TBM Vol 4 Part 11

“Does it suit your taste?”

Park Jae-ho asked with quiet concern. Over the past two weeks, he had learned that Lee Il-seo could hardly stomach oily foods. Lee Il-seo nodded, pushing another mouthful of rice cake into his mouth. At first, Park Jae-ho had feared he might be dealing with anorexia or signs of purging, but once he learned that Lee Il-seo’s digestive system had weakened due to poor health, he’d put aside his suspicions.

Throughout the meal, Lee Il-seo chatted with Park Jae-ho, and as they nearly finished their rice cake soup, he suddenly expressed his gratitude.

“Thank you. I really feel relieved, thanks to you.”

“I just offered you a spare room, I didn’t do anything special.”

To Park Jae-ho, it was a simple gesture. But to Lee Il-seo, it had felt like a lifeline thrown from heaven. Park Jae-ho sipped the last of his soup, filled now with unspoken gratitude, then lowered one eyebrow,

“It’s been disappointing that we’ve both been so busy we could hardly share a meal together.”

As Park Jae-ho said, they had both been so busy with their schedules during the year-end and New Year that it was hard to remember when they last sat face to face for a meal. Lee Il-seo was glad to have this opportunity to repay him on his last day. Park Jae-ho put down his spoon and briefly moved his lips as if choosing his words. His eyes were full of concern as he looked at Lee Il-seo.

“Lee Il-seo. Lately, when I look at you, you seem anxious.”

Lee Il-seo’s eyes flinched at this sudden concern.

“I know it’s your personality not to show when you’re struggling, but sometimes when I look at you, I don’t know what thoughts you’re lost in, there’s no light in your eyes.”

“I’m sorry… You know, I just have a lot of work.”

As Lee Il-seo apologized while rubbing his cheek with his palm, Park Jae-ho frowned deeply.

“I’ll scold you if you apologize.”

Seeing Lee Il-seo quickly composing his expression while flinching at his raised voice, Park Jae-ho carefully controlled his emotions.

“I’m sorry for meddling in your personal life, but I’m saying this because you really feel like my younger sibling.”

“…”

“In life, the one thing that never goes the way we want is our relationships with people. But it’s right not to start with someone who makes you feel diminished.”

After taking a moment to catch his breath, Park Jae-ho brought up the incident from that day.

“That day. When you stood in front of him. You looked like you could break.”

Park Jae-ho removed one of the support blocks under the mobile sculpture on the table. The hanging mobile tilted askew as it shifted to one side. Park Jae-ho pushed one of the fallen pieces upward with his finger.

“Even when two people carry the same amount of emotion, it’s harder to reach someone who stands higher.”

When Park Jae-ho withdrew his finger from the mobile, the round object quickly rolled down.

“It’s easy to be crushed under the weight of feelings you can’t return.”

Smoothly lifting the corners of his mouth, Park Jae-ho lightly tapped the table.

“I’m not saying you should give up because you’re inferior to that person. I’m saying this because I see you are physically and mentally worn down. In times like these, you start thinking everything is your fault. Suffering tends to dig into a person’s weakest point, and that weak point is often oneself.”

Lee Il-seo slowly nodded. Though he had tried not to show it, Park Jae-ho had apparently already sensed everything.

“First, make your heart strong. That way, neither you nor the other person will be hurt by your emotions.”

Park Jae-ho inserted the support block at the bottom of the mobile to make the ground level. Then he gently pushed the round mobile piece he had touched earlier. The mobile, which had tilted to the opposite side, quickly returned to its place and found stability.

“So even if you postpone things concerning other people, you need to comfort yourself first. Understand?”

Was this why he felt like his heart was hurting even as he pushed Seung-yeon away? Because he kept lowering and erasing himself in front of him, and because he made himself small, even the slightest provocation from him made him stagger so heavily.

First, strengthen my heart. Repeating this over and over in his mind, Lee Il-seo painfully nodded.

“I understand. I’ll try.”

“If it gets tough, call me. I’ll buy you lots of drinks.”

Looking at Park Jae-ho, who quickly lightened the mood, Lee Il-seo smiled faintly and playfully kicked his foot across from him.

“I’ll contact you even when I’m not having a hard time.”

“That’s right, living alone can be surprisingly lonely.”

