WYK 49

His voice was normal too. Jeong-yoon’s heart ached at his gentle tone. He wasn’t sure why.

Chae-heon called to him again.

“Seo Jeong-yoon. If you have something to say, say it properly. Stop getting lost in your thoughts.”

It was as if he could see right through him. Jeong-yoon’s heart dropped suddenly. It felt like being abruptly pulled back to reality after floating in a hazy fantasy. What if Chae-heon decided to end everything – the sex partner arrangement and all – because he was so out of it? What would he do then? A chill ran down his spine, and his fingertips trembled.

He never wanted to break off his relationship with Chae-heon in the first place. Jeong-yoon felt like getting on his knees and begging him to keep seeing him, even if just for fun. His selfish, foolish self wanted to pretend not to know anything. He just wanted to stay by Chae-heon’s side like that.

Jeong-yoon spoke hurriedly.

“I’m sorry. I wasn’t trying to ignore you, I just had a lot on my mind.”

“Am I one of the reasons your mind is troubled?”

His perceptiveness suddenly frightened him. Jeong-yoon shook his head vigorously.

“No. The only reason is me. Not you.”

It was true. He hadn’t changed at all. He was still Kang Chae-heon, the one who reached out to him first, always thoughtful. He had been like that at his house that day, and even now. While suppressing his anger, he had still bought coffee. The only thing complicated was his own heart. That heart, which had harbored vain expectations and then faded away like bubbles.

“I’m sorry for worrying you. …Please don’t be mad.”

Jeong-yoon smiled desperately, hoping his smile would appear natural to Chae-heon. His head was so foggy he could barely hear what he was saying. He just felt sorry about everything. He had to apologize for it all. Because he absolutely couldn’t let Chae-heon push him away because he’d upset him. Even if his desperate feelings seemed to crash pathetically to the ground, he had to do it.

He swallowed hard and gently placed his hand on Chae-heon’s shoulder. He wanted to hug him and say he was sorry, but he couldn’t muster the courage to do that.

Warm autumn sunlight shone through the car window. Chae-heon watched Jeong-yoon’s brown hair sparkle in the sunlight and his delicate lips curve up with effort, then finally let out a soft sigh.

“I’m not angry. I was just worried about your mood.”

“I’m sorry. Like I said, I wasn’t ignoring you… anyway, I won’t do it again. Please forgive me.”

“…”

Chae-heon stared at Jeong-yoon silently for a few seconds. Jeong-yoon was still faintly smiling at him. After shaking his head, Chae-heon glanced at his wristwatch and then started the engine.

Jeong-yoon gathered his courage and patted Chae-heon’s arm again. Judging by his demeanor, his anger seemed to be subsiding. He had to seize this opportunity and cling on. Jeong-yoon carefully spoke up.

“I’ll contact you when class ends. You’ll give me a ride?”

“Why ask something so obvious?”

“Yeah. Let’s go home together for sure.”

He desperately expressed his friendliness. Chae-heon, who was looking ahead while driving, glanced at Jeong-yoon and then focused back on the road. His expression was somehow strange.

“…Seo Jeong-yoon. I can never get a read on you. What are you thinking?”

“Right…”

Jeong-yoon weakly trailed off. He felt the same way. When he was next to Kang Chae-heon, he felt like a crazy kid whose emotions were bouncing all over the place. Just a moment ago, he had been digging in despair, making Chae-heon angry, and now he was apologizing and tucking his tail between his legs. He would get lost in pink fantasies, feeling happy, only to plunge himself into a bleak world.

But he couldn’t do that anymore. Jeong-yoon wanted to stay close to Kang Chae-heon no matter what.

Chae-heon soon turned the steering wheel. The school building was coming into view in the distance.

***

Jeong-yoon couldn’t sleep until dawn.

It had been like this for several days. His head was full of delusions. Sometimes he wanted to scream and pour out his frustrations to someone. But he couldn’t do either. Though he tried to smile brightly in front of Chae-heon, he clutched his aching heart when alone.

While tossing and turning in his dark room, he picked up his phone. Without thinking, he pressed Min-soo’s number.

– …He…llo…?

