WYK 64

Side Story 1 – Kang Chae-heon’s Perspective

‘Why are you so kind to everyone?’

It’s still vivid.

‘I don’t want to live like mom.’

When I said that as just an elementary school student, how sad mother’s faintly smiling face looked.

***

The first thing Chae-heon remembered was Jeong-yoon’s cheeks, which were flushed like peaches.

“Hey. Did you see her?”

“Yeah, I saw.”

“Pretty, right? Isn’t she just incredibly pretty?”

“Yeah, she’s really pretty… like a celebrity.”

Jeong-yoon, who had answered that she was like a celebrity, scratched his slightly reddened ear with an awkward smile.

Jeong-yoon had just been swept away by his friends and had gone to see Yu Da-jeong from the women’s liberal arts class 2.

Da-jeong, who was also a freshman, had been attracting everyone’s attention since the entrance ceremony. She had been scouted a lot on the street and had been a child model when she was young. As a result, almost all the boys would peek into her class to look at Yu Da-jeong.

Da-jeong pretended not to notice their gazes, as if used to it. She knew from experience that such immature interest from young boys would fade like smoke after just a month.

Jeong-yoon too had gone to look, half willingly and half dragged by his desk mate, and came back as if enchanted. Though he soon lowered his head, thinking Da-jeong might find it unpleasant to be peeked at through windows.

The voices of boys who had just entered high school were loud and boisterous. Chae-heon, who had been resting his chin and staring at the blackboard, turned his head to look at Jeong-yoon’s group.

‘So noisy.’

His indifferent gaze fixed on them.

Yu Da-jeong. She was Chae-heon’s cousin. His mother’s younger sister’s daughter. Simply put, his aunt’s daughter.

But he had no intention of acknowledging or revealing their relation. There was no particular reason. Just because Da-jeong had asked him not to. She said it would be embarrassing and troublesome. Though he didn’t understand why being related to him would be embarrassing, he agreed anyway.

The boys talked about Da-jeong all day. Well, boys their age were naturally interested in girls and games, so it was expected. He was habitually smiling when his gaze fixed on Jeong-yoon’s profile as he stared at his notebook alone, away from the noisy conversation.

“…”

Chae-heon adjusted his chin in his hand and tapped the desk with his fingertips.

‘She must be a bit stressed with everyone staring at her like she’s a celebrity.’

Seo Jeong-yoon, was it? That’s what he seemed to have said after seeing Da-jeong. Chae-heon smiled slightly and turned his gaze back to the blackboard. He found it somehow amusing that Jeong-yoon, who himself had such a delicate and handsome face, would call someone else celebrity-like.

***

After that, he had no particular memories of Jeong-yoon. A boy who seemed quiet yet lively among close friends. Someone who was reasonably perceptive, reasonably good at studies, and reasonably social with others.

Sometimes, their social circles overlapped, so they were often together. But whenever that happened, Jeong-yoon never approached Chae-heon in a friendly way. That was a little strange. Was he a bit timid?

There are some kids like that. They’re active and lively within their comfort zone, but as soon as they step outside that line, they quickly become quiet and docile. Jeong-yoon seemed to be that type.

To Jeong-yoon, he must have been someone ‘beyond the boundary.’ But Chae-heon wasn’t offended or disappointed by that fact. He was the same way. Someone he hung out with but wasn’t particularly close to. Someone he was with when they were all together, but never met one-on-one.

Seo Jeong-yoon was just that.

Well, actually, it wasn’t just Seo Jeong-yoon. Everyone was like that. Everyone around him, except for his family, was just someone ‘beyond the boundary’ to Chae-heon. He had no intention of letting anyone inside that line.

Thanks to his natural gifts, people easily felt favorable towards him if he just smiled a little and spent some money. After realizing that at a very young age, Chae-heon always wore a kind facade. Then everything became easier.

It seemed like he was giving, but he wasn’t losing anything. He could always get what he wanted, and the wheels always turned in the direction he wanted.

In reality, his relationship with his mother was like that too. If he hid his true feelings and just smiled, his mother would accept him anyway.

***

Since childhood, only his mother and himself existed in Chae-heon’s world. His mother, who always stared at the front door waiting for his father who wouldn’t come. When he was very young, it seemed his father visited often, but after he entered elementary school, he stopped coming.

He believed his mother when she said father went abroad on business. He even sometimes curled up in bed, crying with longing, wondering when he would return.

But as he grew older, he understood. It wasn’t his father’s body that had grown distant overseas, but his heart. That his and his mother’s existence were no longer necessary to him.

