TBM Vol 5 Part 7

The articles that had been tearing him apart so mercilessly were the work of Gu Dong-yeong. He felt a chill, but also a sense of weariness, and somehow all his energy seemed to drain from his feet. In a daze, as if he had swallowed a handful of pills, Il-seo had to lie on the sofa for a long time.

Lying powerlessly in the living room, which felt even quieter because it was so large, Il-seo stared blankly at the wallpaper before shifting his gaze to check the time. It was long past lunchtime, but his appetite had completely disappeared after CEO Kim’s call.

However, knowing that Seung-yeon checked the amount he ate every day, he mechanically got up, took out a lunch tray, and placed it on the table.

He looked at the cold food with cold eyes. There was nothing he wanted to eat. Il-seo, stirring the uneaten food and taking a few bites, turned his eyes to the wall pad several times.

Even while cleaning up what he had eaten and searching for hospitals in his room with a notebook, Il-seo’s ears were only waiting for the alarm sound from the wall pad. Seung-yeon’s schedule was said to end at 7 p.m. today. Knowing that it was still far off, his heart just kept going there.

Il-seo, who was sitting on the bed writing down the phone numbers of obstetrics and gynecology clinics and trait comprehensive hospitals in other regions, hurriedly got off the bed like a dog hearing a bell as soon as he heard the alarm ringing from the wall pad.

[A registered vehicle has entered.]

About three minutes later, the sound of the entrance pad being pressed was heard, and soon the pheromones of the person entering the house were faintly conveyed.

It’s Seung-yeon. Il-seo lowered the nails he had been biting until they were splitting. He quickly swallowed the bloody taste spreading on the tip of his tongue and walked against the hallway, his darkened eyes reading Seung-yeon’s movements.

Seung-yeon, slipping his feet into slippers and entering the hallway, made eye contact with Il-seo. Seung-yeon smiled a beat late.

“Were you doing well?”

Il-seo nodded and forced the corners of his mouth up. Seeing his awkwardly smiling face, Seung-yeon lightly ruffled Il-seo’s crown.

Seung-yeon brushed past Il-seo and walked to the home bar. Without even taking off his long coat, he opened the refrigerator to check if he had eaten properly. The refrigerator was empty. But Seung-yeon didn’t stop there today and opened the container for collecting food waste.

“…”

Il-seo’s eyes trembled because he didn’t usually check that far. But knowing that the housekeeper who came every day took out all the trash before leaving, Il-seo quietly held his breath.

However, when the container was opened, it contained the rice and side dishes mixed together as Il-seo had thrown them away. A sense of desolation spread in Il-seo’s large eyes at the unexpected sight.

The housekeeper had been thinking a lot while organizing the piles of food waste for the past few days. At first, she thought it would be better to reduce the amount of food she made because she felt it was a waste to throw away food made with only high-quality ingredients, but as the days went by when he didn’t even touch it, she began to worry about the person who was supposed to eat it.

In the end, after much deliberation, she told Seung-yeon today that Il-seo hadn’t been eating properly for several days. Seung-yeon gave a brief answer and told her not to throw away the food waste.

Seung-yeon, covering the lid of the food waste container with an indifferent face, turned around.

“You threw it all away.”

“Ah… yes. I didn’t digest well today….”

Seung-yeon’s eyes narrowed slightly at the crude excuse, but quickly returned to their place. Seung-yeon asked in a plain voice, as usual, so that Il-seo wouldn’t shrink back.

“Should we go to the hospital if it’s hard to eat?”

“It’s okay.”

Il-seo even shook his hand and quickly picked up the bag that Seung-yeon had placed on the home bar and opened it. Seung-yeon always bought desserts or snacks when he came home, and today it was cake and ade. Perhaps it was because Seung-yeon was by his side, but his dying appetite gradually returned.

“I’ll… eat this.”

Seung-yeon looked at Il-seo with darkened eyes. Seeing that he was trying to eat dessert first, it didn’t seem like he wasn’t going to eat anything at all. He just wondered if he was thinking too deeply about the guy whose appetite had changed because of the pregnancy.

“You can’t fill up on this stuff without eating properly.”

“…Yes.”

Fortunately, it seemed like he was going to let it go with nagging filled with affection, so Il-seo looked up at him and answered diligently.

“A guy who works with his body doesn’t know how to take care of his body.”