Min-soo answered in a drowsy voice. After clearing his throat a couple times, Jeong-yoon began firing words like a declaration of war.

“Hey. I’m planning to live however my heart wants from now on. What do you think?”

– …What? …What did you say?

Min-soo seemed unable to understand Jeong-yoon’s words in his half-asleep state, asking back hesitantly. But Jeong-yoon continued his monologue without further explanation.

“I’m going to live recklessly. Use my body recklessly, be pathetic and desperate.”

– …Are you going to work at a host bar? …Need money? I can lend you some…?

“…That’s not it.”

After a moment of silence over the phone, Min-soo spoke in an annoyed voice.

– Then do whatever you want… Why are you calling in the middle of the night talking nonsense…

“Yeah. I’ll do what I want? Okay?”

– Yeah. Do whatever you want. Your body will just grow mold if you keep it too precious… Anyway, good luck, you crazy bastard… calling me at dawn… tsk.

Finally clicking his tongue, Min-soo hung up immediately. Even though calling at dawn must have been quite annoying, he still wished him good luck. What a good friend. Jeong-yoon stared at the darkened phone screen and nodded to himself.

Right. Kim Min-soo also gave his approval. It felt like he had received a pardon for his actions. Now, he would throw away his worries and depression and do what his heart desired.

Jeong-yoon questioned himself again.

Did he want to date Kang Chae-heon? Yes.

Was that possible? No.

Then did he want to at least be physically intimate with him? Yes.

Then should he be sad right now? …No.

It was an offer he’d accepted knowing full well what it meant. They weren’t in a relationship that required feeling responsible for each other or sharing their personal lives. It had been a mistake to assume he was his only partner just because they were friends with benefits. Thinking about it that way made his heart feel somewhat lighter.

But having a lighter heart didn’t mean it didn’t hurt. Still, he decided to ignore his aching heart until the day Chae-heon would eventually push him away. Just experiencing this luxury in the present was overwhelming enough. He didn’t want to crush this happy time with the pain that would come in the future.

Even after talking with Min-soo, he lay awake for several hours. Then, as soon as it turned eight in the morning, he called Chae-heon. Though he had called Min-soo without any difficulty, he felt needlessly nervous when it was Chae-heon.

Chae-heon picked up before the first ring finished.

– Oh, Jeong-yoon.

“Kang… Chae-heon.”

– Go ahead.

Jeong-yoon swallowed and continued.

“Do you have a girlfriend?”

It seemed like a crazy question to ask first thing in the morning. The kind of question he couldn’t bring himself to ask because it felt like Pandora’s box. He couldn’t even mention Yoo Da-jung’s name because it was too difficult.

Chae-heon was silent for a moment on the other end.

– …What kind of question is that.

“Just curious. …Do you?”

“No.”

“…I see.”

So Yoo Da-jung wasn’t his girlfriend. She could be someone he was casually seeing, or perhaps she was just like him, a sex partner, or maybe it was just a one-sided crush. Either way, he decided to believe Chae-heon wasn’t the type to lie, so he accepted that he didn’t have a girlfriend. He was relieved to have alleviated some of his moral guilt.

Soon, Chae-heon’s subdued voice came through the phone.

– Do you want to date someone?

“No way. Not when I have you.”

Jeong-yoon smiled bitterly. He could only focus on one person from the start, regardless of what kind of relationship it was.

At his answer, Chae-heon laughed over the phone.

– Where did this sudden question come from? Did you have a dream?

“No, just… anyway, see you later. I’ll get ready now.”

– Okay.

After ending the call with Chae-heon, Jeong-yoon let out a long sigh and flopped onto his bed.

The die had been cast. He would settle things this weekend. He would sleep with Kang Chae-heon. What was there to worry about or think about? Here was the handsome, wealthy Chae-heon asking to enjoy life together. His heart was full of willingness to be swept away by that current.

***

On Friday, his only afternoon class was canceled. The professor had to attend a seminar or something.

Jeong-yoon called Chae-heon as soon as he saw the message in the morning. He told him he wouldn’t be able to go to school together since the class was canceled. Chae-heon simply replied “Okay, got it” and hung up.

“…Is he mad at me about something?”

