TTRIA 36

He doesn’t seem like he’s going to give up easily. Cecil added, and Jeff’s unexpected reply came.

“No. I’m not trying to lose him.”

“Then why are we running?”

“It’s not running…”

Just then, a suitable alley caught Jeff’s eye. Tightly gripping Cecil’s hand, he swiftly turned and entered the alley. The young man’s persistent chase quickened. The moment he finally caught up and stepped into the dark alley…

“I’m luring him.”

A low whisper sounded, and something blocked the young man’s view. In an instant, a heavy coat covered his face.

“Argh!”

With his vision forcibly blocked and his breath caught, the young man instinctively struggled. Jeff, tying the sleeves and binding his neck, spoke.

“Stop whining and breathe. I left a gap for air.”

The young man gasped urgently. Once he calmed down a bit, he asked in a trembling voice.

“P-please, let me live. Why are you doing this…!”

“Why are you chasing us?”

“I-I was just…!”

“Don’t think too hard. Answer quickly.”

The force pushing him against the wall intensified. The arm pressing his chest caused a heavy, aching pain. Overwhelmed with frustration, the young man shouted.

“Because I was glad to see you!”

“…”

“I was glad, you bastard!”

His heaving breaths were so intense they shook even Jeff, who was pinning him down.

“Damn it, is it so wrong to greet someone I haven’t seen in ages? Is that reason enough to corner me like this?! Goddamn it… you haven’t changed a bit since we were kids, you crazy bastard…”

Jeff, staring impassively at the panting figure, spoke.

“So, you’re saying you just wanted to say hi because you were happy to see me?”

“Yes, that’s what I’m saying…!”

“Hey, Johnny.”

A mocking laugh burst from Jeff.

“You expect me to believe that?”

“Why wouldn’t you believe me?”

Johnny stomped his foot in frustration. Jeff, leaning close to his ear, continued.

“You wished I’d died with my mom back then.”

“…”

“Didn’t you?”

The young man, Johnny Max, went pale. Though his face was hidden by the coat, Jeff knew.

“You wished a lunatic would die, and now you’re saying you’re happy to see him after all this time?”

“Jeff, back then…!”

Jeff cut off his urgent voice with a cold retort.

“Give me a more convincing reason, and I might pretend to let it slide.”

“…Fine, I get why you’re acting like this. But I’m serious. I just wanted to say hi because I was genuinely glad. I truly regret how I acted like an idiot when we were kids…”

Jeff snorted lightly.

“Regret, huh.”

Johnny Max. That boy with sharply slanted eyes particularly disliked Jeff. The reason was simple. During their first meeting at the orphanage, Jeff ignored Johnny’s greeting, had a mother convicted of murdering a relative, and only talked about finding the “bug’s” shadow—a lunatic in their eyes.

Back then, Jeff, still reeling from trauma, barely ate and was scrawny. Meanwhile, Johnny, the biggest among their peers, naturally led the group, and his will became theirs.

Jeff was an easy target for bullying. No matter how much they tormented him, he never snitched to the adults. All he ever said to them was:

“My mother isn’t a murderer.”

“There was a bug living in my uncle’s shadow.”

“My uncle was a monster.”

Such words let the kids bully Jeff without worry. The only downside was that no matter how much they tormented him, Jeff never shed a tear. He always brushed it off with an indifferent face. That, if anything, pissed them off more.

So Johnny decided he’d make Jeff cry.

“Don’t mock me, Jeff Lowell.”

Johnny’s voice rasped low.

“…I know I wasn’t great, but you weren’t exactly innocent either, were you?”

That’s why he did it. Witnessing the one moment Jeff showed emotion, targeting the thing his shining eyes cherished.

“My finger you broke still aches. You know that?”

He broke a white butterfly just for that reason. But what came back was unexpected violence. Johnny, the ringleader, had his right finger broken by Jeff. Still clutching his throbbing finger, Johnny panted.

“If you think about it, you hated me as much as I hated you…”

A resentful voice slipped out. That day Jeff charged at him, swinging fists like a madman. Ironically, it changed Johnny’s view of him. While he bitterly resented Jeff for breaking his finger, he was captivated by those eyes staring straight at him.

After that, Jeff was isolated for a week. When he returned from punishment, he was different. He stopped talking about “bugs” and studied diligently. As his gaunt face filled out, he grew tall and handsome. He even learned to smile and became kind to those who approached him.

The scrawny lunatic began to stand out. His striking looks and excellent grades earned the director’s trust. Jeff became the orphanage’s pride, someone everyone wanted to befriend. Ironically, they also envied and resented him. Johnny was no exception.

