WYK 12

Jeong-yoon went inside and pressed the elevator button. The elevator on the 20th floor began to come down. He wanted to get home quickly and relax his body, but today it seemed to be taking longer than usual.

His body felt heavy. The drunkenness that he had been holding back seemed to be hitting him now.

He leaned his forehead against the wall. The coldness of the cement wall slowly seeped into him. Suddenly, he felt like crying. But as a future soldier, he couldn’t afford to shed tears.

…No, it wasn’t really because of that reason that he was suppressing his emotions. It was more because he felt that if he let his overwhelming emotions out even a little, they might pour out uncontrollably, so he was forcing himself to hold back.

How deeply had he been immersed in his own lamentations? Just before the elevator arrived, his mobile phone in his pocket rang with a “jiing.” When he took out his phone and looked at the screen, the name “Pretty Mi-hee” was flashing. It was a name Mi-hee had registered herself.

He wondered if it might be a call from Kang Chae-heon. It was a futile and foolish hope.

He got into the elevator and pressed the answer button.

“Yeahh. Mi-hee.”

– Jeong-yoon… today… by the way…

Maybe because he was in the elevator, her voice wasn’t very clear.

“What did you say? Hold on.”

As he spoke, the elevator arrived on the fifth floor. Jeong-yoon came out of the elevator and quietly listened to Mi-hee’s voice starting to pour out loud.

– Can you hear me now? I heard you had a farewell party today?

“It’s not a farewell party, but a celebration party. Anyway, it just ended, and I just got home.”

– You should’ve called me. I was hanging out with my friends near the school.

“You’re done with your exams. I didn’t call you because I was afraid it would be a hassle to come to school.”

– If you had called me, I would have come! I’m upset!

“I’m sorry. I thought it might be a hassle for you to go back and forth.”

Jeong-yoon comforted Mi-hee over the phone and opened the main door. And then.

“Whoa, you startled me!”

He took a step back, surprised. It was one o’clock, and the smell of fried chicken wafted through the air. Of course, it’s one o’clock in the morning, not daytime. His mother and sister were in the bright living room, engrossed in watching a drama rerun while munching on chicken. Their appetite was truly remarkable.

Jeong-yoon bowed his head as a sign of greeting. The two just waved their hands indifferently and didn’t respond as they were eating chicken. Mi-hee’s voice continued to ring through the phone.

– When exactly do you enlist?

“In a month and a half.”

– That’s still a long time. You’ll spend a lot of time with me until then, right?
“Of course, you’re my friend.”

– You’re speaking so nicely. Did you drink a lot? Is your stomach okay?

“Listen, my voice is just fine, right?”

Jeong-yoon put his cell phone between his ear and shoulder and took off his clothes. He wanted to take a shower as soon as he hung up the phone. After a few more exchanges, he said his goodnight. He held the phone between his fingers and pressed the end button after exchanging a few more words. Then, he tossed his clothes on top of each other. Instead of heading inside, he stood by the bathroom door, banging his head lightly against it.

A storm was brewing. Even while he was talking and laughing with Mi-hee on the phone, a face kept coming to mind. Kang Chae-heon. The last farewell they had. It crashed into his heart like rough waves.

But in the midst of all this, the smell of chicken right under his nose was so vivid that it somewhat eased his sadness. Chicken was indeed the best cure for sorrow.

He stood there for about a minute. Then, his mother’s voice reached him from behind.

“Jeong-yoon-ah. Is that your girlfriend?”

“No, Mom.”

Jeong-yoon lifted his forehead from the door and turned around.

“Really not your girlfriend?”

“No, Mom.”

“Ugh… I gave birth to such a beautiful son, yet why hasn’t he had a girlfriend until now?

Jeong-yoon frowned at those words.

“Mom, there’s something wrong here. I didn’t find one. There’s a big difference between not finding one and not having one.”

“It’s strange. Are you too immature because you’re the youngest, so girls don’t like you?”

Jeong-yoon’s mother ignored his words and clicked her tongue.

“Why am I immature? I’ll say it again, I didn’t find one.”

“Okay, okay.”

“It’s not just ‘okay’…! Besides, I’m going to the military soon, so how can I find a girlfriend?”