The two burst into laughter with similar expressions. After sharing these deep thoughts and having one more can of beer, Lee Il-seo entered his room and sat on the bed.

The corners of his mouth, which had been lightly upturned while talking with Park Jae-ho, slowly returned to their normal position. Lee Il-seo lay down on the bed as if collapsing. Nothing was flowing along its proper path. The image of mobile pieces tumbling down when one support block disappeared rolled around in his mind.

‘You act however you want…’

‘…’

‘So why won’t you give me a chance to make up for my foolish behavior?’

‘…’

Could he ever stand on equal ground with someone who pitied him? Tonight, Lee Il-seo resented the nine years he had spent erasing and eliminating himself while filling his heart with Sa Seung-yeon.

He should have loved a little less. Overwhelmed by drifting emotions and the feeling of gradually sinking, Lee Il-seo closed his tired eyes.

***

Seung-yeon opened his eyes. He stared at the ceiling as he let out a long sigh. Every morning, Seung-yeon had to suppress the emotions that slowly weighed down his entire body.

Defeat.

The first time Sa Seung-yeon felt a deep sense of defeat in his life was when his once-solid family began to crumble. When he realized his existence was a burden to parents who wanted a fresh start, Sa Seung-yeon’s world twisted significantly for the first time.

He decided to leave home as soon as he became an adult. He completed all preparations to coincide with the new year and ate breakfast alone as usual. Greeting his mother as she left for her restaurant, as he did every day, was the last meaningful act Seung-yeon took as a family member.

After finishing his meal, he left home. He had already sold everything sellable, converting it to cash, and changed his phone number immediately after leaving home.

Life in the theater troupe he joined after becoming completely alone was arduous. Far from having even a single line, his job consisted entirely of cleaning, and sometimes, seniors would pick on him for nonsensical reasons. Nevertheless, Sa Seung-yeon endured with a smile. It wasn’t because of attachment to acting, but because he had nowhere else to go.

For Sa Seung-yeon, tired of loneliness, there was only one sanctuary where he could stand on solid ground: the traces of that boy he checked like a habit every dawn. He was the only ray of sunshine in a life where he had burned his bridges.

Before he knew it, he had gradually become friendlier with Tangerine, often exchanging messages, and after learning they were about the same age, they naturally dropped formalities and became like friends. Their conversations were mainly about songs, but occasionally they would also talk about travel destinations they wanted to visit, things they would do if they earned a lot of money, dreams, and illusions that slightly deviated from the reality they stood on.

“This is Tangerine’s personal homepage.”

Sa Seung-yeon, with his laptop on his knees and his back against the peeling wallpaper, scrolled down with a blank expression.

But at some point, Tangerine’s song upload frequency had slowed, and now he wasn’t even reading his last message. With eyes full of disappointment, Sa Seung-yeon scanned the homepage and clicked on his chat window with Tangerine.

「< Chat with tangerine / _ [□] [X] >」

「User ‘4566(me)’ has requested a chat.」

「4566(me) says> Hey」

「4566(me) says> Hey hey What are you doing?」

「’tangerine’ is currently away.」

「The chat has been automatically terminated.」

Chat requests frequently ended with automatic termination due to no response. Irritably leaving the homepage, Sa Seung-yeon repeatedly watched the downloaded videos of Tangerine’s songs.

‘Is he busy?’

But it was Sa Seung-yeon who was living on a tight schedule. He woke up every dawn to clean the theater troupe’s space and studied scripts while watching the seniors perform. After preparing performances to show the seniors without a moment’s rest, all he wanted was to collapse onto his bedding, but Sa Seung-yeon stubbornly clung to his laptop every day to check if Tangerine had uploaded a new song.

Meanwhile, at that time, Sa Seung-yeon began to be offered minor roles for the first time, and he soon gained some recognition in the Daehangno theater district.

No matter how small the role, Sa Seung-yeon’s acting and appearance were enough to attract attention. As word of mouth spread and his fandom grew larger than the lead actor’s, he sometimes had to be wary of his seniors’ reactions. Once, a major dispute (disguised as bullying) broke out, but Sa Seung-yeon had the power to charm people.

