YHP 33

Even when Jeong-in suddenly developed as an omega, even when he had to quit sports—honestly, it hadn’t been all that bad.

What really turned the house upside down came after the sexual assault. More precisely, after everyone found out about it.

He didn’t remember the details. No, he couldn’t remember. It had been senseless violence, and of course, it hadn’t been his fault. He was just unlucky.

Now, years later, it all seemed like nothing—but back then, he had been young and fragile. At the same time his secondary gender manifested, he had to say goodbye to Bori, quit sports, and even came to believe he might be responsible for his grandfather’s death. Already at his breaking point, he finally collapsed under the final blow.

For days after the incident, he couldn’t sleep or eat. His dads, concerned by his strange behavior, asked repeatedly what was wrong. But each time, he gave vague excuses about not feeling well, locked his door, and hid under the blanket.

Understanding what had happened was impossible. Understanding why it had happened to him was even harder.

At times, he felt suffocated. Other times, he was filled with unbearable rage. But he couldn’t tell anyone. If his dads ever found out what had happened, it felt like everything would fall apart.

There was no such thing as eternal sadness in the world.

That was the case when Bori died, when he learned his grandfather had passed, and when he quit sports. So he thought he could survive this too. He believed that if he just stayed quiet and endured, things would gradually get better.

Even though nightmares tormented him all night, he still left the house each morning as if nothing had happened. Then, he’d spend the day sitting blankly, blinking like a corpse whose only function left was breathing. That was the best defense he could manage at the time.

But after about a week like that, he stopped wanting to move altogether. He hated even the thought of leaving the house. On the street, if someone suddenly turned around or changed direction, he’d flinch. If there was a loud noise nearby, he felt like he would stop breathing.

‘Let’s report it.’

‘…Hyo-jun.’

‘I said let’s report it. We can catch that bastard and throw him in jail. Should I call?’

Hyo-jun had been the first to know. He immediately told Jeong-in they should go to the police. But Jeong-in knelt down, clung to him, and begged him not to.

‘Please don’t do that, Hyo-jun…’

‘…’

‘My dad’s sick right now. If he finds out, he might really die. Sob, I really, can’t. Hyo-jun… sob, please.’

Back then, Cho Hyo-jun had been just as young as he was. He had hesitated for a long time, torn by Jeong-in’s desperate sobs, and eventually set down the phone.

Looking back, that had been a fatal mistake. Jeong-in had tried to carry something that couldn’t be carried alone, and little by little, he began to unravel. Cho Hyo-jun had no choice but to witness every moment of that descent from the closest possible distance.

Even now, six years later, the reason Hyo-jun kept his guard up against anyone who got close to Jeong-in was all because of that time. Though none of it had been his fault, he had carried it like it was, protecting Jeong-in for the rest of his life.

In any case, Jeong-in’s condition worsened with each passing day. After going without sleep for so long, the line between dream and reality began to blur. At some point, just closing his eyes would bring back the sounds, the smells, the sensations of that moment—relentless and vivid, tormenting him over and over. It felt like everything in the world was trying to kill him.

And then, on the morning when everything finally fell apart—

‘Jeong-in. You have to go to school.’

His little dad had stood outside the door for a long time, hesitating, then slowly lifted the blanket.

Jeong-in knew his little dad was late for work because of him, because of how he’d been acting for days. He was already dressed neatly in a suit, ready to leave for work.

‘…I don’t want to go.’

After Jeong-in developed as an Omega and had to quit sports, his little dad had collapsed several times—both at home and at work. He had always made excuses about being busy, but Jeong-in knew those were lies. His little dad seemed to think it was all his fault. Of course, it wasn’t.

‘That’s strange, why is our Jeong-in not feeling well today?’

How could this be anyone’s fault?

Just like everyone had always said upon seeing him, Jeong-in resembled his younger uncle with his long fingers and his older uncle with his pointy nose. He swore there wasn’t a single moment he hated those parts of himself. Just as a puppy is born a puppy and a chick is born a chick, Choi Jeong-in was simply born as Choi Jeong-in. Just as a puppy doesn’t have wings and a chick doesn’t have pointy ears, he simply inherited certain aspects from his dads and became who he was.