Jeong-yoon’s mother laughed gently as if trying to soothe him when he grumbled.

“Alright, I get it. Go wash up and come out to eat the chicken.”

At those words, his older sister next to him lifted the chicken box. Inside, there was only one wing left. Seeing this, Jeong-yoon chuckled dryly, “Ha.”

“What do you expect me to eat when all that’s left is a wing? And I’m so full!”

Jeong-yoon shouted as if he had given up. This was the usual pattern. He could never quite communicate with this mother and daughter. Jeong-yoon’s older sister, Jeong-seon, chuckled as she watched his reaction.

“Jeong-yoon-ah. “But why are you standing here with your shirt off?”

“… I was trying to shower, but Mom and Noona kept talking…! Ugh, that’s it.”

Jeong-yoon was about to complain, but then he lowered his head and went into the bathroom. As he closed the door, he could still hear his mother and sister laughing outside. He couldn’t hear them properly, but one phrase stuck very clearly in his mind.

“He is really fun to tease.”

The mix of the chicken smell and teasing banter somehow lifted a bit of his melancholy. In a way, he was thankful to his sister for that.

After washing himself with hot water, Jeong-yoon put on his pajamas and sat on the bed. He knew he needed to dry his hair, but that felt too bothersome, and he couldn’t bring himself to lift a finger. Despite feeling tired and wanting to sleep as soon as he came out of the shower, he couldn’t sleep.

“Jeong-yoon-ah.”

After closing his eyes for a while, his sister silently opened the door and entered the room. Sitting on the chair across from the bed, she got straight to the point.

“Do you happen to know Yoo Da-jung?”

“Yoo Da-jung?”

“Yeah. I heard she went to the same high school as you?”

Jeong-yoon stared blankly at Jeong-seon’s face.

Yoo Da-jung. There was no way he could forget that name.

Suddenly, his heart pounded, and a cold sensation ran down his chest. Jeong-yoon made an effort to calm his emotions and replied nonchalantly.

“Yoo Da-jung. I know her.”

“You do? I started a Russian language study group in the neighborhood recently, and she’s one of the members. She said she went to the same high school as you.”

“Oh, really? I don’t think there’s anyone from our high school who doesn’t know her.”

“Because she’s pretty?”

“Yeah.”

Jeong-yoon nodded easily. Seeing how even his older sister asked that question, it was clear Yoo Da-jung, who was pretty in high school, must be still pretty now.

 

13
He remembered her vividly. On the day of the entrance ceremony, she had gathered a crowd as she entered the girls’ class in the liberal arts department. She had a fair face and large, sparkling eyes. Even her expressionless face was pretty, but when she smiled, she became incredibly beautiful.

“Anyway, I know her, but why do you ask?”

“Da-jung said she remembers you too.”

“So?”

Jeong-yoon replied nonchalantly while using the towel he had in his hand to dry his hair. However, he couldn’t help but stop abruptly when his sister said something unexpected.

“Do you want to go on a blind date with her?”

“… What are you talking about?”

“From what Da-jung says, it seems like she has a crush on you.”

Jeong-yoon lowered the towel with a puzzled expression.

“I’m going to the military soon, and you’re talking about setting me up on a date? Are you trying to get me in trouble, sis?”

“Who is doing it now? Da-jung was going to hold on to you until you were discharged and then we can talk about it. So, don’t just meet any random person because you’re a ‘mosol'[mfn]Internet slang. Short for 모태솔로 (motaesollo, “a person who has never had a romantic partner”)[/mfn]; be good and wait.”

“You are already talking about after I’m discharged from the military.”

“This sister has a good eye for people… Da-jung is incredibly cute and pretty, you know. So, that’s why.”

Jeong-yoon sighed deeply at those words. Then he swept up his wet hair and answered in a hushed voice.

“It’s not happening, sis.”

“Why? It’s a talk for after you finish your military service. Why are you taking it so seriously?”

“Anyway, no. Don’t even mention this much about me to her.”

“Why? And I already did it, you dummy.”

In response to his sister’s answer, Jungyun twiddled his fingers and mumbled softly.

“She’s… someone I used to date.”

“Hmm.”

“…”

A long silence filled the room. His sister eventually nodded in understanding.