He didn’t lash out. Instead, he offered warm smiles without an ounce of pride. He reserved his harshest words for himself and turned his time for complaints into moments of quiet mentorship for the juniors. As Sa Seung-yeon’s position in the troupe became increasingly solid, the troupe also became a nest that suited his taste. As his roles became more important, his lines increased, and the amount of scripts he needed to study also grew.

Though he lacked time to practice, Sa Seung-yeon clung to his laptop every night, searching for Tangerine. This was because his empty heart wasn’t filled at all by fans’ support, seniors’ praise, or juniors’ self-interested questions.

Sa Seung-yeon desperately needed a place where he could exist as himself, with his mask removed. But his eager anticipation to hear Tangerine’s new voice gradually turned into disappointment, and instead of using the chat window that received no response, Sa Seung-yeon repeatedly left one-sided greetings in the message box.

「I want to hear your song.」

「Are you busy?」

「Did I do something wrong? If so, I’m sorry.」

「I found a good song. I think it would sound good in your voice.」

「Are you even alive?」

「Even if not a song. I just want to hear even a short reply.」

「You’re being such an ass.」

「You said you wanted to go to Busan last time. I want to see the ocean too.」

「I’m struggling.」

But without much result, months passed, and the seasons changed. The play he had prepared while listening to the summer rain would be performed at the beginning of winter when breath condensed in the air. It was the first play where Sa Seung-yeon took the lead role. A responsibility of a completely different dimension weighed on his shoulders. Sa Seung-yeon’s attention was always drawn to the laptop charging in the corner of the room, but the days when he couldn’t even touch it due to circumstances beyond his control increased.

Then, after almost a week,  he finally got some free time. Late at dawn, Sa Seung-yeon turned on his laptop and went straight to Tangerine’s personal homepage, lowering his eyebrows at the fact that there were still no new videos. After rubbing his face dry, Sa Seung-yeon’s bloodshot eyes widened dramatically when they landed on the message box.

-Oh!

「Messages (1)」

It seemed Tangerine had logged in while he couldn’t access the site. With his face turning bright red at the unexpected message, he clicked on it, only to find that Tangerine’s reply to his dozens of messages was just one, and its content was so lengthy it was difficult to take in at a glance.

「I’m really sorry

I haven’t been in my right mind lately

I got caught working part-time by my uncle

He beat me terribly, and my hand that was broken before broke again

I don’t know if I can play the guitar again

He told me not to move an inch from my room, so I couldn’t do anything

But while locked up, the only one I could think of was 4566

That person is really strange

Getting stranger and stranger

Getting beaten is painful and tough, but it’s okay

The body heals eventually. 」

In Sa Seung-yeon’s mind, the image of a boy with a cast on his hand who uploaded only singing videos without a guitar flashed by. His eyes, reading the text that followed, gradually sank into darkness. The content was truly shocking. The boy rambled incoherently about what that bastard had done while he was asleep.

「4566 said he was an Alpha, right?

Are Alphas always like that?

When that time comes, can they do such things even to someone who could be their son?

I wish that were the case

I feel like I’m going crazy.」

The message had a completely different tone from Tangerine’s usually bright, solid, and mature manner of speaking. From the letters filled with emotions pushed to the limit, Sa Seung-yeon could read anxiety and pain intense enough to make a part of his heart go numb.

「That crazy bastard started searching through my laptop too

I’m scared he might find this homepage

But I still thought I should tell you, so I’m sending this message

I’m thinking of leaving home like you did

I’ve been sending my song videos to entertainment companies by email

Some places have asked me to come for auditions… So I’m planning to go

I couldn’t let you hear one song when you were looking for me

I’m sorry for suddenly replying like this

Since I said we’re the same age… When we meet next time, we could be friends, right?

When I become a singer, please recognize me

And be my number one fan as you are now

I think I’ve endured this far thanks to you always waiting for me

Your support always reminded me of someone I like

I don’t know when I can upload videos again

Even if this homepage disappears

I will never forget 4566 for the rest of my life

Thanks to you, I endured, I’m sorry, and thank yo 」

The long message exceeded the allowed character count and ended before the sentence could be completed. With trembling eyes, he traced back to check the timestamp.

It was a message that had arrived two evenings ago.

-Goddammit!

