TBM Vol 4 Part 9

“That bastard…”

Though he knew it wouldn’t help, Lee Il-seo rubbed a towel around his neck, trying to scrub the sensation away. With a troubled expression, he turned on the shower.

Without even thinking of drying his wet hair, Lee Il-seo collapsed onto the bed wearing only his underwear. The glow from his phone screen was the only light in the room. He checked the time and shut his eyes. Lying there like a corpse, Lee Il-seo draped his forearm over his face.

His limbs were heavy with exhaustion, every muscle aching as if he’d collapse any second. Yet the rhythmic thump of his heartbeat echoed loudly in his ears, dragging him away from sleep. Each time he shifted, the sharp scent of detergent from the motel’s white bedding rose around him. He’d never been sensitive to smells before, but lately, his body had grown frustratingly alert to every little thing.

“Ah…”

Lee Il-seo let out a short sigh, remembering that he hadn’t brought his general stabilizer. In the end, he tossed and turned all night, only finally getting up around dawn when dim light began to filter through the window.

He washed his body thoroughly again. Even though he’d already washed before bed, no amount of water or soap could erase the feeling of where Kang Hyung-won had touched him.

Later, dressed again in clothes still clinging to motel stench, Lee Il-seo sat in a stiff chair, staring blankly out the window until checkout time. His body felt heavier than it had the night before.

He left the motel with no idea where to go. He couldn’t return home. Not anymore. If he wanted to go to the company, he would need to tell Choi Kyung-hyun the truth, but there was no reply to his message. Perhaps Choi Kyung-hyun was still sleeping after enjoying his time with friends last night.

[Hyung, please call me when you can.]

He sent another message, then wandered until he found a bench. Collapsing onto it, he called the hospital to check on his grandmother. When the call ended, he lowered his head, pressing a palm to his forehead. Nausea churned in his gut.

Just then, he felt his phone vibrate against his thigh. Lee Il-seo quickly pressed the answer button.

–Il-seo-ya!

But the voice on the other end was unexpected. Lee Il-seo blinked, checking the caller ID before responding with a slight delay.

“Jae-ho hyung?”

–What are you doing?

The familiar, comfortable voice of someone he could trust made his nose tingle with emotion, which he suppressed. Pressing his feet together against the ground, Lee Il-seo tried to sound cheerful.

“I’m just sitting around.”

–I’ve got no schedule today. Want to have lunch together?

Lee Il-seo smiled.

“Yeah, that sounds good. Where should we meet?”

–Well, rather than going out… Would you like to come to my place?

“Sure.”

–Do you have anything specific you want to eat?

“No, not really.”

–I figured as much.

“Something not too greasy would be nice.”

–Alright, I’ll think about the menu.

Park Jae-ho laughed softly before ending the call, promising to send the address. Lee Il-seo stared at his inbox, frozen for a moment. But as soon as the notification chimed, he stood. Just having somewhere to go made his anxious heart feel like it was finally settling into place.

***

The dark gray door opened, and Park Jae-ho welcomed Lee Il-seo with a fresh smile.

“You’re here. Aren’t you cold?”

“I took a taxi, so it’s fine. Sorry, I came empty-handed.”

“I invited you suddenly, I would have scolded you if you’d brought something, you fool.”

“Ah, yeah…”

Lee Il-seo slipped his feet into the slippers Prk Jae-ho pointed out and followed him in, slowly.

The officetel was spacious, immaculate, and clearly designed with a sharp eye for detail. It had the polished charm of high-end trends, modern yet personal. Unlike Sa Seung-yeon’s place, minimal and monotone, Park Jae-ho’s home burst with character, colorful accents, eclectic art, and a sleek, asymmetrical sofa table commanding the center of the living room.

“Your place is so pretty, hyung.”

“Since I spend a lot of time at home when I’m resting, I’ve developed a taste for interior design.”

“The table is cool too.”

“Yeah, I read scripts or study English there.”

“Wow…”

Lee Il-seo wandered the space, mouth slightly open. His nose twitched.

“Wait, did you cook something?”

The savory aroma thickened as they neared the kitchen. Park Jae-ho nodded, explaining that he didn’t like ordering out much, so Lee Il-seo shouldn’t feel guilty. Rolling up his sleeves, Lee Il-seo peeled off his mask.

“Smells good. Is there anything I can help with?”

“Hmm, then could you move this?”

