TBM Vol 5 Part 8

It was a crossroads.

It wasn’t an abortion, so he didn’t necessarily have to participate in the surgery. But to increase the chances of saving Il-seo, who was in shock, he had to play the role of an Alpha proxy, which Il-seo so desperately didn’t want. Of course, the answer was already decided. He was sorry, but it seemed he was always doing things that Il-seo hated.

Seung-yeon wrote his name in the guardian section, mechanically went through a few procedures, and immediately entered the operating room.

There was a space separated by an opaque partition next to the operating table. This was an operating room for those with secondary sex characteristics, and the partition only allowed pheromones to pass through, and the appearance of the Omega undergoing surgery could not be seen from the other side. Seung-yeon, whose test results showed that his pheromones were unstable just before entering the room, was given a tranquilizer and immediately slumped into a chair.

Releasing refined pheromones stably was the only role he had to play while Lee Il-seo was fighting for his life. To do that, he had to erase the anxiety about the surgery results and maintain as much composure as possible. But when he closed his eyes, the image of Lee Il-seo collapsing while spilling blood filled his head like a camera flash. Seung-yeon, muttering a low curse, took a deep breath and calmed his mind.

Along with the voice announcing the start of the surgery, the mechanical sound of the machine checking Il-seo’s vitals was heard regularly. He only thought of Il-seo’s safety.

The surgery took longer than expected. Sweat dripped down Seung-yeon’s chin. Continuously releasing stable pheromones at a constant rate for several hours was very difficult even for a dominant Alpha. But Seung-yeon was okay. If Lee Il-seo, who was enduring alone, could be safe, he could do this kind of thing thousands of times.

In the midst of extreme tension that dried even his saliva, he received notification that the surgery was over. Seung-yeon, who had been sitting with his elbows on his knees and his face covered with both hands, jumped up. As soon as he came out of the operating room, Seung-yeon ran to Doctor Lee and the obstetrician who were walking towards him.

“The surgery… How is Lee Il-seo?”

A choked voice, as if cut off, flowed out. Doctor Lee and the other doctor, who had taken off their masks and medical gloves, also looked somewhat exhausted from the long surgery.

“Fortunately, we’ve passed the emergency situation. The patient has been moved to the intensive care unit first. Let’s go to the examination room for a detailed explanation. There’s a lot to tell you.”

Seung-yeon nodded and followed Doctor Lee to the examination room. His heart was beating so hard that he couldn’t even hear his own voice properly.

Lee Ju-seung, who had changed into surgical scrubs and sat in a chair, poured two glasses of water with a somewhat troubled face. He pushed one towards Seung-yeon, but Seung-yeon wasn’t even in the state of mind to pick up the paper cup. Watching Seung-yeon waiting for the results with an anxious look, he opened the explanation with a short sigh.

“To give you the conclusion first, he had a miscarriage.”

It was expected. He had said from the beginning that it was a child that couldn’t grow properly, and looking at the blood Lee Il-seo had lost, it was a luxury to expect it to be safe. The problem was Lee Il-seo. He said that if he had a miscarriage, it could cause aftereffects for Lee Il-seo if things went wrong.

“Is Lee Il-seo okay?”

“He had a lot of bleeding and went into shock, so his condition wasn’t good several times during the surgery. Thanks to Seung-yeon’s pheromones, the shock subsided, but we need to keep watching him so that there are no aftereffects or complications as much as the hemostasis was delayed.”

A daze crossed Seung-yeon’s anxious face. He had scolded him to eat when he said he couldn’t. He had driven him to the end, even though he was surprised and didn’t know what to do when he saw the medicine box.

The last expression on his face as he stood alone in the bathroom, unable to hold on to himself, kept lingering in his mind. Seung-yeon’s breathing gradually became rougher.

“…He has to be okay.”

“……”

“I got angry. I… I did that to a child who was already sick…”

“Seung-yeon.”

Seung-yeon bit his lip, unable to continue speaking at Doctor Lee’s dissuasion.

“This isn’t anyone’s fault. You came without being late, and you delivered the pheromones really stably. You did everything you could.”

He wanted to tell a more hopeful story than anyone else, but objectively, Il-seo’s condition wasn’t very good. He couldn’t rashly assure him about his recovery, but Doctor Lee had no choice but to comfort Seung-yeon, even though he knew he shouldn’t.

