THIFSGSTW CH 17

Chapter 17: To the Point of Wanting to Give Up on Life

The sunset outside the window was a deep, burning red.

Raen slowly pushed himself up from his bed, feeling the stiffness in his body. He had been shut in his room since midday, yet time had slipped away without him realizing it.

Raen’s Perpsective

---

‘Am I really doing this right?‘

A vague sense of unease washed over me.

The cracks in the world were growing—constantly, endlessly. Yet all I had managed to uncover were mere fragments, tiny pieces that were nowhere near enough to complete the puzzle of this world. New phenomena kept appearing, and theories only continued to pile up.

Some of those theories, I hoped, were wrong. Others, I wished were right. The former far outnumbered the latter.

‘No, I don’t know anything for sure yet.’

I forced myself to cut off the spiraling thoughts. Now wasn’t the time to get lost in my head.

Right. Yi-han’s stored magic I gave to him must be running out soon.

This was a good chance to ask if he needed any more. With that in mind, I made my way to the next room—the one shared by Sun Yi-han and Song Ha-gyeon.

Thinking about it, the two of them had a surprisingly similar air.

Ha-gyeon, who had said that Yi-han had healed his injury, had been calm—too calm. He should have known that healing magic didn’t exist. And yet, he hadn’t even seemed surprised.

Or maybe he had been, just without showing it. He had always been like that, even back when we were at the academy together. No matter how long we spent side by side, Ha-gyeon rarely spoke about himself, never revealing much of his thoughts.

Yi-han was the same. He seemed soft, almost delicate at first glance, yet he always kept a step of distance—like an invisible line had been drawn.

Lost in thought, I soon arrived at the room. The door was slightly open. Through the gap, the deep red glow of the sunset spilled into the room.

And—

A scent of blood?

A faintly metallic tang lingered in the air. My nerves tensed immediately.

Was it Ha-gyeon? Was he hurt?

Or—what if it was Yi-han?

Yi-han had said he couldn’t use healing magic on himself. If he was injured, that would be bad.

A chilling sense of urgency washed over me as I carefully pushed the door open.

Creak.

Beyond the quietly widening door, Sun Yi-han sat in a stiff wooden chair right in front of the window. His body was half-turned, leaning loosely against the backrest.

His lips held a faint smile, his knees drawn up to perch on the seat. The posture was unsettling. His lips curled into a faint, almost serene smile, and his knees were drawn up in a perched position. Something about him looked precarious, unstable.

The sunset poured in, casting a golden-red light directly over him. His thin, white clothing glowed softly in the light.

And his left sleeve—

It was rolled up to his elbow.

Against the pale, slender forearm—

A knife?

A cold, sharp blade pressed against his pale forearm.

A bead of blood formed at the tip, before rolling down his skin.

The sight of that small knife gripped so delicately in his white fingers felt utterly out of place. His expression, that gentle smile, seemed almost… relieved as if he had finally completed something he had waited a long time to do.

“Yi-han?”

His name slipped from my lips before I even realized it, like a desperate attempt to pull him back.

Slowly, Yi-han turned his head toward me.

The golden-red glow of the sunset cast deep shadows across his face, but his blue eyes remained luminous, shining starkly in the dimming light. His gaze, fixed on me, was trembling fiercely. As if he had been caught doing something he hadn’t wanted anyone to see.

“Why… No, Yi-han. Wait. Just… wait a second.”

My mind was racing. I needed to stop him.

Why? No, since when?

My gaze flickered downward.

Scattered across the floor were bloodstained bandages. It was a bandage with a spell that suppressed the smell of blood. That explained why I hadn’t noticed anything before.

Where did he even get those? From Ha-gyeon’s supplies? So that was a reason I hadn’t noticed until now.

Was this an impulsive act? Or a habit?

The first time we met, Yi-han had hyperventilated. That alone suggested he had been through something terrible before.

I had tried to ask, indirectly, a few times since then. But every time, Yi-han had only given the same answer: “I’m fine.”

‘I should have paid more attention.’

I had already suspected Yi-han wasn’t the type to talk about himself. That meant if something was wrong, he wouldn’t tell anyone. He would just keep it buried inside.

Was it because I had stirred up his memories?

Had that been the final straw?

Emotions that are not expressed accumulate in the heart, and emotions that are stored in the heart eventually rot. People don’t crumble all at once. They decay from the inside, little by little, until nothing is left.

I knew it better than anyone else.

Drip.

Blood pooled from Sun Yi-han’s arm onto the floor, seeping into the wooden planks. It looked eerily like tears—like silent cries leaking from a broken person. Yi-han met my gaze and smiled brightly. His lips trembled as he forced them upward as if determined to pretend nothing was wrong.

When I saw that, my heart sank. Red. Blood-red droplets, blood-red sunset. The world was drowning in red—

—and yet, Yi-han alone remained untouched. His blue eyes reflected me, clear and untainted as if he existed separately from it all.

“Yi-han.”

Heat pricked at the corners of my eyes. Countless fears and uncertainties clawed at me. I wasn’t someone who could even hold myself together properly.

And yet, I still wanted to reach out to Yi-han.

