TCOR CH3

Chapter 3: Do you need help?

A cold wind blew across my face. I tried to mobilise my lips and tongue to fight back, but all I could manage was a weak mumble.

‘You… you…’

He stepped back a little, studying my face with interest. ‘I what?’

My fingers clenched in my pocket as I forced myself to look less vulnerable. ‘You, you’re talking nonsense!’

My thoughts were chaotic, dark currents swirling, filled with all sorts of suppositions. For a moment, I doubted Bai Qixuan – but that was quickly dismissed, as Bai Qixuan was not the kind of person to blab about personal matters all over the place; for a moment, I doubted myself – but I had always been very restrained in my feelings for Bai Qixuan, and it didn’t seem so obvious for someone who had only met him twice to notice.

So how did Shen Wunian know? And why would he say such things to me? Was he just trying to humiliate me, or was there some other reason?

What if… what if my aunt and her husband found out? And if it got worse, what if Bai Qixuan’s parents found out… then I’m afraid I’ll never be able to go back to Los Angeles.

I won’t have a home.

‘You really…’ Shen Wunian’s gaze lingered on my face for a moment, then suddenly his tone changed, a little amused and a little helpless, “Yes, I was just talking nonsense.”

One moment he was aggressive and the next it was as if nothing had happened. I was so taken aback by his sudden change that I couldn’t really react. I was so taken aback that even when he turned and walked away, I was still standing there, frozen.

Noticing that I hadn’t followed him, he stopped, turned back to me and asked, ‘Aren’t you coming? Little crybaby.

He said the last three words with a little smile, like he was petting a… poor, sweet puppy.

I knitted my eyebrows and followed him. When I saw him walk away, I quickly opened the front camera on my phone to check my eyes. They were indeed a little red, but not because I’d been crying, just because I hadn’t slept well the night before.

After that I stopped talking to Shen Wunian.

When we got to the car park, he told me to wait in the car while he went to smoke under the awning of the tourist service centre.

I sat in the car and watched from a distance as he smoked cigarette after cigarette. He had a frightening addiction. When we returned from the temple, he took a smoke break before getting into the car. There were several tourists going to the toilet, but none of them stayed as long as he did.

After about half an hour, Bai Qixuan and Miss Zhou returned from buying the bracelet. Shen Wunian probably saw them and left the tourist service centre to go to the car.

The return trip was much easier. Perhaps everyone was tired, so no one spoke much. Miss Zhou even fell asleep right against the car door.

Shen Wunian received a phone call in the car. I was also sleepy, so I only heard bits and pieces of the conversation. I only knew that the person on the other end was his subordinate and seemed to be reporting on the progress of the work.

Understood… You all be careful, check carefully… Leave it for now… I’ll make arrangements after the new year…’

‘Have the photos of Xu Ao arrived?’ Bai Qixuan couldn’t wait to ask as soon as Shen Wunian hung up.

My eyebrows twitched, and for no reason, I felt that the name Xu Ao was somewhat familiar to me, but I just couldn’t remember where I’d heard it before.

‘Yes, I received them all, none of them are damaged.

Bai Qixuan looked very relieved: ‘That’s great. Xu Ao is a difficult person to deal with. He has high standards for himself and others… No, I should say he is hard. If he finds out that one of his photos has been damaged, he won’t give a damn about saving face. He’ll return all the photos and refuse any exhibition.

“I don’t understand it either. He has the negatives, so if he damages one, he can just print another one himself. What’s the big deal?

Shen Wunian smiled and said, “An artist with a good personality, born ordinary, without any ups and downs in his life, is like a glass of plain water, how boring. Xu Ao’s eccentricity is his trademark and his selling point. Are you investing in him because you want him to be a mediocre and obedient artist?

Although his tone was not harsh, Bai Qixuan suddenly felt weak.

My thoughts became clearer, and I suddenly remembered who Xu Ao was.

A member of Waghaman, a contemporary eccentric, a documentary photographer who went into war zones alone to expose the truth. His work has won numerous awards and he only uses film cameras, which means that every photograph is one he has brought back from a war zone after experiencing life and death and dodging artillery fire.

He exhibits them, sells them and donates the money to the children in the war zone. He is an idol in the local photography community.

He also has a very controversial habit: for every photo he sells, he destroys the negative. He will never keep electronic files, nor will he publish or exhibit them again.

I know this because when I was a freshman at university, young and inexperienced, I was inadvertently dragged into the photography club by my older classmates. But photography is not a game for people like me. Also, after I got into college, my aunt stopped paying my tuition and living expenses, so I had to work part-time to save money. I didn’t have much free time during the day, so I only went for one semester and then dropped out.

I never thought that what I learned in just one semester would be useful.

It seems that Xu Ao was an artist that Bai Qixuan’s company had previously bought shares in, and this exhibition in Jiangshi is probably the fund’s settlement of profits on maturity. Shen Wunian is the curator of this art sale exhibition.

I wonder where Xu Ao’s exhibition is being held? Are the tickets expensive? If they’re not… I’d really like to go and see it.

I was really tired, so I leaned against the car door and fell asleep. Halfway through I felt a pain in my neck, so I changed position. The pillow under me was hard, but the height was just right and it was warm too.

‘…Ai…Zhong Ai…’

I heard someone call my name and I struggled to wake up from my sleep. I saw Bai Qixuan looking back at me from the front row, his expression a little… angry?

“Zhong Ai, don’t rely on people,

I blinked slowly, still a little confused as to what was going on. Then I heard a familiar low chuckle from above me, and my head suddenly cleared.

