SS 6(2) Part 5

Those worried about Bomin remained silent for a long time, embraced in each other’s arms. It was only after Kang Yihan’s legs started to ache from standing for so long that Yoo Min lifted his head from Yihan’s shoulder.

“Are you done crying? Your eyes are puffy.”

Before starting the main conversation, Kang Yihan checked Yoo Min’s face first. Yoo Min’s face swelled easily, contrary to what one might think. As Yihan rubbed the area around Yoo Min’s eyes, which seemed smaller than usual due to the swollen eyelids, Yoo Min gently nuzzled his face against Yihan’s palm.

“Because you disappeared again…”

Yoo Min’s eyes quickly filled with tears, his voice choked with emotion.

“I was afraid that… you’d be lying injured somewhere I didn’t know about again…”

That was the reason Kang Yihan had been hospitalized before he entered this body. Kang Yihan had jumped in front of an oncoming car. The driver swerved, but as Kang Yihan’s body lunged forward, his head hit the side mirror hard.

The panicked driver fled the scene, leaving Kang Yihan lying on the ground. He was found by a passerby much later and taken to the hospital.

Since then, whenever Kang Yihan was out of his sight for too long, Yoo Min became restless, like a puppy with separation anxiety.

“…I have something to tell you.”

Kang Yihan, no, Lee Bomin, suddenly realized that if he didn’t tell the truth now, he never would. As he became more aware that the affection he was receiving wasn’t genuine, even if he smiled on the outside, his insides would rot and decay.

Even if their time together continued precariously like this, the end would surely be ruin.

“Let’s sit here and talk.”

He led Yoo Min by the hand and sat facing each other on the bed. Despite having initiated the conversation, his lips only trembled for a while, unable to make a sound.

“What is it? There’s nothing you can’t tell me.”

As if reading Lee Bomin’s mind, Yoo Min caressed the tips of Kang Yihan’s fingers. His touch, as he traced fingers that seemed at least a knuckle smaller than his own, was so gentle it made his heart tickle.

“…Didn’t you ever think it was strange?”

“What part?”

“That I… can’t remember anything.”

“Well… that’s because you hit your head, Yihan-ie. The doctor said there’s no need to force yourself to remember. They said it will come back naturally someday.”

That was true. It was something he heard every time he went to the hospital for regular checkups.

Lee Bomin bit his lower lip so hard it turned white. He had to live as Kang Yihan now, but every time Yoo Min called him Yihan, he felt a subtle emotion he couldn’t define.

“…I’ll never remember. Because those memories don’t belong to me.”

“Yihan-ah, what’s wrong? Are you angry that I came here like this?”

Confusion spread across Yoo Min’s face. Since that day, he hadn’t left Kang Yihan’s side for a single day. After his parents passed away in an accident during a trip, Kang Yihan was his only family, his friend, and now his lover.

Even though he thought Kang Yihan might be suffocated by his clinginess, Yoo Min didn’t know how to let him go.

Was Kang Yihan out for a walk today because he felt stifled because of him? It could be that he wanted to socialize with the Espers and Guides who had come from Korea after a long time. But he couldn’t even endure that short amount of time and had come here, chasing after Kang Yihan’s traces.

“…I’m not Kang Yihan. You… subconsciously knew it too, didn’t you?”

There was no way Yoo Min would miss the habits of someone he had grown up with since birth. Even if he had lost his memories, the actions he had done all his life would remain. But Lee Bomin wasn’t Kang Yihan, so he couldn’t act like him.

‘He used to never wear socks even in the middle of winter. That’s odd.’

‘He couldn’t eat spicy food…’

‘Did you start hating the rain? He used to go out without an umbrella and get drenched.’

Lee Bomin had kept in his heart the things Yoo Min would say unconsciously. Every time he saw Yoo Min trying to find traces of the real Kang Yihan in him, he would fall into despair, as if someone were mocking his life built on lies.

“What are you talking about? You’re not Yihan? This isn’t a funny joke.”

Kang Yihan, who was also Lee Bomin, lifted his head. Their gazes met in mid-air.

“My real name is Lee Bomin. There’s a Guide Lee Bomin among the people who came from Korea, right? The person who was in the room with me earlier. That was originally my body. …For some reason, one day, I ended up in this body.”

Why hadn’t he said anything until now? Once the dam broke, Lee Bomin poured out the secret he had been hiding to Yoo Min without hesitation.

“I don’t know where the real Kang Yihan went. After I came in…he might not be able to come back.”

After confessing the most frightening thing, he felt relieved yet empty. Perhaps it was because Yoo Min’s hand, which had been gently stroking his fingers, had fallen away.

“…That can’t be true.”

“…Even if you don’t want to believe it, it’s the truth. I’m not crazy, and I’m not lying.”

