TBM Vol 4 Part 5

“I’m a general internist, so it’s difficult for me to give you a more detailed explanation. However, in extremely rare cases, we can assume two possibilities.”

“…”

“First, you might have manifested late despite being classified as a Beta. Or second, you could’ve been a recessive Omega misdiagnosed as a Beta during your adolescent screening. You’ve likely lived your whole life believing you were a Beta.”

The doctor kept speaking, but the words drifted past Lee Il-seo’s ears. He’d never known much about secondary trait types to begin with, and now his mind felt like a static-filled channel. All he could do was nod blankly and exit the examination room.

Choi Kyung-hyun, noticing Lee Il-seo coming out of the examination room with a somewhat dazed face, approached and whispered,

“Is it okay? What did they say?”

“They… They said I should go to another hospital.”

Choi Kyung-hyun’s expression instantly turned pale. With a trembling voice, he asked,

“What? Is it a serious illness? Did they tell you to go to a big hospital?”

“No, that’s not it…”

“Then what is it?”

“They told me to go to a secondary trait clinic…?”

Lee Il-seo, who had been staring blankly at the corridor, looked at Choi Kyung-hyun with a bewildered expression. Choi Kyung-hyun also looked back at Lee Il-seo with an expression mirroring his disbelief.

“Are you really Lee Il-seo?”

“I am, right?”

But as hospital visitors began to glance at Lee Il-seo, Choi Kyung-hyun grabbed him by the wrist and left the hospital, deciding it wasn’t the place to continue their conversation. From the elevator to the parking lot and to the car, they couldn’t exchange any words.

As soon as the car door closed, Choi Kyung-hyun spoke in a rapid fire.

“Why a secondary trait clinic?”

“Well…”

“No way.”

He cut Lee Il-seo off, bringing a hand to his forehead.

“Don’t tell me… You’re manifesting?”

Seeing Lee Il-seo unable to answer, Choi Kyung-hyun wore a shocked expression.

“Come on, it must be a misdiagnosis. You’re twenty-six, no, twenty-seven next year. Who manifests that late?”

Choi Kyung-hyun raised his voice unnecessarily while looking at Lee Il-seo, who was just sitting with his gaze lowered blankly. But seeing Lee Il-seo’s complex expression, he cautiously asked,

“Would you feel better if we checked?”

Lee Il-seo dragged a hand over his face. After a moment, he nodded. As bewildered as Lee Kyung-hyun was, he couldn’t ignore the Pheromone graph burned into his memory.

Kyung-hyun started the car and began calling clinics. But most were fully booked—comprehensive secondary trait testing took over two hours.

It was even harder to find an available place because many teenagers approaching adulthood were making appointments for secondary trait retesting toward the end of the year. Eventually, after what felt like forever, he found a clinic with an opening and turned the car around. Lee Il-seo sat in silence, eyes on the window as the city dimmed.

Bare branches, heavy coats, and shimmering end-of-year lights blurred past. But none of it registered. His vision was filled with static and a gnawing, shapeless fear..

***

“It’s cold. Let’s get inside quickly, Lee Il-seo.”

“Yes, hyung. Thank you.”

Choi Kyung-hyun gave a broad smile, and Lee Il-seo also tried to lift the corners of his mouth. After enduring a full battery of tests, urine, blood, brainwaves, he felt drained. He watched Choi Kyung-hyun’s car disappear down the road before turning toward home.

‘Right. It’s easy to mistake physical attraction. The easier it is, the faster the organization.’

‘Could it be… You want to date me?’

‘I’m asking if you mean you won’t sleep with anyone unless they’re your romantic partner.’

His head was complicated. Amid the subtle headache, Sa Seung-yeon’s voice echoed in his ears. Even walking up the stairs was exhausting. By the end, he was practically clinging to the railing.

As he entered the passcode and reached for the door, a rustle from the stairwell half a floor up made him pause. He turned reflexively, nothing. Probably someone is out for a smoke.

He opened the door. The small room was dim, the air sharp and cold from disuse. He dropped his bag without thinking. The idea of turning on the heat didn’t even cross his mind.

Hanging up his clothes, washing the blood-soaked clothes in cold water, washing his entire body soaked in cold sweat, all of it felt too burdensome.

Moving on autopilot, he collapsed into bed. His broken phone screen flickered weakly as he opened the photo album. There he was, smiling in a field of reeds.

“I want to go back to that time.”