“Well, that’s a no-go then. Dating her would make you a jerk.”

“Yeah, you’re right.”

“It’s done, it’s hopeless.”

His sister gave up quickly. She soon got up from her seat and left the room without any lingering feelings. Jeong-yoon, who was left alone, just stared at the door.

Yoo Da-jung. She was the girl who dated Kang Chae-heon.

Jeong-yoon recalled an incident from his senior year of high school.

About a year and a half ago. The club he joined as a senior in high school was a foreign film appreciation club. It was a club for the purpose of watching foreign movies without subtitles, and he joined because he thought he could watch them while dozing off, but he literally got kicked out.

‘Seriously. Does it make sense to write a movie review in English? That’s crazy.’

Jeong-yoon muttered to himself as he walked down the hallway. He was returning to his dormitory after a gathering of his club members to write essays after dinner.

‘Ah.’

He abruptly turned around, suddenly remembering that he had left his essay notebook in the club room.

‘Ugh, what a hassle.’

He went down to the first floor and headed to the club room located in the far right corner. The place, which was originally a photography room, was in a remote location, so the entrance itself was dark. He walked up to the shadowy door and opened it without hesitation. However, he had no choice but to stand there stiffly.

This was because two students were sitting in a place where he thought no one would be.

One of them, a girl, was reaching out to touch the hair of the boy seated across from her, but when Jeong-yoon walked in, she quietly retracted her hand.

Jeong-yoon was familiar with these two. Yoo Da-jung, widely regarded as the most beautiful girl in school, and the other was…

‘…Kang Chae-heon.’

It was Chae-heon. He was spending their private time together in this dimly lit space.

Jeong-yoon clenched his fists in silence as he witnessed this secret rendezvous. A cold chill ran through his chest. His heart pounded terribly low and throbbed as if in pain.

Jeong-yoon’s gaze, which had been wandering around, finally settled on the two. He tried to put up an awkward smile. It wasn’t even clear whether the smile on his face was a smile, but it was fortunate that the corners of his mouth seemed to be well raised.

What should he say? Jeong-yoon smiled as choosed his words.

‘You two look good together. I hope you have beautiful love.’

Jeong-yoon immediately pretended to close his mouth with a zipper. It was an expression that he would not spread rumors between the two. How embarrassing it would be to have a third party show up while they were secretly dating in a place like this.

It was time for the disruptor to leave. Jeong-yoon turned his back without even having time to check their expressions. His relationship with Chae-heon had become so strained since last year that he had nothing more to say. He walked quickly as if he was being chased by someone. He felt dizzy.

“What.Yoo Da-jung was his girlfriend? Kang Chae-heon’s standards are pretty high…”

He muttered lightly. However, his heart remained far from light. His heart, as though trapped in a thick quagmire, plunged haphazardly into the distant darkness.

The intimate atmosphere that hovered between the two, and Yoo Da-jung’s fingertips reaching out towards him.

Just recalling it made his heart beat rapidly. He had seen her countless times within the same club. Why hadn’t he known this sooner? It seems like he couldn’t see Yoo Da-jung because he was only looking at Kang Chae-heon. If he had known earlier, he wouldn’t have discovered the truth under such abrupt circumstances. And his heart wouldn’t have broken down so suddenly.

Whoever Kang Chae-heon dated had nothing to do with Jeong-yoon. Because the reality of unrequited love has not changed. It was just a far-fetched and unrealistic desire, similar to liking a celebrity behind a TV screen. But that didn’t mean it didn’t hurt.

He never dared to think that he could end up with Kang Chae-heon. However, he never imagined anyone else being by his side.

He wasn’t sure how he had ended up in the classroom. Jeong-yoon sat on a chair and stared blankly out the window, remaining silent among the noisy kids. The bright sunset light was burning so strongly that it stung his eyes. He wanted to cry, but he couldn’t, so he gripped his school uniform tightly.

That day. Jeong-yoon went home and cried for a long time. He cried alone, burying his face in the pillow so that no one could hear him. The well-dried pillow cloth slowly became wet and hot breath was exhaled with difficulty.

First love. He had fallen into it, a terribly agonizing bout of first love. It was the fever of a painful love.