TLLKTBD CH 5

Chapter 5: I Want to Be Cared For

Jin Xiaomi composed herself before stepping out of the office. By then, Lu Qian had already finished his meal. Several empty glass cups sat on the table as he sampled the fourth cocktail that Ah Tang had just mixed.

“You finally remembered me, huh?” Jin Xiaomi sat down with a displeased tone.

“Who made you angry again?” Lu Qian lazily glanced at her, feeling a little tipsy.

“I’m not angry, just annoyed.”

“Then who annoyed you?” Lu Qian rephrased his question.

“It’s that Jin… never mind, it’s personal. I shouldn’t say too much.” Jin Xiaomi slumped onto the table, sounding exhausted.

“Any leads on the orphanage issue?” After a brief silence, she brought up another troubling matter.

“No.” Lu Qian shook his head wearily.

Lately, both Jin Xiaomi and Lu Qian had been trying every possible way, but they had neither money nor influence. They couldn’t find the funds needed to relocate the orphanage, nor did they have the power to exclude its land from the planned redevelopment zone. Even delaying the process seemed impossible.

“Are we really left with nothing but buying lottery tickets?” Jin Xiaomi laughed bitterly.

“Lottery tickets?”

“Didn’t you see it when you came? The lottery shop at the street corner. I heard someone won the jackpot there recently. Ugh… how lucky!” Jin Xiaomi scratched her head in frustration. “Looks like if we don’t hit the jackpot, our only option is to rob a bank.”

“Lottery tickets…” Lu Qian tilted his head, thinking. “I think I bought some last time I was here.” He rummaged through his bag, digging out a crumpled red envelope from the bottom. Inside was a stack of lottery tickets.

“You spent all that money on these and then completely forgot?” Jin Xiaomi looked at him in disbelief.

“…I was drunk that day,” Lu Qian admitted helplessly.

He handed her the tickets. “Help me check them. I spent the whole afternoon drawing and then let Ah Tang use me as a test subject for his drinks. My head’s spinning.”

Jin Xiaomi snatched the tickets and looked up the winning numbers on her phone. As she checked each one, she kept nagging him about wasting money on so many tickets. But as she spoke, her voice suddenly cut off.

She looked up at Lu Qian with a face full of shock. “Holy… shit!”

“…?” Lu Qian raised an eyebrow. How bad must the results be to make someone curse while checking tickets? He was impressed. “What? Did I actually win? Who still dares to say I have bad luck? How much? Judging by your reaction, at least a few thousand, right?”

Jin Xiaomi dumbly nodded and held up two fingers in a “V” sign.

“Pfft…” Lu Qian chuckled. “Just two thousand? What’s with that expression? Haven’t you seen money before? Don’t embarrass yourself.”

“It’s two hundred million…”

“…What?” Lu Qian’s eyes widened as Jin Xiaomi continued, sounding dazed, as if she were dreaming.

“The jackpot was 280 million. Two people won, so you split it with someone else. After taxes, you should receive… a little over 100 million.” She spoke so fast that she almost stumbled over her words. “So you’re the guy who hit the jackpot at that ‘God of Wealth’ lottery shop.”

She finished speaking and stared at Lu Qian in a daze.

“…?” Lu Qian blinked, shook his head, and snatched both the lottery tickets and her phone. “Are you sure you didn’t misread?” He personally double-checked the numbers and draw date. And just like that, he froze—just like Jin Xiaomi.

Jin Xiaomi suddenly jumped up, snatched the winning ticket from Lu Qian’s hands, and rushed into her office. Lu Qian followed immediately. As soon as he turned around to lock the office door, she had already placed the winning ticket inside a safe.

Both of them stood there, staring at each other for a long moment before they erupted into cheers, hugging and jumping in excitement.

The orphanage is saved!!
I, Lu Qian, am a millionaire!!
The heavens have finally heard my wish!
Lalalala!!!

The two of them suppressed their voices, overwhelmed with excitement.

On Monday, as soon as the bank opened, they immediately went to cash in the prize.

Lu Qian handed over an account number to the bank representative and said, “Excuse me, I’d like to set up a recurring donation to this orphanage. Please help me arrange it.” He stated an amount, and the representative nodded, taking note of it.

Once everything was settled, Lu Qian and Jin Xiaomi walked out of the bank, looking relaxed.

For the past two days, Jin Xiaomi had been by Lu Qian’s side the entire time. But when Lu Qian suggested sharing a portion of the prize money with her as a token of gratitude for her good luck in helping him win the jackpot, she refused. She simply stated that for the rest of her life, whenever she dined with Lu Qian, she would always have to eat a feast—and he would have to treat her.

Lu Qian sighed helplessly. What’s the problem with that? Wasn’t it already the case even before I won the lottery?

So now, the two of them were indulging in a meal at a renowned steakhouse in T City, famous for its dry-aged beef.

“What plans do you have for the orphanage next?” Jin Xiaomi asked while cutting her steak.

