SS 10 Part 2

“What did you… just say?”

“It’s a malignant brain tumor. The location and size are not good, so surgery is currently impossible.”

It was only after meeting Bomin that he truly wanted to live. Witnessing the process of color being added to his monochrome world was an indescribable joy.

For the first time since becoming a loner, he dreamed of the future.

Jeong Hotae raised his hand and touched his left chest. He had planned to give Bomin a ring when he got home from the hospital today and confess that he wanted to be more than just friends.

“Still… shall we schedule a surgery?”

The doctor spoke cautiously, noticing Jeong Hotae’s face hardening frighteningly.

“If I have surgery, what are the chances of survival?”

“…Less than 10%.”

10%… Jeong Hotae let out a hollow laugh like a madman at the despairing number.

The doctor said he should be hospitalized and receive medication, but to Jeong Hotae, those words only sounded like he should prepare to part with Bomin.

He didn’t even know how he got out of the hospital. He looked up at the particularly blue sky, but strangely, his vision blurred.

“…Grandfather.”

Was this happening because he had made that wish? It was before he met Bomin.

Even now, if it were before he knew Bomin, Jeong Hotae would have welcomed the malignant tumor more than anyone.

“Why now…? Why now of all times…? I just started wanting to live… I feel like I can live with a smile, just like Grandfather always said…”

He couldn’t even get in the car and just sat down in front of it, pounding the ground with his fist.

People visiting the hospital glanced at Jeong Hotae and murmured, but he was struggling just to hold his crumbling heart together.

* * *

“What’s wrong with you lately?”

“…What?”

“You go out every other day, come home drunk… and come in smelling of other people’s perfume.”

Jeong Hotae looked down at the top of Bomin’s head, who was blocking his way, and bit hard on the inside of his cheek. The stinging pain stopped his hand from reaching out to Bomin.

“Don’t worry about it.”

Honestly, Bomin had been very patient, considering his personality. Even though he knew that Bomin had cautiously brought it up after much deliberation, Jeong Hotae coldly passed by him.

“Jeong Hotae!”

Bomin’s voice erupted behind him, but Jeong Hotae quickened his pace instead.

“Haah, haa…”

Only after reaching the underground parking lot, getting in his car, and starting the engine, did his pent-up breath escape. His eyes, which had only held a cold gaze in front of Bomin, instantly turned red.

“…I’m sorry, Bomin-ah. I couldn’t think of any other way.”

There was no way to live. He desperately wanted to remove the bomb-like thing in his head and live happily ever after with Bomin.

Even modern medicine couldn’t guarantee his survival.

Jeong Hotae found out that Bomin had a similar pain to his. It was a coincidence. He overheard Bomin’s monologue.

‘Mom, Dad. I’ve been living recklessly because I thought you were wrong because of me.’

Bomin was sitting on the living room sofa, looking at something and talking, unaware that he had entered.

At first, he thought there was someone else in front of Bomin, but Bomin was looking at a picture.

Even from afar, he could vaguely see three people who seemed to be a happy family in the picture.

‘But now I have someone I like… Maybe even more than Mom and Dad. Dad would be so mad if he heard this.’

His heart pounded uncontrollably at the shy confession. Jeong Hotae deliberately didn’t ask Bomin about his past.

He was afraid that he would have to talk about his own past if he did. He was afraid that Bomin would run away in fear if he found out that death surrounded him.

But he couldn’t let go of Bomin now. Jeong Hotae chose silence, fearing that his greed might hurt Bomin.

‘His name is Jeong Hotae. I want to live happily ever after with Hotae. So don’t worry about me anymore, and Mom and Dad, please rest in peace. Okay?’

It was the content that explained why Bomin went into a motel with that trashy guy. He was suffering from the guilt that his parents had died because of him, just like himself.

But how could he… burden Bomin with his death as well?

…Jeong Hotae’s heart crumbled once again at the sight of Bomin’s shyly smiling face as he confessed his love.

Even if he died, Bomin had to live happily. To do that… he had to make Bomin detach himself from him.

The method Jeong Hotae came up with was cruel to both Bomin and himself.

* * *

“Are you really going to keep doing this?”

Bomin found it hard to bear as Jeong Hotae frequently brought different partners home.

He didn’t do anything with them. He just brought them into the room and made them make suggestive noises by themselves.

Making it seem like they were having s*x.

The only person he wanted to touch was Bomin. He had no desire to sleep with these people whose names he didn’t even know.

“Move. I’m going out.”

“Hey! Jeong Hotae!”

Bomin once again blocked Jeong Hotae, who was about to go to the bar to bring someone home for the night.

Standing with his arms spread wide, he seemed determined not to let Jeong Hotae out tonight.

Jeong Hotae’s chest ached at the sight of Bomin’s large eyes filled with sorrow. It was the moment he changed his mind, thinking that maybe…just for today, he could be selfish and spend time with Bomin.

Jeong Hotae’s fists clenched and trembled. His face turned pale from the terrible headache and rising nausea.

“Ah…!”

But he couldn’t show himself collapsing in front of Bomin. He had to push Bomin away, who was blocking him, in his haste to move.

