TLLKTBD CH 43

Chapter 43: Qian-ge, Do You Like It?

Lu Qian quietly lifted his gaze and saw Jin Lang, who was also panting, smiling at him. In his dark eyes, various emotions flickered—joy, tenderness, satisfaction, and even a hint of confusion.

Jin Lang held him close, his hands unconsciously rubbing and caressing Lu Qian’s back. He wasn’t sure why, but he simply wanted to touch him.

His gaze was fixed on Lu Qian’s face, watching every subtle change in expression. Feeling his intense stare, Lu Qian’s cheeks flushed red, and just as he was about to push him away, Jin Lang tightened his embrace. Gently, he kissed Lu Qian’s eyelid and softly asked, “Qian-ge, do you like it?”

Lu Qian’s body was still weak from before, leaning against Jin Lang, letting him support him. But the moment he heard that question, his entire body tensed up. His muddled mind snapped back to reality.

Qian-ge, do you like it?

There it was. The little lion was asking for his score. He had worked so hard—how could Lu Qian say he didn’t like it?

Lu Qian forced himself to stay calm, lowered his gaze, and curled the corners of his lips. “I do.”

As the passion faded, it felt like the dying embers of a fire on a winter night—just a few remaining sparks, no longer capable of providing warmth.

Jin Lang didn’t notice the shift in Lu Qian’s emotions. He was still immersed in the lingering heat of their passion. His fire hadn’t gone out.

“I like it too,” he murmured, rubbing his cheek against Lu Qian’s forehead in an affectionate, coaxing manner.

After a moment, Jin Lang spoke again. “Qian-ge, I…” He trailed off, unable to voice his thoughts, so he chose to express them through action.

He pressed against Lu Qian, silently hinting at his current state.

Jin Lang coughed and shifted his lower body backward, trying to create some distance between them. But Jin Lang refused to let go. He wedged one leg between Lu Qian’s, pressing their sword hilts tightly together.

A low sigh escaped Jin Lang’s lips. “Qian-ge, you’re the same.” He twisted slightly, and the friction of muscle against fabric made Lu Qian let out a muffled groan before he clenched his teeth to hold back any further sounds.

He pushed at Jin Lang, attempting to pry him off, but Jin Lang clung to him shamelessly. “Xiao Lang, let go of me first.”

“No,” Jin Lang stubbornly refused, burying his head against Lu Qian’s neck. “I just want to hold you like this.” He twisted again, his voice dropping to a soft murmur. “It feels… really comfortable.”

He nestled against Lu Qian’s neck, muttering to himself, “Why? Why is it like this?” Then, lifting his head to look at Lu Qian, he hesitated, appearing both uneasy and shy. “Qian-ge, am I…?”

“You’re not,” Lu Qian interrupted before Jin Lang could finish his sentence. He knew what Jin Lang was about to ask.

“Not?” Jin Lang looked utterly lost. “Then why do I feel this way?”

“Just let go of me first.” Lu Qian forced himself to pat Jin Lang’s back, his voice strained. His body felt unbearably uncomfortable—aching, swollen, unable to find relief. The lingering stimulation was pure torment for someone as restrained as he was. He just needed a moment to recover. “Let’s sit down and rest for a bit.”

Jin Lang let go reluctantly, still unwilling. Lu Qian adjusted his pants slightly before sitting down. Jin Lang stood there for a moment before plopping down beside him.

Jin Lang glanced at his own legs, then at Lu Qian.

Noticing his gaze, Lu Qian bent his knees and hugged them to his chest.

“Qian-ge,” Jin Lang finally spoke after waiting for a while, since Lu Qian remained silent. “Back then… how did you know? How were you sure that you were… like this?”

“I…” Lu Qian’s discomfort had reached its peak. His mind went blank. No, not blank—his thoughts were flooded with golden hues, the crisp autumn air, a vast blue sky with scattered white clouds, the afternoon sun, ripened corn husks, and the dry, golden soil. It should have been a beautiful, bountiful scene, yet at this moment, he felt dizzy and nauseous.

He lifted his gaze to meet Jin Lang’s. The other man was looking at him with trust and openness, his eyes filled with eager curiosity. Lu Qian took a deep breath before speaking.

“I grew up in an orphanage.” His voice was steady as he began his story. “As a child, I drifted through life without much concern for anything. The only thing I focused on was studying. I believed that only through studying could I make myself better, that only by doing so could I temporarily escape the feelings of loneliness and emptiness inside me.”

Jin Lang listened quietly.

“When I was in my final year of high school, preparing for the university entrance exams, our homeroom teacher formed a study group with the top ten students in our class, splitting us into two teams for a friendly competition. He and I were the team captains.”

Lu Qian’s lips curled into a small smile as his thoughts drifted back to the simplicity of his student days.

“He was our class president. A good person. He came to me to discuss things, saying that our real opponent wasn’t each other but the upcoming exam. He suggested that we should pool our resources and help each other.

“He said that among the ten of us, each had different strengths in various subjects, and we should support one another. Not just us—anyone in class who wanted to join was welcome. After all, the atmosphere of studying was contagious.

“The class president was the first to share his Chinese literature notes with us. In return, I shared my math notes. Soon, others started sharing their own study guides, and more classmates joined our group.

“There were a lot of materials to print, and I didn’t have the money to cover the costs, but the class president paid for everything out of his own pocket. During that time, we grew very close. I kept wondering—how could someone be so good?

“He was like the sun, warming everyone around him. He never kept anything to himself. He told me that teaching others also helped him learn. He was truly exceptional.

“My eyes couldn’t leave him. It felt like every effort I made was for him.”

“That year, our class achieved the best results in the entire grade. We had the highest number of students accepted into universities. Our homeroom teacher was overjoyed.

“After the entrance exam results were announced, our teacher organized a class gathering. That day, we all secretly drank a little alcohol. Maybe I was a bit intoxicated because, somehow, I ended up confessing to him.

“He was shocked. After a long silence, he told me that he only saw me as a good buddy. Then, he said he was going to study in the south and that it would be inconvenient for us to stay in touch in the future.

“After that, I started dreaming about him frequently. At first, they were just ordinary dreams—us discussing schoolwork, walking side by side under the sun. But over time, the dreams… started to change.”

Lu Qian fell silent, unable to bring himself to describe the nature of those dreams.

“What happened next? Did you and the class president never contact each other again?” Jin Lang asked.

“The class president got married two years ago,” Lu Qian said with a shake of his head. “He invited some of our high school classmates, but he didn’t invite me.”

Lu Qian let out a small chuckle, though his eyes glistened with unshed tears. “That night, he got drunk and called me. His words were slurred and incoherent. He said… he thanked me for my feelings. But on his wedding day, he couldn’t invite me. He didn’t want to see me. He couldn’t see me. Because I would only remind him of what he had missed out on.”

Lu Qian took a deep breath. “He told me he would forget me and hoped I would forget him too. He told me to be brave, to pursue my own happiness, and not to be as cowardly as he was.”

His voice trembled slightly. “But I couldn’t. I tried… but I couldn’t stand being touched by anyone else. I… just couldn’t. It made me feel sick.”

(To be continued…)