He continued to nag at length, but even while doing so, he rolled up his coat sleeves, transferred the cake to a plate, and took out a fork. After putting the tangerine ade on the tray, he placed it on the table in front of the one-person sofa where Il-seo often sat.

“Where are you going?”

Il-seo grabbed Seung-yeon, who was trying to enter the dressing room. Seung-yeon looked down at his coat and raised his head.

“I have to change my clothes.”

“Ah…. Change and eat together.”

“No, you’ve been starving all day. You eat it all.”

He knew that he ate all the desserts, even though his food intake had decreased. Seung-yeon smiled brightly, raising the corners of his mouth, and entered the room.

On the other hand, Il-seo’s mouth, which had been forcing a smile, drooped powerlessly. It wasn’t about eating, but about being here, together that was important. The moment Seung-yeon, walking into the room, disappeared from sight, his appetite strangely disappeared and he felt a wave under his feet.

He hurriedly picked up a cushion and buried his nose in it to smell Seung-yeon’s scent. Il-seo, without even picking up the fork, buried his nose in the cushion and only looked at the door. He heard the sound of Seung-yeon lightly washing and walking out in slippers. He slowly lowered the cushion and grabbed the fork, only staring at the gap where the door would open.

Just in time, Seung-yeon, who had walked out, widened his eyes while running his wet hair back with his hand.

“What. You haven’t eaten yet?”

“I was just about to eat.”

He scooped up a lot of cake with a fork and shoved it into his mouth. He belatedly became very hungry and swallowed what was in his mouth without properly swallowing it. Seung-yeon, who was watching him eat hastily in a daze, sat next to Il-seo, telling him to eat slowly because he wasn’t going to take it away.

Il-seo glanced at Seung-yeon next to him and put the cake in his mouth again. The anxiety that the emptiness of the empty house was pressing down on his heart was gone, but his heart still hadn’t found its speed and was beating irregularly.

Feeling Seung-yeon’s subtle pheromones, Il-seo ate all the cake and even ate all the strawberries in the refrigerator. Seung-yeon wiped Il-seo’s lips, which were soaked with juice, with a wet tissue and asked why he had endured without eating rice if he was going to eat like this.

It wasn’t that he had endured. He just wasn’t really hungry when Seung-yeon wasn’t there. Il-seo smiled bitterly and kept his answer to himself.

Time also passed quickly when Seung-yeon came. All they did was listen to music together and watch a drama, but it was already time to sleep. Il-seo, who went to the bathroom to wash, lifted his large top in front of the mirror and drooped his eyebrows down.

Despairingly, his lower abdomen was starting to bulge slightly. He knew that his stomach wouldn’t get very big because he had been a Beta for a long time, but it wasn’t that it wouldn’t come out at all.

‘It can’t get any bigger….’

This obstacle that Seung-yeon and he desperately wanted to disappear was unknowingly growing bigger. Il-seo put his hand on his lower abdomen.

Don’t get any bigger. Don’t grow ears, don’t grow a thinking brain. Because you’ll only hear painful sounds if you do, you can’t get any bigger. He repeated in his mind.

Even while repeating that, the hand that wrapped around his stomach gently patted it. He wondered if he had been too harsh on the guy who had been painfully growing up relying on his weak pheromones, and Il-seo shuddered in surprise at what he had been thinking about this nuisance.

Il-seo, covering his face with both hands, squatted on the bathroom floor.

“I’m really weird these days, me….”

He really didn’t seem to be in his right mind these days. He started his day by looking for Seung-yeon’s presence every day. From the moment he realized Seung-yeon’s absence, he felt like his stomach was sinking and he couldn’t sleep, and when every hospital he called kept refusing surgery, his heart would lose control and beat uncontrollably.

At times like that, nothing could calm the encroaching anxiety, and that anxiety made him feel the abnormally large house even larger. He, who had always felt fear in narrow spaces, was now beginning to feel a fear similar to suffocation in wide spaces. The day was too long in the empty, barren living room.

Naturally, he began to wait for Seung-yeon’s return. He needed Seung-yeon’s affectionate eyes, breathing, and voice to feel like time was passing.

Somehow, it seemed harder now to accept his love than when he was one-sidedly in love. Cutting out the one-sided love he had built up for nine years was barely possible, but not impossible. Because Seung-yeon was mean, irresponsible, and rough. It was easy to gather reasons to steel his heart.