“We won’t intervene in their search for a new location. I’ll find someone to help them and just say a corporate sponsor is assisting,” Lu Qian explained his plan.

Jin Xiaomi wholeheartedly agreed. She knew Lu Qian would ensure that the children at the orphanage lived well—clothed, fed, and safe—but never in excessive luxury. A reasonable amount of financial support would allow the orphanage staff to care for the children without worry, but too much money could lead to corruption. The orphanage’s immediate crisis was now resolved.

They continued eating, but the atmosphere suddenly grew quiet.

Lu Qian finally couldn’t hold back. “What is it? Just say whatever’s on your mind!”

“…Are you not happy?” Jin Xiaomi hesitated before asking.

“Huh? Of course, I’m happy! I’m rich now, why wouldn’t I be happy?” Lu Qian looked at her in surprise.

Jin Xiaomi gave him a complicated look but said nothing more.

Over the past two days, she had watched Lu Qian transition from wild excitement to a calm composure. She knew this man too well. From childhood to adulthood, he never complained about his grievances, and when he was happy, he only ever smiled gently. He always buried his greatest joys and deepest sorrows inside.

He had almost never lost control of his emotions. Almost.

But now, she sensed something strange in his smile. It wasn’t entirely happy. There was a trace of sadness beneath it, as if he was struggling to keep it in check.

He wouldn’t say anything, so she decided to let it be for now.

Lu Qian noticed her hesitation and, after finishing the last bite of steak on his plate, called for the waiter to clear the dishes and serve coffee with dessert. As the rich aroma of coffee filled the air, he finally spoke again.

“I really can’t hide anything from you.” He shook his head and gave a bitter smile.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Jin Xiaomi probed carefully.

“I just suddenly realized… I now fit a certain phrase perfectly: so poor that I have nothing but money.” Lu Qian let out a dry laugh. “Do I sound pathetic?”

Jin Xiaomi frowned.

“For the past two days, I’ve been thinking about what I can do with all this money. I was happy, excited. I’m an orphan, alone in this world. I have no parents to support, and I probably won’t have children to raise in the future. I’ve paid off my car and house loans in one go. I also have a job I love, and I don’t plan to quit. My salary is more than enough to support myself.”

He paused, then continued, “So what now?”

Lu Qian had always been a man of few desires. Even before this unexpected fortune fell into his lap, he had never longed for much. Now, he didn’t even know what else he wanted.

He thought about it carefully. What am I lacking?

Materially speaking, he lacked nothing.
A small home to shelter him from the wind and rain? He had it.
A car for transportation? He had it.
Michelin-starred delicacies^[1]? He could eat until he was stuffed and still not run out of money.
Jewelry, luxurious clothes? He wasn’t a fashionable man, and besides, who was he going to wear them for?
A luxury cruise? A trip around the world?

But in the end, I’d still be alone.

“It feels like I have everything now,” he muttered, then added, “But I feel lonely.”

Lu Qian was lonely.

What he lacked was a connection—someone to care for him, someone to be by his side.

“…Are you regretting it?” Jin Xiaomi hesitated. “Regretting that you didn’t accept Xu Yang back then?”

“That’s not the point,” Lu Qian shook his head. “It’s not about whether it’s too late or not.”

“What do you mean?” Jin Xiaomi frowned again. “Love doesn’t come with rules. You’re both single. Wouldn’t it be nice to be together?”

“Love doesn’t need that much consideration,” Lu Qian admitted. “But I don’t love Xu Yang. What he wants, I can’t give him.”

He rubbed his temples. “I only thought of giving him a place by my side because I felt lonely. Not because he’s Xu Yang, but simply because he’s always been there.”

“…But Xu Yang wouldn’t mind, would he?” Jin Xiaomi said uncertainly. “He’s been chasing after you for so long and treating you so well. I think he genuinely likes you…” Her voice trailed off as she began to understand what Lu Qian was struggling with.

“I know he’s sincere,” Lu Qian sighed. “And because of that, I can’t treat him unfairly.”

“……” Jin Xiaomi was silent for a moment before saying, “Lu Qian, what are you going to do like this?”

Lu Qian chuckled softly. “Xu Yang said the same thing.”

“You just overthink things. I’ve never met a man like you before—so cautious about finding someone to be with.” In an attempt to lighten the mood, Jin Xiaomi adopted her usual uninhibited attitude from the bar, teasing the pure-hearted Lu Qian. “You’re just like a little virgin…”

Lu Qian maintained his faint smile, but his eyes dimmed slightly, his thoughts seemingly elsewhere.

“…Sorry, I didn’t mean—” Jin Xiaomi belatedly realized she had touched on a subject that shouldn’t have been brought up.

Lu Qian shook his head, cutting her off. He knew that all these years, Jin Xiaomi had carried a sense of guilt, but there was nothing he could do about it. A few words of “It’s fine,” or “It’s all in the past,” couldn’t comfort her, nor could they deceive himself.