“Still, I wanted to make things right with you… But you kept ignoring me…!”

Forgetting his harsh bullying, Johnny tried to get close to Jeff. But his efforts never reached him. Jeff was cold to Johnny. He smiled kindly at the other kids who’d bullied him as if nothing happened, but to Johnny, who harmed a single white butterfly, he was icily indifferent. That drove Johnny mad with frustration and resentment.

“Why should I make things right with you?”

Jeff, who’d been watching silently, snapped.

“That’s just your one-sided wish. Why should I care?”

“So you’ll never forgive me…?”

“Forgive? I don’t know why you’re bringing up such a grand word.”

Jeff pulled the coat off Johnny’s head. Johnny gasped, chest heaving. In the alley’s darkness, Jeff’s eyes met his. They were still cold.

“Isn’t that a pointless question? I won’t have reason to think of you anyway.”

“…”

“Anyway, if you’re telling the truth and you chased me just out of happiness, then I’m sorry. I won’t dig into why you followed me anymore. But if you approach me again or follow me…”

So Cecil, hiding deeper in the alley, wouldn’t hear, Jeff leaned close to Johnny’s ear and whispered.

“Next time, it won’t be just a finger that breaks, Johnny.”

Leaving the speechless Johnny behind, Jeff turned. Cecil’s worried blue eyes met his. It’s okay. Jeff gave a light nod and stepped forward.

“…I wanted to apologize.”

Johnny’s small voice came from behind.

“For treating you like a lunatic back then. For mocking your words as crazy talk. Because I really thought that way back then. Of course… bullying you like that was wrong from the start. But… I know better now.”

It was a puzzling statement. As if he now understood that crazy talk. He knows now. Knows what? Jeff, frowning, stopped in his tracks. Johnny’s words followed.

“That there are people with the shadow of a ‘bug.’”

His heart sank. Jeff, swallowing hard, turned back. Their eyes met instantly. Johnny wore a faint smile.

“What did you just say…”

“I know now, Jeff. That what you said was true. That’s why I wanted to apologize.”

Johnny, slowly approaching, rummaged in his pocket and held something out.

“…”

It was a theater ticket.

“I work with a theater troupe now. Today’s the premiere of a play I wrote… I’d love for you to come.”

“You wrote a play?”

“Yeah. Hard to believe, but it’s true.”

Johnny shrugged lightly and added.

“This place experiments a lot with theater. I admit I got lucky.”

“…Why are you giving this to me? And before that, what you said about the ‘bug’…”

Jeff, eyeing the ticket suspiciously, asked.

“What do you mean?”

“Just what I said, Jeff. I know the ‘bug’s’ shadow you talked about. And it’s the theme of my play.”

“…What?”

“So please, come see the play.”

“…”

Confusion flooded in. Jeff stared at the ticket with complex eyes. The title was The Shadow. Just The Shadow. It was overly simple. Open to interpretation, it wasn’t easy to trust. The “shadow” in the play’s title might not necessarily mean the “bug.”

Is this a trap or an opportunity?

“I kept thinking of you after The Shadow. And then I ran into you today. Like it’s fate.”

“So you’re saying… you saw it yourself?”

“Yeah.”

“When. Where, how. What did it look like? Tell me.”

Jeff pressed urgently. Johnny, startled, spoke hastily.

“I want to talk about it with you too, Jeff. But I have to get back for the show. I’ve delayed too long.”

“No. You’re not going until you answer.”

Suddenly grabbing Johnny’s collar, Jeff glared coldly.

“Prove it. Prove what you’re saying is true.”

“The play is the proof! Watch it, and you’ll see I’m telling the truth. I wrote what I saw in the script…!”

“No. I’m not watching the play.”

Jeff’s eyes flashed sharply.

“I need to hear it from you right now. If you don’t want to waste more time, answer my questions, Johnny.”

When, where, how, what did it look like? Describe your encounter with the “bug” in detail. Jeff demanded menacingly. Johnny, looking exasperated, grabbed the hand on his collar and shouted.

“Will you even believe me if I tell you?!”

“That’s for me to decide after hearing it.”

Why didn’t you leave when I let you go? Jeff added with a mocking smirk. It was a smug expression. Johnny’s eyelids trembled with anger. Struggling but unable to break free from Jeff’s grip, he finally gave in.

“…When I left the orphanage with noona, I worked briefly for an old noblewoman. We needed money.”

Damn it. Spitting out a curt curse, Johnny continued.

“I stayed at a remote villa, doing simple tasks for the old lady, but it was more like being a servant handling all sorts of chores.”

“Was that noblewoman the one with the shadow you’re talking about?”