Though he didn’t come, he still sent money, and their lifestyle remained abundant as always. But his mother’s beautiful face withered and dried day by day. The kind and gentle woman gradually became irritable, and the house that used to smell of flowers became desolate. Laughter had disappeared long ago.

At first, he tried hard to squeeze himself beside her. He quietly made his presence known by sitting next to his mother who wouldn’t hug him, reading books or watching television. But when he saw his mother’s irritable face as she slapped his cheek and tore up his book for making too much noise turning pages, he clearly understood.

Ah. It was all futile.

That dry reality.

But still, he loved his mother and cared for her. He hovered around her, seeking affection that wasn’t given. When asked to write letters to parents at school, he filled pages with affection and love, and always wrote “I love you” on carnation ribbons.

Of course, his mother never opened the letters or wore the carnations. Still, Chae-heon gave them to her every year.

When the glued envelopes became two, then three, gathering dust on the wooden bookshelf, Chae-heon finally put the unopened letters deep in a drawer. Like hiding his festering wounds deep in his heart.

Even his mother, who would throw plates in fits and get angry for no reason, would stop when he clung to her with a smile. After that, he just smiled. Even when he wanted to cry from indifference, he spoke with a smile, and when sharp words stabbed him, he clung to her arms asking ‘what’s wrong?’ with a smile.

He had no expectations of being loved by his mother, but he didn’t want to be hated either. Now he’s learned how to give up, but his younger self didn’t know that. So smiling became a habit. Because when he smiled and behaved well, everyone was happy.

His aunt, Yu Da-jeong’s mother, would always hug him, saying how pitiful and pathetic he was. But he himself felt nothing. Not knowing what fulfillment was, there could be no sadness about deprivation.

Only, his aunt’s embrace was quite warm and cozy, strangely making him feel like crying.

***

He gave everything to others within his permitted standards. Whether it was smiles, objects, or money. Having no attachment or possessiveness either materially or emotionally, he felt neither regret nor loss.

Though some corner always felt empty, he just lived that way not knowing what it was. He had money. People liked him. He had his mother. Though he didn’t come, he had a father too. While it wasn’t a life full of happiness… it was okay anyway.

Then when he became an upper elementary school student, his mother passed away.

He cried a lot and felt a little relieved, it seems. By then, his mother’s mind had become so dry and withered that even he felt like he was shriveling up beside her. So he felt somewhat liberated by his mother’s death.

Though he loved her more than anyone, being together was difficult, and though he wanted to be with her, it was always painful. His relationship with his mother was very different from mother-child relationships shown in dramas.

After his mother passed away, he lived with his father for several years. Of course, it wasn’t a loving, harmonious family. His father showed a walled-off kindness like treating a neighbor’s son, and his stepmother’s eyes always held displeasure.

Well, isn’t it natural? No matter how passionate his parents’ love was in their youth, now he was just an illegitimate child.

But the dry relationship with them didn’t hurt him. He had no expectations of them either, though they were legally family. How could there be disappointment without expectations?

Still, by maintaining an appropriate distance with his half-sister while being kind, behaving politely and staying quiet, he eventually received a bit of affection and human treatment. Though it didn’t really matter either way.

He left his father’s house when he became a high school student. There were many reasons given, but the truth was simple. His middle school-aged sister’s attitude had become somewhat strange. Like her gaze always following him… things like that.

Around when he thought “this is troublesome,” his stepmother seemed to notice too and cleanly sent Chae-heon away. There wasn’t even any unnecessary conflict or emotional drain.

So he moved back into the house he had lived in with his mother and lived alone on money from his father. His uncle came to school events instead of his stepmother, his aunt occasionally sent side dishes, and a helper ajumma helped with minor housekeeping.

It was actually more comfortable than before. Being alone was more satisfying than forcibly fitting into the framework of a legal family. Life without lack was pleasant that way.

Then, ironically, he learned what deficiency was only after someone filled his heart.

Seo Jeong-yoon.

When Seo Jeong-yoon took up a large space in his heart, he finally realized what he had been lacking.

Including the aching heart of not being able to have someone and the desperate thirst for one person.

***

Jeong-yoon’s attitude towards him was always like a button that was buttoned wrong, something was always off.

He was just talking to him because he was the class president, but he avoided eye contact with an awkward expression, and even when they were talking naturally, if there was a slight silence, he couldn’t stand the stillness and would say anything. Trivial topics like the neighbor’s dog or his game scores. Trivial things that had no intersection with him whatsoever.

