YMH CH 71

Hidden Away

Cen Wu almost turned and ran. He had considered that Xie Guilan might find him, but he never expected it to be this soon.

But before he could run, having only taken a single step back, he saw tears suddenly fall from Xie Guilan’s eyes.

Xie Guilan had lost a lot of weight, his frame looking gaunt and frail against the backdrop of the late-night snowstorm. His eyes were terribly red, and he wept silently, his breathing suddenly becoming ragged and labored, as if he couldn’t catch his breath.

Xie Guilan braced his hands on his knees, bent over, and knelt down. Under the night sky, his skin looked pale and cold.

Cen Wu was stunned for a moment, then rushed towards him through the wind and snow. He crouched beside Xie Guilan, raised his hand to cover the lower half of Xie Guilan’s face, and said to him anxiously, “De… deep breaths.”

Xie Guilan knelt in the snow, his dark peach-blossom eyes lifting to look at him. Tears fell onto Cen Wu’s palms. The tendons in his neck throbbed with difficulty as he breathed beneath Cen Wu’s hand.

He had thought Cen Wu was going to leave again, that he didn’t want to see him at all. He wanted to raise his hands and hold Cen Wu, but he was afraid Cen Wu would push him away. His fingers, red, swollen, and painful from the cold, curled slightly. His vision blurred.

Cen Wu noticed his breathing becoming increasingly rapid—it was probably hyperventilation triggered by anxiety. Not caring about anything else now, he reached out and pulled Xie Guilan into a tight embrace, letting Xie Guilan lean against his chest.

He repeatedly stroked Xie Guilan’s back with one hand, while the other still covered the lower half of his face. His palm was filled with tears, chilled to the bone by the cold winter night wind.

Being held by Cen Wu, Xie Guilan’s eyes instantly reddened further, and tears fell once again. It was like walking on that endless, pitch-black road and suddenly realizing Cen Wu had never let go of his hand.

They had always been together.

Xie Guilan wrapped his arms around Cen Wu’s waist, holding him tightly. Cen Wu felt his bones might break from the force, but seeing that Xie Guilan was finally calming down, he also breathed a sigh of relief.

They were far from the hospital here. If respiratory alkalosis became severe, it could be life-threatening.

Cen Wu patted Xie Guilan’s back. After being held for several minutes, his hands and feet were numb from the cold. He could only push against Xie Guilan, wanting him to let go first.

But Xie Guilan held him even tighter, burying his face in the crook of Cen Wu’s neck. It wasn’t until Cen Wu applied a bit more force that Xie Guilan loosened his grip slightly.

Cen Wu’s lips moved, but before he could speak, Xie Guilan suddenly wrapped a hand around his throat.

Xie Guilan’s cold, hard fingers tightened bit by bit. Those dark, gloomy peach-blossom eyes looked down at him, both sinister and gentle. His voice was hoarse as he said, “Don’t think about abandoning me.”

It was as if he would strangle Cen Wu right then and there if he dared to refuse, if he dared to try to run away again.

With Xie Guilan’s hand around his neck, Cen Wu was acutely aware of the other’s height of 1.9 meters and the terrifying, overwhelming strength that could easily snap his neck with one hand. But Xie Guilan’s eyes were red, tears streaming down his pale cheeks, and his hand was trembling.

“You don’t want me,” Xie Guilan’s tears fell as he spoke stubbornly, his voice ragged. “You don’t want me. Why?”

Cen Wu felt his heart break hearing this. He cupped Xie Guilan’s face, wiped his tears, and then held his hand.

Xie Guilan’s tears kept falling. He released Cen Wu, then noticed the red mark left on Cen Wu’s neck.

A suppressed, pained tremor was in Xie Guilan’s throat. Cen Wu quickly pulled up his scarf to cover the mark, hugged him, and said, “It’s… it’s okay, it’s okay. It doesn’t hurt. I know you… you didn’t mean it.”

Xie Guilan’s hand had been shaking violently earlier; he hadn’t been able to control the pressure. But he couldn’t bear to truly hurt Cen Wu—it was a strength Cen Wu could have easily broken free from at any time. Cen Wu hadn’t minded it much.

Cen Xiao was right; he was just hopeless.

What could he do? The thought of Xie Guilan waiting alone for him here seemed so pitiful, utterly pitiful. He didn’t even know to go upstairs and look for him, probably afraid of being turned away.

Like a little puppy that had been abandoned but secretly followed its owner back.

When Cen Wu read the original story, he always thought Xie Guilan seemed like a puppy. No matter how Song Lingwei treated him, he never knew to run away. He didn’t even really hold grudges; he still loved her.

