeping too much distance.

“Hurry up! Why are you so far away!”

At my shout, Samdu perked his ears, standing about ten meters away. I pressed the button to retract the harness line and tighten it, but even then he wouldn’t come closer. He just stared back.

Nothing was going my way. Frustration bubbled up again, and I shouted once more, irritated.

“I said come!”

“He’s staying back so he doesn’t splash water on you.”

The ringmaster spoke for him. I almost looked back at him but resisted, instead turning toward where Samdu stood.

Even though he’d only stood there a moment, the grass beneath him was already rotting black. The broad leaves of a tree brushing his chest height were full of holes, and as I watched, more formed.

The droplets dripping from his fur after that swim in the lake were the cause. They didn’t just soak into the plants, they burned through them, leaving perfectly round holes wherever they landed.

If something like that touched my body by accident…

It’d punch a hole through me.

I pulled the harness line back out again.

“Let’s keep some distance. Sorry.”

“Woof!”

Samdu answered brightly and began walking again. The ringmaster’s horse moved with him, and I followed their pace.

I ran a hand roughly through my hair.

I felt guilty.

Samdu’s eyes had gone round when I’d shouted in frustration earlier. That white gaze staring at me kept replaying in my head.

And then the blame shifted to the ringmaster.

He’s the one messing with my head.

Why did he kiss me and then apologize? And now act like nothing happened?

I knew all that, yet I still couldn’t bring myself to ask him directly. I was stuck wrestling with it inside my own head, and I hated myself for that. But the words just wouldn’t come out.

“……”

“……”

The silence continued. I kept my head down, staring only at the shadow of the ringmaster’s horse as I walked.

I checked the time to see how long we’d been walking, but barely any time had passed. Why was it moving so slowly?

The ringmaster’s shadow stretched across the pale road, accompanied by the steady clatter of hooves. The dark gray silhouette seemed frozen, like a lifeless puppet.

As I stared at that unmoving shadow, something suddenly yanked my right wrist backward.

“Assistant!”

His shout snapped me back to reality. Only then did I realize I was about to step into the forest.

“Oh… oh.”

I’d been following that shadow without noticing how far off the path I’d drifted.

If I had taken one more step, I would’ve walked right into the woods. I stepped back quickly, feeling another tug on my wrist. I looked down, my wrist-leash was pulled taut.

Following the line, I saw Samdu planted firmly with his front legs braced.

“Grab the reins.”

The ringmaster spoke to me as I stood there like a ghost that had wandered off its path.

“Hurry.”

Still dazed, I rushed over and grabbed the reins. The awkward distance between us shrank instantly, and the ten meters between Samdu and me narrowed to five.

“Be careful.”

The seriousness in his expression explained why he always had me hold the reins and walk right beside him.

“Yes…”

I murmured softly, then continued walking in silence.

Whenever I drifted slightly away, the reins tightened. The ringmaster tugged them from above. It naturally pulled me back to his side. Even if he was on horseback, we were clearly walking side by side.

And somehow, I felt a gaze flicking down from above. I’d glance up only to find him staring straight ahead. But when I shifted my eyes again, the ringmaster looked like he’d just been watching me.

Am I imagining it?

He kept adjusting the reins so I wouldn’t drift away. Through the leather in my hand, the small tension and vibrations coming from him were unmistakable, and I moved my fingers nervously.

“Hold it properly. Don’t let go.”

At that, I grabbed tightly. Through the tense reins, I could feel him in the center of my palm. It was strange how just holding the same line made him feel so close.

After walking the rest of the way painfully aware of him, we finally reached the base camp. Only when I saw him head toward the office did I let out a breath.

Once I calmed down a little, I finally focused on the problem at hand, getting Samdu into his cage.

If lake water touched the cage, it would melt too. What do I do?

I noticed Samdu’s fur rustling as he came toward me.

“Oh, I guess you’re all dry now?”

I reached out to pet him, but when I pulled my hand back, Samdu’s gaze stuck to it.

“You’re not still wet underneath, right?”

Suspicious, I drew my hand behind me. Yellow tilted his head with a frown, and then suddenly spat fire.

“Uwaagh!”

It had been a while since I’d seen flames, so I shrieked and jumped back. But instead of coming toward me, the fire blew backward and wrapped around Samdu.

“Samdu!”

More startled than before, I tried to run toward him, but someone grabbed me from behind.

“Where do you think you’re running! Are you insane?”

The ringmaster snatched my wrist. I’d been sure he was heading back to the office, when had he gotten here to grab me?

But more than the tight grip, what hit me was his expression. His face was clearly full of worry… for me.

But before I could process it, he spun around and shouted toward Samdu.

“Samdu! Ringmaster, he… his body’s on fire!”

“That’s purifying fire. Leave it.”

“……What?”

Before he could explain further, Samdu strode out from the extinguishing flames, growling softly with his heads raised high. With fire behind him, that three-headed black hound looked every bit the guardian of hell.

He snorted at the dying flames, and the ringmaster interpreted for him.

“He says you can touch him now. He’s dry.”

“……”

He set his own body on fire for that?

