WHF Ch 56 – “I like you so much.”

What is the quiet and leisure of the north like? It should be best experienced after lunch at noon, looking up at the blue sky of early spring, smelling the impending scent of soil and new life in the air, and enjoying the long daylight before nightfall.

Peaceful and contented, to one’s heart’s desire, as long as a speeding Wuling Hongguang does not suddenly rush out at this time, and what’s more, it has to speed through the bustling city.

The Wuling Hongguang sped straight ahead, past the pastry shop selling coarse grain porridge, and then rushed past the dumpling house that had just braised pig’s trotters. In a flash of lightning, as swift as a stampeding bull on the pasture in spring, it made a right turn into a small road a second before the red light stopped it, causing a chorus of gasps from the people behind.

Of course, such brave but reckless driving skills certainly did not belong to its owner. Yu Tianbai was currently flattened against the passenger seat by inertia, struggling with one hand to pull on the seatbelt. Yes, the person driving had not even given him a chance to save himself.

The person driving turned his head to glance at him in the midst of his busy work.

“Are you scared?” he shouted.

That’s right, a Wuling Hongguang could also produce a roar like a sports car. Besides the young master, no one else could do it.

Yu Tianbai faced the rapidly advancing scenery, his mind seemingly already running through the revolving lantern of his life. He did not care whether Xiu Ma was laughing at him or not, he just shouted: “Watch the damn road!”

Ten minutes later, after the revolving lantern had already run three or five rounds, the car finally stopped by the riverside park. Under the blue sky and clear waters of Heilongjiang, the anglers fishing by the lake did not look this way at all.

“No one’s following,” Xiu Ma said. “Take a break?”

Yu Tianbai stared blankly out the window. After realizing that this beautiful scenery was not part of the revolving lantern, he unbuckled his seatbelt and, by the way, choked the young master with a retort:

“At your speed, even the King of Hell couldn’t catch up.”

It sounded like Yu Tianbai’s unique way of complimenting. Xiu Ma accepted it with pleasure. He lowered the car window a little, and the fresh, raw smell of the river water wafted in. It was the dry season now, without the fishy smell of waterweeds, which made the scenery look quite nice.

At this moment, Yu Tianbai suddenly remembered the half-priced fried cakes he had bought earlier. After half an hour of acting and escaping, the fried cakes were long gone, thrown away somewhere. Even if he could find them, they would probably be as soft as rotten persimmons in autumn. With such thoughts in his mind, he still looked back, just in case they were thrown in some nook or cranny of the car, soaking the seat cushion with oil and making the whole car smell.

But the fried cakes in his hand were like the flowing Songhua River water. They were probably thrown at someone’s feet on some road during the escape. The past is gone with the wind. Yu Tianbai turned his head back and found that the young master was staring at him.

And from his posture, he had probably been staring since he first turned around to look for something.

Yu Tianbai did not speak. He closed the open glove compartment. The young master’s gaze followed his hand down, then back to his face. In this way, it looked a bit like a prelude to a fight.

The young master finally blinked and said, “This is the happiest winter I’ve ever had.”

An unexpectedly warm statement.

But Yu Tianbai was a master at ruining the atmosphere. He replied, “It’s already spring now. If you don’t believe me, look.”

Outside the open car window, a flock of geese from who knows where honked and passed by, splashing into the completely thawed river water. It was a beautiful spring scene of white feathers floating on green water, except that the water was not very clear, and the green was some old algae left over from the last winter.

Ruining was ruining, but Yu Tianbai would not completely ruin the atmosphere. He gave a concluding statement: “As long as you’re happy. I thought the glamorous and refined days at school would be more suitable for you.”

In the ivory tower, outside the secular world. Yu Tianbai had never been to university, but he had seen plenty of university students in the capital—especially rich university students. In fact, they were not much different from the aimless way Yu Tianbai was when he was studying. After going to university, they had an extra layer of safety net. As long as they did not lose their degree certificate, life for them was like a huge all-night KTV party. Singing was their studies, drinking was their meals, and they partied with wild abandon. The young master should not be like that.