“The most important thing right now is for Il-seo to regain consciousness. He needs to regain consciousness as soon as possible and start recovering to reduce the aftereffects. He’s still young, so I believe he’ll recover quickly once he regains consciousness. So focus on that.”

Watching Seung-yeon lower his head, Doctor Lee brought up the next topic.

“Oh, and we collected the fetus’s blood during the surgery.”

Seung-yeon, who didn’t understand the intention at once, frowned and raised his head. Doctor Lee brought up a topic that could be a little sensitive in a rather cautious voice.

“Paternity can be confirmed with blood.”

He asked Seung-yeon, who had stopped moving as if frozen.

“You registered your name as a guardian, but is there no possibility that Seung-yeon is the biological father?”

Possibility. Seung-yeon chewed on that word. He had spent a rut with Lee Il-seo, so there was a possibility. But Lee Il-seo had said several times that it wasn’t his child, and he didn’t know exactly what that meant. Was it really not his child, or was it his child but he was denying it? Or did Lee Il-seo not even know whose child it was, so he said that?

Anyway, now that he had decided to become Lee Il-seo’s Alpha, he had decided not to care whose seed it was. He didn’t show it to Lee Il-seo, but he was also aware that there was a high possibility that he was denying that he had his child. But did he need to know whose child Lee Il-seo had? It was something Lee Il-seo wanted to hide to the point of buying that kind of medicine, so why was that fact important now?

The doctor, watching Seung-yeon’s strange expression, handed him a piece of paper.

“If there’s a possibility, wouldn’t you like to get tested?”

“……”

“If you become an Alpha guardian instead of a proxy, Il-seo will have access to more types of recovery programs.”

Seung-yeon’s eyes trembled. After a brief moment of contemplation, Seung-yeon immediately agreed to the test. The nurse, who had entered the examination room at Doctor Lee’s call, collected blood for paternity testing.

“You can get the results as early as tomorrow morning.”

“…Yes.”

Lee Ju-seung, who had been staring silently at Seung-yeon’s back as he slowly got up and tried to leave the examination room, called out to Seung-yeon. Seung-yeon, who had grabbed the doorknob, turned his head.

“Seung-yeon. It may sound cruel, but you must calm your mind to stay by Il-seo’s side. This is because an Alpha’s pheromones have an extremely large impact on an Omega immediately after surgery. Moreover, Seung-yeon, you have a dominant secondary sex characteristic.”

He couldn’t forget Seung-yeon’s expression as he carried Lee Il-seo on his back and ran into the hospital throughout the surgery. It could be explained in a single word. That look was desperation itself.

Lee Ju-seung, who had been watching Seung-yeon from the side for quite some time, thought he had grasped his nature to some extent.

He received regular checkups at the same time every month, and he was so thorough in his self-management that not a single germ came out in any of the tests. Being a dominant Alpha and only spending ruts with medication was so rare that he would never have believed it if he hadn’t seen it himself.

He was so sensitive that he wouldn’t easily change a single medicine even at his recommendation, and conversely, Seung-yeon had never been to another secondary sex characteristic internal medicine clinic, so he didn’t easily open himself up to others.

Seung-yeon was always consistent and kind, but at the same time, he had a personality that couldn’t help but feel like there was a wall. He knew that he found everything tiring except for living his life according to the standards he had set, like a well-made machine, so Lee Ju-seung also never crossed the line that Seung-yeon had drawn, and Seung-yeon gave Lee Ju-seung the maximum amount of space he allowed.

But since the end of last year, when Seung-yeon suddenly visited the hospital complaining of an unknown headache, the pattern that Seung-yeon had maintained so meticulously began to gradually deviate.

Seeing his soaring pheromones and stress levels that were not being relieved at all, Lee Ju-seung was seriously worried about him. Yes, Sa Seung-yeon was also human. He judged that he was finally experiencing burnout.

But even though he prescribed medicine, the numbers became increasingly abnormal as the days went by. He was worried that he might go into shock, and he was even considering recommending that he sleep with an Omega even if it meant crossing the line. He first increased the dose of tranquilizers to the maximum and kept a close eye on him, and not long after, Seung-yeon contacted him about Lee Il-seo’s pregnancy problem.

The fact that he had spent a rut with an Omega and may have impregnated him was the first time a big crack had formed in the wall that Seung-yeon had built, and today that wall was completely broken. Lee Ju-seung adjusted his glasses and finished his explanation.