Because I was the one here now. Because I was the one who had seen Yi-han’s pain firsthand. And I refused to let him fall apart in front of me.

The sight of blood dripping onto the floor burned into my mind.

◇

Sun Yi-han’s Perspective

---

Raen moved in front of me in an instant. Then, he carefully took the knife from my hand.

His fingertips were trembling. For some reason, I could sense a desperate emotion in his expression. Since I didn’t need the knife anymore, I let go of it without resistance.

The setting sun poured into the room, dyeing everything in shades of red. Maybe that was why Raen’s eyes seemed red, too. His golden gaze quietly held me within them. Raen bit his lip for a long moment before slowly parting his lips to speak. Just as he did, a familiar chime rang out, and a blue system window appeared.

<Future Vision Beginner> Skill Activated!

Cooldown time until next use: 24 hours.

The timing was almost too perfect.

And then, in an instant, my vision went black.

It looked like a lab. I saw Song Ha-geyon wearing a monocle and writing something down in a notebook.

Right in front of him floated a large glass container,filled with piles of ashen remnants. Judging by what I had seen in my previous, it was likely the remnants of a monster.

On the desk sat a crystal ball. Song Ha-gyeon tapped it lightly with the end of his pen. Above it, an image appeared—something resembling a map.

Several clear X marks were drawn across the map. Song Ha-gyeon lightly touched one area with his fingertip and another X mark appeared.

Woosh.

And just like that, my mind snapped back to the present.

<Skill! Upgrade> Successful!

‘Future Vision’ Beginner → ‘Future Vision’ Intermediate

The moment my vision returned, the system window came into view.

I was still hanging my head down. In my lowered gaze, I saw the hem of Raen’s robe. I slowly lifted my head. Raen was holding up my left arm, pressing a cloth firmly against the wound. His hands were still shaking.

His golden eyes met mine. He was gripping the cloth, which was now stained red, and somehow, his irises seemed to shine transparently. His expression was unreadable—he wasn’t smiling or crying.

“Yi-han.”

Even though his body was still trembling, Raen spoke in a steady voice.

“Did you… want to give up on life?”

A single, transparent tear rolled down his cheek.

His expression didn’t change at all. His voice didn’t even waver. Had I seen that wrong? I shook my head slightly, and Raen continued speaking.

“Then… was it hard enough that you wanted to?”

More clear tears fell from his eyes as he looked at me. Raen was crying without a single sound. Not even the smallest sob.

Wait—no.

Raen must have misunderstood something.

I shook my head hurriedly. I needed to explain, but my mouth wouldn’t open.

Should I tell him it was just to upgrade my skill? No, that wouldn’t work. Should I say it was because I wanted to see the future? But then, if he asked me why, I wouldn’t know how to answer. I was just trying to upgrade my skill.

“…Raen-hyung. I won’t do it again.”

Rather than making a weak excuse, it was better to just say this. For now, I needed to calm things down.

And it wasn’t a lie. Now that had upgraded to Intermediate, I wouldn’t need to cut my arm anymore.

Raen bit his lip tightly, still staring at me. Transparent tears were still rolling down his cheeks.

“Yi-han. I know I’m not someone you can trust.”

What?

I wasn’t sure what he meant or why he was saying this out of nowhere. And besides, Raen was someone I could trust. He was skilled in magic, smart enough to assist Song Ha-gyeon in researching rifts—

Of course, seeing that I still hadn’t received a notification of quest success, it seemed that Raen didn’t believe me.

“Even so… if it’s okay with you, I’d like you to tell me.”

Raen spoke quietly, then checked the cloth he had been using to press down on my wound. He peeled it back slightly before lowering my arm. The bleeding had almost stopped.

He reached out and gently rested his hand over my head.

The warmth of his touch lingered.

“Keeping things inside… is harder than you think.”

Raen gave a small, bitter smile as he said that. Wiping away his tears as if they were nothing, he summoned a bottle filled with red liquid. As he poured it over my wound, he continued speaking.

“It might sting a little.”

“I’m fine, hyung. It doesn’t hurt.”

Thanks to the system, I couldn’t feel pain. So it really was fine. I didn’t want to make him worry. Raen’s brows furrowed slightly but soon relaxed. Then, in a quiet, subdued voice, he spoke.

“…Even if you think it’s fine, that doesn’t mean it actually fine.”

Raen carefully wiped the liquid away with a thin cloth. His fingers brushed against my skin, tickling slightly.

Then, pulling out fresh bandages, he wrapped my arm and spoke again.

“Whenever you’re ready, just tell me. I’ll be waiting, Yi-han.”

His unwavering gaze pierced through me.

The red sunset bathed Raen’s face in light, illuminating the faint traces of tears on his skin.

‘Would Raen believe me, then?’

I suddenly wanted to ask.

The required quest was still incomplete. But even if I succeeded, how could I ever explain to him that this world might be just a game? That I could see system windows and receive quests? There would never come a day when I could tell Raen everything. And I knew that all too well.

I swallowed the words rising to the tip of my tongue.

Somehow, it felt bitter. Just then, the sound of footsteps and voices drifted in from the first floor through the open door. The others had returned.

“…Hyung, please don’t tell them about this.”

At my words, Raen stiffened.