“Yeah, it was pretty happy at school.” Xiu Ma’s gaze finally moved away from him, turning to stare at his own hands. “It was indeed pretty happy.”

Yu Tianbai had figured out his habit. Whenever something happened, whether good or bad, the young master would always lower his head to look at the scar. It was probably already another organ besides the five senses, itching before he could feel the world.

Let’s change the subject.

The car window was open, and the car door was unlocked. Yu Tianbai got out of the car first. The damp river breeze hit him, making him squint.

The sticker on the car body was still stuck on firmly, not falling off even after the wild ride. Yu Tianbai squatted down slightly and lifted the edge of the sticker paper to create an opening. “White Horse Immortal” was peeled off, and “Stand Up Fast” appeared. In comparison, the large health supplement slogan with its yellow background and red border looked particularly tasteless.

The young master got out too. Yu Tianbai spread his arms to both sides, unfolding the torn “White Horse Immortal.” The two of them faced each other for a while, and the young master was at a loss:

“What are you trying to say?”

“Don’t you think this sticker is quite nice?” Yu Tianbai lowered his head again, gesturing for him to look at the sticker paper.

The sticker was made at a random print shop in front of the Jiamusi station. They made a photocopy of the signboard his old uncle had mentioned, stretched and deformed it, completed in ten seconds, one-click output. It should have been quite crude. But in the reckless spring breeze, with his back to the sparkling waves, Yu Tianbai had a wanton smile on his face.

At this moment, Xiu Ma really had an illusion—that they had known each other for many years, that they were both still young, that it was a school day in some spring, and they had skipped class together to come to the riverside, up to no good.

“It’s quite nice,” Xiu Ma replied to him, but he was not looking at the sticker, he was looking at Yu Tianbai’s face.

“Let’s not talk about useless things for now.” Yu Tianbai seemed to have thought of something. He folded the sticker on the spot and put it away. “Look at this.”

He fumbled in his robes and took out a shiny object—it was a bullet.

Not only was it a bullet, but it was also very familiar. Without a doubt, this was from the so-called “paperweight” on the pearwood table just now, which had been emptied out—the goods belonging to the Seafood Grand Restaurant.

At this point, Xiu Ma completely understood. At the end of that restaurant farce just now, Yu Tianbai’s sudden handshake was not really that sincere. It was just a trick of sleight of hand, with the target being the “goods.”

It could be described as steady, accurate, and ruthless.

Yu Tianbai handed the bullet to him. Seeing the incredulous expression on the young master’s face, he leaned against the car door with satisfaction, tilting his head to look at his profile: “If their boss’s clothes weren’t so tight, I could have grabbed a few more. When doing business, you have to be bold and meticulous, and get what you want with ease.”

The young master moved his gaze away from the bullet, speechless for a moment, then said, “What you’re talking about sounds like the principles of a thief.”

He had hit the nail on the head. Yu Tianbai put his hands in his pockets and shrugged his shoulders: “I did indeed learn it from a small-time thief. When I was a soldier, I passed through Manzhouli on a green-skinned train. A small thief tried to steal my comrade’s luggage, and I caught him. Later, I had him teach me a skill, and then I let him go.”

One had to admire Yu Tianbai’s social skills, honed in the alleyways, as well as his learning ability.

As he spoke, Xiu Ma turned the small object in his hand. The shiny golden shell, the heavy feel—this was his first time touching a bullet.

“See anything?” Yu Tianbai straightened up and moved a little closer to him.

“It’s new,” Xiu Ma gave his judgment, then turned the bullet around from top to bottom. “No production batch?”

“Should they also print the shelf life and instructions for use on it?” Yu Tianbai was amused by what he said. He pinched his fingers to take the bullet back, then let Xiu Ma look at it in his own hand. “Take another look.”