The food was almost ready, so there wasn’t much to help with. Lee Il-seo assisted Park Jae-ho by taking out a few side dishes and placing them on the table.

“Be careful, it’s hot.”

Park Jae-ho said as he placed a steaming pot in the center.

“Sit down, Il-seo-ya.”

Lee Il-seo quickly pulled out a chair and sat down, letting out a small exclamation.

“It’s like a real Korean restaurant.”

“I didn’t do much. The side dishes were from my dad, and the hot pot is just a meal kit. I only added vegetables.”

At the word ‘father’, Lee Il-seo’s hand jerked. His chopsticks clattered against the table. Startled at his own reaction, he quickly reached for his water, forcing a smile as he swallowed.

“Let’s eat.”

The hot pot was a clean, meatless mushroom stew, fragrant without being heavy. When Lee Il-seo took his first spoonful, his eyes widened in surprise.

“Delicious.”

“You’re such a cute kid. Eat as much as you want.”

Il-seo nodded, cheeks flushed, and picked up some cabbage, letting the broth-soaked leaves melt in his mouth. For the first time in a long while, he filled his stomach with warm, light food. Only when he felt completely full, almost uncomfortably so, did he set his chopsticks down.

“Are you done already?”

Lee Jae-ho asked, glancing at the untouched rice in Lee Il-seo’s bowl.

“Why do you eat so little?”

“Sorry… My appetite has decreased lately. But it was really delicious.”

“You don’t have to apologize.”

Those large eyes flicked up, uncertain, as if trying to gauge his reaction. Lee Jae-ho sighed and lightly cupped Lee Il-seo’s cheek with his hand, just for a moment. Then he stood to clear the dishes. Lee Il-seo started to gather the utensils, but Park Jae-ho waved him off.

“Just leave it.”

“Let’s do it together.”

Lee Il-seo smiled as he scraped food waste into the bin. Seeing him like this, eager to help, to stay useful, Park Jae-ho gave in. They cleaned up side by side, their conversation drifting pleasantly.

Later, the subtle aroma of freshly ground coffee beans filled the living room. Il-seo sat curled on the sofa, both hands wrapped around a warm mug. Since Jae-ho had played a notable role in The Temperature of Flood and had been well-received by viewers, they lingered on that topic for a while.

“So, you finally have some free time now. What are you doing this evening?”

“Um. I’m going to visit my grandmother and rest. She hasn’t been feeling well lately…”

“Is that so? I’ll drive you there. I need to do some shopping anyway.”

“Thanks.”

Lee Il-seo answered while fiddling with his mug. If he couldn’t reach Choi Kyung-hyun today, he’d already decided to stay overnight on the guardian bed at the hospital. He didn’t say it out loud, but it hovered in the space between them. Park Jae-ho noticed his silence, his lowered gaze. After chewing on his lip for a moment, he finally asked the question he’d been holding back since dinner.

“Did something happen to you?”

“Huh?”

“You don’t look well.”

Though he would immediately smile with crescent-shaped eyes and curve his lips upward when spoken to, his complexion always turned ghostly pale when the conversation ended. His gaze, distant and unfocused as if tethered elsewhere, held no light. His lips looked weak, barely holding themselves up before sagging. Even the way he chewed his food lacked life, his fingers dipping into fruit with movements that seemed rehearsed, not lived.

“Are you going through something difficult? Is it because of your grandmother?”

Like someone holding back tears until asked if they’re crying, Lee Il-seo bit his lip the moment Jae-ho asked the question. He couldn’t speak. He couldn’t stop the tears. He just lowered his head in silence.

“Hey, what… Are you crying?”

Park Jae-ho, flustered, rushed to hand him tissues, but Lee Il-seo didn’t lift his head. Tears fell quietly, silently, with a sorrow more profound than sobs could ever express. Park Jae-ho moved to his side, gently rubbing and patting his back, but Lee Il-seo’s tears wouldn’t stop.

Only after a small mountain of crumpled tissues had formed did the crying ease. When Lee Il-seo finally shared what had happened, Park Jae-ho’s face drained of color. He rubbed his cheek absentmindedly, trying to absorb the weight of it all before finally speaking, his voice tight, as if trying to hold back fury.

“We need to report this.”

“…”

“This is breaking and entering, and attempted sexual assault.”