That’s why, after the truth about the switched young masters came out, Xie Guilan wasn’t very close to the Cen family. Having been hurt and paid the price for over a decade, he had finally learned not to be clingy.

Cen Wu was so cold he could barely open his mouth. He didn’t speak further. He helped Xie Guilan to his feet, draped Xie Guilan’s arm over his own shoulders, and supported him as they walked upstairs.

Xie Guilan had waited for him in the snow all night. His hands were stiff and numb from the cold, his legs almost too heavy to lift. He leaned awkwardly against Cen Wu’s shoulder, barely managing to climb the steps.

His fingers were slightly frostbitten, red and swollen, moving stiffly as he adjusted Cen Wu’s scarf for him.

Cen Wu held Xie Guilan by the waist. Even though Xie Guilan was thin, he was still a head and shoulders taller, and the size difference made his weight feel crushing. It was like carrying a large bear.

By the time they finally reached the door, Cen Wu’s snow-white cheeks were flushed red from exertion, his whole body sweaty, and he almost lost his balance.

He had rented a room in a very chaotic, old-style apartment building where the landlord didn’t ask for an ID. This kind of place was good for hiding, but the environment wasn’t much better than where Xie Guilan had lived before. There were no lights in the hallway.

Xie Guilan’s frozen legs had recovered slightly, so he stopped leaning on Cen Wu. Cen Wu pushed him to sit on the bed, then quickly reached to unzip his jacket.

Xie Guilan’s coat was covered in snow. His fingers were too red, swollen, and frozen to bend properly. Cen Wu helped him take off the coat and his shoes, then tightly wrapped him in the quilt.

He checked Xie Guilan’s legs and feet; thankfully, there was no serious frostbite, but his knees were bright red from kneeling in the snow for over ten minutes.

Cen Wu brought over a blanket, laid it over his legs, and covered his knees. Then he kicked off his own slippers and got onto the bed, holding Xie Guilan’s hands and rubbing them to warm them up.

Xie Guilan’s lips were pale. His eyes followed Cen Wu, watching him bustle around. When Cen Wu held his hands, he lowered his gaze to stare at the back of Cen Wu’s hands. Once his numb, swollen fingers began to regain feeling, he suddenly reached out and pulled Cen Wu into an embrace.

He pulled Cen Wu under the quilt with him, holding him tightly, burying his nose in the crook of Cen Wu’s neck. Scalding tears fell.

Cen Wu’s hands were frozen stiff too; he hadn’t noticed earlier, but now he realized Xie Guilan’s whole body was burning hot. He felt Xie Guilan’s forehead and said nervously, “You… you have a fever?”

Xie Guilan didn’t speak, he just held him. Cen Wu didn’t have any fever medicine here. He wanted to go buy some, but Xie Guilan’s arms were locked firmly around his waist, as if trying to crush him to death.

So Cen Wu had no choice but to coax him, promising he wouldn’t leave. He gave Xie Guilan his own pillow to hold, then got out of bed to boil some ginger water.

Xie Guilan followed him, bending over to bury his face in the nape of Cen Wu’s neck. Xie Guilan’s thick, long eyelashes were completely soaked with tears. Cen Wu couldn’t help but feel heartache and couldn’t bring himself to send him away, so he let Xie Guilan cling to him.

Once the ginger water was ready, Cen Wu made him drink it while it was hot, then quickly pulled Xie Guilan back to bed, wrapping him tightly in the quilt, hoping he would sweat it out. Maybe the fever would break later.

Xie Guilan held onto his waist, refusing to let go. Cen Wu could only slip under the covers himself and hold him like that. Xie Guilan wrapped his arms and legs around him, holding him so tightly he could barely move.

Xie Guilan didn’t speak, so Cen Wu stayed quiet too. He patted Xie Guilan’s back. What’s done is done; let’s just sleep for now. Better to wait until Xie Guilan has slept and the fever has gone down before talking.

Cen Wu was also exhausted from the ordeal. Xie Guilan’s embrace was so warm it made him drowsy. But then, Xie Guilan’s phone suddenly buzzed.

Xie Guilan remained unmoved, instead tightening his arms and burying himself deeper into Cen Wu’s chest.

The tips of Cen Wu’s cold, fair ears turned bright red from the strain. He flailed a bit before managing to free one arm. He reached for Xie Guilan’s phone and saw it was a call from Cen Xiao.

Cen Wu felt a bit awkward. He wasn’t the Cens’ biological child, nor was he the child they had raised from infancy. He didn’t feel he had the right to answer Cen Xiao’s call.

