TCOR CH4

Chapter 4: Be good, I’ll do it.

Going back to my sister-in-law’s for the New Year was originally a formality, a sense of ritual that had to be completed. They had to tell everyone during the New Year that they had not treated me unfairly, and I needed a place to go back to during the New Year. Everyone got what they wanted and everyone was happy. So it was best to leave on the third day of the third lunar month, and everyone felt comfortable leaving at that time.

Tickets are scarce during the Lunar New Year period, and for my return trip I could only get a standing ticket for the 10 o’clock train. Fortunately, Luoyang is not far from Jiangxi, and the two-hour-plus journey wasn’t too tiring, even though I had to stand the whole way.

The scenery outside the train window flew by. The heavy snowfall of the previous two days had turned the world grey, and now all I could see was grey and white, quite bleak.

But unlike the cold and desolation outside, the second class carriage of the bullet train was bustling with people, filled with all sorts of mixed smells, the most appealing of which was the smell of instant noodles.

I leaned my rucksack against the door, trying to block out the overpowering aroma, but my stomach was still rumbling with hunger.

I held myself back, the instant noodles on the train were too expensive, I’ll eat them back in my dorm room, I still have some braised beef noodles from last term. I pressed down on my protesting stomach and patiently calmed it.

The train arrived at the station at 1 pm on the dot, and I received a message from Peng Dai as soon as I got on the subway. She asked me if I had returned to Jiangxi City, and said that she happened to have an obsolete camera that she wanted to give me, and that she wanted to take me out to dinner as we hadn’t seen each other for a long time.

Peng Dai was a senior sculpture student who had dragged me into the photography club in my first year. She was warm and generous, a typical E in E. We were in different departments, so we didn’t usually run into each other at school. The last time we met was at a photography club dinner, which she dragged me to, but that was a few months ago too.

[I just got off the train and am now on the tube. It will take me about an hour to get to school.

[Then I’ll get ready. It’s about time. Let’s meet at the Northeastern barbecue restaurant near the school, okay? I called and they’re open today.

[Okay.

The plan was set, and Peng Dai quickly sent a ‘Hooray’ emoji.

When I arrived at the barbecue restaurant an hour later, she had arrived early. The table for four was covered with all kinds of meat, which was quite a sight.

Elder sister… did we order too much? My mouth was salivating like crazy, but I still felt a little bad for the other person’s wallet, ‘Why don’t we return some of it?

How much is all that meat going to cost?

What do you mean give it back? Look how thin you’ve got. It’s obvious you haven’t had a decent meal in a long time. I’ll keep an eye on you today, and you have to eat all this meat. Peng Dai’s appearance matches her personality: a wheat-coloured complexion, European and American-style clothes, and dirty pink and blue dreadlocks.

I’m eating all this? You’re not eating? I was about to get the barbecue tongs when Peng Dai slapped me away.

I’m on a fat-loss diet, so I’ll just have some grilled mushrooms and corn. Don’t bother cooking, I’ll do it for you. Just eat and that’s it. You’re lucky you still have a lot of collagen in your face, otherwise you’ll lose weight and your face will sag, no matter how much you eat. As she skilfully grilled the meat, she handed me a paper bag beside her. “Take a look.”

I took it and opened it to find a Canon SLR camera and a zoom lens.

Is all this for me?” I asked, a little overwhelmed.

She said camera, I thought it was one of those digital cameras, but I didn’t expect it to be a SLR with a lens.

I bought that entry-level model a long time ago and I don’t use it anymore. The second-hand camera with lens is only worth about 2,000 yuan, so I might as well give it to you. She carefully placed the grilled meat on my plate, slice by slice, and said with deep concern, ‘You have talent, don’t give up so easily.

I cherished the camera in my arms as I thanked my senior. I should have been happy, but my heart felt like it had been pricked with a needle, sore and aching.

An untimely talent in the hands of someone who can’t even eat enough to survive is more of a curse than a gift. It’s as if the universe is telling you that this is all you can be, that you don’t deserve more.

After eating until I was full, I waved goodbye to my senior and went back to school.

Everyone else in the dormitory was still away, so it was quiet and I had the place to myself.

It was nice. I opened the window to let in the sunshine and fresh air.

