TCOR CH26

Chapter 26：Can’t sleep?

I tried hard to see what Shen Wunian was thinking. I hoped he was joking, but who would joke about something like this?

‘It was my tenth birthday, and nothing was unusual.My father ordered a huge cake, and my mother cooked a table of my favourite dishes…’He told me the story as if it were someone else’s, without much expression on his face.

He remembered every dish his mother had cooked, and could even describe in detail the taste of each one.He remembered the big cake, with his favourite rugby star drawn on it.He remembered all the conversations that night, his parents’ smiling faces.And he remembered the sudden gunshot…

“My father…that man. One moment he was concerned about my studies, the next he pulled a gun out from under the table that he had prepared long ago.My mother asked him in horror what he was doing, and he said…he wanted to become the second Van Gogh.”He spoke slowly, and when he finished, he laughed, repeating the words as if he found them absurd: “Van Gogh?”

The small piece of cake had long since been eaten by Shen Wunian and his wife, and now only some cream remained on the base, which he scraped and stirred over and over again.

“Van Gogh wasn’t popular while he was alive, but after he died, he became a famous genius painter. Why was he so different from other painters from the same time?”

At first I thought he was asking me, and I felt worried.I knew Van Gogh was a famous painter, but I didn’t know anything about his life or where he was from.

Luckily, he quickly said that this was not his question, but Shen Yao’s, his father’s.

‘My father believes it’s all down to Van Gogh’s dramatic death.People love geniuses, crazy geniuses, tragic geniuses, and geniuses who never achieve success, but the one they love the most is still the dead genius.

He tried to copy Van Gogh’s death, but that wasn’t enough. He had to be more shocking, more miserable, and more crazy…

Shen Wunian’s strength increased gradually, his expression calm, but his movements taking on a vicious air.

“I don’t remember what happened after the gun went off, but the police said that when they found me, my mother was protecting me. She had been shot six times, and one of the bullets had gone through both of us. My father was lying on his side, having killed himself.”

“I still remember the last thing that man said before he died: ‘Family members can be reunited in the afterlife after they die, but his art will live on forever in the world of the living.'”

He used Shen Yao’s title in a way that was both “Father” and “that man”, full of contradictions and disgust. He wanted to be carefree, but it was difficult to let go.

The metal spoon is fixed at one point and embedded deeply in the base of the cake.Shen Wunian’s expression remains indifferent, but his hand is trembling slightly.

I felt a nerve in my head twitch as old memories stirred.

In the year after my parents died, I missed them so much that I cried every now and then at night.But because I didn’t have my own room, I couldn’t cry too loudly, so I just buried my head in the quilt and suppressed my sobs.

If only someone could have listened to my sadness, pitied me, and held me in their arms to comfort me, even if just for a minute, my pain would have been much less.

As I thought this, my body moved before my mind.

‘That’s enough…’ I grabbed what Shen Wunian was holding out of his hands and threw it onto the coffee table.The cream on the spoon spread all over the clear glass and the cake crumbs were scattered everywhere, but I didn’t care.

I got down on the sofa, stood up straight, put my arms around Shen Wunian’s head and gently pushed him into my arms.

I told him it was okay, that it was all over. I patted his shoulders and whispered, “It’s all my fault. I made you remember the bad things. I don’t want to think about it… We don’t want to think about it…”

I listened to his sadness, felt sorry for him, and tried to make him feel better, hoping that he could be less miserable, if only for tonight.

Shen Wunian didn’t say anything for a minute, and then he stopped talking.I felt awkward after singing for a while, so I tried to let go of him.

‘Sleep well… ah!’I tried to lift my hand, but my body felt trapped. Shen Wunian had his arms around me, holding me down.

“Don’t go,” he said, his fingers gripping the fabric of my back, tightening and tugging.Shen Wunian’s temper became even more straightforward, and his tone more domineering, perhaps because he had been drinking.

‘I won’t go anywhere…’ I said, trying to get away from him. ‘You have to be gentler, it hurts.’

His arm was like an iron vice, and it was so tight that I had trouble breathing.I even felt that if he wanted to, he could crush every bone in my body.

‘Pussy’, he said when he heard my plea, and let go a little, but only a little, just enough to ensure that I could breathe normally.

‘No, it really hurts!’ I complained, raising my hand and tapping him on the head.I was shocked when I tapped myself, so I quickly gave him another rub, quickly changing the subject.”So… have you been sulking for the past two days because of your birthday?”