He jumped up from his seat, swept his face, and spat out a curse. The senior in the theater troupe who shared the room woke up and cursed, but Seung-yeon couldn’t see anything. He tore at his hair like a madman, wandered around the narrow room, and then slumped back in front of the laptop.

There were so many things he wanted to say. It was right to leave the house immediately to avoid that bastard, but after working in this field, he had heard many rumors that there were many strange bastards in the entertainment industry. He didn’t know if the innocent guy would be tricked into a strange temptation under the guise of an audition and get angry, or even if it was a normal audition, he didn’t know where he planned to go if he failed.

‘Ah… This kid with no backup plan’

Unrefined words confused his head, and his fingers trembled so badly that he couldn’t even press the keys properly.

「Did you leave home? Where are you?

I’ll help you.

Please contact me.

010-xxxx-xxxx.」

No matter how close they had become, Tangerine was still just an anonymous person he’d met online. Sa Seung-yeon, who had always been determined never to reveal anything personal, left his number without hesitation. The anger and anxiety pooling in his chest from the helplessness wouldn’t subside. He clenched his teeth so hard they made a grinding sound as he clutched his head.

Whether they shared blood or not, a father who was not only violent but also—

‘That fucking bastard.’

For the first time, Sa Seung-yeon felt a rage that slashed through his heart. He stayed up all night. The next morning, he requested a day off from his theater troupe. Even with the abrupt absence, no one dared protest. His blazing eyes and the heavy scent of his uncontained pheromones filled the room with a tension no one could bear to challenge.

He wandered the city with no real destination, eventually settling in the corner of a franchise café. His Americano sat untouched, growing cold as he stared at the blocked number in his phone.

‘Father.’

Though he had no affection for his mother either, he loathed the irresponsible alpha who had first begun to destroy their family so much that he didn’t even want to associate with him. But…

Seung-yeon, who took a short breath, unblocked the number and pressed the call button. While staring blankly at the sky turning ink-colored as the sun began to set, he hoped that the ringing tone that wrapped around his ear would be cut off, but he secretly didn’t want it to.

Before long, the phone was connected, and the smooth voice he had forgotten was transmitted over the receiver. There was no long talk. His father called him to the company.

It was the first contact since his father had left home, and though the reason was simply that he needed money, he wasn’t particularly bothered and immediately asked about the amount needed. He took out a check from his wallet and cash from the safe for what was missing.

But that was all he put on the table. After pushing it toward him, his father strangled Sa Seung-yeon’s neck with his heavy voice.

‘Not a single call all this time.’

‘…’

‘In the end, the only person you could turn to was your father.’

Sa Seung-yeon clenched his fist under the table. Even while facing his father’s face and voice, his only thought was that he needed to safely get Tangerine out.

Every time he heard those disgusting words, he thought of the fragile boy holding his breath in that monster’s den. Then he couldn’t hear that foul voice anymore.

‘I’m different from your rigid and heartless mother. Your father can always give you help, so come and show your face like this.’

Seung-yeon, who answered yes, raised the corners of his mouth softly while clenching his fist so hard that his knuckles ached. His father stroked his chin, frowned, and looked at Seung-yeon with dissatisfied eyes.

‘So. You’re doing theater?’

‘Yes. I’m with a troupe.’

‘No wonder you’re short on money. Stop that idiotic nonsense like theater, and if you come to the company, I can give you a position.’

The nagging, bordering on mockery, seemed to go on endlessly, but eventually came the moment when the old man’s stamina gave out. With a polite greeting, Sa Seung-yeon gathered the money and ran straight to an internet café. With this money, there would be more than enough left after using it as a deposit for a one-room apartment.

‘I’d even kneel if I had to, damn it.’

If money could guarantee Tangerine’s safety, he could play the role of a so, no, a clown, in front of his father, or even quit acting and work at the company.

Sa Seung-yeon checked the message box with a pounding heart, but Tangerine still hadn’t even read the message he had sent. Unlike last time, Sa Seung-yeon left a message somewhat more calmly.

「I have enough money to get a one-room in Seoul.

Contact me at the number I gave you before. If you’re not in Seoul, I’ll come get you.

I’m waiting for your call.」

Sa Seung-yeon waited.

One day, two days, then three, four.

But Tangerine never read the message. A week later, Sa Seung-yeon stared emptily at the blank screen of the closed homepage.