So he agreed to Seung-yeon’s offer to become an Alpha. It was a collaboration between a meager desire to make him take responsibility, even if only until the baby was aborted, and a body that had been aching and exhausted for a long time. Even then, he was confident that he could leave him soon if he found a hospital to perform the surgery.

However, a variable arose. Seung-yeon’s kindness far exceeded expectations. Every moment he spent with him now was different in weight from the past nine years, when he had been one-sidedly in love with him from afar. Seung-yeon took out the feelings that had accumulated over that time without adding or subtracting to overcome the mismatched time.

It was the opposite of his love, which he had been busy hiding. He looked at him with eyes that loved him dearly even though he had already been rejected several times, and he acted confidently and honestly about his feelings. So it permeated more brightly and deeply.

The seeds left by the heart that had barely been cut out quickly took root, nourished by his violent kindness, and as those roots dug into his chest, the anxiety also grew uncontrollably.

“It can’t be, it really can’t be.”

There was no reason for Seung-yeon to cut back on his work just to take care of Lee Il-seo’s meals. It wasn’t like Il-seo couldn’t eat at all, and if Seung-yeon was around, his appetite would return, so he could eat later. Besides, many fans were already lamenting the drastic reduction in Seung-yeon’s activity, and this was an irresponsible action.

“I’m having so much fun playing with Lee Il-seo that I’m thinking of quitting.”

Seeing Seung-yeon answer with a bright face, Il-seo’s expression turned even colder. Normally, he would have just brushed it off as Seung-yeon’s unique way of applying pressure with his jokes, but perhaps because of the letter, a nauseating unpleasantness surged within him.

A big reason was that he didn’t want to cause trouble for Seung-yeon, but he also felt wronged by the criticism he received for causing Seung-yeon trouble. Il-seo, frowning, retorted somewhat coldly.

“Are you kidding me…? Please don’t say things like that.”

He didn’t want Seung-yeon to give up his daily life one by one because of him. If he got used to these changes day by day, he would unknowingly start expecting more from Seung-yeon. Now, every time it was mealtime, he would check the wall pad repeatedly, wondering if Seung-yeon would cancel his schedule to be with him, and he would strain his ears at the sound of the wind outside, hoping it was him.

He had decided to leave Seung-yeon after the grace period ended, and that was the right thing to do. Therefore, it was not helpful at all for Seung-yeon to give up things because of him, or for him to place expectations on those sacrifices.

The atmosphere turned sharply cold, and Seung-yeon let out a belated, bewildered laugh.

“What, is that something to get so angry about?”

Il-seo buried his face in his hands instead of answering. A small sigh escaped through his palms. Seeing him pick at only a few pieces of rice cake and not touch the food anymore, Seung-yeon suppressed his emotions and spoke in a soothing voice.

“Okay. I’m sorry, for putting pressure on you. Let’s eat again.”

Seung-yeon pulled Il-seo’s hands away from his face and put the chopsticks back in his hand. Il-seo read that desperate expression and tried to eat as much as possible, but he simply couldn’t eat in his current state. Maybe it was just his mood, but he felt like he was going to get indigestion.

“I’m sorry, I… can’t eat right now.”

Seeing him put down the chopsticks again, Seung-yeon’s forced smile finally disappeared. Leaning back in his chair as if exhausted, Seung-yeon stared at the ceiling to calm his emotions.

After a brief silence, a short sigh scattered. Seung-yeon lowered his head and looked at Il-seo.

“Fine. If you hate me bringing up Alpha so much, let’s get the surgery tomorrow.”

“…….”

“Do you think a hospital we couldn’t find in ten days will be found in the remaining five days?”

Seung-yeon’s lips curved loosely as he traced Il-seo’s face from his chin to his forehead, who stubbornly kept his mouth shut.

“I’m human too, and it’s not pleasant to see you desperately pushing me away at the risk of your life.”

Seung-yeon, forcing a smile, moistened his lips with his tongue.

“You might think it’s meaningless behavior because of the pheromone, but honestly, I like it when you whine and cling to me in your sleep, and when you only manage to eat in front of me.”

“…….”

“So, let’s get the surgery before I, like an idiot, get even more carried away. Then this little game will be over.”

His tone was cold, but Seung-yeon still wore a self-deprecating smile. It was unbearable to see Seung-yeon saying these things with a smile, and the disappointment and hurt in his eyes, which he was trying to hide, were impossible to conceal.