“Samdu… you’re really tough.”

Unaffected by burning fire, unaffected by corrosive water… he really didn’t care about either.

Yellow, thinking my words were high praise, looked the happiest of the three.

Even with the cute dog in front of me, I was still painfully aware of the hand clamped around my wrist. I’d long known his grip was large and strong enough to wrap fully around my wrist… but had it always been this hot? The heat rolling off him was so intense it felt like it was seeping into me. I slowly moved my eyes.

My gaze moved lazily and stopped on the ringmaster’s, already watching me.

As soon as our eyes met, he abruptly let go.

“Be more careful.”

He backed up a step as he finished speaking. His face looked weighted with conflict.

I bit my lower lip, then took one step forward, closing the space he’d made.

“Does it worry you that much?”

“What?”

“That something might happen to me. Does it really bother you that much?”

I threw the words on purpose. I expected him to fluster, but instead he answered simply.

“Of course.”

Of course?

“Why?”

“You…”

He paused and looked at Samdu. Why was he looking at him? If he said it was because I took care of Samdu, I would’ve snapped.

“You’re special. In this circus.”

“…What?”

He kept glancing at Samdu like he was sending signals.

“Is there anyone here as special as you?”

Ah.

He wanted to make it clear that I was human, and he wanted to say it without Samdu noticing.

That choice of words was far too misleading.

I almost got butterflies for no reason.

“I need to make sure you get out safely. So of course I care.”

My heart dropped with a hard thud.

It was a harsh confirmation of what I already knew.

“The contract has only one week left.”

Right after I said that, the conflict flickering across the ringmaster’s face died away. His expression returned to the usual one he always wore, and in that look, I understood what he meant.

My head dropped as if someone had hung a weight from it. My gaze fell to the tips of his shoes.

“You haven’t forgotten, have you?”

There were too many meanings in that one sentence. But the direction of those meanings was painfully clear, and my lips pressed tight.

Rejection.

You’re leaving soon. Keep your distance. Don’t get attached. It was the same thing he had been telling me all along, and every line echoed in my head.

In other words, he had been keeping his distance from the very beginning. I understood it… but it was still cruel. And yet it made sense, which made my throat tighten.

If not for the three noses nudging and whining behind me, I might have stayed frozen in thought much longer.

Above my bowed head, the ringmaster’s hard voice came down.

“You agreed to work for only a month on the contract.”

That answer wasn’t for me, but for Samdu. When I turned around, Red had his mouth hanging open in surprise, Blue was grumbling something, and Yellow’s blank expression gave away nothing.

When I slowly turned back, I made eye contact with the ringmaster for only a moment before he immediately turned away. Without another word to me, he walked back to the office.

“…Ha.”

Judging by what he said, it seemed he’d figured out I had feelings for him. Even I wasn’t sure if it was truly feelings or just a crush, but evidently it was obvious enough that he noticed.

But what was I supposed to do? Around him, my body didn’t even feel like mine anymore.

I put my hands on my waist, bowed my head, and let out long sighs.

Then I noticed Samdu circling around me, pacing in loops. He had gone around me so many times that the harness line wrapped in perfect circles around my feet. I stepped out of the loops and looked at Samdu, whose eyes clearly said he had a lot to ask.

I could roughly guess what he wanted to know.

So I smiled awkwardly and spoke.

“Sorry. My job ends next week.”

At that, Blue and Red let out a sound like a low howl, and Yellow clamped his jaws shut and stared at me. That look reminded me of a hunting dog watching prey on some documentary I’d seen online. The pressure of that stare was so strong I had to look away first.

Only then did I wonder if he wasn’t looking at me like prey, but simply focusing that intensely on me. When I glanced again, Yellow was still staring without even blinking.

“Why?”

I finally asked first.

But Yellow ignored the howling of the other two and let out a sigh-like puff of smoke, closing his eyes.

His face was full of conflict.

What was going on?

I knew he was smart. Being able to understand human speech meant his intelligence was close to a human’s in some ways.

“What’s wrong, Yellow?”

When I singled him out among the howling, Blue and Red only got louder.

Yellow eventually opened his eyes, stared at me, lifted his head, howled once, then barked sharply to each side. Judging by the tone, he was scolding them to stop.

And indeed, Red and Blue immediately stopped howling. They just grumbled afterward as if irritated.

I put Samdu back into the enclosure and looked at them through the bars.

“Today was fun, right? We walked a lot, ran a lot, swam a lot.”

No matter how large the enclosure had gotten, it still looked small compared to the space he wanted. Remembering how happy he’d been at the lake, I let out a soft breath and smiled faintly.

“With so little time left, I’ll take you for walks for as long as I can. See you tomorrow.”

Even as I waved goodbye, Yellow stayed especially quiet.

What was he thinking?

Samdu, the ringmaster, a week… no, less than a week left. All of them were people and beings I wouldn’t be able to see again after that. The thought drove me crazy with regret.

If only my phone had power, I’d take a ton of pictures.

Full of that regret, I kept my eyes on Samdu until the tent flap slid down and completely blocked my view of the inside of the enclosure.