All the videos he had uploaded were deleted, and the nickname ‘Tangerine’ to whom Sa Seung-yeon had sent messages had already changed to a gray icon labeled ‘Unknown,’ so he couldn’t even tell whether Tangerine had read what he had sent.

Sa Seung-yeon just stared at the laptop screen with empty eyes. At first, he thought only the homepage had disappeared. He believed that even if he had withdrawn, he would eventually contact him since he had left his contact information.

But Sa Seung-yeon’s expectations were just a sandcastle he had built alone. Such a fleeting relationship that could easily collapse when the waves of reality surged, with even its traces washed away with the foam. Absurdly, that was the last of his connection with Tangerine.

For the first time, the result of turning his life’s direction for someone else scattered as easily as emptiness. It was the second defeat that he had experienced in his life.

Because it was Sa Seung-yeon’s own world that he had never shared with anyone, he couldn’t show anyone that this world had collapsed.

Whether he had safely left home, whether he had suffered terrible things from that bastard. What song he sang at the audition, what space he was spending his nights in, whether he thought of him. The thoughts never ceased and followed Sa Seung-yeon around, but he had to live his everyday life as usual.

Recalling him, he forgot his lines on stage and was scolded by his senior; if he saw someone with even a slightly similar appearance, his gaze would fix on them in the audience, even during a play. Even when walking down the street, if he heard a voice that fleetingly resembled his, he repeated the foolish act of following the owner of that voice all the way to grab their shoulder and check if it was Tangerine.

Of course, as time passed, he gradually buried that boy in his memories, and the frequency of his irrational behavior decreased, but the sense of bitter defeat from that day definitely damaged a part of Sa Seung-yeon’s heart.

His smiles became more elaborate, more fake. His calculated behavior to read others’ emotions and gain the upper hand became an instinctive habit.

Human relationships are fleeting, so if they don’t benefit him, there’s no need to try to maintain them. And the arrogant resolution to never again play a losing game.

In this way, Sa Seung-yeon was eventually able to debut in the entertainment industry based on the connections he had meticulously built in the theater troupe, and he became a charming actress skilled at pulling people’s hearts. So looking only at the result, losing Tangerine wasn’t a defeat.

But the place the boy had pierced through still remained unfilled, and Sa Seung-yeon strived to cover what he considered his weakness.

That’s why Lee Il-seo, who touched the memories he had tried so hard to turn away from, was so annoying. He denied it, ignored it, and avoided it, but in the end, Seung-yeon had to flounder in this shitty sense of defeat once again.

“Ha.”

Seung-yeon, who ran a hand over his parched face, got out of bed and moved his heavy steps.

He opened the home bar drawer, took out a packet of pills, and dropped the pills onto his palm. The number of headache pills had increased to three, and the frequency of taking Pheromone stabilizers had also increased. Before he knew it, his sleep pattern had also been ruined, and even after opening his eyes, the feeling that his brain was submerged in a hazy water did not go away, so he would soon have to get a prescription for sleeping pills as well.

Swallowing the pills with indifferent eyes, Seung-yeon grabbed the home bar as it was and closed his eyes, frowning.

At that moment, the cell phone next to him rang. It was a call from his manager, Hwan. He reached out with staggering steps and connected the call.

“Hello.”

[Hyung, are you awake? I’m almost at your house.]

He rolled his eyes to check the time. It was morning, close to dawn. He still had two more hours before he had to go to work on his schedule.

“It’s not time yet.”

[Ah…. Well….]

Hwan, who had heard Seung-yeon’s voice, which had become so scary that it gave him goosebumps, hesitated and continued.

[It looks like an article is about to break. A dating rumor. I need to go to the company early and deal with it.]

“…What the fuck.”

Seung-yeon frowned and spat out a curse. A dating rumor in the midst of all this. It was absurd because there wasn’t even a spark that could ignite a dating rumor other than Lee Il-seo.

[Um… there’s a photo as evidence, so I don’t think we can stop it. I think I need to go to the company and coordinate with the other actor to prepare a press release.]

“Who is it?”

Seung-yeon closed his eyes tightly and opened them again after hearing the voice coming from the receiver.

***

The shock had not yet faded from Il-seo’s face as he looked at the screen.

“An Omega?”