“You can come to the hospital tomorrow to see Il-seo and hear the paternity test results.”

What would happen if the life he lost today turned out to be Seung-yeon’s child? He couldn’t predict the reaction of Seung-yeon, a secondary sex characteristic, especially a dominant Alpha, who was irrationally obsessed with his own blood. As a doctor, he rationally recognized that he should recommend paternity testing, but he hesitated.

He might not feel it much now because all his attention is focused on Lee Il-seo’s safety, but if he realizes that he lost his child and his life was in danger, Seung-yeon will also suffer a considerable mental shock.

“First of all, Seung-yeon, go home and focus on recovering your physical and mental strength.”

This was said for Il-seo, who had barely taken a step from the brink of death, but it was also said for Seung-yeon. As if remembering something, Lee Ju-seung made an “ah” sound and took out a mask from the drawer and handed it to Seung-yeon.

“And this… It’s late, but wear it.”

Seung-yeon took the mask that Lee Ju-seung had taken out. Seung-yeon, wearing the mask, left the examination room with a brief thank you. Lee Ju-seung stared at the space he had left and let out a deep sigh.

***

Hwan, who had been running around in a fluster from afar, found Seung-yeon’s car parked crookedly in the hospital parking lot and ran with wider strides.

“I’m sorry for being late.”

After panting and immediately getting into the driver’s seat, Hwan’s movements, which had been habitually bowing his head towards the back seat, stopped abruptly.

“…H, Hyung-nim?”

Hwan turned his head again and looked at Seung-yeon as if he had seen a ghost.

“Bl, Blood… Ar, Are you okay?”

“It’s not my blood.”

Seung-yeon answered in a subdued voice and closed his eyes. Seung-yeon said it wasn’t his blood, but shock didn’t disappear from Hwan’s eyes. Seung-yeon’s appearance was so shocking that he wouldn’t believe it even if it was makeup. Even if it wasn’t Seung-yeon’s blood, it was a problem.

“Hyung-nim, what is this, why…”

“Please.”

Only after Seung-yeon cut off Hwan’s words with gritted teeth did Hwan apologize with a panicked look and start the engine. Hwan swallowed hard, pretending not to see the enormous amount of blood dried on the passenger seat, and grabbed the steering wheel.

Hwan headed to the largest secondary sex characteristic specialized general hospital in Seoul at Seung-yeon’s call, saying he wasn’t in a state to drive right now. It was also where Seung-yeon’s frequently visited secondary sex characteristic internal medicine clinic was located, and he had seen that Seung-yeon’s condition hadn’t been good lately, so he thought he was sick somewhere, but no matter what, he never dreamed he would be covered in blood like this.

Hwan’s face, visible in the rearview mirror, was also pale, so he headed home quickly. While he was driving, the cell phone he had mounted rang. It was a call from CEO Hwang. As soon as he connected the car Bluetooth, CEO Hwang’s urgent voice echoed loudly inside the car.

[Hello. Do you know where Sa Seung-yeon is?]

“Yes? I’m with him right now.”

[What? You’re with him? Is he at the hospital?]

“Ah, yes. He asked me to drive him, so I came…”

[Ha, damn it… Put Sa Seung-yeon on the phone.]

Hwan didn’t know what was going on and took the phone out of the cradle and handed it to Seung-yeon.

“Hyung-nim, you have a call from the CEO…”

When Seung-yeon didn’t even open his eyes and didn’t answer, Hwan put the cell phone between his ear and shoulder with a troubled look.

“Hello, CEO… Hyung-nim is very tired right now, so he’s sleeping.”

After what felt like an eternity of CEO Kim Jin-hong’s voice, Hwan, his face drained of color, handed the phone back to Seung-yeon.

“Hyung, hyung-nim. They’re talking about Lee Il-seo, too. You really should answer…”

The moment he heard Il-seo’s name, Seung-yeon’s eyes snapped open. Before Hwan could even finish his sentence, Seung-yeon’s hand shot out towards the driver’s seat. Hwan, seeing the blood smeared all over Seung-yeon’s hand, flinched again.

Seung-yeon snatched the phone, held it to his ear, and leaned back against the seat. “What about Lee Il-seo?”

[Why can’t I reach you?]

