YHP 10

How long did Jeong-in toss and turn with open eyes? In the brief moment he closed his eyes, existing somewhere between dream and reality, the doctor’s voice echoed,

Your heat cycle will be very unstable. You’ll experience pain with each cycle, but this might be manageable with different methods once you become an adult. The main issue is your inherently sensitive nature. You may be easily swayed by others’ pheromones, so you need to take good care of yourself daily. It’s better to endure most situations without suppressants, which means you need to eat well, sleep well, and rest well regularly.

And it’s best if you quit exercising as much as possible. If you want to prepare for competitions, you need to manage your sensitivity, but with your current body, it won’t hold up.

I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t sad. After all, I’ve been living and breathing track since I became self-conscious. I had talent and determination. I loved track the most and it was simultaneously what I could do best. There was no way I could give it up just because someone told me to.

Even when I reached my limit, I persevered to the end, thinking I would see for myself. Even when my hormones were out of control and knife-like pain cut my body every night, I stood on the track every morning without fail. Until the last moment when I lost consciousness in the middle of a race, I sincerely hoped and believed that I would definitely become a pro. That I would become a national representative. That I would compete in the Olympics. That I would become a medalist no matter what.

However, after losing consciousness for two weeks and then waking up, all of that seemed as distant as if it had been a fleeting dream. The future that I had once filled to the brim had long since been emptied clean.

Naturally, it hurt. I was very sad and cried a lot. Still, that didn’t become a reason for despair because I believe there is no such thing as eternal sorrow in this world. I thought that someday, I would surely encounter something that I would want to do just as well as running.

Yeah. It would have been good if things had just flowed that way. I’m not the only one who had to quit sports due to unavoidable circumstances. I’m sure I could have found some other path. If only I hadn’t experienced that incident, if I had become an adult spending slightly boring but uneventful days, maybe my current self would be a bit different.

‘…I’m not going to go anywhere. I don’t want to meet anyone.’

That doesn’t serve as an excuse. I knew that I was saying terrible things, that this moment would remain an unforgettable wound for you.

‘Dad doesn’t know anything. Sob, so you don’t know anything… Why on earth are you like this to me!’

‘…’

‘I wish I could just die right now. I wish I could go to sleep and wake up and never open my eyes again, I’m sick and tired of it, I hate it all!’

‘Choi Jeong-in.’

Nevertheless, I chose the worst words ever and plunged a dagger into your heart, where there probably wasn’t even a place left to hurt.

‘This is all because of you, Dad, sob… You made me like this.’

It was unavoidable. At some point, I had to turn my back on you, who could no longer even cry.

‘…I wish you had never given birth to me.’

You selflessly carved away at your own life to create and give me life, yet I turned out to be that kind of person.

“My child.”

Jeong-in opened his eyes at the sound of someone’s voice. As he blinked, the tears welling in his eyes fell, clearing his vision.

He thought he had dozed off, but somehow it had already become bright outside. He rubbed his eyes and looked around. Of course, there was no one in the room. Jeong-in raised his stiff body and put his feet on the floor. The note that had scared him with talk of ghosts was still lying on the floor.

“…What ghost?”

Let alone seeing a ghost, he had slept soundly for nearly twelve hours without waking up.

He stepped into the bathroom, which remained dark even with the lights on. As he looked at his pale face in the mirror and bit down on his toothbrush, he suddenly remembered the voice that called out, “My child.” It had faintly come from somewhere just before he woke up from a bad dream.

He didn’t know if ghosts really existed in this world, but even if they did, they wouldn’t show up in the middle of a college town in broad daylight. But even so…

“…”

He spat out the white foam.

Don’t cry, don’t cry anymore. He kept repeating this to himself, but the more he recalled that voice, the tighter his chest felt. Inevitably, tears began to fall. He put down the toothbrush and turned on the faucet to fill the sink with water. Then he plunged his face into it.

Crying like this with his face in the water, no matter how much he cried, it wouldn’t show. Buried under the sound of rushing water, Jeong-in sobbed freely.

No matter how much he thought about it, the voice that had soothed him seemed to belong to his grandfather, whose voice he no longer remembered.

The one I killed.

Despite knowing it would end like this, he loved me too much.

***

“Going to school again?” Yoo-young asked while drying his damp hair with a towel.

It was during a brief pause in the sound of the hair dryer. Yoo-young asked while drying his damp hair with a towel. Ho-jin smiled at him. He already had a duffel bag slung over one shoulder.

“Yep.”

“After your classes, you’ll probably have afternoon training without any time to rest. Where do you get the energy to do three hours of weight training and then go to Seoul?”

The other athletes who had been working out since dawn all went to rest as soon as morning training ended. The only ones left were Ho-jin, who was packing his things, and Yoo-young, who decided to see Ho-jin off since he wasn’t sleepy and had nothing else to do.