His thoughtlessly bright smile looked comfortable yet also somehow ridiculous.

“Idiot, what are you smiling about?”

Lee Il-seo let out a scoff. He put down his phone, closed his eyes, and raised his forearm to cover them.

“Lee Il-seo, stop being so proud.”

The room was so quiet that the voice echoing in his head sounded even louder. He questioned whether Sa Seung-yeon, who came to him after rejecting his confession and urged him to sort out his feelings, was really the same Sa Seung-yeon he had loved for so long.

“Aren’t you being too harsh?”

He tossed and turned as he muttered to himself. He resented Sa Seung-yeon, but he was the fool. After all, he had assumed Sa Seung-yeon was a good person based on a single act of kindness he couldn’t even remember, and developed affection for him. No matter how long he had liked him, his feelings had been molded clumsily from the start, easily warped and broken by the slightest impact.

Though he tried to think of it as natural, it didn’t mean his warped and broken heart didn’t hurt. And now, just like his heart, his body was betraying him too.

The results wouldn’t come for another week. The tests were much more thorough than the simple scan he’d done at Sa Seung-yeon’s urging. And since post-25 secondary trait changes were nearly unheard of, all he could do was wait

He had finally become a famous celebrity. He had filmed advertisements for major corporations, done photo shoots, and gained fans who wrote him letters. He should be overjoyed with all the love pouring in right now.

“Why is living so hard?”

Lee Il-seo let out a tired sigh and pulled the blanket over his head. Even though it was dark and quiet, his mind was noisy, so there was no way he could sleep deeply.

***

Lately, Lee Il-seo had thrown himself into work. Being busy helped. When you kept moving, the weight of everything else felt lighter, if only a little.

While stopping by the company briefly to adjust his schedule, an employee explained two urgent matters being coordinated,

“This is an invitation to a movie premiere. And this one’s for a talk show, your appearance will be brief, so filming won’t take long.”

Lee Il-seo received the tablet and read the program information. His eyes widened. It was an offer from Korea’s hottest talk show at the moment. He knew that only individuals who were the talk of the town received invitations to appear.

Just then, the words ‘Actor Sa Seung-yeon’ appeared first among the cast list. His widened eyes quickly narrowed, and simultaneously his stomach churned.

It wasn’t the first time. Lately, strong smells or even unexpected stress have made his stomach twist. It felt like motion sickness. Or panic. Or the aftermath of a sleepless night.

Hurriedly holding his breath, he scanned the table for any food. Far away, a plastic delivery bag sat across the table. Perhaps the company had ordered delivery food for lunch, as a tonkatsu picture was printed on the outside of the bag.

Having found the source of the greasy smell, Lee Il-seo quickly gulped down the tangerine-ade in front of him. He drank the tea deeply as if trying to cleanse his nose with the refreshing scent, and afterward kept his breath held with his nose and mouth buried in his sleeve.

“What do you think?”

“Ah, let me read more.”

Trying to regain his composure, he reread the description. Sa Seung-yeon had been cast as the main guest. Lee Il-seo would appear halfway through for a short segment on <Temperature of Flood>, then leave. After putting down the tablet, Lee Il-seo swallowed dryly and carefully asked,

“About this show… Do I really have to go? It’s a joint appearance with Senior Sa Seung-yeon.”

“When the two of you appear together, the response is amazing. Originally, it was just for him, but with the buzz around you recently, they added you. This show’s famously selective. Isn’t that incredible?”

Lee Il-seo stared intently at Sa Seung-yeon’s name. Perhaps his hesitation showed, as the employee lowered their eyebrows, looking troubled.

“Are you perhaps uncomfortable with variety shows?”

“Ah, no. It’s not that…”

Sa Seung-yeon was the problem. Lee Il-seo racked his brain to find a suitable excuse.

“I feel like I’m just riding on the senior’s coattails.”

“But the public loves seeing you together. I think it’s good to strike while the iron is hot…”

A guest spot on a popular program hosted by the best MC in the country. It was a good opportunity to promote himself while reducing the burden of variety shows with just a simple talk. In the past, he would have agreed to appear without a second thought, but Seung-yeon’s name kept bothering him.

“Yes, I have to do it.”

But Il-seo wasn’t in a position to be picky about appearances, and he knew that he shouldn’t bring personal feelings into work.

Only then did the staff member, looking pleased, rush out of the conference room to adjust the schedule, and Il-seo ran his hand over his face.

Once his stomach started churning, it didn’t calm down easily.