Dizziness and nausea washed over him. It wasn’t just nausea from his mood. Like when he saw the letter with the blade, Il-seo felt like something was about to surge up his esophagus, and he jumped up from the table.

“…….”

But it was Seung-yeon’s hand that stopped him from going to the bathroom. Seung-yeon, who had risen to his feet following Il-seo, pulled him back by gripping his thin wrist tightly.

“Stop avoiding it and either set a surgery date or finish your meal. Do one or the other.”

“There are 5 days… left.”

Seeing Il-seo drop his head as he barely managed to answer in a scattered voice, Seung-yeon snorted as if he was dumbfounded.

“You still won’t say you’ll get the surgery, even if you die.”

Il-seo’s silence felt like it was cutting through his heart, but Seung-yeon couldn’t win against Il-seo. Eventually, a defeated voice flowed between them.

“Okay. I’ll do whatever it takes to make it as if Sa Seungyeon was never Lee Il-seo’s Alpha proxy. I’ll erase the surgery records, silence the hospital staff, and disappear from your side as soon as you recover. I’ll erase every trace of me from your life, just as you wish.”

Finishing his words as if spitting them out, Seung-yeon pulled Il-seo back to the table, putting his wrist in front of the scattered chopsticks. The force of the pull made his thin body stagger. Seeing Il-seo steady himself on the table, Seung-yeon gestured towards the now-cooling tteokbokki.

“Stop it and finish eating.”

But his stomach had already been a mess for a long time. Seeing Il-seo shaking his head, drenched in cold sweat, Seung-yeon also resolved not to give in this time and murmured again in a low voice.

“Eat.”

Il-seo, who had been hanging his head, grabbed Seung-yeon’s wrist and pulled it away. With his vision blurring, Il-seo spat out a resentful voice.

“I really don’t feel well…”

But he had to rush to the bathroom before he could finish his explanation.

“Ugh…”

Seung-yeon, who had been frozen in place, widened his stride towards the bathroom only after hearing the sound of retching leaking through the half-open door. Il-seo, clutching the toilet, was kneeling and trembling. Clenching his teeth at the belated rush of despair, Seung-yeon stroked Il-seo’s back.

But Il-seo didn’t have the strength to throw up anymore, and he staggered up from the toilet and headed to the sink.

“You… are you okay?”

Il-seo nodded weakly at Seung-yeon’s stunned question, rinsed his mouth with the mouthwash provided, and mechanically picked up a toothbrush. His white face, which had just thrown up everything he had eaten, showed no signs of shock or strength. He just looked exhausted as he squeezed the toothpaste, but there was almost none left. With a small sigh, his dry hand dropped limply.

Seeing Il-seo mechanically gargling, grabbing the toothbrush, and noticing the toothpaste running out faster than he thought, Seung-yeon realized that it wasn’t uncommon for Il-seo to throw up what he ate. Il-seo threw the empty toothpaste tube into the trash. At the thud, Seung-yeon snapped out of it somewhat belatedly.

Seung-yeon, who was closer to the shelf where the supplies were stored, opened the shelf door for him. Il-seo stared blankly at Seung-yeon’s actions.

The fact that he ran out of toothpaste at this moment. The fact that Seung-yeon opened the shelf. And the fact that he suddenly reached out for an unfamiliar box. Everything seemed to be happening in slow motion, perhaps because of what was about to happen.

“…….”

He frowned slowly as he discovered a strange box that didn’t belong on the bathroom shelf. Seung-yeon, with one hand on his hip, picked up the medicine box instead of the toothpaste and asked.

“Is this yours?”

Il-seo’s hand, which had been frozen, twitched. He tried to act nonchalantly as if nothing was wrong, but his whole body creaked like it was rusted, making it difficult to even utter a simple answer.

“It looks like medicine. Are you sick somewhere?”

Confirming that it was medicine, Seung-yeon looked at the English name on the box and turned it over to read the instructions. The color slowly drained from Seung-yeon’s face. Then he took out his phone from his pocket and searched for something.

Il-seo could only stand there like someone being punished. His stomach churned, and his body trembled as if blood was draining from his feet. Perhaps because he was too agitated, he couldn’t see Seung-yeon’s expression properly as he read the medicine instructions.

A suffocating silence flowed. After a long time, Seung-yeon finally raised his head, his eyes distorted to the limit.

Facing that expression, Il-seo’s heart pounded as if something was hitting it hard, and he parted his lips hastily.

“I couldn’t find a hospital….”

