THIFSGSTW CH 39

Chapter 39: Lean on Me

Sun Yi-han still looked like he hadn’t fully woken up. His head tilted slightly to the side, and his eyes blinked slowly. Large tears welled up and streamed down his cheeks.

On the pale skin of his neck, bright red drops of blood had already formed. Even though I had quickly pulled his hand away, he must have scratched hard, his skin was deeply torn.

“Sun Yi-han. Hey, wake up.”

I let go of his thin wrist and tapped his shoulder a couple of times. How could he still be this out of it? I carefully brushed his flushed cheek, probably reddened by all the crying. Hot teardrops fell onto my hand, soaking my skin.

“It was just a dream. You’re okay now.”

I pulled him into my arms, rubbing his back gently. He leaned against me, weakly. His face was blank, as if he felt nothing, but I could feel the small tremors in his delicate frame.

His clothes, damp with sweat, were now cold against my skin. I used magic to warm them up, then spoke quietly. It was better to ask him now, while he was still half-asleep. Later, he’d refuse to say anything.

“What was the dream about?”

“…I….”

Sun Yi-han hesitated before continuing.

“I had to….”

His voice trailed off. He pressed his lips together and slowly shook his head, still leaning against me. His forehead felt even warmer than before.

“…I don’t know.”

“It’s okay. Don’t cry. If you keep crying, your fever will get worse, Yi-han.”

“…I’m not crying….”

You’re saying this when you haven’t even come to your senses? It had to be a habit, that always saying he was okay, no matter what. I didn’t think I’d get any more answers, so I just patted his back in silence. Time passed. After a while, Yi-han’s body suddenly stiffened.

“Hey, Yi-han. Are you awake?”

“…Huh?”

His weight shifted as he slowly pulled away from me. His eyes met mine, still slightly dazed, but clearer than before. The redness around them made the dried tear tracks stand out even more.

“Does your neck hurt?”

At my question, Yi-han touched his neck lightly. The blood on his skin smeared onto his fingers. He stared at his bloodstained hand, looking confused. Then he started to reach up again, but I caught his wrist before he could touch the wound.

“Don’t touch it.”

“It doesn’t hurt. But… why?”

The eyes looking at me wavered as if in confusion. He really doesn’t remember at all.

I wasn’t sure whether I should explain what had happened. If he had forgotten it so completely, maybe it wasn’t just a dream. Maybe it was a buried memory, something he had forced himself to forget…

The moment I finished speaking, Sun Yi-han opened his mouth blankly.

“…Ah.”

Ah? That’s it? Sun Yi-han shrugged as if it were nothing and slowly lay back down.

“No, Sun Yi-han. Sit up for a second.”

“Just let me sleep a little more…”

“Okay. It won’t take long. Just let me treat your wound first.”

I didn’t want him to panic, but his reaction was so indifferent that it left me baffled.

If I thought about it, Sun Yi-han didn’t seem to care much about himself. He was always careful enough to heal us with magic, but when it came to himself…

I helped him sit up again and summoned the necessary medical supplies. Sun Yi-han silently watched the floating medicine bottle.

As I wiped away the blood that had begun to dry, the wound became clearly visible. I carefully applied the medicine and wrapped a white bandage around his neck. His slender neck looked even more delicate.

It must have stung quite a bit, yet Sun Yi-han didn’t even flinch. As I treated him, he continued to stare at me, and then, in a half-drowsy voice, he spoke.

“Why do you look like that…? I’m fine. …I don’t even remember.”

The fact that he didn’t remember was the problem. And thinking that was okay, was an even bigger problem.

Time doesn’t just pass by like a fleeting breeze. It lingers like a heavy storm cloud, floating above, weighing a person down. Whether they remember it or not.

And there comes a moment when all the emotions stored within that accumulated time come crashing down. Pain, regret, and emotions like that. When that happens, all you can do is drown in it, breaking apart over and over again.

But if you sink into that time without even knowing why, how terrifying must that be? Maybe that’s why Sun Yi-han was so desperate to ignore it.

I looked at him, feeling heavy inside. Sun Yi-han, still watching my face, continued speaking. “…Did it surprise you that much?”

“Sun Yi-han. You don’t even know what’s important right now, do you?”

Hearing my words, Sun Yi-han seemed to think for a moment. But this wasn’t something that should take long to figure out.

The reason he was so indifferent about himself might be because, deep down, he knew he couldn’t handle it. If too much time had passed while suppressing it, maybe now, he couldn’t even find the starting point of that tangled memory.

But how long could he keep enduring like this? Until the day he completely collapsed under the weight of emotions he couldn’t even understand?

After a long pause, Sun Yi-han finally spoke with a puzzled look. “…Min Joo-hyuk. Are you sleepy too?”

“…Yeah. Just sleep, okay?”

If that’s the best answer I could come up with after thinking for so long. He didn’t even consider that I was worried about him.

I gently pressed his shoulder, easing him back down. He followed my touch without any resistance, flopping onto the bed. His clear eyes, still shimmering like they held unshed tears, stared up at me.