Xie Guilan’s forehead was burning hot, nuzzling against his chest like a wolfdog that looked cold and fierce but was actually very well-behaved.

Cen Wu ruffled Xie Guilan’s hair and said to him, “Your… your brother must be very worried about you.”

“…” Xie Guilan had stopped crying, but after Cen Wu spoke, his eyes reddened again. His voice was hoarse and unpleasant as he asked stubbornly in a low voice, “You don’t want me. Why?”

Cen Wu sensed he wasn’t in a good state and could only hold and coax him for now, saying, “I… I never said I didn’t want you.”

Tears streamed from Xie Guilan’s red-rimmed eyes. The thought that the night at the airport might have been the last time he would ever see Cen Wu made him feel trapped in that snowy night.

Xie Guilan tormented himself with the thought: if it hadn’t been him who was switched, Cen Wu would have been just as good to that other person. He would have gone to pick him up every night, told him “I’ll always be here.”

Cen Wu noticed Xie Guilan had fallen silent. Feeling something was wrong, he quickly threw back the covers. Xie Guilan had scratched several deep bloody marks into his own wrist, and beads of blood were dripping down his pale fingers.

Cen Wu hurriedly grabbed his wrist to stop him from scratching further.

Xie Guilan looked at him, tears in his eyes.

Cen Wu took a towel and wiped the blood from his wrist. He knew he shouldn’t get too intimate with Xie Guilan since he couldn’t be in a relationship with him, but he couldn’t bring himself to say harsh words and make Xie Guilan sad.

“It’s not that,” Cen Wu’s eyelashes lowered as he told him the truth. “It’s because you… you are Xie Guilan, that’s why I’m good to you.”

Xie Guilan stared blankly, then grabbed his hand, brought it to his lips, and kissed his fingertips. Xie Guilan was still burning with fever, his lips scorching. Cen Wu felt his heart soften at the touch.

He reached out and touched Xie Guilan’s face. Xie Guilan leaned into his palm, a suppressed sob catching in his throat. His voice was hoarse as he said, “Don’t go.”

When Cen Wu didn’t answer, he kept repeating it, his voice growing increasingly ragged. Cen Wu had no choice but to coax him, “I… I won’t go.”

Xie Guilan knelt on the bed, bowing over to bury his face in Cen Wu’s palm. When Cen Wu raised his arms to hug him, he pressed down on Cen Wu, holding him tightly, every part of their bodies fitting closely together.

Xie Guilan’s legs knelt on either side of him. Cen Wu pulled the quilt over Xie Guilan’s back. Burrowed under the covers, Xie Guilan nuzzled against him, as if trying to find a comfortable position to sleep.

Cen Wu was flushed red from his nuzzling. Xie Guilan’s weight almost entirely pressed down on him. Although it was ill-timed, he was almost aroused by the friction. Suddenly remembering something, he grabbed Xie Guilan’s hair and pulled him up. “Did you eat… eat dinner?”

Xie Guilan shook his head.

“Eat… eat something before sleeping,” Cen Wu gently patted his face and said, “I’ll cook… cook some noodles for you.”

Xie Guilan didn’t make a sound, lowering his head to bury it in the crook of Cen Wu’s neck. He held him for a few more minutes before reluctantly letting go.

Cen Wu wasn’t much of a cook. Besides self-heating rice meals, he only had instant noodles. The rice portions were too small; even three boxes wouldn’t be enough for Xie Guilan. Better to just cook some instant noodles.

He cooked a large bag. Xie Guilan still had a fever and probably didn’t have much appetite; this should be about enough.

Normally, he’d need to cook two bags, plus two poached eggs and a chicken drumstick, to barely feel full.

Xie Guilan hung on his back again, his long eyelashes damp with tears as he looked down at Cen Wu cooking noodles for him. Cen Wu was flustered, having to both cook the noodles and coax him.

He turned his head to hug Xie Guilan. Xie Guilan lowered his head, resting his chin on Cen Wu’s shoulder, and said in a voice so hoarse and strained it was almost inaudible, “I’m hungry.”

“It’ll be ready soon,” Cen Wu coaxed him patiently.

Xie Guilan reached out his hand; his joints were still red and swollen. Cen Wu wanted to go buy some frostbite ointment for him, but Xie Guilan wouldn’t let him leave. He could only hold Xie Guilan’s hand and rub it gently.

After rubbing it a few times, he let go to focus on cooking the noodles. Xie Guilan then poked his spine. Cen Wu turned his head again to comfort him.

Xie Guilan opened his mouth and nibbled on his shoulder, gnawing lightly. Cen Wu pinched his chin and fed him a fish ball.