Lee Il-seo knew. Of course, he knew. And Park Jae-ho understood, too, he understood why he hesitated, even while knowing. But this wasn’t something that could be endured in silence. Grinding his teeth, Park Jae-ho reached for his phone and hovered over the emergency call button.

“If you won’t do it, I will.”

“Hyung…”

Lee Il-seo’s eyes widened, panic flickering in them. Seeing him this shaken, Park Jae-ho faltered, unable to press the call button. He pressed his temples, frustrated, then grabbed Lee Il-seo’s hand.

“At least pictures. Let’s at least take pictures as evidence. We need to document everything.”

Reluctantly, at Park Jae-ho’s insistence, Lee Il-seo photographed the bruises on his wrists and sides, the bite mark on his shoulder and neck, and the crescent-shaped nail scratches along his stomach and near the waistband of his underwear. Park Jae-ho, his expression crumpling, put down the phone and retrieved the first-aid kit.

Lee Il-seo quietly dabbed ointment onto the wounds he could reach. For the rest, Park Jae-ho applied it gently, saying nothing. The silence between them deepened. Lee Il-seo sat holding his untouched coffee, now gone cold. It was Park Jae-ho who finally spoke.

“Right. For now, it’s best not to go back to your home. Is your grandmother’s hospital safe?”

“Um… That place is a nursing home with a security code on the middle door, so it’s okay. I called the hospital this morning and asked them to manage it well so that outsiders couldn’t enter. I’m not completely at ease, but… I think the hospital is better than being close to me…”

Lee Il-seo shared with Jae-ho what he had been painfully contemplating all night.

“I was planning to move next month anyway. The settlement money should be in soon. At first, I was looking for a three-room villa so I could care for Grandma. But now, I have to urgently find a place, just for me. In the meantime, I was thinking maybe a short-term motel or residence… I’ve never lived outside that neighborhood, so I’m trying to find somewhere clean, somewhere safe…”

“Il-seo-ya, calm down first. Just calm down.”

Only when Lee Jae-ho grabbed Lee Il-seo’s white hands, which couldn’t keep still, did Lee Il-seo stop talking. His anxiously trembling amber eyes met Jae-ho’s a bit late.

“First, we let the company know. You should tell Kyung-hyun hyung the facts. If there were any witnesses, they need to be found. And if anything leaks later, thanks to that bastard, it’s better if the company already knows. They’ll respond faster.”

Park Jae-ho continued in a calm voice.

“And yes, move. But not yet. Rushing might land you somewhere worse. For now, stay with me.”

Lee Il-seo’s eyes twitched. Though he appreciated Park Jae-ho’s help, he didn’t want to impose to this extent.

“No, it’s okay, hyung.”

“Don’t refuse. My brother lived here with me before going to study abroad, so that room has most of the basic necessities.”

“…”

“Let’s wait, watch the situation. I get it, you’re scared of the noise this might cause. But this? This isn’t something you just swallow.”

Park Jae-ho stared at Lee Il-seo with a serious face before squeezing his eyes shut.

“Aish… And I even made you help clean up earlier.”

Lee Il-seo stirred in his seat, shaking his head quickly. If Park Jae-ho hadn’t called today, he’d have been wandering the streets of Seoul all day, lost, anxious, dreading Choi Kyung-hyun’s next call.

“No, really, I’m so grateful to you…”

His voice broke halfway. The words caught in his throat, and once again, tears slipped down his cheeks. As he blinked hard to hold them back, Park Jae-ho sighed and patted his back more firmly.

“Just cry, Lee Il-seo. It’s okay. Just cry.”

***

A white box sat on the table. The elderly oriental medicine doctor opened it, removing two color-coded packets and a folded instruction sheet.

“Please take them as described in these instructions. The red packet is for energy and general vitality, while the blue one is especially designed for weight gain.”

“Yes.”

“If these medicines work well for you, I recommend visiting us once more for medicines more tailored to your secondary trait.”

The old doctor smiled warmly at Sa Seung-yeon. Sa Seung-yeon smiled back, polite but noncommittal.

A close acquaintance had recommended the clinic, one with a long waitlist. Normally, getting herbal medicine here took half a year. But thanks to the referral, he received it in just one week.

“Thank you.”

“I hope it makes a good gift.”

Sa Seung-yeon got into his car with the heavy box. He placed the box on the passenger seat and then took in the sight of the seat where Lee Il-seo often sat.