Bomin cried out in pain as he hit the wall, but Jeong Hotae stumbled out of the house.

“…You’re really pathetic, Jeong Hotae.”

He got in the car and vomited for a long time. He hadn’t eaten anything, so only yellow gastric acid flowed back up his esophagus.

His stomach churned as he recalled Bomin’s hurt face. In the end, Jeong Hotae drank himself unconscious that day.

He rarely brought the same person home twice. He was afraid that they might show interest in Bomin.

While he wanted Bomin to hate him and forget him, he couldn’t bear to see Bomin with someone else. It was a terribly petty feeling.

“I’ll take you home.”

Kim Minhyun was the most decent person Jeong Hotae had met so far. He didn’t show any particular interest in Bomin either.

Thinking it would be good for Bomin to think he had a special relationship with Kim Minhyun, he brought him home several times.

He heard muffled voices, but Jeong Hotae was in no state to properly hear or speak.

His memories were fragmented. He remembered being in a car and feeling someone supporting him.

Then his memory cut off again, and when he opened his eyes, the sight that greeted him made Jeong Hotae hold his breath.

‘Why is Bomin…?’

…on top of him? Was the soft, supple sensation on his lips really Bomin’s lips?

Nothing felt real, so Jeong Hotae just blinked slowly. It felt like the alcohol that had clouded his mind had vanished all at once.

“Sob…”

He came to his senses when Bomin buried his face in Jeong Hotae’s chest and sobbed.

“Why won’t you… hold me…?”

Jeong Hotae squeezed his eyes shut at the sorrowful cries. Transparent tears streamed down his cheeks.

He realized how much his actions had driven Bomin into hell. Jeong Hotae thought that if this continued, Bomin might be irrevocably hurt before he died.

…No, it was all an excuse. Jeong Hotae had wanted to be one with Bomin from the moment he first saw him.

“…Hotae-ya?”

Jeong Hotae, having made up his mind, laid Bomin, who was sitting on top of him, down on the bed. He wanted to look into Bomin’s eyes and slowly get to know everything about him, but if he did, his feelings would be revealed without filter.

Instead, Jeong Hotae decided to hold Bomin from behind. When Bomin turned his head in surprise, Jeong Hotae gently pressed the back of his neck.

“It’s scary… but it’s okay because it’s you.”

He could clearly feel Bomin’s body trembling under his palm.

‘I’m sorry, Bomin-ah.’

Muttering words he couldn’t say to Bomin, Jeong Hotae took off the gown that was precariously hanging on Bomin’s body.

Even under the dim bedroom light, Bomin’s snow-white naked body seemed to glow. Jeong Hotae placed a kiss on his sharply protruding shoulder blade.

“Hss…”

Bomin let out a breathy moan even before they had properly begun. Jeong Hotae looked down at himself with troubled eyes.

He was half-naked himself, as if something had happened while he was unconscious. The sight of the curved outline on his thigh made his mouth dry.

There was lube in the nightstand, but he didn’t want to leave Bomin like this to get it.

“Wh-what is this…”

His deliberation was long, but his actions were swift. Jeong Hotae lifted Bomin’s hips and brought his lips to the space between his b*ttocks.

He heard a gasp of shock, but if he inserted his fingers like this, Bomin would definitely be in pain.

Even though it was his first time, he instinctively knew how to please Bomin.

“Heu, ah, uh… Hotae, Hotae-ya…”

Jeong Hotae looked at Bomin, who was writhing beneath him, with sorrowful eyes.

He pressed the back of Bomin’s neck when he tried to turn his head to look at him, and released him when he struggled.

The entrance, which he had painstakingly prepared, accepted him fully, despite the tightness.

The sensation of the hot mucous membrane clinging to his c*ck and sucking him deeper was overwhelming enough to make him lose his mind.

Bomin’s moans, initially pained, soon became mixed with erotic whimpers. His face, glimpsed briefly, was flushed red around his eyes.

He wanted to see the expression on Bomin’s face, but he couldn’t be any more greedy.

“Haaa…!”

Bomin’s back arched. Jeong Hotae knew that Bomin had come again from the way his inner walls tightened around his c*ck as if to sever it.

He reached down and cupped Bomin’s softened flesh. Bomin trembled, unable to even moan properly, then went limp.

“…Bomin-ah.”

Startled, Jeong Hotae turned Bomin over. He saw Bomin’s tear-stained face. His lips were redder than usual, as if he had bitten them down to endure the overwhelming sensations.

His ragged breaths escaped from the tip of his round nose. He must be exhausted. Bomin had just come for the sixth time.

Jeong Hotae’s chest tightened as his gaze fell on Bomin’s body, covered in s*men. He wanted to be with Bomin forever, but he couldn’t bring himself to speak, fearing that what he had done today would make things even harder for Bomin.

After a long moment of just moving his lips, Jeong Hotae slowly lowered his body and pressed his lips to Bomin’s tear-soaked eyes.

“…I love you, Bomin-ah.”

The end of his voice, escaping through his chapped lips, was cracked with sorrow.

Until Bomin regained consciousness, Jeong Hotae held him in his arms and repeatedly confessed his love, words that the other wouldn’t hear.

* * *