After acting up for a while, Xie Guilan finally realized Cen Wu wouldn’t ignore him and finally quieted down.

Cen Wu served him a steaming bowl of noodles.

Xie Guilan had barely eaten anything at the Cen house these past few days. His fever was severe, and he was always sleeping. Whenever he opened his eyes, he would check if Cen Wu had sent him a message, then put down his phone and continue knitting gloves and even a pair of socks for the little bear.

Guan Xingxue and the others didn’t dare upset him. If Xie Guilan wanted to sleep holding the little bear, they let him.

If Xie Guilan didn’t want to eat, they didn’t dare urge him.

Xie Guilan finished eating in a few minutes, then hugged Cen Wu and went back to bed to sleep. He still lay on top of Cen Wu, who was pinned down so that only his arms could move, everything else immobilized. Xie Guilan seemed to feel secure only like this, leaning down to hold him firmly.

Cen Wu held back for a moment, but finally couldn’t resist asking, “You… how have you been these past few days at the Cen family?”

He knew Cen’s father and mother loved this child dearly and felt indebted to Xie Guilan, so they would surely treat him very well. But Xie Guilan was somewhere he couldn’t see, and he couldn’t feel at ease.

Xie Guilan paused, buried in the crook of his neck, and said in a low, hoarse voice, “Not good. They bullied me.”

“…” Cen Wu was stunned. “Huh?”

Xie Guilan lifted his head. His complexion was very pale, looking somewhat haggard from the illness. His dark peach-blossom eyes gazed at Cen Wu as he said in a despondent voice, “They didn’t give me food.”

Like someone who had been wronged and finally found someone to complain to.

Cen Wu: “…”

Cen Wu: “Huh??”

Cen Wu couldn’t believe that Guan Xingxue would withhold food from him, but Xie Guilan had indeed lost a lot of weight. His features were already sharp, and now his eye sockets looked even more sunken and profound.

Xie Guilan raised his hand to show him. The back of his hand had a large abrasion that hadn’t fully scabbed yet, revealing red, raw flesh. The other night when he went looking for Cen Wu, the snow in Huaijin was deep, and he had fallen several times, resulting in abrasions on the back of his hand and his knees.

Cen Wu had noticed earlier, but Xie Guilan had been so emotionally charged he hadn’t had a chance to ask.

Xie Guilan lowered his eyes, his pale lips moving as he said without any psychological burden, “Cen Xiao hit me.”

Cen Wu: “…”

Cen Wu: “Huh???”

Cen Wu would rather believe that Cen Xiao slapped himself a few times than believe he would hit Xie Guilan.

Before, Cen Xiao disliked Xie Guilan because he thought this damn green tea was seducing his younger brother. But now Xie Guilan was his brother. What was there to dislike?

It couldn’t just be because he disapproved of someone not adhering to male virtue.

Meeting Cen Wu’s skeptical gaze, Xie Guilan’s thick, long eyelashes trembled, and suddenly a tear fell.

Cen Wu was almost scared to death. He felt both heartache and something was off. When Xie Guilan cried earlier, he only felt heartbroken and wanted to coax him to stop. But now, he kind of wanted to slap him.

Cen Wu chastised himself. How could he think that about Xie Guilan? He was already so pitiful, and he actually wanted to slap him.

He quickly hugged Xie Guilan and patted his back.

“Hide me away,” Xie Guilan tightened his arms, pressing down on him, suddenly saying dejectedly, “I want to be hidden away.”

Cen Wu was bewildered. “Hide… hide where?”

He thought Xie Guilan wanted him to take him away, and then they would hide together. Cen Wu actually considered the possibility. He still had thirty thousand yuan left, enough for him and Xie Guilan to live on for a while. But just taking Xie Guilan away like that would be terribly unfair to the Cen family.

While Cen Wu was still bewilderedly thinking, he suddenly felt a coolness on his stomach. Xie Guilan’s cold, pale, slender fingers grabbed the hem of his pajamas and lifted it directly, then buried his head underneath.

Xie Guilan’s high nose bridge rubbed against his soft belly, his lips brushing against it.

Cen Wu looked down and saw his pajamas bulging out into a large lump, looking utterly perverted. A flush instantly spread from Cen Wu’s cold, fair ears down to his neck. He pushed hard against Xie Guilan’s head, his voice trembling, “What… what are you doing?!”

Xie Guilan, buried against his chest, his scorching breath puffing against Cen Wu’s skin, spoke with a muffled voice through the fabric, but with a hint of mischief as he lowly chuckled, “I want brother to hide me away.”