Il-seo, clenching his fist tightly, asked again. He had come prepared to some extent, but the result he heard from the doctor’s mouth hit Il-seo with an impact he had no immunity to.

“Yes, you are an Omega, although recessive. Hmm, you said you were a Beta until now?”

Il-seo nodded. Even with the results in front of him, he was full of the desire to refute them.

“Yes, I definitely had a trait test last year.”

“It’s a very rare case, but sometimes late manifestation occurs like this.”

“Why…. Why?”

The end of Il-seo’s voice trembled uncontrollably. It didn’t make sense to live as a Beta for his whole life and then manifest now. To the question that couldn’t hide his bewilderment, the doctor began to explain the cause of the late trait transformation.

The most common cause is that you were originally a recessive Omega, but the first trait test result was an error. But that’s not the case since you had a trait test recently. This situation occurs when a borderline Beta with the Omega trait at the base comes into close contact with a dominant trait holder and is exposed to an excessive amount of pheromone. Even if they are borderline, Betas frequently interact with one another, allowing them to pass without manifestation.  However, exposing this borderline Beta to too much pheromone from an exceptionally dominant trait holder can seldom result in trait change. The trait holder’s pheromone, driven by the pheromone of the extremely dominant trait holder, exceeds the threshold and becomes an acquired Alpha or an acquired Omega.”

According to the doctor’s explanation, Il-seo was more likely to be the latter. Il-seo’s brow furrowed as he recalled the face of the extremely dominant Alpha he had been in close contact with.

Manifestation now. It was even less welcome because it was recessive. If it was recessive, the hormone fluctuations would be large and it would be difficult to control pheromone. If a heat came on unexpectedly, how would he film? Il-seo, who knew the position of recessive traits, especially recessive Omegas, in the entertainment industry, stared at the floor of the examination room with a miserable expression.

“Um, patient. I’m sorry, but the problem isn’t the manifestation right now.”

At that time, Il-seo raised his head at the doctor’s cautious voice, which brought up a new topic.

“Your pregnancy hormone levels are high.”

“Yes…?”

“You’re pregnant.”

The moment he heard the word pregnancy, it felt like something had fallen into his stomach with a thud. The doctor, seeing Il-seo frozen in shock, immediately realized that it was an unwanted pregnancy and asked a question in a calm voice with a sigh.

“Have you had any early pregnancy symptoms recently? Nausea, indigestion, or suspicious symptoms such as fever.”

“I had them…. At first, I thought I was sick often because I had a lot of work, and I only thought that the frequent nausea was due to the trait transformation. It worked well when I took stabilizers.”

Il-seo’s pupils lost their composure and shook back and forth. The doctor nodded and lowered his eyebrows slightly.

“Stabilizers are drugs that stabilize pheromone, so you may have felt that way. Honestly, I’ve hardly ever seen a case where someone gets pregnant as soon as trait transformation occurs.”

“Then, is it possible that I’m not pregnant?”

“Is there no possibility of pregnancy at all?”

The word ‘at all’ caught in his mind. Sa Seung-yeon’s rut flashed through his head. And at that time, he had been bleeding from his nose so much and had also experienced unexplained fever symptoms. If, just in case, he had already manifested as an Omega at that time, and he had spent Seung-yeon’s rut together.

Il-seo, recalling the violent moment when he had been filled with semen several times, and even blocked it with a more swollen penis than usual so that it wouldn’t leak out, suffocating him, let out a rough breath.

“…”

Avoiding the doctor’s eyes, who was still waiting for an answer, Il-seo clenched the hem of his knit under the desk. Because the other person was Seung-yeon, he didn’t know if he could tell others about his relationship with him. The doctor, recognizing Il-seo’s troubled expression as an answer, nodded and offered another alternative.

“If that’s the case, how about getting an ultrasound? Actually, it’s such a rare case that it would be better to check accurately.”

He added that an ultrasound was necessary to accurately confirm whether he was really pregnant, whether there were any abnormalities in other organs, and if he was pregnant, to determine the exact number of weeks.

Il-seo nodded at the words that he could more accurately confirm whether he was pregnant, and after a short waiting time, he was able to receive an ultrasound examination right away.

Il-seo’s expression as he left the examination room was even more subdued than before the examination. The embarrassment had disappeared to some extent, but his face had become blank instead. His face, which was already white, now had no color at all, and he fumbled several times while sitting on the chair.