“…”

“I thought if it got, any later… it wouldn’t be good… so….”

“Ah. If it got any later.”

Seung-yeon, squinting, gripped the box. The hard cardboard made a cracking sound as it crumpled in his hand.

“Are you afraid I’ll actually become your Alpha proxy?”

“…”

“So you bought and hid even this kind of medicine?”

Seeing Seung-yeon, who was breathing in short, shaky breaths, Il-seo forgot to breathe for a moment. It wasn’t because Seung-yeon was angry or yelling. It was the first time he had ever witnessed Seung-yeon’s face so hurt. Only then did his heart ache and he realize what he had done.

While being repeatedly rejected for abortion surgery, he learned that there were abortion pills. In an online community for Omega pregnant women, there was a post about medication abortion, along with how to obtain the pills. It was said to be a medicine for recessive Omegas who couldn’t have surgery with an Alpha for various reasons, or who had unwanted pregnancies. It would look like a natural miscarriage, so unlike an abortion, they could go straight into surgery without an Alpha.

He had tried to ignore the post at the time, but after reading the letter with the broken blade, he had entered the sales site as if possessed. It was an illegal drug, so he had to make a cash transaction, but the purchase method was simpler than he thought. Il-seo put the cash in a locker at a subway station as instructed by the seller, and an hour later, he retrieved the medicine from a locker with a different number.

He absolutely didn’t plan to take it right away. But if he couldn’t find a hospital in the end, and a surgery with Seung-yeon as his proxy was scheduled, he couldn’t guarantee that he wouldn’t have secretly taken the medicine.

Moreover, looking at his actions of hiding the medicine on the shelf for fear of being caught, he was vaguely aware of it himself. That taking this medicine was a terrible thing that he couldn’t be proud of to anyone.

Alphas were the ones who used any means necessary to take possession of the Omegas they loved, and Seung-yeon was the most irrational, possessive, dominant Alpha among them. Yet, he was trying to persuade him, even saying that he wouldn’t leave a trace in his life, and he had shown him this medicine.

Overwhelmed with guilt, Il-seo clasped his hands together and bowed his head deeply. A trembling voice leaked out.

“…I’m, I’m sorry.”

“…….”

“I bought it because I was anxious…. I’ll throw it away right, right now-.”

“If you take this medicine and abort. So this passes without any loss to me.”

Seung-yeon, cutting off Il-seo’s words, spoke as if spitting them out and took another step towards Il-seo. As he clenched his fist, veins popping out, the sound of cracking bones echoed in the bathroom.

“Do you think I’ll like that?”

Tears welled up in Il-seo’s eyes. He couldn’t say anything and could only barely stand there, and Seung-yeon bit his lip. There was no way there would be a medicine that would cleanly get rid of the baby. It would be the same as an abortion, and with Lee Il-seo’s dangerous physical condition, even a natural miscarriage was something he should never take.

“When, how were you going to take it? In front of me? Or alone?”

Seung-yeon, continuing his words, groaned and covered his face with his hands. After a moment of shaky breaths, Seung-yeon’s hands fell limply.

“If you’re really doing it for me…. This isn’t it, Lee Il-seo.”

Seung-yeon, losing his reason in the surge of emotions, grabbed Il-seo’s shoulders. Looking into his frightened eyes, he whispered so close that their breaths mingled.

“While you were thinking of taking this kind of medicine at the risk of your life.”

“…….”

“Was I really not in your options?”

The end of his voice trembled weakly. Only then did Seung-yeon realize that he was trembling just like Lee Il-seo.

It wasn’t that he was angry that Lee Il-seo had bought the medicine. If Lee Il-seo had taken this medicine, he would have lost Lee Il-seo twice in front of his eyes. He hadn’t given Lee Il-seo enough trust to choose an option that would throw away his life.

“No, it’s my fault. The medicine…. This medicine, I really didn’t intend to take it, but….”

Before Il-seo could finish his sentence, tears fell from the black eyes facing him. Seeing the tears falling on Seung-yeon’s face, which looked so painfully tormented, Il-seo couldn’t finish his sentence and could only pant. He had caused Seung-yeon too much pain.

“S-Seung-yeon… I, I’m sorry….”

Seung-yeon lowered his eyes and turned away. Even in that short moment, tears were flowing down Seung-yeon’s chin.

“That’s enough. Rest.”

With those last words in a damp voice, Seung-yeon left the bathroom first.