“My phone died. What about Lee Il-seo?”

The phone had died while Il-seo was in surgery. CEO Kim Jin-hong sighed, hearing the robotic tone in Seung-yeon’s voice as he repeated the same question.

He had tried calling, exaggerating only slightly, over a hundred times, and was frustrated to no end that he couldn’t get through. He didn’t know how many times he’d been to hell and back while the phone was dead.

Late last night, he’d received an urgent call from a company employee. A post had gone up online that afternoon claiming Seung-yeon had been spotted at a famous specialist hospital in Seoul, and the content was extremely inflammatory. If the sighting was true, Seung-yeon couldn’t possibly be in his right mind. So, CEO Kim Jin-hong suppressed his rising emotions and asked,

[Is something wrong with Il-seo? There are some pretty unbelievable sightings being reported. The reporters are blowing up my phone, the company’s phone, everything.]

Instead of answering, Seung-yeon squeezed his eyes shut. From the moment he’d gotten out of the car at the hospital, the lobby, the elevators, the patients and their families—he hadn’t thought he could silence everyone, but he hadn’t expected the rumors to spread so quickly. Lee Il-seo hadn’t even regained consciousness yet. The thought of people gossiping about him like that was unbearable.

-Are you going to ruin your whole career, sunbae?

-If you get involved with me… it’s over.

If he didn’t want to upset that foolish guy who had worried about him even while risking his own life, he had to stop the articles and come up with a plausible plan to quell public opinion before Il-seo woke up. That way, when Il-seo opened his eyes, he could tell him that everything had been taken care of and that he just needed to focus on recovering.

But he didn’t have the strength. Everything was too much, and he just wanted to disappear. He wanted to hold the sleeping Lee Il-seo in his arms in a place where no one else was, and stay by his side in that deep, dark, cold place where Il-seo was lost.

“CEO.”

Seung-yeon looked down at the blood on his clothes and called out to CEO Kim Jin-hong. There was no light in his dark eyes.

“Please clear my schedule for a while.”

[What?]

“Please block any articles related to Lee Il-seo, and take legal action against anyone who crosses the line, without leniency.”

[If you’re going to discuss this, come to the company and explain the situation first—]

“…Please.”

CEO Kim Jin-hong, who had been about to bombard him with questions, was silenced by Seung-yeon’s voice, which he had never heard before. It was a voice devoid of strength, but he could tell that it was all he could muster. He wanted to ask what had happened, but a different voice came out instead.

[Are you… okay?]

“I wish I knew.”

He had to be okay. Everything would be okay if Lee Il-seo was okay.

“I’m really at my limit right now.”

Please, CEO, Seung-yeon repeated the plea in his mind. CEO Kim Jin-hong chewed on his lip for a moment, then let out a long sigh.

[Okay. Call me when you’ve sorted things out.]

The call ended, and Seung-yeon handed the phone back to Hwan. Hwan couldn’t say anything either. Seung-yeon leaned his head back against the headrest, crossed his hands over his stomach, and closed his eyes.

They arrived at Seung-yeon’s house. There were a few people who looked like reporters around the apartment complex, but it was a closed complex that they couldn’t possibly enter, so they just milled around the locked gates. Seung-yeon got out of the car as Hwan finished parking in the garage and turned off the engine. But Hwan, who had been hesitating, got out of the car after Seung-yeon.

Hwan followed Seung-yeon closely as he walked, and slipped into the elevator with him when the doors opened. Seung-yeon stared at the closing elevator doors and asked,

“How far are you going to follow me?”

“Um… can I stay with you tonight?”

Only then did Seung-yeon turn to look at Hwan. At the end of their gaze, which met for a moment, Hwan’s face was full of anxiety as he clasped his hands together. Seeing Hwan so intimidated and wary, many thoughts flashed through Seung-yeon’s mind.

If something happened to Lee Il-seo overnight and the hospital called… Seung-yeon couldn’t guarantee that he would be able to drive in his right mind.

“Do whatever you want.”

With Seung-yeon’s answer, which sounded like permission, the elevator arrived at his floor. Hwan raised his eyebrows and followed him inside.

“…….”

“…….”

But both of them stopped in their tracks as they entered the foyer. Everywhere the auxiliary light illuminated was covered in blood. The blood and the footprints that had tracked through it showed the chaos of that time.