He heard and saw many unexpected things in the examination room. Il-seo, who had been doubting the pregnancy itself, checked the baby’s house in his stomach with his own eyes, and also checked the appearance of the baby, which looked like a boiled bean. As a matter of course, the doctor played the baby’s heartbeat, and Il-seo felt like he wanted to cover his ears.

The doctor, who had displayed the same dark photo as the video he had seen in the examination room, explained while enlarging a specific part a little more.

“As I explained earlier, it looks like about 9 weeks. According to the symptoms you told me, it seems like you got pregnant almost immediately after the transformation, but unfortunately, in this case, there is almost no possibility that the fetus will grow healthy. The baby’s house is also significantly smaller than other pregnant person. If the fetus grows in this state, it can also put a strain on the mother’s body.”

“…”

“You need to come to the hospital with your partner and make a decision.”

The doctor was also speaking indirectly because he knew that Il-seo had an unwanted pregnancy. It would be a decision on whether to abort the baby or take the risk and keep it. There was only one answer, but Il-seo first asked about the most important issue.

“Is surgery possible right away?”

“We have to find a way. We have no experience with surgery on an Omega whose organs have not yet formed properly because the trait transformation has not been long since it occurred. Even if you want to have surgery, it may be difficult for safety reasons. For the abortion of a recessive trait, the partner who will act as the guardian must be together. Alpha’s pheromone is so important to recessive Omegas…”

“Can’t I make this decision alone?”

Lee Il-seo interrupted. It wasn’t something he normally did, but this was a critical issue. Seeing Lee Il-seo’s desperate expression, the doctor sighed with regret.

“For trait carriers, terminating a pregnancy without the partner’s consent is currently illegal. Especially for recessive trait carriers, if the partner can’t participate in the procedure, a proxy is needed.”

“Ah…”

“Are you unable to meet your partner? In such cases, there are government-connected systems that can help locate your partner or connect you with a proxy…”

Lee Il-seo shook his head. He was about to say that wasn’t the case when his voice began to sound muffled and his vision narrowed to darkness. The doctor frowned as he urgently checked on the gasping Lee Il-seo. Cold sweat had already soaked the back of Lee Il-seo’s head.

“Patient, are you feeling unwell? Take deep breaths.”

“I’m just… So shocked…”

Lee Il-seo bit his lip hard and clutched his stomach. The feeling that something barely holding on inside his body was breaking had started when he heard the heartbeat. That truly, truly in this flat stomach with no visible signs, something alive had taken root. His lower abdomen hurt as if it was being pulled, and dizziness swept over him.

“I’ll administer a painkiller and stabilizer first.”

The doctor called a nurse and immediately prescribed injections. Unable to even go to the injection room, Lee Il-seo sat on the bed in the examination room and received two consecutive injections in his thin forearm.

After the dizziness subsided somewhat and his breathing returned to normal, the doctor concluded his explanation in a much heavier voice than before. When asked if he needed ultrasound images, Lee Il-seo shook his head. Seeing Lee Il-seo barely able to stand, the doctor spoke with sympathetic eyes.

“The symptoms will likely continue to worsen. Pheromones are already unstable right after manifestation, and with pregnancy on top of that, it could be truly unbearable.”

Lee Il-seon nodded. It didn’t matter. He planned to terminate it anyway. And if the Alpha’s consent was required, he’d find a way around the law. Illegal or not, it had to be done. He had no choice but to endure, for a little while longer.

“In such cases, Alpha Pheromone therapy is most effective, but if it’s difficult to invest time in therapy, another option is extracting pheromones from your Alpha partner to create pheromone injections. It’s less effective but much more economical. If it’s difficult to visit together, you should at least inform your partner of the pregnancy so you can produce pheromone injections together.”

“I’m the one in pain, so why do you keep bringing up the Alpha…”

Lee Il-seo, getting irritated, was about to argue but firmly closed his mouth. He almost lost his composure for a moment. It wasn’t right to get angry at the innocent doctor. The doctor also frowned dejectedly and gave an awkward smile.

“The law is problematic, isn’t it?”

