TCOR CH27

Chapter 27：As a reward for you

There was a bookshop next to my parents’ breakfast restaurant. I liked to go there when I was bored. I would look for an interesting book and sit on the steps for a long time.

I once read a weird book by an author I’ve forgotten, and most of the plot is also hazy, but I was impressed by the description of a certain monster.

It was a kind of pink worm that could break through the soil and expand and contract at will. Because it had been underground for a long time, its eyes had degenerated, and it only had a mouth that it used to dig.They usually lived underground, but when they were hungry, they would come to the surface and hunt for prey by spitting out caustic mucus.

The book was full of illustrations of the monster in all its forms, which made it look like they really existed in reality and frightened me.

So when I reached puberty a few years later, I was terrified to discover that I had a pink ‘worm’ inside me too. I even thought my time was coming to an end.

I was terrified for a long time, lost in a daze all day long, and my studies suffered.

My parents noticed something was wrong and asked me if I was being bullied at school. I told them about the ‘monster’ on my body and they looked strange when they heard this, unable to laugh. In the end, my mother went next door while my father spoke to me about the ‘monster’.

After that, I knew that every man has a ‘monster’ inside them, and its existence represents a boy’s progress towards manhood.It’s not a terminal illness, so there’s nothing to worry about.

I understood the reasoning, but just as Shen Wunian said, first impressions are important.Even though it’s all part of the body, I still feel that that place is very different from everywhere else.

It’s not really a monster, but it has no intelligence and only instincts.It’s slimy and slippery, and it doesn’t look nice.I call it ‘the little monster’.

Since it appeared, unlike other boys, I didn’t have much in-depth communication with it except for the necessary touches, and I didn’t think that was interesting.

If it weren’t for the fact that I later fell in love with Bai Qixuan, and my body was gradually affected by hormones, I started to have all kinds of shameful fantasies. I don’t know when our relationship will ease up.

Just thinking about Bai Qixuan, the little monster that used to make me happier, this time felt like I had been slapped hard, and immediately showed signs of wilting, looking quite weak.

I bit my lip and quickly stopped thinking about Bai Qixuan.

The little monster came back to life a little, but it was still not energetic, and no matter how I tried to comfort it, it didn’t have much effect. I knew that it was because I wasn’t skilled enough and it didn’t feel good.

I started to try to invent a new object for it.

I started with the body, wanting it to be tall and strong with muscular legs and arms that flexed when I pushed. I imagined a warm, secure embrace.

Next, I thought about the posture. I imagined myself leaning in his arms, his hands coming up under my armpits and in front of me.The little monster looked even smaller in his big hands, like a ‘mini monster’.

I frowned and made some changes in my mind, and immediately the little monster grew as big as a balloon in those hands.

With my forehead pressed against the door, I kept my eyes tightly shut and began to optimise the final details.

I could feel the hot breath on my ear lobes, his body temperature was slightly higher than mine, and his nice body odour… With each additional setting, the little monster trembled with joy and drooled.

His left hand was resting on the doorknob, his fingers tightening and relaxing.His blood was rushing through his veins, going back and forth.

A fine layer of sweat gradually covers his neck, and each heartbeat becomes heavy and rapid.The emotions of the little monster are transmitted from below, fierce as a mountain torrent and tsunami, overwhelming me.

My breathing on my earlobes became rapid, and the temperature on my back was unbearably hot.The intoxicating body odour was accompanied by a slight sweaty smell, and…

‘Little Ai, are you in there?’

The sudden male voice was like a bolt of thunder that shattered all my illusions.I suddenly opened my eyes, and the strength in my hands lost its sense of proportion, and I choked the little monster out.

‘Hmmm…’My heart was beating so fast it felt like it was going to jump right out of my throat, and I lost my balance straight away. My fingers touched the door as I dropped to my knees.

Shen Wunian knocked on the door again, probably because he could hear me.

My body was shaking uncontrollably, and the tiny openings on my skin were tingling.

‘I…’ The voice that came out was hoarse and trembling, unbearable to the ear.I hurriedly cleared my throat and spoke again, “Ahem, I’m fine, I’ll be out after I’m done.”