Yoo-young followed Ho-jin as he set out lightly. As they left the building, a cool breeze brushed their freshly showered bodies.

“Ugh, it’s cold,” Yoo-young said as he shivered.

Ho-jin immediately turned around and zipped up the track jacket he was wearing all the way up to his chin.

“This is why you’re cold.”

He didn’t forget to word it kindly. Looking at his fingertips with a slightly disgruntled expression, Yoo-young asked, “Hey, can’t you just enter any competition? Then your attendance and such would be taken care of somehow, wouldn’t it?”

Ho-jin smiled ambiguously instead of answering. Yoo-young let out a sigh.

After his injury, Ho-jin didn’t participate in water training at the athletes’ village. He only used weights in the morning and swam in the afternoon, either by renting a sports center near Jincheon or, like now, traveling to Seoul to use a university pool alone. While he occasionally loosened up in Jincheon, no one had seen him giving his full effort. This was true even for Yoo-young, who had been swimming with him for a long time.

“If you keep doing this, people will just talk more.”

The rumors surrounding Ho-jin grew louder every day.

Journalists who knew that Yoo-young and Ho-jin were close friends frequently pestered Yoo-young. They asked if Ho-jin was in a condition to return, if he was hiding a decline in skills during rehabilitation, whether he could compete in the next Olympics, or even if it was possible for him to continue his athletic career at all.

Even though it wasn’t his business, just hearing these questions drained Yoo-young’s energy. Of course, Ho-jin’s condition during their weight training sessions didn’t seem too bad. The shoulder that had been problematic appeared fine after completing the rehabilitation program, and his endurance and strength didn’t seem significantly different from before.

At this point, they could set a date, call the reporters, and make a show of swimming a short 200 meters. However, Ho-jin was deliberately taking the harder path. The reason was that he hadn’t yet reached a level he found personally satisfactory.

Knowing that he was inflexible when it came to training, Yoo-young let it slide for several months. But he was starting to worry about his condition.

“You… Are you really okay?”

“I’m fine. Thanks for worrying about me.”

Ho-jin smiled, his eyes crinkling at the corners, in response to Yoo-young’s cautious question. It was a clean, refreshing smile as if nothing was wrong at all, preventing him from probing any further.

“…Alright. Take care.”

“Yeah, you too.”

Still, Yoo-young couldn’t help but feel concerned. He stood there, watching Ho-jin’s back for a long time.

More than two hours later, Ho-jin arrived in Seoul.

The appointment time with Jeong-in was approaching dangerously close, and of all days, there seemed to be an excessive amount of road construction. From the moment he entered Seoul, the entire navigation route was bright red from start to finish. It looked like he would have to run with all his might as soon as he got out of the car.

“Oh right, Ho-jin. What did Yoo-young say earlier?”

Ho-jin was just about to get out, but he turned back at his manager’s words.

“Huh?”

“It seems like journalists have been pestering Yoo-young a lot these days too. Did he say if everything was okay?” his manager asked.

“No, he didn’t mention anything like that.”

“Hm, is that so?”

His manager seemed to be pondering something as he rubbed his chin. It was a habit he had when things weren’t going smoothly. Ho-jin knew his manager couldn’t help but be concerned, given the ordeal he had gone through since the first day of the semester.

“Be careful about contact on campus, and I’ll see you at the center.”

“Understood.”

Ho-jin politely nodded and got out of the car. As he stretched, he felt his body loosen up after being cramped for a few hours.

Letting out a light exhale, Ho-jin started running toward his destination.

It was about a 15-minute walk from where he got off. However, with only 5 minutes left until the meeting time. Arriving first and waiting was already out of the question. He ran with all his might, not even minding his breathing. He passed by people, trees, hills, and plazas. A few curious glances swept over Ho-jin, but he didn’t care.

As he ran on, he suddenly noticed a girl struggling to carry a box full of papers.

“Uh…”

She suddenly stumbled right in front of him. Ho-jin dashed forward, barely managing to grab her arm just before her knees hit the ground.

“Are you okay?”

The girl’s eyes widened in surprise as she recognized Ho-jin’s face.

“Uh, um… Aren’t you Athlete Yoo Hojin?” the girl asked.

Normally, he would have answered politely, but since he was pressed for time, he quickly checked her condition first. Fortunately, there were no visible scratches on her legs.

“Can you rotate your arm like this once?”

The he had pulled was still intact. He watched her carefully follow his instructions and let out a sigh of relief.

“Thank goodness. Be careful, the ground is slippery here.”

“Ah… yes.”

He then turned and picked up speed again, glancing at his watch—it was already a couple of minutes past the hour.

With each step, the growing anxiety rolled around in his chest. He ran even faster, squeezing out his last bit of strength. Soon, the entrance to Garam-dong came into view. Panting heavily, he raced up the stairs.

Please, please.

Just wait a little longer.

“Haa.”

He looked around desperately, but Jeong-in was nowhere to be seen.