“…”

“For now, I’ll prescribe a stabilizer that’s slightly stronger than average. I hope to see you and your partner at the hospital as soon as possible. Please understand that as a doctor, I can only recommend what’s healthiest for my patient.”

Lee Il-seo nodded with a tired face and left the examination room.

There were quite a few people in the hospital waiting area, but all eyes were glued to the TV mounted on the wall. Amid the low murmur of voices, one name kept surfacing, Sa Seung-yeon. Beneath the brim of his hat, Lee Il-seo’s gaze naturally lifted toward the large screen.

[Sa Seung-yeon caught in romantic scandal with Lee Yeon-ju. Kissing photo leaked?]

Lee Il-seo stopped in his tracks. On the news screen were images of Sa Seung-yeon and Lee Yeon-ju talking at a bar late at night and getting into a car. Their faces were blurry, but Lee Il-seo could immediately recognize that it was Sa Seung-yeon’s car. It was the sedan he had ridden in many times.

[Both Sa Seung-yeon and Lee Yeon-ju have denied the dating rumors. Their agencies have promised to release official statements soon. With speculation spreading about a possible relationship between these two veteran actors, online articles are pouring in. Sa Seung-yeon’s agency, Lil Entertainment, has issued a stern warning, stating they will take legal action against those spreading false information about the actor’s private life.]

“Here.”

Lee Il-seo turned his gaze at the sound of someone approaching. It was Choi Kyung-hyun with takeout cups in both hands. They had agreed to meet at the café on the first floor, but he seemed to have come to the hospital as it was taking longer than expected. Discovering Lee Il-seo standing blankly in the middle of the hospital watching TV, Choi Kyung-hyun also turned his head toward the TV.

“Were you surprised too? Good thing it broke after the drama ended.”

Choi Kyung-hyun muttered under his breath, shaking his head in disbelief. Lee Il-seo gave a vague nod. Sa Seung-yeon’s dating rumors weren’t his concern anymore. And as Choi Kyung-hyun pointed out, at least the timing wouldn’t ruin the show.

“Drink this.”

Choi Kyung-hyun handed Lee Il-seo a cup of tangerine tea, still slightly warm. Lee Il-seo accepted it wordlessly but made no move to sip. He hadn’t said a word since they’d left the examination room, lips tightly sealed.

“What did they say?”

“Let’s talk in the car.”

His voice was hoarse, seriously cracked. Without waiting for a response, Lee Il-seo turned and walked out of the hospital. There was no smile on his face, not even a flicker of expression. His silence carried the weight of something heavy and fragile. Choi Kyung-hyun watched him go, his heart sinking. He could guess what the results were.

Even after getting in the car, Lee Il-seo sat staring at the floor for a long time, only nodding when Choi Kyung-hyun asked if he had manifested as an Omega.

“Why so downhearted? Sometimes manifestation happens a bit late.”

“…”

“Take your medicine, pay more attention to your health. Let’s focus on stabilizing your body for now. I heard manifestation is quite painful, you must have really struggled while filming.”

Despite the repeated consolation, Lee Il-seo still had empty eyes, making Choi Kyung-hyun hesitate about what comfort to offer next. Having lived his whole life as a Beta and suddenly, right when he was beginning to make a name for himself, manifesting as an Omega would understandably be shocking and upsetting.

Since this was the first time he’d seen Lee Il-seo, who usually maintained good mental fortitude, so shaken, Choi Kyung-hyun found it difficult to add more words. He closed his eyes, pressing his stiff neck while keeping his mouth shut.

“Haah…”

At that moment, Lee Il-seo rubbed his face with his hands and let out a long sigh. It was a sigh that trembled finely at the end, as if he were crying. Unable to lower his hands, Lee Il-seo parted his dry lips in that position.

“What am I going to do, hyung?”

“What do you mean, what are you going to do? Omegas are people too, they’d be hurt if they heard that. First, let’s go to the company…”

“They said I’m pregnant.”

“W-what?”

Choi Kyung-hyun’s eyes widened, almost comically. Lee Il-seo’s hands dropped with a soft thud to his lap. His lashes were wet, clumped together from unshed tears. He didn’t need to repeat it, his face said enough. 

“I, I’m pregnant.”

Biting his lip firmly, Lee Il-seo exhaled a breath mixed with crying as he looked out the car window. Not only his hands but even his breathing was trembling badly.