Wiping his wet face with his palm, Seung-yeon walked towards the room with a somewhat exhausted face. Lying down on the bed, Seung-yeon let out a long breath and closed his eyes tightly.

Abortion pills.

The moment he searched for the name of the drug on his phone and saw the explanation that popped up, it felt like he had been shot in the head.

It was probably the last resort Lee Il-seo would have chosen. Looking at the expression on the guy’s face, he could understand with his head that it was an impulsive choice made when he was emotionally cornered, but his heart felt like a big hole had been punched through it.

He wasn’t angry at Lee Il-seo. How could he be angry at the guy who was so willing to commit suicide in order to not cause him trouble, out of love for him? What he hated now was himself, who was unreliable to Lee Il-seo, both in the past and now.

He had made a big show of being an Alpha, but he hadn’t known anything until Lee Il-seo had gone and gotten such a medicine, and he was about to repeat the same defeat as when he had lost Tangerine without even lifting a finger.

If he had treated him warmly from the beginning, without giving him any room for even the slightest suspicion, would the guy have made this choice? In this situation, which he had created by selfishly taking Lee Il-seo and calculatingly abandoning him in the past, in order to not suffer even the slightest emotional loss, he hated himself more than anyone else.

Damn it, I wouldn’t trust myself either. In the end, Seung-yeon turned the arrow of emotion towards himself, and dragged up old issues to tear himself apart again.

“Haa….”

He covered his eyes with his heavy arm. His skin felt lukewarm from the heat, and his eyelids were throbbing as if his heart was beating there. He couldn’t calm down at all.

Just then, he heard a cautious knock on the door. When he didn’t respond, there was a scratching sound, as if someone was fiddling with the doorknob.

“…Seung-yeon.”

“…….”

“Can I come in?”

He heard a small voice from beyond the door, but Seung-yeon closed his eyes without answering. The door opened without him giving permission, and the sound of hurried footsteps grew closer. He didn’t want to face Lee Il-seo yet. He needed to calm his emotions, control his pheromones, and be able to talk calmly before it would be okay for the guy.

“…Seung-yeon. Are you, are you asleep…?”

“…….”

“Uh… S-Seung-yeon….”

The voice muttering something seemed to be getting smaller and smaller. The sound of slippers shuffling nearby, as if he didn’t know what to do, was heard a few times, and then he felt a hand cautiously shaking his shoulder. It was uncharacteristically persistent, unlike the Lee Il-seo who usually didn’t hold grudges. Seung-yeon answered with his eyes closed.

“I’m not asleep yet, so just say it. If it’s about the medicine, let’s talk about it later.”

“No, th-that’s….”

His closed eyes slowly opened. For some reason, he thought he could hear tears in the broken breathing, so he couldn’t help but open his eyes. Where his still-cold gaze landed, Il-seo was standing with his stomach covered in an awkward posture.

For some reason, his face was pale, as if he was very surprised. And at that moment, a strange scent wafted under Seung-yeon’s nose first, and his eyes sharpened in an instant. Seung-yeon reflexively sat up.

“Suddenly, bl-blood… is coming out. I-it won’t, stop….”

With the voice barely squeezing out between panting breaths, his black eyes slowly turned downwards. He knew he had to check quickly, but all his movements were slow, as if time had stopped. Seung-yeon got out of bed in a panic.

“Blood…. Are you okay?”

The question of whether he was okay was useless, as the guy’s gray sweatpants were all red. Even in the short time he was speaking, blood was flowing down his legs and seeping onto the floor.

Reaching out to grab the guy who was trembling in pain like an aspen tree, he took out his phone with one hand. Doctor, hospital, emergency room. Countless things flashed through his head quickly.

“Ah….”

At that moment, with a groan of agony, the guy’s already irregular breathing began to fade to the point where it was barely audible. Seung-yeon desperately called out to Il-seo, whose eyes were starting to blur, and soothed him.

“Lee Il-seo. You’ll be okay, so hold on. Okay?”

“Huu… Yes….”

“No. You have to breathe, Il-seo. Breath, Lee Il-seo…!”

He had barely nodded at his pleading voice. Before long, Il-seo’s knees buckled and his thin body collapsed limply in his arms. Seung-yeon, turning pale, cursed and hugged Il-seo tightly.

“Lee Il-seo…!”

Lee Il-seo’s cheeks were slapped frantically, but there was no response. Amniotic fluid mixed with blood pooled on the floor where the two had collapsed.