The real Lee Bomin gave a sad smile as he looked at Yoo Min’s violently shaking eyes. Even if everything ended like this, he felt like he could accept it humbly.

He had no intention of returning to his original body anyway.

He would have eventually ended his life by slitting his wrists. He felt fortunate to have met Yoo Min, even for a short time, to receive his affectionate love and experience happiness.

“…If you want, let’s find a way together to bring the real Kang Yihan back.”

However, unlike his calmed heart, his voice trembled uncontrollably as he spoke of finding a way to bring Kang Yihan back. His vision blurred, and he ended up lowering his head again, unable to withstand Yoo Min’s gaze.

“Thank you for everything. For telling me you loved me, cherishing me, and treating me well… even someone like me.”

It was the first time he had heard someone say they loved him.

Lee Bomin had been abandoned at an orphanage as soon as he was born. Orphanage children always grow up starved for affection. He hadn’t been abused at the orphanage, but he hadn’t received enough affection necessary for a young age.

They say you can only give love if you’ve received it.

Because Lee Bomin had no memory of being loved, he always made things difficult for those around him. He had entered Kang Yihan’s body and tasted happiness, even if it was as short as a midsummer night’s dream… Perhaps this was a good life after all.

“…Tell me when you’ve sorted out your thoughts. I’ll follow whatever you want.”

He didn’t have the strength to sit facing Yoo Min any longer. Lee Bomin staggered as he got out of bed. With each step, his blurred vision would clear and then blur again.

He bit his lip hard to suppress the sob threatening to escape, but it only left a metallic taste in his mouth. In the end, he raised his hand and roughly rubbed his eyelids.

He couldn’t go back to the accommodation he shared with Yoo Min. He was going to ask to stay here for a few days.

He finally reached the doorknob. His eyes widened as his body was suddenly spun around.

“…To me, you are Yihan. You are Kang Yihan, just as you are now.”

Yoo Min’s voice trembled no less than Lee Bomin’s. The hand gripping Bomin’s arm gradually tightened. It was strong enough to leave a bruise, but instead of shaking off Yoo Min’s hand, Lee Bomin started to undress with his other hand.

“What are you doing…?”

Lee Bomin turned to face Yoo Min, now only in his underwear. The large hand that had been fiercely gripping his arm lost its strength.

“Then why won’t you have s*x with me? We’re about to sign a Pair Guide contract.”

It was Yoo Min who first brought up the Pair Guide contract. Besides, they hadn’t even signed it yet. They had only informed the association of their intention to enter into a pair contract.

“…What kind of lovers only do bl*wjobs? And even that, you…”

It was Lee Bomin who had initiated the bl*wjobs. Yoo Min always tried to stop at deep kisses and petting. If he hadn’t gotten so worked up that he knelt in front of him and took his c*ck in his mouth, they might not have even done bl*wjobs.

“…You felt it instinctively, didn’t you? That I’m not the real Kang Yihan.”

“…..”

Yoo Min opened his lips as if to speak, but only a breathy sound escaped. The silent answer flew into Lee Bomin’s chest and pierced his heart.

“…Thank you for everything.”

With those words, Lee Bomin turned to leave. The frozen Yoo Min reflexively moved.

“Where are you going like this…?”

He was wearing underwear, but it was practically the same as being naked. Besides, Lee Bomin’s upper body was scattered with marks Yoo Min had left in the past, varying only in intensity.

The thought of other bastards seeing this made his vision turn red.

“Then what should I do?!”

Lee Bomin cried out, pushing Yoo Min’s hand away. The wounds in his heart, which had been healing thanks to Yoo Min, burst open. They were so devastating that he didn’t know how to heal them anymore.

“I’m not Kang Yihan…”

Tears he didn’t want to shed streamed down his cheeks endlessly. His naked body trembled. Yoo Min tremblingly wrapped his arms around Lee Bomin’s shoulders, but his hands fell away powerlessly as Bomin pushed him away again.

“I’m sick and tired of this one-sided love…”

He had already experienced enough of a life spent looking at someone else’s back. Unrequited love eventually festers and sickens even the body. Lee Bomin had confessed everything he had been hiding to Yoo Min.

Of course, he knew that it would sound incomprehensible and absurd to Yoo Min. He had mustered up the courage because he truly wanted to become his lover.

But it was all his wishful thinking. He had been struggling, mistaking an unattainable illusion for reality.

“I understand you won’t accept it…”

Lee Bomin closed his eyes tightly, unable to continue. His sorrowful cries wouldn’t stop. He wanted to turn around and leave with composure. He wanted to collect himself and not show Yoo Min his pathetic side, and he wanted to bring back Kang Yihan.

“Let’s stop this, please…”

He couldn’t stand it anymore. He tried to leave the room, even though he knew he was practically naked, because he had reached his limit.