TM | Chapter 5

Lee Seol suddenly stopped speaking and leaned in slightly. Locking eyes with Yoon Sung, he gently curved his gaze and spoke in a low, soft voice.

“I don’t like him either.”

Hearing that, the suffocating weight in Yoon Sung’s chest eased, just a little. The one Kang Taegwon has been pining for hates him. The satisfaction from that thought relaxed the sharpness in his gaze, if only slightly. But realizing how petty he was being, he bit his lip hard. The more he thought about it, the more his insides churned. He clenched his teeth, pinched his thigh hard, and held back his tears.

Just as he stepped through the front gate of his house—

“You little brat! Running off at the crack of dawn and just now crawling ba—”

His eldest brother’s thunderous voice echoed as if he had been waiting for this moment. But the moment he spotted Lee Seol following behind, his words came to an abrupt halt.

“Seol-ah, you’re here?”

The furious expression melted away in an instant, replaced by a warm smile as he addressed Lee Seol.

“Were you two together?”

“Yes, hyung-nim. I took a short walk with Sung-ah.”

“Oh my! Seol is here!”

No sooner had Lee Seol finished speaking than his second sister-in-law appeared out of nowhere. The sound of hurried footsteps came from inside the courtyard—the eldest sister-in-law.

“Oh my, welcome! Why haven’t you been coming by lately~?”

The way her voice turned soft and affectionate whenever Lee Seol visited made Yoon Sung’s lips pout in annoyance.

And as soon as the second brother appeared, Yoon Sung was completely pushed to the sidelines.

“Our little brother is here!!”

I’m the actual little brother here.

Yoon Sung shot his second brother a glare, irritated by how delighted he was to see Lee Seol, but no one paid him any attention. Soon, even the younger cousins came running over, and before he knew it, he was being shoved further into the background.

Servants and family members alike surrounded Lee Seol as if a noble guest had arrived, showering him with exaggerated enthusiasm.

It was always like this, but today, for some reason, it stung even more. Feeling a wave of bitterness, Yoon Sung pouted and turned away, heading toward the sarangchae (the men’s quarters).

His steps were heavy as he stomped across the threshold. Passing between the small trees flanking the path, he climbed onto the wooden veranda and carefully slid open the door to the largest room—the sarangbang (study or master’s room).

“Father, I’m home.”

At the sound of his voice, his father slowly opened his eyes.

“Ah… were you sleeping?”

Realizing he had just woken his father from an afternoon nap, Yoon Sung hunched his shoulders in guilt. But his father, looking frail and thin from illness, merely smiled.

“Sung-ah, you’re back.”

His voice, though still gentle, had grown even weaker than before. Yoon Sung approached the bedside, carefully studying his father’s face. The moment his father reached out a hand, Yoon Sung instinctively leaned in, nestling into his embrace.

To his father, Yoon Sung was the youngest son, born when he was already past forty. His mother had suffered from sanhu-pung (postpartum illness) after giving birth to him, and just as she was trying to recover, an epidemic broke out. She never even had a chance to regain her strength before she passed away.

“My baby, where did you go?”

“…I went to see the spring flowers in the mountains. When you feel better, let’s go together.”

“Yes, yes…”

His father’s aged fingers gently brushed against his face, and the deep wrinkles around his eyes made Yoon Sung’s chest tighten. He tried to smile as his father traced the corners of his eyes. Since he had inherited his mother’s large eyes, his father had always found him especially endearing. Even now, as a grown man, his father would pat him affectionately and call him cute.

Just like this.

No matter how old he got, in his father’s eyes, he was still the beloved late-born son.

“Father, I have come to visit.”

At the sound of Lee Seol’s voice outside the door, his father slowly sat up. His voice, filled with warmth, echoed through the room.

“Come in, my child.”

The door opened, and the dark, stifling air inside seemed to vanish in an instant. The scent of spring, carried in by Lee Seol, swept through the space like a fresh breeze.

Just by stepping into the room, he made everything feel brighter, lighter.

Lee Seol’s graceful bow exuded an effortless nobility, even in the way his robes settled around him. Seeing that, his father smiled in satisfaction.

As if responding to that smile, Lee Seol’s lips curved into a soft, elegant smile of his own.

“How is your health, Father?”

“Well, the same as always…”

“I am troubled that your illness lingers. It pains me deeply.”

Yoon Sung silently observed Lee Seol, who always referred to himself as “son” when speaking with his father. Before, he had thought it was just a polite way of addressing himself as a close friend, but after today’s proposal, the meaning behind that word felt different. It now seemed as though Lee Seol truly wanted to be his father’s son. Strangely, the term soja felt unfamiliar now.

Lee Seol reached out and took his father’s wrinkled hand. His long, straight fingers, firm yet gentle, held onto it tightly. The concern in Lee Seol’s eyes made Yoon Sung feel melancholic. His father glanced at him once before gripping Lee Seol’s hand just as firmly.

“I hope we can find a good match for Sung-ah… Seol, will you help him meet someone good?”

“Of course, Father.”

At Lee Seol’s warm smile, his father responded with a kind one of his own, patting the back of his hand.