Being so close to Yu Tianbai, not only could he not stretch his arms, but his mind also could not work properly. After another period of observation, Xiu Ma answered him with silence.

Yu Tianbai grinned, tossed the bullet up, and then caught it steadily with his index and middle fingers. At such a close distance, with such a small space to work with, he did not miss at all. It must be a good trick for showing off. Then he said softly:

“The gun that the Tu family uncle and nephew had, it had the same kind of bullets inside, exactly the same.”

What?

Xiu Ma’s doubts immediately came: “Theirs was clearly a rifle.”

“Right?” Yu Tianbai responded, expressing his agreement. “Even you can see that. Think about it, the gun calibers are different, yet they used the same production method. What does that mean?”

It means these two types of bullets were produced at the same place. But does it stop there?

The wind picked up, and the river water lapped against the shore, the sound like a gradually quickening heartbeat. Xiu Ma took a deep breath and replied:

“Old Fifth Tu bought his bullets from them.”

Yu Tianbai stopped his playful grin, put the thing back in his pocket, and added: “And to take it a step further, Old Fifth Tu’s bullets were bought from Fatty Lin by Fang Hui for them.”

Clang.

This was not the sound of the young master brandishing a sword and spear again, but the sound of the truth hitting the nail on the head. In this way, the reason for Fang Hui taking the money became clear. She was the big client that the Seafood Grand Restaurant should have had, a wild outlaw beyond the reach of the law in the black soil.

But another problem arose. She bought bullets, and Old Fifth Tu also bought bullets, and they both did not know each other’s whereabouts—especially Old Fifth Tu. He had only vaguely said that Fang Hui had money, but he ran to the same place as this little girl to do illegal business. Or was it Fang Hui who did the business for him? In a society of human connections, it did not quite make sense either way.

“You feel it’s strange too, right?” Boss Yu changed his posture, resting one elbow on the car door, looking all improper.

“It is strange enough,” Xiu Ma turned away from his unseemly posture. “One of them must be lying through their teeth.”

Although the topic was a bit heavy, the vast river water and the spring breeze caressed their faces. Besides the anglers by the river who treated time as nothing, they were the only tourists. No one cared about their identities, no one stared at their pasts, and no one looked forward to their futures. Only they themselves knew that to be able to walk all the way from the Songhua River was not enough to rely on coincidence alone.

“We two are quite fated,” Yu Tianbai sighed. He somewhat understood why the young master had said at the beginning that this winter was very happy. What good student could encounter murder and arson during a winter break job? What a rare opportunity!

At the same time, the young master beside him also leaned back against the car door. Yu Tianbai’s gaze was fixed on his radiant profile. He stared at the young master for a few seconds, then turned around and looked with him in the direction of the river.

“The last time I went back to Songyuan, my dad actually didn’t know,” Xiu Ma looked at the bridge opposite and slowly began to speak. “He hopes I never go back to see my mom. After all, he can solve everything with money.”

Just as Yu Tianbai had said, except that he thought the young master had no reason to be soft-hearted towards his neurotic mother anymore, and did not think about it in terms of money. If he were in some appreciation of beautiful literature right now, he would surely “lower his head in shame,” but Yu Tianbai was not fated for that. He still stood proudly by the river, but with a slight sense of guilt.

Xiu Ma adjusted his standing posture and continued, “Call me indecisive, or nostalgic, I just can’t forget some of the good things from the past. I can’t forget that in the house in Songyuan, my mom would braise pork ribs for me, just that once or twice.”

Yu Tianbai had never been good at comforting people, and it was the same now. His Adam’s apple bobbed, and he only managed to utter one sentence: “You will meet better in the future.”

When he would meet, how he would meet, and whether this “better” had anything to do with himself, Yu Tianbai dared not think.

“So these few months have been really happy for me,” Xiu Ma’s voice came from his side. It was a tone he did not usually have, a tone of genuine happiness.