Seung-yeon gritted his teeth so hard that a line formed on his jaw, and said as he slipped on his slippers,

“Sleep in the room across from the guest room.”

His voice, which he was trying to keep calm, was strained to its limit. Seeing Seung-yeon’s back as he walked down the hallway, Hwan quickly took off his shoes and hurried after him. Seung-yeon walked slowly towards the guest room where Il-seo had last stayed.

That room was the starting point of the bloody trail that led messily to the foyer and the master bedroom. Hwan, who had followed Seung-yeon into the room with an anxious expression, quietly clenched his fists as he took in the terrible state of the room.

The sheets under the turned-down blanket were completely red. Tissues used to wipe up blood were scattered everywhere, and red marks were left on every piece of furniture that had been touched. It looked like he had dropped the bottle while trying to take medicine; white pills were rolling around on the floor as well.

Seung-yeon stood frozen in the middle of the room, unable to touch anything. Hwan, who came to his senses first, brought a wet towel. Seung-yeon finally turned his head when he saw Hwan wiping the blood off the closet.

“It’s okay, go get some rest.”

“Il-seo should be able to rest comfortably after he’s discharged. It wouldn’t be right for someone else to clean this up.”

Hwan spoke in a hopeful voice, as if grasping at straws, even though he should have been able to tell how Il-seo was doing from the blood and Seung-yeon’s reaction. Seung-yeon found the clumsy comfort that the guy, whose eyes were full of barely concealed bewilderment, was offering him amusing, but he was so weak right now that even that one word made his heart ache. Would Lee Il-seo really be able to return here safely, as Hwan hoped?

“Um. I guess we should throw out the blanket? I’ll go buy some large garbage bags.”

Hwan scratched the back of his head as he looked at the troublesome blanket and left the room. Seung-yeon put his hands on his hips, let out a short sigh, and finally moved his heavy feet.

He could vividly picture Il-seo wandering around this room alone, following the trail of blood he had left behind. How scared he must have been. The thought of how much he must have hesitated in front of Seung-yeon’s room, which he had closed after their fight, felt like a sharp blade slicing across his heart.

Throughout the entire time he was cleaning the room, he couldn’t forget Il-seo’s pale complexion, his icy temperature, and the faint breaths that scattered around his ears. Maybe it was because he still couldn’t believe it was real, but Seung-yeon could only think about wanting to wake up from this nightmare.

With the help of Hwan, who was quick with his hands, the room where Il-seo had stayed was soon cleaned up. Seung-yeon threw away his blood-stained clothes and washed his body in the shower booth. Lee Il-seo’s blood, which had dyed his entire body, was washed away by the flowing water.

Seung-yeon changed into new clothes and went to sit on the sofa instead of the bed. He was too restless to sleep, so he swallowed a tranquilizer and a headache pill and turned on the TV.

In the dimly lit living room, the video of Lee Il-seo talking, moving, and laughing shone white. When one ended, he clicked on another and kept watching them. Even when he closed his eyes for a moment, the afterimage of Lee Il-seo moved beneath his dark eyelids.

After watching the videos until he was sick of them, he listened to Tangerine’s songs. Seung-yeon lay sprawled on the sofa until dawn, when he opened his dry eyes to the notification of a text message from Director Lee Joo-seung.

「Test results are in. You can come visit.」

It was a little after seven in the morning, before the hospital even opened. It was probably a consideration to allow him to visit comfortably at a time when there were fewer people coming and going. Hwan hurried out of the room when he heard the sound of Seung-yeon changing clothes and grabbing his car keys. Hwan asked urgently with bloodshot eyes that were still covered in sleep,

“Are you going to the hospital?”

“Yeah.”

“I’ll drive you, hyeongnim.”

Seung-yeon shook his head, pulling his hat down.

“It’s okay, I can drive now, so go home.”

“No, I’ll take you. Just wait a minute.”

Hwan replied as he pulled out a padded jacket and hurriedly put his arms through the sleeves. Hwan’s strength was that he understood after being told only once, but he hadn’t been budging since yesterday. Seung-yeon raised one corner of his mouth loosely and said to Hwan,

“I’m not going to kill myself.”

Hwan’s eyebrows twitched. Seung-yeon swept back the hair that had fallen over his forehead and said,

“That’s what you’ve been acting like since yesterday.”

“…….”

“Do I look like someone who would kill himself because of someone else?”