I jumped up, realising that Miss Zhou was no longer in the car. And judging by the view outside, I thought we must be almost home.

I realised that I had rested my head on Shen Wunian’s shoulder, using him as a pillow all the way.

I said sheepishly, ‘I’m sorry, I fell asleep. Why didn’t you push me away?

Shen Wunian shifted his shoulders a little, ‘I saw you sleeping so soundly that I didn’t dare wake you.

I was a little apologetic at first, seeing how uncomfortable he looked, but then I thought about how annoying he was before we got in the car, and my apology was withdrawn.

The car started again, and Bai Qixuan’s voice came from the front: ‘I’ve called you several times, but you haven’t answered. Didn’t you sleep well last night and are you that tired? You didn’t even react when Zhou Yun got out of the car.

It’s not your fault.

This person seems to have forgotten that I no longer even have the small, broken bed on the balcony in my sister-in-law’s living room, and now I have to share a bed with Du Jingchuan. How could I sleep well?

Suppressing my feelings of loss, I lowered my eyes and nodded vaguely, “A little…

Shen Wunian was going to Bai Qixuan’s house for dinner, so he came back with us. As we parted in the corridor, Bai Qixuan asked if I wanted to go back to his house with him, but I was a little reluctant to share a table with Shen Wunian, so I politely declined.

When I got home, I gave the amulet to my aunt, and she accepted it happily, without even mentioning giving me any money.

Zhong Ai, when you went out today, was there a very pretty young girl with you? My aunt asked as she casually put a piece of spare rib into Du Jingchuan’s bowl during dinner.

My aunt is really easy to read sometimes. I thought she would definitely ask, and indeed she did.

Well, she seems to be the daughter of Brother Bai’s aunt’s friend. I avoided the bowl of spareribs and wisely chose only the cauliflower to eat.

When I was young and ignorant, I also tried to take a piece of meat from Du Jingchuan. As a result, Du Jingchuan went mad at the table, crying and making a scene, and my aunt had to ask me to leave.

He was a bit fatter than he is now, and his face turned purple from crying, which looked quite frightening.

My sister-in-law was frightened, she cuddled her son and called him her darling. My brother-in-law pointed at me and shouted: ‘If you can stay, behave; if you can’t, get out!

After that I never touched a bowl of meat that didn’t belong to me.

“Did you see who she was talking to? The young lady said she dances in Jiang City, and she seems to be a good match for your brother Bai. Their hometown is the same place, and they work in the same place, so it will be convenient for them to come together for the New Year in the future.

After just one outing, it felt like my sister-in-law had already decided what to wear to her child’s first birthday party.

I hadn’t noticed,’ I giggled, trying to muddle through, ‘I don’t know anything about that.

My sister-in-law saw that she couldn’t get anything out of me and lost interest: ‘You only know how to giggle. After that, she ignored me and started talking to my uncle about ordinary things.

After dinner, Du Jingchuan went back to his room to do his homework. I didn’t want to go in, and my uncle was watching television in the living room, so I didn’t want to stay there either. I had to go downstairs to take out the rubbish.

The snow had stopped falling, but the clouds were still thick and I couldn’t see the stars or the moon.

I found a swing in the community playground, brushed off the snow on it and swung up listlessly.

My aunt and her family live in an old residential area with no lifts or underground car parks. Cars are parked close together on both sides of the street, so if you meet on a narrow street, you have to play an exciting game of ‘you go in, I go out’.

I don’t have a room of my own, and there’s no one waiting for me when I get back. This old and cramped place is all I have now, the only existence that can be called ‘home’.

“Are you in a good mood, swinging on a swing?

I asked, standing on my tiptoes and looking in the direction of the sound of support. Shen Wunian walked slowly towards me with his hands in his coat. If his skin wasn’t white enough, his all-black outfit would have blended into the night.

I ignored him, took my eyes off him and continued swinging.

Are you still mad at me for talking nonsense?

As if he didn’t even know how to spell the word ‘retreat’. I ignored him and he could go on and on about whatever he wanted.

Do you want me to push you?

It was strange enough to see a grown man swinging on a swing at night, but to add a grown man pushing from behind, I didn’t dare think what the neighbours would say when they saw this scene.

I gave him a sideways glance and said, “Don’t you have anything better to do?”

‘I’m waiting for the bus, but it’s New Year’s Day, so there are fewer buses and I’ll have to wait a while.

‘Then go wait by the road, I’ll just swing by myself.

He just sat there, said nothing and didn’t leave.

It was a bit creepy to be stared at so late at night, I couldn’t swing anymore and wanted to kill time somewhere else. Just as I was about to slow down and get up, someone grabbed the chain of the swing.

The balance was broken and the whole swing swayed twice violently. I shouted in alarm, clinging to the chains on either side: What are you doing?

Shen Wunian pulled on the chains to turn me towards him: ‘If you go on like this… when will you get what you want? You don’t want to spend the rest of your life looking at him, do you?

The vehicle drove along the side of the road, its headlights creating the ultimate play of light and shadow on Shen Wunian’s sculpted face. This face, which had always carried a hint of a smile, was now cold and indifferent, looking at me as if I were an incorrigible fool.

I couldn’t help but tremble. It was hard to find the strength to resist under his pressure.

Of course, I knew what he meant. After an afternoon of inexplicable concessions, the conversation resumed unimpeded.

‘I didn’t…’ Seeing his eyes grow colder, my voice weakened and I just gave up and said, “So what do you think I should do?”

He seemed satisfied with my answer and tilted his head, a smile returning to his face.

“Do you want me to help you?