“No, no.”

Johnny shook his head.

“There was someone else in the villa besides the noblewoman. Her granddaughter, confined to a second-floor room with a contagious skin disease. All her expressions came through her voice. The lady never told me her age, but I could tell from her voice. She was around my age.”

The longer I stayed at the villa, the more curious I got about her. His soft addition carried a strange nostalgia.

“The lady went to bed early, so evenings were pretty free. I talked to her every day. We became friends quickly, and I started wanting to see her face. Then I thought, if I don’t touch her skin, it should be fine, right? Just seeing her face briefly wouldn’t hurt…”

“…”

“I opened her door while she was sleeping.”

Jeff’s face crumpled. That night he invaded Cecil’s privacy came to mind. The guilt stemmed from having done something similar, but Johnny, unaware, flinched at the reproach in Jeff’s gaze. Avoiding his eyes, Johnny cautiously added.

“And… that’s when I saw it. Her shadow…”

“What did you see in the shadow?”

“…A praying mantis.”

It was definitely a praying mantis.

“Are you going?”

Jeff looked up at the sudden voice. Cecil, stroking Ego’s fur while holding him, was watching.

“You’ve been staring at the ticket.”

“Oh…”

Jeff gave a wry smile and nodded lightly.

“Honestly, I’m a bit torn.”

“Why?”

“It might be a trap.”

What if Johnny was influenced by Wayne? What if luring him to the theater was a baited trap? Countless suspicions and cautions swirled chaotically in his mind.

“It’s hard to shake the thought it’s a trap disguised as coincidence.”

Maybe the encounter with Johnny was part of a carefully staged play. Perhaps Wayne’s lack of visible moves was because he’d already set traps for every scenario. Such thoughts made deciding difficult.

Then Cecil asked.

“What if you rule out the trap?”

“Huh?”

“If you focus on the possibility it’s not a trap. If you’re torn, that means part of you wants to go to the theater. If you knew it wasn’t a trap, would you go without hesitation?”

Jeff thought for a moment and nodded.

“…Probably, yeah.”

“What do you want to learn at the theater?”

“Well…”

Jeff didn’t answer immediately, meeting Cecil’s gaze with complex eyes.

Cecil, standing not in the annex, Gray’s mansion, or Collie, but here. Under the sunlight, he glowed vibrantly, beautifully.

But the reality of pulling him out without a plan, forcing him into a fugitive’s life, weighed heavily on Jeff’s heart. While feeling responsible for keeping Cecil safe, who trusted and followed him, he couldn’t abandon his resolve to uncover the truth about the “bug” and Gray’s secrets.

So Jeff sometimes wanted to ask Cecil.

How much do you know about “you”? What’s the origin of “you all”? What’s Gray’s purpose? Why do they collect “bugs”? Why do the “bugs” stay loyal to Gray? As someone who’s both a “bug” and part of Gray, could you answer these questions?

Since I risked everything to get you out, could you repay me?

Whenever that ugly desire surfaced, Jeff suppressed and ignored it with all his might. He didn’t escape the mansion with Cecil to use him. Back then, he only wanted Cecil to be free from pain and live a normal life.

That was surely his intention.

But human hearts are fickle, always drawn to the easiest path. So Jeff wanted to deny it. The urge to use Cecil, the faint hope he held. He desperately wanted to stop that initial intent from twisting. He didn’t want to hurt Cecil anymore. He’s not a tool.

But uncovering the truth about the “bug” was something he could never give up.

“…If what he saw is true. I thought maybe watching the play would tell me.”

Even with the closest person beside him, Jeff chose to look elsewhere, as if Cecil were invisible.

“If it’s true, I’d like to meet them. I’m curious about how ‘they’ live out here.”

It might be deception, but…

“…Hey, Cecil.”

Accepting the heavy weight in his heart, Jeff spoke.

“I won’t stop searching for Allen’s traces.”

Cecil’s blue eyes quietly held Jeff.

“Allen… my uncle was always someone I hated. But maybe the version of him I saw wasn’t the ‘real’ him. I realized the uncle in my mother’s memories was a different person from the one I met.”

Allen Walker, the tutor who stayed at Gray’s mansion. Why did the clear-eyed young man in the faded black-and-white photo come to his mother in such a broken state?

“My uncle stayed at Gray’s mansion as a tutor, like me. Then he came to me and my mother as I remember him.”

What happened to him?

“I think the Gray family broke him. So… I’m going to keep digging into what they did.”

Cecil quietly asked.

“Do you want revenge?”

Jeff lowered his gaze for a moment.

“To be honest… yeah.”

He finally spoke candidly.