Hwan rubbed his arm and blinked. Seung-yeon’s direct words broke the awkward and strange atmosphere that had been flowing between them since yesterday, and Hwan’s eyes lost their way and shook. Hwan hesitated for a moment, moving his lips, and then cautiously revealed his true feelings.

“I know you’re not. I know you well because I’ve seen you up close more than anyone else, hyeongnim.”

He glanced at Seung-yeon and continued to speak firmly.

“But after meeting Lee Il-seo, I can’t say I know you well anymore.”

“…….”

“I believe it’s a pointless worry, but.”

Hwan suddenly reached out and snatched the car keys from Seung-yeon’s hand.

“Honestly, I can’t say for sure anymore.”

Seung-yeon burst into a belated, faint laugh as he watched Hwan’s back as he ran out of the foyer.

It was self-deprecation about his current state, which he couldn’t hide even from that dull guy, and about how he couldn’t wear any mask.

\*\*\*

The sound of the machine indicating vital signs rang out regularly.

His bangs covered his eyebrows, and his small face was not clearly visible because he had a respirator in his mouth. The little that could be seen of his swollen eyelids made it hard to believe that it was Lee Il-seo unless you saw the name on the bed. It was quite different from the lively appearance he had seen in the videos all night.

He carefully reached out his hand. His fingertips hesitated for a moment, then touched the white, thin back of his hand. He carefully rubbed the exposed skin with his thumb. There wasn’t a single place he could touch comfortably.

Lee Il-seo had been the type to freeze up after blinking a few times even if Seung-yeon’s fingertip just barely touched him, even after they had shared their bodies. But now, no matter how much he touched him, his tightly closed eyelids didn’t even twitch. His complexion was as pale as it had been at dawn. He couldn’t find any sign of life in his ears, which had turned red when he looked at Seung-yeon, or in his red lips, which he seemed to bite so often that Seung-yeon worried they would bleed.

So Seung-yeon looked at Il-seo even more desperately. As the visiting hours drew to a close, Seung-yeon buried his forehead in Il-seo’s hand and whispered softly,

“Get a good sleep and wake up.”

He had spent so much time falling into a deep sleep only after burrowing into Seung-yeon’s arms, so he hoped that he was at least sleeping comfortably now.

“I’ll wait, no matter when it is.”

Seung-yeon pulled up the corners of his mouth as he whispered softly. Lee Il-seo would definitely think it was a forced smile and look down on him, but he wanted to smile, even if it was awkward. That way, that cowardly guy would feel a little more at ease.

He forced himself to let go of their fingers, which he had greedily intertwined for a short time. Even though Lee Il-seo wouldn’t hold on, the soft, delicate touch pulled at his heart, and he couldn’t easily let go.

Seung-yeon slowly erased his smile and left the intensive care unit, following Director Lee to the doctor’s office. Director Lee held the reality that Seung-yeon had to face in his hands.

Lee Joo-seung pushed the results towards Seung-yeon and said in a dry voice,

“It’s a match.”

99.9%.

Seung-yeon’s black eyes landed on the numbers on the paper. The air in the doctor’s office was cool, and Seung-yeon’s expression as he stared at the paper was complicated.

Director Lee’s expression was just as complicated. He knew that Il-seo had tried to avoid making Seung-yeon his representative until the very end, so he could guess that there were things between them that he didn’t know.

The fetus had been miscarried, and Il-seo was not in good health, so he hesitated about what kind of comfort to offer him as a person.

Seung-yeon, who hadn’t shown a single change in expression since hearing the paternity test results, slowly nodded and folded the paper in half. This confirmed why Lee Il-seo had tried so hard to hide the existence of the biological father. The day Seung-yeon raped Lee Il-seo, Lee Il-seo had become pregnant. And because of that child, Lee Il-seo was now hovering between life and death.

“I’ll add the biological father’s pheromone program to Il-seo’s recovery.”

“Yes, I understand.”

“Seung-yeon… it’s not your fault—”

“I’ll be going now.”

Seung-yeon cut off Lee Joo-seung, who was about to say something worried, and got up from his seat. He wasn’t in a state to hear anything right now. An emotion that was hard to describe in words enveloped his entire body. He felt like he was either waking up to his limit or becoming extremely lethargic. His vision narrowed to black for a moment, and the result of 99.9% remained in his mind for a long time.