“I need to see Sung-ah get married before I go…”

“How can you say such things, Father? You need to recover quickly and get back on your feet.”

His father’s final wish, as he grew weaker by the day, was to see him married.

That was why his oldest brother was in such a rush to find him a suitable match…

His father asked after Lee Seol’s parents and engaged in small talk. Soon, however, fatigue overtook him, and he told them to leave. Lee Seol, after making sure he was properly covered with a blanket, followed Yoon Sung out of the room.

Yoon Sung glanced at Lee Seol before heading into his own room, which was across from the sarangchae^[1]. Whenever Lee Seol visited, he would usually stay for over half a day.

Today, though, Yoon Sung wished he would just go home. But if he wanted him to leave, he would have to explain why, and he wasn’t confident he could come up with a proper excuse that Lee Seol would accept. So, as always, the only excuse he could manage was that he was tired.

Would that make him leave? Absolutely not. He would either lie down next to him and sleep or just sit there, staring at him.

Was it when they were seventeen?

Once, Yoon Sung had gotten so fed up with it that he shouted at him to leave. That day, Lee Seol had kept brushing his fingers against his cheek as he dozed off, pressing firmly as if testing the softness. He had also kept inching closer, pressing against him until Yoon Sung was practically cornered against the wall.

And then, he buried his nose in Yoon Sung’s nape, close enough that he could hear his breathing.

The sensation had felt so strange and unbearable that Yoon Sung had yelled at him to stop. The result? He got smacked across the face a few times.

‘Say that you hate it one more time, and I’ll rip your mouth open.’

With a bloody nose, Yoon Sung could only shed silent tears. It was like being a mouse caught under a cat’s paw. Lee Seol’s sharp glare made it seem as if he really would tear his mouth apart. His expression was so terrifying that Yoon Sung couldn’t even think to wipe his nosebleed.

Then, Lee Seol had wiped the blood off for him and pressed a porcelain bowl against his swollen, red face to cool it down. As he rubbed the cold porcelain against his cheek, trying to soothe him, he looked strangely dejected, which only made Yoon Sung feel even weirder.

After that, Yoon Sung had tried to avoid Lee Seol. But after about two weeks, they ran into each other by the stream.

‘Why are you avoiding me? Do you hate me that much?’

When Yoon Sung didn’t answer, something in Lee Seol seemed to snap. He had pulled out the dagger he always carried with him and tried to stab Yoon Sung’s ankle, saying he would make sure he couldn’t run around anymore.

If Cheongrok hadn’t arrived at that moment… No, actually, it wasn’t as if he stopped him.

‘Seol-ah, just break his ankle. If the dagger gets bloody, it’ll be annoying to clean up.’

How could Cheongrok still make jokes in a situation like this? Yoon Sung was already overwhelmed by Lee Seol, but Cheongrok’s nonchalant attitude had made his irritation spike even more.

Those two bastards started arguing about the easiest way to “clean up” afterward, and before long, they were actually fighting with their blades. The throwing knives they hurled at each other embedded themselves into the trees, and their daggers slashed at each other’s clothing.

Watching them fight, Yoon Sung had the terrible feeling that if he didn’t intervene, one of them would end up seriously injured. So, he lied and shouted that someone was coming—just to get them to stop.

That was when Lee Seol suddenly threw his dagger into the stream and burst into tears.

Yoon Sung had been the one who had nearly gotten stabbed—shouldn’t he have been the one crying? But instead, Lee Seol wept endlessly, his white face flushed red, his eyes swollen to the point of bruising. Even after crying that much, he didn’t stop.

Even Cheongrok, who was always at odds with Lee Seol, was so startled that he ended up helping to console him.

What had made him so sorrowful? Was it because I, the only friend he could truly open his heart to, had avoided him?

Even as the midday sun dipped past the mountains and the night sky turned crimson, he cried and cried. Watching Lee Seol, lingering at the edge of boyhood, sob so helplessly made me feel just as wretched.

Eventually, after crying himself to exhaustion, Lee Seol collapsed. Cheongrok had gone to fetch the adults, and in the end, he was carried home on a servant’s back. Apparently, he had been bedridden for several days.

But after that incident, it was he who began avoiding me instead. Whenever I visited, he would excuse himself, claiming he was going horseback riding, and then disappear. If we happened to run into each other on the street, he would change directions and walk away.

He didn’t even have any other friends to visit…

Knowing he was just holed up in his house all alone made me feel sorry for him, so I decided to go see him. With two sticks of yeot in hand.

When I arrived, he flat-out refused to meet me and tried to shut me out. But I pushed open the door anyway, peeked my head in, and found him—startled stiff despite his larger frame.

He had definitely been frightened. His round eyes widened, and he couldn’t meet my gaze. When I stepped inside, he even took a step back.

I held out the yeot, and though he grumbled that it was too sweet and he didn’t want it, he still ate every piece I broke off for him.

From that day on, I never outright defied Lee Seol or told him that I disliked something. Not that I had much reason to—he had stopped touching me or clinging too close.

He would just sit nearby, watch for a while, and then leave. As long as he didn’t bother me, I had no reason to pay him any mind.

And so, today as well, I let Lee Seol follow me into my room.