How nice, what a youthful flavor. Yu Tianbai laughed and replied to him, “Yeah, I can see you’re happy.”

The sky was high and the clouds were light, the wind was gentle and the sun was bright. The atmosphere was perfect for not thinking about anything. Yu Tianbai wanted to take out a cigarette. He turned to look at the young master, and happened to meet that face that amazed him every time he saw it. The person on the left did not take out a cigarette anymore, and the person on the right did not move. The two of them just stared at each other’s faces motionlessly, without a sound.

The atmosphere was perfect for a kiss.

Shoulder to shoulder, face to face, he could see Xiu Ma’s eyes, which were always so beautiful they made people angry. Above his head was not an incandescent lamp, nor a dark street lamp, but the bright noon sun of the north. The river surface was like a reflector, allowing him to see every line in those amber pupils clearly.

The wind blew, and the Songhua River was free of disturbances. Gulls skimmed across the water, and the reeds rustled. Yu Tianbai saw that person’s straw-like hair brush past his face, and then everything seemed to slow down. His wrist was grabbed, then his shoulder, and his hand moved up to the side of his face. Yu Tianbai finally ended his long reaction time. Before there was no retreat, he raised his hand and pushed hard on Xiu Ma’s chest.

The force was not small, and even through the clothes, it made a muffled sound. But Xiu Ma did not dodge, and he did not move away. They just stared at each other in a posture like they were about to fight.

Xiu Ma struck first: “I like you.”

Yu Tianbai was choked for a second, then quickly replied, “I know.”

He knew it all too well.

The wind on the shore was still blowing. Xiu Ma finally asked the question that Yu Tianbai was terrified of. He asked, “So what do you feel about me?”

What did he feel? Yu Tianbai had never really thought about how to answer his question. Perhaps on some quiet, late night, Yu Tianbai had also wondered what he really felt about Xiu Ma, but this kind of question that could not be summed up in one sentence was always the worst choice for his pre-sleep contemplation, so the answer was quickly thrown to the back of his mind, and then he would fall asleep peacefully.

Thinking about it now, it was probably a feeling that he wished spring would never come.

As long as spring did not come, he would always be on the road, and would never have to face the house in Jiamusi or the empty storefront in Changchun. People can get used to being lonely, but the premise is before they have tasted the liveliness again. After coming out of the liveliness, loneliness truly becomes loneliness, unbearable.

His hand was pressed below Xiu Ma’s throat. It was clearly still some distance from his heart, but Yu Tianbai could feel the living, throbbing life under his hand, making his own heart panic along with it.

No answer.

Even though he was being pushed by the neck like a dog, Xiu Ma still wanted to take a step forward. He opened his mouth, his voice trembling: “I like you so much.”

Yu Tianbai turned his face away and did not look at him again. The fingers pushing him curled up, slowly clutching his collar, then unfolding. This feeling was not good at all. Being confessed to was not happy at all. He just wanted to cry, really wanted to cry.

“I,” he knew his eyes were already red, “really don’t deserve you.”

He could feel the chest under his hand shrink, then it became still. He could not see Xiu Ma’s face, he could only hear his voice ring out.

“But you’ve never rejected me, and you’ve always indulged my behavior, haven’t you?”

Yes.

Even without saying love or like or some other heartbreaking words, Yu Tianbai would still indulge Xiu Ma’s probing around him. If time went on longer, the distance of the probing would also get deeper. At that time, would Yu Tianbai be able to pry a real answer out of his mouth? No one knew.

“Forget it,” Xiu Ma said again.

Immediately after, it felt cold under Yu Tianbai’s hand. It was not that he had taken his hand away, but that the other person had taken the initiative to leave him. Xiu Ma dodged backwards, then strode forward, brushing past Yu Tianbai like the wind, and walked away without looking back.

A long, long time later, Yu Tianbai finally turned his head to look again. There was nothing left in the direction he had left.