Looking down at Sun Yi-han, I asked softly.

“You’re not scared?”

“…No.”

I expected that answer. But still, I had hoped.

I ruffled his hair gently. His hair, which had been damp with cold sweat, had already dried and felt soft.

“…Yeah. Sleep well, Sun Yi-han.”

“…You too.”

The bandage wrapped around his neck stood out starkly in my vision.

A thought crossed my mind. I hope you don’t break apart so quietly, all by yourself. I hope you don’t turn away from yourself. I didn’t know how to lift the weight of the past. My own past felt unbearably heavy too.

Nightmares and memories scarred by trauma weren’t unfamiliar to me. It had been a long time since then, but still. Even though I had people to lean on back then, I had struggled for so long and I still think of it sometimes.

Sun Yi-han… did he have anyone to reach out to at the temple?

I knew that as long as there was even one place to lean on, no matter how painful it was, a person wouldn’t completely break.

So if a day ever came when he had no choice but to face the memories he had buried so deeply, I wanted to be there for him.

Until then, I’d stay beside him, even if he didn’t know why he was drowning in the past.

I’d catch him.

As many times as it took. So he wouldn’t have to endure it alone.

I clenched and then relaxed my fist.

For some reason, my chest felt tight. The sensation of his warm, falling tears still lingered at my fingertips, like an imprint that wouldn’t fade.

◇

“When are you going to let me go?”

Wrapped up like a burrito in a blanket, Sun Yi-han asked in a trembling voice. Even after what had happened, Sun Yi-han insisted on sleeping alone. In fact, every time he went to bed, he tried to make me lie down and sleep too. I wasn’t sure if he did this with the other hyungs as well.

I poked his cheek. His warm, soft skin sank in.

“Hey, Min Joo-hyuk.”

Still wrapped up tightly, Sun Yi-han attempted to sound serious. It wasn’t quite there yet, but the effort was commendable.

His half-lidded eyes looked dazed. He was about to fall asleep any moment now. It was time to stop teasing him.

Well, I suppose having someone next to him while he slept could feel burdensome. Since he didn’t want it, there was nothing I could do. I’d just have to check on him from time to time.

I unraveled the blanket cocoon and neatly tucked it around him instead. A drowsy voice murmured softly.

“…If you want to stay, stay. I don’t really care…” Sun Yi-han closed his eyes slowly, his voice trailing off.

“What’s so fun about staying here? When do you even sleep? …Aren’t you tired?”

Mumbling like that, he soon fell completely asleep. How does he always fall asleep so quickly?

I quietly sat back down on the chair. Since he said it was okay if I stayed, I had no reason to refuse. Even if he had only said it half-asleep.

“It’s not like I’m staying for fun.”

I muttered the late reply. My small voice blended into the sound of his steady breathing. I gently ran my fingers over the back of his hand.

I’ve always been good at waiting. I could stay right here for as long as it took until he finally reached out first.

◇

A long while later, Sun Yi-han’s eyes suddenly snapped open.

Sun Yi-han’s Perspective

---

‘How much time has passed?’

Maybe because I had slept so soundly without dreaming, my body felt refreshed. The blanket that had been wrapped tightly around me was still neatly covering me. So Min Joo-hyuk did end up unwrapping me.

‘Wait—Min Joo-hyuk?’

I turned my head.

He was sitting in the chair right next to the bed, his arms crossed, head tilted slightly forward. It looked like he had dozed off for a moment. Had he really been sitting right next to me this whole time? There were two beds in the room, why wasn’t he using the other one?

‘Sleeping like that would only make him more tired.’

Still, I couldn’t wake him. He looked exhausted. It was better to let him sleep a little longer. I picked up the blanket from the table and gently draped it over his shoulders and knees. Normally, he would’ve woken up right away, but he must have been truly worn out.

The sound of his steady breathing blended into the quiet stillness of the room. I leaned against the headboard and looked at his face. His expression was peaceful, as if he weren’t dreaming at all.

‘He said I had a nightmare.’

But I had no memory of it.

Wasn’t that a good thing? There was no reason to remember nightmares. And if I had already forgotten, then it wasn’t important anymore.

I reached up and unwrapped the bandage around my neck, running my fingers over the exposed skin. The half-healed wound felt strange under my touch, but even as my fingertips brushed against it, I felt no pain at all.

‘Not being able to feel pain.’

That was a good thing too. No wound could hurt me. Except for the system penalties, of course.

“Isn’t that right, Min Joo-hyuk? It’s a good thing.”

I whispered softly, but Min Joo-hyuk remained asleep. My unanswered question lingered in the air for a moment before dissolving into silence.

A nightmare I couldn’t remember. Pain I couldn’t feel. If nothing bad remained with me, why had Min Joo-hyuk looked so pained?

I slowly slid down and lay back on the bed. The blanket beneath me was still warm and soft. I turned my head and looked at Min Joo-hyuk’s face.

At that moment, his eyes suddenly snapped open. Our gazes locked.