Jeong-yoon clutched his phone, falling into timid worry. Even thinking back, everything had been normal until yesterday. They’d gone to and from school together. Why was he becoming so pathetic, getting anxious and depressed over Kang Chae-heon’s small actions and brief responses? To the point where he wondered if he had always been this weak and timid.

While lost in thought, a message came.

[At my parents’ house so I can’t talk long. Sorry.]

It was from Chae-heon. Only then did his anxious heart ease. It was ridiculous how he fretted over his one response and felt relieved by a short message.

“Must be busy. I wonder if he’ll be busy tomorrow too. I was planning to sleep with Kang Chae-heon this weekend…”

Jeong-yoon muttered while fiddling with his phone. Just when he’d decided to throw himself at Chae-heon, the situation wasn’t working out, which made him quite anxious. But there would be many weekends and other opportunities.

He went swimming at the pool, came home, and rolled around on the sofa. The class was canceled, he was free, and well, there wasn’t much to do.

Around lunchtime, while he was just killing time, Jeong-seon came home with a crumpled expression.

“Jeong-yoon.”

“Yeah?”

“Want to go to Taiwan?”

“Taiwan? What are you talking about suddenly?”

Jeong-seon sighed deeply while putting her shoes on the shoe rack.

“I was supposed to go to Taiwan this weekend. But Yu-min suddenly hurt her leg and can’t go. We were going to film food vlogs…”

“Just cancel then.”

“The flight is tonight! If I cancel the plane ticket, I’ll have to pay a fee, and the hotel can’t be canceled. I can’t ask her to pay for everything when she’s injured.”

“Really? Then ask hyung to go with you.”

“He used his vacation days to go on a trip with his girlfriend, you dummy.”

“Oh right. No wonder I haven’t seen him.”

After getting a glass of water from the water purifier, Jeong-seon approached Jeong-yoon, who was responding nonchalantly.

“Come to Taiwan with me. We’ll return Monday afternoon. I’ll pay for your plane ticket, just bring yourself.”

“Then what about my Monday classes?”

“Skip just one day. I booked a really nice hotel. Over 300,000 won per night.”

“If you’re going for food vlogs, why book such an expensive hotel?”

“The breakfast there is delicious.”

“Anyway, I don’t want to go.”

Jeong-yoon answered indifferently. He was planning to spend the weekend leisurely and hopefully spend the night with Kang Chae-heon; he had no intention of going to Taiwan.

Jeong-seon glared at Jeong-yoon with a slightly annoyed face.

“Hey. I’m offering to pay for your plane ticket and let you stay at the hotel for free, and you still don’t want to go?”

“Yeah. Don’t want to.”

“I carried you and changed your diapers when you were little, and this is how you treat me?”

Jeong-yoon laughed incredulously.

“We’re only two years apart, how could you have carried me and changed my diapers? Talk sense.”

“Hey, what if something dangerous happens to me alone in Taiwan?”

“What dangerous situations? It’s a tourist destination.”

“What if something bad happens when I’m alone? Plus, I arrive at Taiwan’s airport in the middle of the night.”

“…”

Only then did Jeong-yoon fall into contemplation. Now that he heard it, it did seem a bit dangerous to let his sister go alone… and he was worried…

Finally, Jeong-yoon sighed softly and nodded. It was possible because he wasn’t cruel by nature. After all, what if his fairly good-looking sister got caught up in something dangerous while traveling abroad alone?

“Fine. But don’t make me your porter. You didn’t buy too much duty-free stuff, right? I thought I was going to die carrying your duty-free items when you went to Europe last time.”

“Yes! Yes! Thank you! You’re pretty! Our youngest!”

Jeong-seon smiled brightly and hugged Jeong-yoon’s head tightly. Jeong-yoon furrowed his brows with an ‘eek!’ and tried to escape her embrace by tilting his head back, but it was useless. He had to endure being hugged tightly again while his head was patted.

After that, time flew by chaotically. The departure was tonight, they had to pack, and they had to look through travel guides. Though he was being swept along by his sister, travel was still travel.

‘Food vlog trip… what are we going to eat so much of?’

Anyway, since it was a free trip, he felt a little excited.