“Oh, it’s fine. I was just worried because you were in there for a long time…”Shen Wunian’s voice faded away.”What happened?”

I opened my eyes and saw that my hand was sweaty. I closed my eyes again and my heartbeat slowed down. I felt very tired.

I’m not a child, what could have happened?

You scared me to death.

I looked at the little monster, who had already slumped back lazily, a little ashamed and annoyed, and said angrily without speaking: ‘You behave yourself from now on, I don’t want to do this kind of thing for you again.’

Soon, it was Sunday, and apart from some bruising around my right eye, the injuries on my body were mostly healed.

During this week, I always made myself avoid thinking about Bai Qixuan.

I wasn’t afraid to face Wang Xiangyang, and I didn’t want to avoid him, but Bai Qixuan was a different story. I wanted to avoid him so badly that I wished I could never think about him again.

[Are you free tonight?]

But things always worked out the way they were meant to. If I didn’t think about Bai Qixuan, he would disappear from my mind, but he would still be in my life.

We still had a dinner date, and sooner or later, we would have to eat that meal.

I hesitated for a moment, but then I decided to keep the appointment. I went outside and told Shen Wunian, who was working, about my decision.

After listening to me, he took off his glasses, pinched his nose and said, ‘You still look ill, so why don’t we wait another week?’

I shook my head and said, ‘I don’t want to wait any longer, so let’s do it today.’

Shen Wunian looked at me, opened a drawer, took something out and placed it on the table, sliding it towards me.

I took it and looked at it. It was a key.Attached to the key was a round wooden plaque with the character ‘Ai’ engraved on it and a very small bell.

“From now on, this will be your key, and you can come and go as you please,” Shen Wunian said, putting his glasses back on and smiling at me.”Remember to keep it with you at all times.”

I stroked the characters on the wooden plaque, and felt many emotions. Some of these emotions I had never felt before, while others I had felt many times before. All of them surged and boiled within me, like ten thousand horses galloping. But once they were let out, they were reduced to the incredibly bland sentence, ‘Thank you.’

Shen Wunian had helped me get ready for the trip, and the clothes I bought that day were delivered and hung in my wardrobe. I haven’t opened them yet.

It is early spring, but the weather is still quite cold. I still need to wear a thicker jacket.

Shen Wunian chose a long, dark green sweater for me, with a brown cashmere undershirt and a checked scarf tied firmly around my neck.

‘Are you sure you don’t need any help?’ Shen Wunian asked again before I left.

I waved at him and said, ‘No, I’ll go by myself. See you later.’

‘Goodbye, be careful,’ he said, but didn’t go back inside immediately, and kept watching me get into the elevator.

Bai Qixuan’s apartment was on the other side of the river, in a different district, but it was still in the city centre. It was almost 6 o’clock when I arrived at the address he had sent me.

The neighbourhood looked like an upscale one, with high-rise residential buildings and a structure of two households per floor.Before I could go in, the security guard checked with Bai Qixuan and then let me in.

I had thought of many possible situations and imagined what I would say, but when I actually met Bai Qixuan, I realised how little I had thought about it.

As soon as the door opened, I smiled. I called him ‘Brother Bai’ and asked about his home. When he asked about the bruises on my face, I lied and said I had bumped into something.

I suddenly realised that everyone has to put on an act in their daily lives, and I do, and so does he. What I like may never be the real him.

Bai Qixuan can’t cook, so we had Thai food delivered.

‘Do you want some wine?’ he asks, taking out a bottle of white wine.

I remember how terrible I felt after the last time I had a hangover, and I really don’t want to go through that again.

‘No, I’ll just have some water.Bai Ge, where’s your roommate?’

‘I told him I was entertaining a friend and sent him to his girlfriend’s place,’ he said, uncorking the bottle of wine and pouring a small glass.He sat across from me and said, ‘He’s not expected back tonight.’Then he raised his glass to me and said, ‘Cheers.’

I wasn’t in the mood, but I raised my glass anyway and lightly touched it to his.