The dormitory I lived in was a shared dormitory with students from other majors. Apart from me, my three flatmates were all in the same year as me, but our timetables were different, so we didn’t usually go to class together and didn’t have much interaction. What’s more, they liked to play games together in the evenings, and the noise often kept me awake. Sometimes I’d rather stay at the karaoke bar where I work part-time than come home.

I lock my camera in the cupboard, go to bed and get a good night’s sleep. At 7 pm, I wake up on time and catch the bus in front of the school to work at ‘Jin Huihuang’.

Jin Huihuang is more of a nightclub than a karaoke bar. The clientele is basically not students, but mostly wealthy and idle businessmen.

My shift is from 8 p.m. to 4 a.m. the next day, and my main job is to clean the private rooms. I don’t have to deal with customers and I can even take a nap when I’m not busy. I get paid weekly and, apart from the working environment, it’s a pretty good part-time job.

Except that occasionally I have to deal with some relationship problems outside of work, which is a bit of a headache.

You son of a bitch! Come out here! You’ve got the balls to go to a prostitute, but not to me! If you don’t come out, I’ll smash the place up!

It’s a new year, and on my first night of work I’ve already encountered this drama.

Madam, calm down, let’s talk about it! I and the other waiters stood in the doorway, preventing them from getting any closer, repeating the same old worn-out lines.

‘What business is it of yours? Get out of my way!

‘Madam, please don’t…’

In the chaos, I don’t know who pushed me and I fell backwards, leaning on the palm of my hand. A sharp pain radiated from my left wrist and I blacked out for a moment. It took me a while to move my injured hand to the side.

My colleague Tony quickly came through the crowd to help me: ‘Ai, are you OK?

I moved my fingers. Although it still hurt, it was much better than when I fell earlier, so I don’t think I broke any bones.

It feels like I sprained it,’ I said, holding my left hand and feeling the wrist swell up quickly.

Tony is our foreman. Although his name has a domineering ring to it, as if he could grab you at any moment and sell you tickets, he is actually quite nice. He let me go straight back to rest and told me I should definitely go to the hospital to have a look, saying that the medical expenses would be reimbursed.

There happened to be an integrated Chinese and Western medicine hospital right next to Jin Huihuang, so I went straight there and got emergency treatment. The x-rays confirmed my diagnosis: just a sprain. The doctor prescribed some ointment and sent me on my way.

I finished work earlier than ever and returned to the dormitory, but the front door was still open. But I couldn’t sleep that night.

Perhaps I had slept too much in the afternoon, or perhaps it was the strong presence of Shen Wunian’s business card under my pillow that made it hard to fall asleep.

I tossed and turned on the small bed in the dormitory for more than an hour, still unable to sleep. I couldn’t help but reach under the pillow and feel Shen Wunian’s business card.

In the dim light, only the three letters ‘Shen Wunian’ stood out.

Do you want me to help you?

The dialogue from that night came back to me.

‘Help me?’ I widened my eyes slightly, feeling unbelievable, ‘You want to help me… chase after Bai Qixuan?

He didn’t answer, just pulled something out of the inside pocket of his coat and handed it to me.

I looked at it carefully and saw that it was a business card.

When you return to Jiang City, take this card to the Jiang City Art Museum and find a woman called Xu Meiqing. She will tell you what to do.

I was silent and didn’t take it, but he wasn’t angry when I didn’t. He smiled and slipped the PVC business card into my collar.

‘Wow, why are you like this? I had only been away from Shen Wunian for a moment and the business card was shockingly cold. I hastily opened the collar of my jumper and tried to take it out.

If you do as I say, you won’t lose a bit of flesh, but if you don’t, you’ll definitely regret it.

By the time I pulled the business card out of my clothes and looked up, Shen Wunian was already far away.

Maybe it was the cold that had frozen most of my intelligence, or maybe his words were just too persuasive. I don’t know what he meant, but I left his business card confused.

As I thought about it, I rolled heavily on the bed.

Why should there be such a strange man? He even wanted to help me bend my straight friend…

Does he have a grudge against Brother Bai?

Now that I’ve returned to Jiang City, should I go tomorrow?

Why don’t you go and see what he’s up to first? If it doesn’t look promising, I can always leave. Jiang City is a law-abiding society, after all, and it’s not like they’re kidnapping innocent people in broad daylight.

The next afternoon, with dark circles under my eyes, I went to the Jiang City Art Museum. After some trouble, I managed to meet Xu Meiqing, the person Shen Wunian had mentioned, through a member of staff, and handed her the business card I had in my hand.