***

Lee Il-seo, barely keeping his eyes open, didn’t respond no matter how much he was called. The skin that touched was as cold as ice. The image of when he had bled a lot after being stabbed by a stalker who had broken into the set flashed through his mind. But the amount of blood was incomparable to then. The blood that had already flowed out had formed a large circle on the floor.

Cursing under his breath, Seung-yeon carried him on his back. He wished he could wrap his arms around his neck, but his blood-caked hands fell limply below his shoulders. Hauling the limp Il-seo up, he grabbed the car keys and ran out the front door.

He knew that his anxious pheromone wouldn’t be good for Lee Il-seo, so he tried to remain as calm as possible, but it wasn’t easy. Il-seo’s breath, scattering over his shoulder, was faint. Each time a sharp pain seemed unbearable, and a broken moan escaped, Seung-yeon repeated like a parrot, “Yes, it hurts, I know, it’s okay, we’re going to the hospital.”

He sat Lee Il-seo in the passenger seat, half-reclined. Lee Il-seo’s pants were so soaked that it was hard to find their original color. He was like a doll with all the color drained out, following without resistance whether he was sat down or swayed.

With trembling hands, he grabbed the steering wheel and immediately stepped on the gas towards Lee Ju-seung’s hospital, making a call. Blood had transferred to the phone, making it difficult to dial properly, so he had to wipe it on his T-shirt several times. After the call connected, he didn’t know what he said to him. He just rambled that Lee Il-seo had lost too much blood and was becoming increasingly unconscious.

He saw nothing but darkness when he was told to get to the hospital as soon as possible because he needed to go into emergency surgery immediately.

The pedestrians crossing the crosswalk seemed to be moving as slowly as snails. Eventually, Seung-yeon quickly crossed the crosswalk while the pedestrian signal was still on. He didn’t care about the sharp honking and the glares of the people. Looking at the passenger seat with bloodshot eyes, he saw Lee Il-seo’s eyelids drooping as he leaned to the side.

“Lee Il-seo, don’t close your eyes.”

“……”

“Huh? Il-seo-ya.”

Seeing his eyelids slowly lift after calling him twice, Seung-yeon barely managed to suppress the surge of despair. Surely not, surely not like this… He didn’t want to, but bad thoughts kept swirling in his head.

“We’ll be there soon. Okay?”

“……”

“I’m sorry. It’s all my fault.”

As if pushing away those thoughts, Seung-yeon kept repeating, “I’m sorry, it’s all my fault, I’m sorry, Il-seo-ya.” It was a desperate cry of not wanting to lose Il-seo.

***

He ran frantically through the hospital building. He laid Lee Il-seo on a prepared mobile bed. Lee Il-seo’s arm hung limply below the bed. Lee Il-seo had lost consciousness just before arriving at the hospital. When his closed eyes wouldn’t open no matter how many times he called him, Seung-yeon felt something hot rising up his throat.

The doctors and nurses who had been waiting surrounded Lee Il-seo. At the same time as several needles were stuck into his thin arms, a transparent oxygen mask was placed over his bloodless face.

The words respiration, pulse, and transfusion echoed in Seung-yeon’s ears as he was pushed back. Seung-yeon, standing blankly, wiped his sweat soaked face. Red blood had stained his clothes and even his cheeks, making it look like Seung-yeon’s blood at first glance.

The people receiving treatment and the people coming and going from the hospital were startled and whispered as they watched Seung-yeon, who had rushed into the hospital in a state of panic. Seung-yeon’s name was mentioned here and there, and people who saw Il-seo being rushed to the operating room in the midst of the chaos covered their mouths in surprise.

He felt nauseous and dizzy. He couldn’t forget the last image of Lee Il-seo lying on the bed. He had lost so much blood, was he even alive? Why did all the medical staff surrounding him look so urgent? He couldn’t properly recognize reality and felt like his body was floating.

“Guardian, this way.”

The nurse guided Seung-yeon, who was standing blankly. People’s heads turned as they followed his steps. Only then did he realize that people were all glancing at him as if he were an animal in a zoo.

“You’re here as the guardian of Lee Il-seo, the patient?”

“Yes.”

The nurse, who had taken Seung-yeon to a more secluded area, explained in a rather urgent voice that it would be good for Seung-yeon to enter the operating room with him because a pheromone shock had occurred as well.