And Jeong-yoon would be embarrassed even as he said those things, and his true feelings were so obvious on his face that it was a little funny.

“Oh. My stories aren’t very interesting, are they? Sorry.”

The way he looked around, checking his reaction, was like a herbivore, so it was kind of cute.

He seemed to be friendly with other kids, so why was he like this with him? Was he uncomfortable with me? He was a little curious, but he didn’t intend to dig into his feelings. Until then, Seo Jeong-yoon was just a classmate.

Strangely, his eyes always went to Seo Jeong-yoon, and he couldn’t help but chuckle when he saw his face, but that was it.

***

The first proper conversation he had with him was when they were on classroom duty together. He was substituting for an injured classmate, and they happened to be paired up.

From the first day of duty, Jeong-yoon was extremely busy. As soon as the break bell rang, even before Chae-heon could get up, he’d clean the blackboard. He’d wipe the teacher’s desk and window sills, and organize the bulletin board papers all by himself.

Chase-heon just quietly watched him. It was somewhat amusing to see him bustling around alone. He wondered how long he’d keep this up.

Even after a day or two, Jeong-yoon said nothing. Not even “Am I the only one working?” or “You clean the trash today.” He didn’t seem like a pushover or an idiot who couldn’t speak up for himself. Anyway, Chase-heon found it convenient that he took care of everything, so he stayed idle.

Then Wednesday evening came. It had been raining since late afternoon, and by the time school ended, the ground was completely soaked.

When he returned to the classroom after going to the staff room, Jeong-yoon was packing his bag, his shoulders wet. He must have gone to throw away the trash by himself again. He still didn’t brag or complain about his work. He was a strange guy.

Chae-heon saw Jeong-yoon’s dewy eyelashes and wet wrists and unconsciously held his breath, then sat down in his seat with an indifferent expression. Jeong-yoon then closed the trash can lid and the cleaning supply cabinet tightly, and without even turning his head to Chae-heon,

“Class president! I’m leaving now, see you tomorrow!”

He greeted him cheerfully and left the classroom.

“…”

Chae-heon just stared at the closed door. He had secretly expected them to walk home together, but seeing him disappear without hesitation somehow twisted his mood.

‘Am I that uncomfortable to him?’

If he was going to do the classroom duties, he should have asked to do them together. What’s with doing it all alone and leaving? Is he trying to make me feel guilty? Chae-heon rested his chin on his hand with a blank face, twirling his mechanical pencil.

After a while, vice class president Kim Moon-sun returned from wherever he’d been.

“Oh? Kang Chae-heon, you’re still here? Were you waiting for me?”

Though he hadn’t been waiting, he nodded lazily because it was bothersome to explain. He had been lost in thought since Jeong-yoon left, so it just ended up looking like he was waiting.

His mood had been subtly sinking since earlier. But Chae-heon forced a smile, just like always.

Chae-heon left the school gates with Kim Moon-sun.

Borrowing Moon-sun’s umbrella, they leisurely walked down the rain-soaked hill. They saw someone crouching in front of the metal railing that separated the road from the sidewalk. A male student without an umbrella was intently doing something, his uniform shirt completely soaked.

Kim Moon-sun held his umbrella over the boy at an angle and spoke,

“Seo Jeong-yoon, what are you doing? Eating dog poop?”

“What are you saying? Talking nonsense.”

It was Jeong-yoon. He’d left quite a while ago, so what was he doing here?

Chae-heon stepped forward past Moon-sun to peer over Jeong-yoon’s shoulder. Jeong-yoon was using a small twig to move an earthworm onto a large leaf. The worm had been writhing alone on the asphalt.

Moon-sun teased playfully,

“Are you going to eat that? Idiot. You’ll get sick eating just anything.”

“What nonsense have you been talking… You eat it, stupid.”

After placing the worm on the flowerbed, Jeong-yoon stood up and irritably nudged Moon-sun’s shoulder. Moon-sun just laughed, saying “What a tantrum.”

It was always like this. Whenever Jeong-yoon cursed with those fine lips or got irritable, everyone just laughed it off instead of getting angry. Just like now.

Chae-heon’s brow furrowed slightly then relaxed as he watched their bickering.

Seo Jeong-yoon. Why does he talk so comfortably and even swear at other kids, but keep his distance from me? Why doesn’t he call me a moron and nudge my shoulder? He was a little curious about that. He hadn’t done anything moronic, but he felt a little annoyed that Jeong-yoon didn’t treat him like a moron.