The name Xu Meiqing has a slightly nostalgic ring to it, but she is actually not that old. She looks to be in her thirties, with short, neat hair, an iron-grey suit and comfortable flat shoes. She looks very much like the stereotypical urban female executive.

I don’t know if Shen Wunian had told her beforehand, but after taking my business card she said nothing and immediately gave me a menial task to do.

We’re preparing an exhibition of Xu Ao’s work and need some help. You can help in the exhibition hall, wherever you’re needed…’

I followed her, unable to say a word after stammering for a long time.

What could I say? I didn’t come here to work, I came here to learn how to chase a man.

40 yuan an hour, paid daily. Any questions?”

I tensed up, my ears pricked up, ‘…40?

She paused and turned to me, “40.

If I work two jobs a day, I’ll have enough money for the next semester before school starts. Even if I don’t get Bai Qixuan, I won’t lose out.

Any more questions? Xu Meiqing asked again.

I shook my head vigorously, ‘No more!

And so I began my routine of working at the Art Museum during the day and at Jin Huihuang at night. It was just that I hadn’t seen Shen Wunian for a few days in a row, and I wondered if he hadn’t returned to Jiang City yet.

Xu Ao’s exhibition, entitled ‘Seeing Through the World’, was held on the second floor of the south building of the Jiangmen Art Museum. There were a total of five exhibition halls of different sizes, with hundreds of photographic works of various sizes on display.

The exhibition hall was largely decorated, with all kinds of quote boards and exhibition labels pasted up. The last step was to hang the works.

Wearing a mask, I worked with a few other people, two people per exhibition hall, first hanging the smaller ones individually and then working together to hang the larger ones.

Although my left hand was still a bit shaky, it wasn’t a problem as it wasn’t my dominant hand.

I carefully hung the artwork on the wall. As this was the first time I had used an electronic spirit level, I was a little unsure of what I was doing, so I was very careful and wanted to step back a little to check the overall effect.

I took about three or four steps back and suddenly I ran into a wall.

I was startled, and when I looked back, I saw Shen Wunian’s eyes.

Why are you so careless? He put his arm around my waist, and his eyes, framed by silver-rimmed glasses, were filled with a faint smile.

This person, he’s quite good at turning the tables.

I frowned and pulled away from him, “It was obvious that you didn’t make a sound that caused me to bump into you.

He must have just come in from outside. It was over 20 degrees in the gallery and everyone working there was down to just a jumper, but he was still wearing a jacket.

Getting used to it these days? He walked past me to the piece I had just hung.

I looked back at the other colleague who should have been in the exhibition hall with me and noticed that he had left at some point.

It’s pretty good, and Sister Meiqing is taking good care of me,’ I took another invisible nail from the toolbox and planned to continue my work.

I struck the hammer down hard and in no time the invisible nail was firmly embedded in the wall.

What happened to your hand? Shen Wunian waited for the noise to die down before speaking again.

I looked down at my left hand, which was covered in bandages, and clasped my fingers together. I accidentally sprained it, but it’s no big deal,’ I said nonchalantly.

He looked at me for a moment, then looked away. ‘That’s not what I’m saying. You’ve pulled a muscle, so you should take care of it. He looked at the artwork in the opposite direction from me, his voice echoing slowly through the large exhibition hall. Bai Qixuan will be here this afternoon. This exhibition is a project he is in charge of, and you will have many opportunities to interact with him. So be good, don’t waste the opportunity I’ve created for you.

With my fingers gripping the work that was about to be hung on the wall, I was filled with doubt: ‘Are you really going to help me? Why?’

‘Because I can see that you have a lot of…’ His fingertips traced the corner of the wooden frame, straightening the slightly crooked work. ‘Eye appeal.’ He pronounced the last two words softly and slowly, almost murmuring.

I didn’t really believe it, but the colleague who had just left returned. With more people around, I missed the opportunity to pursue the matter.

After lunch we rested for a while, and then the hard work began again in the afternoon. Just as we were getting into the swing of things, we received word that the works in the exhibition hall suddenly needed to be adjusted, and that the positions of some of the largest works needed to be changed.

As soon as the news came out, everyone complained.

“Why change the positions? What a waste of time…

My partner, Xiao Wang, is a bit chubby. He is already sweating profusely from the heat and from carrying heavy objects back and forth while wearing a mask.