The quiet hum whenever music played. That small face, nodding off while staring absently out the window. The fruity scent. The barely-there warmth when he sat too close.

Among these memories that were nothing special but now felt ticklish when he thought about them, yet in all his memories, he couldn’t clearly recall Lee Il-seo’s expressions. Only the easy one, the way Lee Il-seo would arrive on time, open himself like a script rehearsed to match Sa Seung-yeon’s desires.

For some reason, the time he spent with Lee Il-seo felt very distant, like a habit. It had been less than a month since the drama ended, but so many turbulent events had passed in between.

If he could turn back time and go back to when he first met Lee Il-seo. Would he be able to treat him a little warmer then? Seung-yeon, who lightly tapped his head, which started to hurt as a habit whenever he thought of Lee Il-seo, moved the car.

***

Back home, Sa Seung-yeon walked down the hall, stripping off his workout clothes. Sweat drenched his skin. Lately, he had been burying himself in physical exhaustion, working out multiple times a day. When even the gym wasn’t enough, he’d run endlessly along the Han River. The company, concerned about his increasingly muscular physique, told him to stop working out again, but whenever his mind was troubled, he ended up pushing his body to the limit. At least during those brief moments of exercise, he could ignore the thoughts and emotions that clouded his mind.

He took off his soaked shirt, poured a glass of water, and glanced at the box of herbal medicine sitting untouched on the kitchen counter. It had been there for two days now, a quiet weight on his conscience. He had meant it for Lee Il-seo, but never found the courage, or the excuse, to deliver it.

Their shared schedules had vanished. Whenever he tried to fabricate a reason to see Lee Il-seo, that quiet voice came back: Don’t do that. And so he didn’t. He stayed still, frozen between regret and fear.

With a troubled expression, Sa Seung-yeon finished his shower and sat at the sofa table, turning on the TV. He entered the MongTube window and clicked on ‘Lee Il-seo’, his recent search term.

All the videos that appeared had already been watched, showing red progress bars that had reached the end, so he clicked on one of the videos within reach. Since he began wondering about the life of Lee Il-seo that he didn’t know, he had started watching Lee Il-seo’s videos instead of listening to Tangerine’s songs during his empty moments.

After learning about Lee Il-seo’s long-standing, one-sided love, he’d begun digging through his work, his interviews, the subtle traces he’d once overlooked.

The video currently playing was a fan-edited compilation of Lee Il-seo’s acting from a web drama he’d starred in alongside Park Jae-ho. With ‘Temperature of Flood’ gaining traction, fans had begun uploading isolated clips of Lee Il-seo from his obscure early days.

The screen lit up with a slightly younger Lee Il-seo playing a part-time worker at a convenience store. He had only one line, yet stayed onscreen, watching the main characters argue with a fatigued expression while casually stocking shelves. It made Sa Seung-yeon chuckle softly. Back then, Lee Il-seo’s face had a bit more roundness to it, adorable.

But since his screen time was minimal, he quickly moved to the next video. The screen filled with Lee Il-seo in a school uniform.

Seung-yeon wet his lips slowly as he watched. Lee Il-seo, dressed in uniform, was dashing across the school grounds. He spotted a friend, threw an arm over their shoulders, and flashed a radiant smile. Sa Seung-yeon couldn’t help but smile too, slowly and unconsciously.

The scene where Lee Il-seo’s smile filled the screen was marked as ‘Most Replayed Scene’, and he, too, always returned to this scene to take it in one more time. That’s how pretty his smile was. But since their visit to the reed field, he had never seen Lee Il-seo smile brightly again.

“I’d be thankful if he just doesn’t cry.”

With a self-deprecating sigh, he replayed the video from the beginning. Lee Il-seo in his school uniform. But no matter how many times he watched, he could not recall Lee Il-seo’s actual high school appearance.

To think this guy had passed through a corner of his own youth. It was fascinating and heartbreaking. If only he had met Lee Il-seo back then, when life was simpler, before he learned how to guard his heart. Drip, drip. Water clung to his damp hair and dropped onto his shoulder.

“Damn it, let’s stop this.”

These pointless what-ifs were starting to wear him down. Revisiting a past he couldn’t change only tangled his small worries into knots, until his chest felt like it was cinched tight. It wasn’t just his mood. It was physical. His lungs strained with every breath. Slowly, he closed his eyes and held his breath, trying to bear the headache building behind his eyes.