As he was leaving the doctor’s office with the results, someone approached him. It was Lee Il-seo’s manager and CEO Kim Jin-hong.

Yesterday evening, after cleaning the room where Il-seo had stayed, he had plugged in Il-seo’s cell phone, which had been lying on the floor. There were already a lot of missed call notifications from Kyung-hyun. Because Seung-yeon’s phone was also off, Kyung-hyun had no choice but to realize Il-seo’s situation late. Seung-yeon explained Il-seo’s condition to Kyung-hyun, who was worried, and told him the location of the hospital where he was hospitalized.

“Oh, Seung-yeon-ssi.”

CEO Kim Jin-hong, who recognized Seung-yeon first, greeted him, and the three of them stood facing each other. Both of them, who had visited Il-seo at the time the hospital opened, had gloomy faces. Seeing their expressions, which couldn’t hide their sadness, he felt the cruelty of the reality that Lee Il-seo was facing even more vividly.

At that moment, when the surroundings were quiet, a faint shutter sound was heard. Everyone turned their heads towards the source of the sound. At the end of Seung-yeon’s gaze, he saw someone quickly lowering their cell phone. Seung-yeon ignored Hwan’s offer to check and moved first.

His stride was wide, and his expression was devoid of warmth. As Seung-yeon, who couldn’t hide his fierce expression, got closer, the man who had secretly taken the picture tried to leave in a hurry, and Seung-yeon grabbed his shoulder and forcibly snatched his cell phone. The camera hadn’t even been turned off yet, and there were pictures of Seung-yeon in the album. As he scrolled through the pictures, there were also several pictures that had been taken to zoom in on Lee Il-seo’s bed inside the intensive care unit.

Seung-yeon stared at the screen with a blank expression and then threw the cell phone to the floor. The sound of it hitting the floor was a loud crash, and it shattered into pieces.

Hwan approached the person who was shouting about what he was doing, and Seung-yeon also rushed at the other person with eyes that had lost their reason. Kyung-hyun, who had squeezed in between them, grabbed Seung-yeon almost like he was hugging him and took him out of the hospital.

This was a general hospital with a specialist in internal medicine and obstetrics and gynecology. If Seung-yeon didn’t manage his pheromones properly, innocent shape-shifters and omega pregnant women could be affected. The voices of the man and Hwan, who were raising their voices, mingled together, and even the sound of people whispering scattered in confusion.

“Seung-yeon-ssi, let’s go for now.”

Kyung-hyun dragged Seung-yeon to a secluded staff bathroom in front of the elevator. Even though he had used all his strength, Kyung-hyun would have been dragged into the hospital if Seung-yeon’s condition hadn’t deteriorated from taking care of Il-seo.

“Seung-yeon-ssi, calm down. Okay?”

Kyung-hyun gasped for breath in the empty bathroom. Seung-yeon was still blindly trying to walk outside. At first glance, his expression was so devoid of emotion that he could be mistaken for a mannequin, but his bloodshot eyes were frozen as coldly as frost. Kyung-hyun, who was holding Seung-yeon’s arm, who looked like he was about to beat the person who took the picture to death, pleaded in a heartbreaking voice.

“Il-seo will get another article if you do this. Please calm down!”

Only after hearing Il-seo’s name did Seung-yeon’s eyes twitch and he slowly took the strength out of his body, slowly moving his black eyes to Kyung-hyun. After looking at Kyung-hyun for a long time and sighing, Seung-yeon distorted the space between his eyebrows as if he was in pain.

“…How can I calm down?”

His voice, which was so hoarse that even Kyung-hyun was surprised, fell to his feet. Seung-yeon’s black pupils were empty, as if he had exhausted all his strength in an instant.

“How can I calm down when he’s in so much pain because of the child I conceived through r*pe?”

“…”

However, Kyung-hyun, who was holding onto Seung-yeon, merely twitched his eyebrows at those words, showing no signs of surprise or bewilderment. Seung-yeon, having grasped the situation, removed Kyung-hyun’s hand from his arm and chuckled.

“So you knew.”

“…”

“I’m sure kind Lee Il-seo asked you not to say anything.”

Kyung-hyun averted his eyes, furrowing his brows and biting his lip. He too was struggling to suppress the emotions welling up inside him. His chin trembling slightly, Kyung-hyun hesitated before recalling Il-seo’s appearance when he revealed the pregnancy and spoke.