He did most of the talking during the whole meal and I mostly listened.

Thanks to how well the Xu Ao project is going, he has now been promoted to project manager and can take part in the negotiation and planning of some projects.

His bosses think highly of him and his colleagues get along with him very well, so it’s clear he’s very satisfied with his current career development.

Then he changed the subject to chat about Liang family gossip, saying, “… By the way, do you know Liang Weiren?”

‘The crown prince of the Liang family?’Liang Huiyun is still active at the age of over 80, so his eldest son, born to his first wife, has also been a “crown prince” all his life.Now in his 50s, he is jokingly called the “old crown prince” by outsiders.

Bai Qixuan nodded: ‘Liang Huiyun is said to have suddenly been diagnosed with cancer, and finally decided to give up power.Recently, Liang Weiren and Liang Zailong have been fighting like cats and dogs, and they are about to cause big problems.’He glanced at the jacket I had placed on the sofa and said, ‘The Liang family has a large business. Liang Weiren is also a well-respected collector in the industry and he and Shen Wunian’s adoptive father are close friends.I don’t understand why Shen Wunian seems to be on better terms with Liang Zailong.

I didn’t understand what he meant. He said, ‘What does their fight over the family fortune have to do with Shen Wunian and his adoptive father?’

‘You don’t think Shen Wunian’s adoptive father, Ashmakine, is just some art curator, do you?’Bai Qixuan looked amused.

He started to explain to me who Shen Wunian’s adoptive father was.

Robert Ashmagan, a famous European and American art expert, dealer, and billionaire, is known as the godfather of the art world. He has the ability to make any artist famous. While he is enthusiastic about public welfare and adopts orphans, there have been rumours in recent years that he uses art to launder money for drug lords and rich people.

Bai Qixuan finished speaking and added, ‘So, just be careful. You’d better avoid him, just in case.’

I was shocked and took a moment to respond. The person they were talking about must be Shen Wunian.

‘But I’m just a college student. Why would I be involved?’

Bai Qixuan probably thought that Shen Wunian was worrying too much and didn’t say anything else.

After dinner, I helped clear the table and wash the dirty dishes.

‘Where should I put them?’After washing the last plate, I drained the water and turned around, accidentally bumping into Bai Qixuan, who was about to open the cupboard door for me.

‘Be careful!’ he said, grabbing my arm. With his other hand, he put his arm around my waist to stop me from falling.

We were so close that I could smell the alcohol on his breath.

The mood suddenly became very romantic.

‘Little Ai… I wish you were a girl,’ he whispered, moving closer to me. His eyes showed regret and he seemed to be acting on impulse, fuelled by alcohol.

I pushed him away because I was scared, and he almost fell over.

It was as if he had suddenly sobered up, realising what he had just done.His face turned red: ‘I’m sorry, Little Ai, I’ve had too much to drink…’

I pursed my lips and put the plate I was holding down to one side.

‘I can’t possibly become a girl, and I won’t become a girl for anyone.Originally, I wanted to wait until later to talk to you about this properly.’I paused for a moment to choose my words carefully. ‘I’ve been working part-time in a karaoke bar since my first year at university. I told you about this.The karaoke bar is called “Jin Huihuang”; it’s actually a nightclub.’

Bai Qixuan was initially a little confused, but at the end of the sentence, he suddenly reacted, his eyes widening little by little.

He tried to explain, getting a bit nervous: ‘You, you listen to my explanation, I went there to celebrate my promotion with my colleagues, just acting a bit silly… If I don’t do that, people will think I’m not a team player…’

‘I’m not accusing you,’ I interrupted him. ‘I just want to advise you not to go to those kinds of places in the future. It’s not very safe.’

I spoke carefully, but Bai Qixuan understood immediately.

‘I didn’t sleep with that woman! I told you I only went to the hotel to make myself seem more sociable, and I… I paid her and let her go. You can ask her if you don’t believe me!’He put his hand to his forehead, trying to remember.”The woman’s name was Sasha or Shanshan…”

‘No need, it doesn’t matter.’