We are carrying at least 100-inch photos on this trip, and the frames are made of solid wood, so they are quite heavy. I use both hands to be on the safe side.

Feeling a little sore in my left hand, I suggest, ‘Xiao Wang, let’s take a break.

OK, on the count of three, we’ll slowly put it down together,’ Wang says.

Just then, out of the corner of my eye, I saw some people walking over from a distance. When I looked closer, I realised that I knew all three of them: Shen Wunian, Bai Qixuan and Xu Meiqing. The only one I didn’t recognise was a man in his fifties who looked like a leader.

Don’t worry, Teacher. Wu Nian and I have taken care of every detail of this exhibition, there won’t be any problems,’ Bai Qixuan said respectfully to the middle-aged man.

Of course, I have no worries about you two,’ the middle-aged man smiled and nodded.

‘…Two, three!”

I was so focused on Bai Qixuan and the others that I missed the signal from Wang Xiao. Before I could react, I felt a heavy weight in my hand and the picture frame immediately fell out of my hand and smashed to the ground.

Crack!

The sound of the frame breaking not only startled me, but also caught the attention of Bai Qixuan and the others.

‘What’s wrong with you?’ Bai Qixuan walked towards us, his face looking extremely unpleasant. He had just boasted that everything would be fine.

The broken frame had directly damaged the photo paper inside, and a white crack had split the photo in two like a huge chasm.

Xiao Wang was also shocked: ‘No… it’s not my fault, I told him to put it down slowly!

Bai Qixuan grabbed my left hand and the force was so strong that I felt like he was going to break my wrist.

I’ve made a mess.

The pain and fear made my mind go blank in an instant: ‘I’m sorry, I… I’ll pay for it!

You will pay…’ Suddenly, Bai Qixuan stopped talking and looked into my eyes, a look of genuine shock flashing across his face, “Zhong Ai?”

There was a lot of dust in the room, and most people wore masks at work for respiratory reasons, and I was no exception, so Bai Qixuan didn’t recognise me at first.

But in this situation, it’s better not to be recognised.

I clenched my hands and the feeling of helplessness of breaking something, combined with the shame of being recognised in this situation by someone I like, made me start to babble.

‘I… I’m not…’

‘What do you mean, you’re not? You obviously…’

While we were arguing, a large hand suddenly landed on my shoulder, exerting gentle pressure: ‘Qi Xuan, don’t scare the child,’

Shen Wunian said as he used his other hand to pull Bai Qixuan’s arm.

His hands were already well defined, with bulging veins on the backs of his hands. With a little force, they looked full of power.

Bai Qixuan let out a painful grunt and almost immediately let go of me.

Shen Wunian took my shoulders and led me away from Bai Qixuan: ‘You’re not needed here, go and rest.

‘But…’ I looked at the broken picture frame on the floor and bit my lip.

Be good, I’ll take care of it,’ he whispered in my ear, nudging me towards the exit of the exhibition hall.

I nodded, not looking at Bai Qixuan or the others, and walked quickly out of the exhibition hall with my head down.

I walked faster and faster all the way, and instead of going to the toilet, I found a utility room and stayed there – at this point, I really didn’t want to repeat what had just happened to me with other people.

The utility room was full of all sorts of tools and supplies, and the air was full of the smell of dust.

I pulled my mask down, found a display case in the corner and sat down.

Tears fell uncontrollably from my eyes, one after the other. I held back my voice, but there was nothing I could do about it, so I let them flow.

I don’t know how long it lasted. I would cry for a while and then stop for a while. Every time I felt like I had calmed down, I would start crying again, thinking about Bai Qixuan and what had just happened.

What bad luck, every time.

My parents are gone, I’m living under someone else’s roof, I fell in love with the wrong person, I don’t have enough to eat, I finally found a job that pays 40 yuan an hour, and I broke someone’s expensive photo…

I wiped away the endless tears, cried until my vision was blurred, and that’s when Shen Wunian found me.

He pushed open the door to the utility room and walked in, completely ignoring my dishevelled appearance and embarrassment.

I’ve found you. You’re good at hiding. The smell of dust was masked by the scent of flowers as he walked slowly towards me.

Totally unprepared to face him, I just hung my head and waited for the tears to subside.

Shen Wunian stood in front of me, silent for a while, then suddenly raised his hand: “You are small everywhere, but your tears are big.”

He said this as he bent his forefinger to wipe away a tear from my cheek.