Strange, why do I feel angry that this is not the first time I have been so “vilified” by him?

Birthdays are supposed to be a time to celebrate being born, but I have nothing to celebrate,” Shen Wunian said, his nose and lips right in front of my chest.As he spoke, a warm air current built up and seared my skin through the thin cotton T-shirt. “I have the genes of a madman inside me. I look just like him… One day, I will also become a madman. A complete madman.”

His hand, which had been rubbing, immediately slapped me again.I pressed against his shoulder to see his face and said, ‘Don’t talk nonsense…’

It would be better if he was angry with me, because at least it would be a thousand times better than the scary story he was telling.

‘Don’t move.’My struggle made him tense up, and he held me even more tightly, his fingers digging into my skin through my clothes.

I felt a bit of pain in my waist and immediately stopped resisting.

“Ouch, be gentle, I won’t move, I won’t move!”

His grip eased slightly, and I breathed a sigh of relief.At the same time, I felt as if I had been under a spell.

‘No, you won’t go crazy,’ I stroked the hair on the back of his head and explained to him, ‘normally, if you look like your father, you will have your mother’s personality.Your mother is so good, you must also be a very, very good person… no, you are a very, very good person.’

Shen Wunian laughed lightly, and I could feel the vibration of his body through the connection, which made me realise that he was enjoying it.

He tilted his head and looked at me. “Our little Ai, you have a sweet mouth.”

The light above his head made his dark pupils shine, and his eyes looked like they were full of tears.

I looked away for a moment and fixed my eyes on the tip of his nose. “Are you feeling better?”

“Much better.”He smiled, and although it wasn’t any wider or brighter than usual, it looked extraordinary to me.

It was as if it…penetrated the surface and came from his soul.

‘Then can you… let go of me?’His intentions were good, but it was a little strange for two grown men to hug on the sofa for so long, even for someone as slow-witted as me.

‘Let go? Why should I let go?’

I was confused by his question: “How can you sleep if you don’t let go of me?”

‘Can’t I sleep?’ He frowned knowingly, and without waiting for me to answer, he continued, ‘You can definitely sleep.’ And with that, he yanked my arm.

I felt my vision blur, and the next second I was on the sofa with him.

Shen Wunian’s sofa is made of leather, which is not only soft and sturdy, but also extra wide. I like to curl up on it to read, but no matter how wide it is, it’s still a bit crowded for two grown men, not to mention that one of them is a tall guy with long legs and arms.

I was practically lying on top of Shen Wunian.I remembered that he did the same thing again, pressing his hand behind my waist and pushing me back down.

‘Sleep,’ he said, and pushed my waist and head down at the same time.

I was forced to rest my head on his chest, with the sound of his heartbeat in my ears and his breathing getting slower and slower.

He wasn’t going to fall asleep, was he?

I called out quietly, ‘Shen Wunian?’ but he didn’t respond.

I tried to sit up, but the hand on my head pushed me down again.

I felt annoyed and lay back down. ‘Are you pretending to sleep?!’ I asked.

I didn’t get any response.

Even if you can talk, it doesn’t mean you’re not drunk. Smelling the faint smell of alcohol on him, I accepted that I would stay awake until morning. After all, how could I sleep in such a narrow, bright place?

‘Drunkard,’ I muttered.

Luckily, Shen Wunian was still warm, so I wouldn’t catch fire if I rested my head on him…

I was woken by the sound of a car horn blaring downstairs.It was just a short two-note blast, but I was still awake because I was so tired.I opened my eyes and saw that Shen Wunian and I were still in pretty much the same position as last night, except that he wasn’t holding my head anymore.

As I woke up, I felt my senses returning.I tried to get up from Shen Wunian, but I felt a shiver and then I got stuck.

I looked down at the part that was still in contact and realised that the part of me that was full of energy in the morning was greeting the part of Shen Wunian that was full of energy in the morning with a high five.

I was shocked, but not as shocked as if I had been struck by lightning. I felt like I could not feel any blood in my fingers or toes.

I grabbed the sofa by the back with my hands, just as you would do when you’re in school and you’re trying not to get caught. I managed to get both feet back on the ground without waking Shen Wunian. Then, I went to the bathroom, taking it slow and steady.

When I finally got into the bathroom, it felt like I had won a really long battle.

I locked the bathroom door, rested my forehead against the cold, hard wooden door, bit my lower lip, and fixed my gaze on a certain part of me that had been troubling me lately.

‘I know, don’t worry, I’ll…’ I reached for it, ‘let you relax a little.’