“Il-seo did it because he liked you, Seung-yeon… He truly loved you very much.”

Seung-yeon stared silently at Kyung-hyun. Lee Il-seo likes me. Every time he dwelled on that fact, it felt like his heart was boiling. Seung-yeon spoke as if expelling something, seemingly frustrated.

“I love him too.”

“…”

“It’s not just him loving me, I’m saying I love Lee Il-seo too.”

His breathing trembled. Seung-yeon clutched his head, then let go.

“He was hurt because of me and is on the verge of death because of me. And even the reason for that is because he loves me…?”

Lines formed on Seung-yeon’s chin as he lost his composure. The blue vein that had risen on his forehead next to his eyebrow stood out prominently against his pale face. His wavering eyes met Kyung-hyun’s, filled with encroaching fear.

“Then what the fuck am I supposed to do?”

“…Seung-yeon.”

“What? I’m really curious, that’s why I’m asking.”

The corners of Seung-yeon’s mouth lifted crookedly. But Kyung-hyun could see from the tears welling up in Seung-yeon’s eyes just how desperate he felt.

“I had resolved to protect Lee Il-seo whether the child he’s carrying is mine or not.”

“…”

“If it’s like this, it’s no different from me killing Lee Il-seo, isn’t it?”

Seung-yeon was someone who had been considered meticulous to the point of having no gaps after rolling around in the entertainment industry. The solid mask he had worn every time they met was now completely shattered in this cramped bathroom. He was crying out desperately to Kyung-hyun, who was practically a stranger to him.

“I don’t understand right now, I really don’t.”

He shook his head slightly and bowed deeply, then pressed his forehead with his hand. Fuck, I think I’m going crazy. Seung-yeon closed his eyes and let out a sigh that sounded like he was talking to himself.

“I want to ask Lee Il-seo what I should do for him, but he’s not waking up.”

“…”

“He’s still not waking…”

He couldn’t finish the words he had started to say in a trailing voice. After holding his breath, Seung-yeon turned around, pushed open the toilet stall door, stuck his head in the toilet, and vomited something. Surprised, Kyung-hyun followed him and patted his back.

He hadn’t eaten properly, so after heaving a few times, he only spat out saliva. Staggering as he got up, he rinsed his mouth at the sink. Kyung-hyun could only look at Seung-yeon’s reflection in the mirror with a complicated expression, unable to do anything. Seung-yeon was leaning on the sink with his head bowed, as if crushed by something.

“Hyung, hyung! Where are you?”

At that moment, Hwan’s voice calling for him was heard from outside the bathroom. Seung-yeon offered a belated apology to Kyung-hyun, who was looking at the closed door with a bewildered expression. His hoarse voice sounded very tired.

“I apologize for my rudeness.”

“No, not at all. I also think it’s a very difficult situation.”

Seung-yeon nodded weakly, removing his hand from the sink and standing on his own two feet. His steps seemed heavy as he barely moved. Kyung-hyun called out to Seung-yeon as he was about to brush past him.

“Seung-yeon, it may be presumptuous of me, but there’s one thing I’d like to say.”

“…”

“Il-seo is a tough kid.”

Seung-yeon’s footsteps halted. Kyung-hyun spoke to the broad but seemingly more precarious than anyone’s back, unloading the words that had piled up in his heart.

“Just as much as you wanted to protect Il-seo, Il-seo also wanted to protect the person he loves.”

“…”

“It’s not that you hurt him… Il-seo also made a choice to protect someone in his own way. That’s the Il-seo I know.”

How can a person only move according to the right answers? One couldn’t judge right and wrong in matters mixed with emotions. But having observed Il-seo closely, he could understand what kind of person he was. He hoped that Seung-yeon, if no one else, would fully understand Il-seo’s pure but strong heart, which some might call foolish.

Seung-yeon, who had momentarily paused his steps at Kyung-hyun’s voice, ultimately left the bathroom without any response. Hwan, who had been looking around the hospital, raised his eyebrows as he saw Seung-yeon walking out of the bathroom and approached him. Compensation to the company, lawsuit separately…. The muttering voice was completely inaudible.

Seung-yeon, who had been staring out the window without saying a word until they reached home, got out of the car after telling Hwan not to contact him personally for the time being.