“What about that Xu Yang? What did he say?” Jin Xiaomi quickly changed the subject.

“……” Lu Qian was silent for a moment before answering, “He said… I’m always on guard.”

“Are you?” Jin Xiaomi asked.

“What do you think?” Lu Qian countered.

“I think Xu Yang is right,” Jin Xiaomi said after a brief pause. “You’re always guarding yourself, resisting relationships. To be honest, Xu Yang is great in every way—tall and handsome, successful at work, has a car and a house, and he’s gentle and devoted to you. Do you know how rare a loyal, doting man like that is? So… what exactly are you resisting?”

“…Not being able to get hard—is that a valid reason?” Lu Qian asked seriously.

“Huh? Xu Yang can’t get hard? No way, right?” Jin Xiaomi exhaled in relief. “Good thing you didn’t accept him, or else your s*x life would be doomed.”

“I mean me. I can’t get hard.” Lu Qian let out a self-deprecating laugh.

“…You? You can’t—? No way,” Jin Xiaomi was utterly shocked. “Wait, wait. Are you saying you can’t… but that shouldn’t be a problem, right? I mean, you’re usually… on the receiving end, aren’t you?”

For once, Jin Xiaomi, who was usually unfiltered, found herself at a loss for words. “I mean… do both of you have to…? Ugh, what am I even saying?” She blushed.

For someone who managed a nightclub and was used to handling all kinds of explicit conversations without batting an eye, she shouldn’t be getting embarrassed. But the person sitting across from her was someone she had always seen as a little brother—pure and innocent like a baby deer.

Jin Xiaomi waved her hand, as if shooing away the awkwardness lingering in the air.

Lu Qian shot her a glance, then let out a soft chuckle. “I just don’t feel anything for him.” He lowered his head and added, “I can’t feel… desire.”

“What do you mean? What do you mean you can’t feel desire?” Jin Xiaomi nearly shouted, then realized people around them were starting to stare. She quickly lowered her voice. “Is it just Xu Yang, or… is it everyone? What about women? Wait, have you ever seen a doctor?”

Jin Xiaomi was getting anxious—this was serious. A man not working in that department? That was a big deal.

“Hey, calm down.” Lu Qian couldn’t help but laugh at her reaction. “When I’m alone, there’s no problem. I just… can’t stand being touched by someone else. The moment someone touches me, I just feel… disgusted.”

His voice grew quieter as he spoke.

Honestly, this wasn’t a conversation he thought was appropriate to have with a lady. But then again, Jin Xiaomi didn’t really count as a lady.

And, as expected—

“You just have no experience. That doesn’t mean anything.” Jin Xiaomi brushed it off like it was nothing. “I know plenty of top-tier guys. Want me to introduce you to a few? Let’s fix this little problem of yours first, and then we can worry about dating.”

Jin Xiaomi knew this was a mental block—a hurdle that Lu Qian just couldn’t get over. She pretended to be relaxed as she threw out ridiculous ideas, but inside, she was panicking. She really didn’t know what to do to help him.

“……”

Lu Qian stared at Jin Xiaomi.

She had suggested this many times before—always trying to set him up with someone. He had never taken her seriously.

But today, for some reason, he hesitated.

Why not?

He probably wouldn’t meet anyone he could truly fall for anytime soon, but deep down, the real issue was loneliness.

Now that he had money, he could buy someone.

He could buy a relationship.

A straightforward, agreed-upon companionship.

Maybe he could even fix his problem… if it was something that could be fixed.

Money, without emotions.

That way, no one would get hurt.

That way, he wouldn’t have to feel guilty toward anyone.

“Alright. Find me someone,” Lu Qian said.

Jin Xiaomi was stunned. She hadn’t expected him to actually agree this time.

“I want someone who can keep me company.”

I want to come home after work and see the lights on.

I want someone there to ask me if I had a long day, to make me a cup of tea.

I want someone at home, cooking for me, waiting for me, caring for me.

I want… someone who cares about me.

Lu Qian murmured as if in a dream, “Xiaomi, I really want to know what it feels like… to have a home.”

It was an orphan’s deepest longing.

Then, he suddenly snapped back to reality.

“This is called keeping someone, right? I’ll keep one. How do you charge? How do I pick?”

Jin Xiaomi’s heart ached at the look in Lu Qian’s eyes, but before she could react emotionally, he had already returned to practical matters.

What do you mean, how do you pick?

Was he buying watermelons? Knock on their heads and see which one sounded better?

She rolled her eyes.

Lu Qian thought for a moment, then added, “Oh, and not Sam. I can’t deal with him. Don’t find me one of those clingy types—I really can’t handle it. Find me someone quiet, not too troublesome.”

“You want a cold and aloof handsome guy, huh?”

It sounded like a question, but Jin Xiaomi seemed to have already made up her mind.

“……”

When did he ever say anything about a cold and aloof handsome guy?

“Whatever. You figure it out,” Lu Qian said, rolling his eyes as he finished the last sip of his coffee.

(To be continued…)