This made Bai Qixuan angry, and he hurried over, holding my arm.’It was Shen Wunian! He planned everything. He let me show you my worst side on purpose!’

He keeps talking about Shen Wunian’s behaviour, and I don’t understand why.

‘Why do you always have to bring up other people?’

“Ai, can’t you see that he wants to hurt you?”

I broke free of his grip and frowned. ‘Bai… Bai Qixuan, you’re such a big boy, do you want someone else to take the blame for what you’ve done? Stop being so unreasonable.’

Even if Shen Wunian had arranged the private room, he had to accept it out of politeness. But his mouth was free, so could Shen Wunian still control him to kiss someone else?

‘I…’ Bai Qixuan went pale and was left speechless by my question.

I had never thought that I would describe him as “unreasonable” and I had never thought that we would fight over another man.

Was he always like this? Had I not known what he was like? Or had he long since lost himself in the lights and glitz of the big city and was no longer the Bai Qixuan of old?

‘I’ve said what I needed to say. I’m leaving first.’I didn’t want to argue, so I pushed him away and walked quickly out of the kitchen.

I put on my jacket and grabbed my phone, ran down the 11th floor and all the way to the outside of the residential area.I stopped when I felt pain in my lower abdomen and was out of breath. I held onto a street tree by the roadside.

This time it should really be over.

After a while, I dragged my heavy footsteps and slowly walked towards the subway station.

I knew I had made the right choice, but it still felt hard to end it this way, after all these years of liking him.

With half my face hidden in my scarf, I walked along, crying, not for anyone in particular, just feeling sad about this first love that had come to nothing.

But this was probably the second time, so I was better prepared. I just wept silently, not feeling heartbroken.

When I went into the subway station, I got a message on my phone from Bai Qixuan.

[I really am not a good person, but you should also be careful of Shen Wunian.]

‘Why isn’t it over yet…’I wiped away my tears and deleted the conversation with him.

It was already 9 o’clock when I returned to Qingyun Apartment. As soon as I entered the door, I saw that Shen Wunian was still working in the living room.

‘Working this late?’ I greeted him.

He turned his head and looked at me, keeping his eyes on my face for much longer than usual.

‘How was your evening?’

‘Fine, not bad.’

I thought to myself, I’m not yet ready to talk about tonight with him. I’ll wait until I’ve calmed down and found the right time to explain.It might take a few days, but it shouldn’t be too long.

Even though I had obviously just gone out for dinner, I felt more tired than if I had worked for ten hours.

After I got out of the shower, Shen Wunian called out to me.

‘There’s some warm milk in the kitchen for you.Have some and go to bed.’

‘Oh.’

I took the milk and came out, mentioning casually, “Brother Bai said today that he got a promotion, and you even booked a luxurious private room for him to celebrate?”

Shen Wunian didn’t know what he was looking at, his left hand clenched into a fist, his index finger resting against his lower lip, the computer screen casting a white light on his glasses.

‘Yes, why?’ He looked at me when he heard this, his expression unchanging, his speech flowing freely, ‘I wanted to create a chance encounter for you two, but after that I didn’t hear you talk about it again, so I guess it didn’t happen.’

‘Oh, I heard Brother Bai mention it today and I was curious, so I asked casually.’Faced with his direct gaze, I felt embarrassed and quickly averted eye contact by drinking some milk.

It seems that it was just Bai Qixuan who was in a bad mood and on a one-on-one rivalry with Shen Wunian. He made me suspicious.

After drinking the milk, I felt sleepy and went to bed.

I had a lot of messy dreams that night, and I felt like I woke up a few times, but it felt like I just fell back asleep.

In my dream, the door was pushed open and someone walked in and gently tapped my keyring hanging from the bedpost.

“Ding-dong,”

The bell jingles lightly, and the man laughs, ‘Luckily I was prepared.’

He brushed my face with his fingers as he walked towards the end of the bed.His voice sounded happy. ‘Since you spoke so well of me, let’s do something different today…’

‘As a reward for you.’

I can’t tell if this is real or a dream, but I feel a huge surge of joy.