However, some people, seeing him suddenly become an Omega overnight, would occasionally offer pitying words of comfort. How awful for him, how incredibly unfortunate, how could such a bolt from the blue strike? How much better it would have been if his dads were both Alphas, so he could have manifested as an Alpha too.

Even if his dads were both Alphas, there was no guarantee he would have manifested as an Alpha.

So what was it then? What was the real intention behind those careless words they threw around, knowing nothing? Was it really comfort?

Whenever he heard such words, he would remember the day he manifested. His younger uncle’s swollen eyes when he woke up after being sick for so long, his face smiling apologetically at him, unable to say a word.

“You still have to go to school. You have to…”

“I don’t want to.”

A cool hand touched his forehead. When he turned his head, his dad called his name.

“Jeong-in.”

It was a terribly affectionate voice. Enough to make him want to confess everything right then and there.

“What’s wrong?”

But he couldn’t. No, he thought he shouldn’t.

He pressed his lips shut. But only for a moment. His mind, which had been colliding madly, soon stopped at one point, and finally, there was a sound like something breaking inside. A rage that felt like he couldn’t bear it unless he exploded it somewhere began to rise to the tip of his throat.

“…I’m not going anywhere, I don’t want to see anyone.”

There was no way he could tell him what had really happened. He already knew how much he had hurt his dad.

If his dad, who loved him more than anyone in the world, were to find out what had happened to him, he would really die of a broken heart.

“Dad doesn’t know anything. sniff He doesn’t know anything… Why only me, why me!”

So what should he do with this? How should he put out this fire that felt like it would burn him completely?

“I just wish I could die. I wish I would never open my eyes again after I fall asleep. I’m sick of it, it’s annoying, I hate it all!”

Why did he have to endure this? What did he do wrong?

Why was he the only one who hurt like this?

“Choi Jeong-in.”

He couldn’t breathe, and his vision turned red. All his nerves were on edge. It felt like his head would explode any second. Unable to bear it, he finally screamed, and his dad hurriedly grabbed his shoulders. That touch sent shivers down his spine again. Even though he knew it was his dad touching him, he was terrified to death.

“Jeong-in!”

“I don’t want to, I don’t want to!”

He twisted his body and pushed his dad’s hand away. He avoided his dad’s gaze, which seemed taken aback.

It felt like he couldn’t escape this hell no matter what he did. No matter how much he exploded and exploded, even if he drained all the blood from his body and filled it with new blood, this hot ember burning inside would survive and burn him, his dads, this house, and eventually swallow everything.

“It’s all Dad’s fault, sob… Dad made me like this.”

That’s why he did it.

Even though he saw his younger uncle’s face turn pale, and even though he hated himself so much for saying those words that he wanted to bite his tongue off.

“…You should have just not had me.”

“Choi Jeong-in!”

His older uncle, who had been standing by the door, strode towards him with a scary look he had never seen before,

“Who told you to be born?”

“How dare you talk to your dad like that. Apologize right now!”

Even though his shoulders flinched at the loud scolding,

“What did I do wrong! You made me be born as you pleased! I never wanted to be born, so why are you only blaming me!”

The fire inside him was so hot that he couldn’t stop screaming.

He was just a worthless human being who had received more love than he deserved.

“I hate everything, I don’t want to see you dads either. It’s so creepy, please just leave me alone!”

The words he threw out, half out of his mind, were truly all bad and terrible.

“…Then leave.”

So when his older uncle said that, he didn’t feel anything.

“If you’re going to keep hurting your dad with such nasty words, I’ll get you a place, so just go out and live alone.”

“Who are you to tell my baby to leave?”

But his younger uncle didn’t seem to feel the same way. Tears streamed down his face as he blocked the hand that was about to drag him out of bed. It was the first time Jeong-in had seen him like that since the terrible night of his manifestation.

“It’s okay.”

Jeong-in reached out and pushed him away. His dad was pushed aside so easily. It felt like this was all his fault too.

Even when he was still in this body, he had heard that he caused him a lot of pain.

“If I leave, it’ll be over, right?”

He slammed the door shut and left the house. Then, without knowing where he was going, he walked wherever his feet took him, crying the whole time. He kept muttering to people who couldn’t hear him.

I’m sorry for saying bad things, I’m sorry for hurting you.

That’s not really what I mean.

I really didn’t mean it.