From the edge of his vision, just as he downed painkillers and a sedative, he spotted the herbal medicine. Leaning against the home bar, Sa Seung-yeon tapped his fingers rhythmically on the table. His black eyes were locked on the medicine box, unblinking. Lee Il-seo had mentioned feeling unwell. He should deliver the medicine before it is too late.

Impulsively walking to his dressing room, Sa Seung-yeon took out a newly purchased knit sweater and slacks, removing the tags. After putting on a long coat that reached his calves, he fixed his hair in front of the mirror. Just as he was about to leave, he paused and sprayed cologne with a cozy scent all over his body.

Grabbing the medicine box, he climbed into his car and headed to Ilgok-dong. He didn’t usually act on impulse, but every time his eyes landed on that box, a low, nameless dread stirred inside him. He wanted it to stop.

The streets buzzed with the soft glow of the year’s end. On the last weekend of December, the air still carried remnants of Christmas. Crimson lights twinkled on trees wrapped in bulbs, and despite the occasional flutter of snow, couples and families filled the sidewalks. The wind was biting, but everyone’s faces seemed lit with warmth.

Before he knew it, he arrived at the one-room building where Lee Il-seo lived and parked with a slight gap. Passing through the nominal entrance of the building, he climbed the stairs two at a time and stood in front of Lee Il-seo’s house. That’s when he sensed someone watching from the staircase landing. To be more precise, rather than a presence, he felt an uncomfortably sticky Alpha Pheromone and reflexively looked up.

When he cast a cold gaze, the figure moved deeper into the corner as if avoiding him, and belatedly, the smell of cigarettes spread nearby. It seemed to be a resident who had come out to smoke.

‘This bastard with his dog-shit Pheromones…’

His nerves tensed instantly. An Alpha. Lurking near where Lee Il-seo lived. The thought twisted in his gut. If Lee Il-seo had been an Omega instead of a Beta, Sa Seung-yeon would’ve dragged the guy down the stairs and taught him a lesson then and there.

With slight irritation, he quickly knocked on the closed door, but for some reason, there was no answer. Even after waiting and listening closely, there was no sign of movement. Sa Seung-yeon left the one-room building and got back into his car. He called Lee Il-seo, but the call didn’t connect. Frowning while tapping his fingers on the steering wheel, Sa Seung-yeon called Hwan.

“Hey. Do you know Lee Il-seo’s manager’s number?”

[Manager Choi Kyung-hyun’s number?]

“Yeah, it’s urgent.”

[Ah, yes. I’ll find it and send it to you.]

Shortly after, Choi Kyung-hyun’s mobile number appeared in a message. Pressing down on his aching head, he immediately pressed the call button. Soon, the call connected.

“Hello, Manager. This is Sa Seung-yeon.”

[Oh, hello. What brings you to call me directly?]

“I made some herbal medicine for Lee Il-seo. Does he have any schedules today?”

[No, he doesn’t. If it’s troublesome for you, I can deliver it on your behalf?]

“No, that’s not necessary. I happened to be in his neighborhood, but he’s not home.”

[Ah, you went all the way there? Lee Il-seo isn’t at that house right now.]

Sa Seung-yeon’s expression changed instantly, with one eyebrow raised.

“Did he move?”

[No, just staying somewhere else temporarily due to circumstances.]

In the silence that followed, Choi Kyung-hyun, after a moment of thought, added more. Since Lee Il-seo isn’t feeling well, he wanted to get the medicine to him as soon as I heard Sa Seung-yeon had it ready.

[Lee Il-seo is currently staying at actor Park Jae-ho’s place.]

“Park Jae-ho?”

Sa Seung-yeon’s voice dropped instantly as he asked again.

[Ah, yes, there’s some business… Then I’ll contact Jae-ho and-]

As his heartbeat surged louder in his ears, Choi Kyung-hyun’s voice turned muffled through the receiver. Sa Seung-yeon forced a smile, steadying his breath.

“I don’t want to cause trouble. If you give me the address, I’ll go there.”

[Then could you try calling Lee Il-seo when you get there? If you ask him to step out, he will.]

“Yes, let’s do that.”

[His condition has been really poor lately… Thank you for the herbal medicine.]

Sa Seung-yeon didn’t pay attention to any of Choi Kyung-hyun’s rambling words. After responding perfunctorily, he hung up as soon as he heard the name of the officetel where Park Jae-ho lived.