SSL 2
by soapa“Yes, I suppose he would have.”
Jaehyun gave a rough nod. Doyoon never comes down to the cafeteria with the other kids when they are all eating. Only when the first graders’ lunch time is almost over, when there are barely any of the good side dishes left, does he sneak down alone to eat and come back up. The homeroom teacher nodded and brought up his main point.
“Right. In that case, Jaehyun, would you be willing to look after Doyoon from now on? Play with him, and help him get along with the other kids. I think it would be really great if he had a friend who would do that.”
“Uh… well.”
It was the request he had expected. However, Jaehyun could not readily accept it.
It was not the beginning of the semester anymore; it was now June. For a homeroom teacher, it was understandable to be worried if a kid had been left out and all alone in the class for this long. Jaehyun understood that feeling.
However, in Doyoon’s case, the problem was a bit more complex. It was less that the other kids in the class were ostracizing Doyoon, and more that Doyoon was ostracizing them.
Doyoon was noticeably pretty. Judging by his demeanor alone, he seemed like he would be very good at studying, too. That was why at the beginning of the semester, quite a few kids, regardless of gender, had actively approached Doyoon. But all of them were thoroughly ignored.
For one, Doyoon always wore orange silicone earplugs and pretended he could not hear anything. If someone tapped him on the shoulder, he would look up with a blank expression, but then he would just point a finger at his own workbook and then bow his head again, and that was it. As if to say, can you not see I am studying right now.
He even disliked it when asked to be on the same team during gym class. “It’s fine,” he would say coldly in a voice that had not yet fully broken, and then he would stand alone in a corner, and at the very last moment, he would rather team up with the teacher. Or he would make up an excuse that his knee hurt and skip it altogether.
As a result, the other kids gradually started to avoid Doyoon on their own. Either because they were sulking, their feelings hurt by Doyoon’s attitude, or because Doyoon was so desperately trying to be alone, they were trying to respect and cooperate with his wishes.
Jaehyun was on the side of cooperation. People are diverse. There are kids who do not like to socialize with others and only get stressed if you force them to mix in. Jaehyun, especially thanks to his older sister, knew well about that type.
Adults have a habit of automatically labeling kids who are loners as something like ‘pitiable’. But that is not always the case. Leaving them alone can be a way of showing respect. As long as no specific bullying is occurring and the status quo is maintained. Just as he was choosing his words to try and explain this to the homeroom teacher, another question suddenly popped into a corner of his mind.
“But, teacher.”
“Yes?”
“How did you end up choosing me?”
Jaehyun tilted his head and continued.
“I thought you would ask the class president or some of the quieter kids to do something like this. To be honest, um, it is a bit awkward for me to say it myself, but. Am I not the type that gets on the teachers’ bad side?”
“You rascal, what is the student ranked 3rd in the whole school talking about.”
“Well, yes, my grades are good. But the head of student affairs always scolds me. He says, you cannot get by just by being good at studying. Your hair! Your tardiness! The student record! Ugh! He says things like that.”
Jaehyun chattered on with a smile, not even lowering his voice much. He did check that the faculty office was nearly empty, and especially that the head of student affairs was not there, before he spoke. The homeroom teacher laughed along and continued.
“Yes. But you make friends without discriminating, don’t you? The teachers all know. You even go over to Yang Juhwan’s place to hang out sometimes, right?”
“Pardon?”
“You even went to his house to drop off a handout. Juhwan said so. He said you brought it to him when he was absent.”
The homeroom teacher looked at Jaehyun as if he was proud of him.
“You know where Juhwan lives, right? You saw his house, too.”
“…”
“The kids who live in that area don’t really bring friends over to their houses. How embarrassed they must be. But he opened his heart to you before a full semester has even passed. How well must you be treating him for that to happen? Your teacher sees all of that. I know everything. I am going to write it all down in your student record.”
“…Yes.”
“So please take good care of Doyoon, too. Alright? Take him to the cafeteria on time at lunch, and include him when you guys have a match or something. He seems to have a lot of worries about his grades, so it would be good to help him with his studies, too.”
“I understand.”
Jaehyun answered obediently. He even put on a gentle smile.
However, his heart had already closed. The thought he had of trying to broach the subject—Sir, but Doyoon seems to actually enjoy being alone, wouldn’t he dislike it more if I bother him against his will?—had completely vanished.
In Jaehyun’s mind, Juhwan’s house was just Juhwan’s house. He had never inserted any other context into it. The house that greeted you with a rusty iron gate with no nameplate after you climbed a hill tangled with dirt and grass and wound through narrow alleys where low slate roofs sat. But the homeroom teacher had deliberately turned that house into ‘an embarrassingly poor house’.
Similarly, in the teacher’s head, Doyoon must be solidified as a ‘pitiable, bullied kid’. A child who must make friends, even if it means receiving help from others. There was no way he would listen if Jaehyun said something that contradicted that common sense. Just like all lazy humans whose brains are pickled in rules and conventions.
Anyway, they are all the same dumb bastards. While sneering inwardly, Jaehyun outwardly offered a polite farewell and left the faculty office. Then he ran up to the first-grade classroom on the 4th floor in one breath and plopped down in his seat.
Lunchtime was not over yet. The classroom was on the quiet side.
The boys’ seats, in particular, were almost all empty. They were probably all playing basketball on the sports field, dodging the rain puddles. Jaehyun had to miss it because the homeroom teacher suddenly called for him, but it was originally the day they were supposed to play basketball with Class 1. The losing team was supposed to buy hamburgers.
They will probably lose since I am not there. Thinking this, Jaehyun rested a cheek on his hand. So, what should I do?
In any case, he had been asked a favor by someone and had made a promise. He could not just do nothing. Just then, the owner of the second seat by the window returned.
Kang Doyoon walked in from the front door with quick steps. He was holding a carton of milk in one hand and a bag with a red bean bun in the other. Looks like he did not even eat lunch today, Jaehyun thought. He had just bought a meal from the school store to get by.
As soon as Doyoon sat down, he stuck a straw into the carton, drank from it with his left hand, and immediately flipped a page in his workbook with his right. Then he practically shoved his face into his desk as if he would enter the page itself and began moving his hand.
He seems anxious, Jaehyun thought.
The final exams were at the end of June. That meant about two weeks were left. Doyoon probably was not burying his head in his books every day just to barely get an average of 70 on his grades. He must have messed up the midterms, so he would want to do well on the finals.
Last early May, on the day the midterm exam scores were announced, all the kids in the class had been curious about Doyoon’s score. Because he was the kid who just sat hunched over, doing nothing but studying. The kid sitting behind Doyoon was supposed to sneak a peek and tell the other kids.
It was not a difficult task. That day during morning assembly, after receiving the report card the homeroom teacher handed out and returning to his seat, Doyoon had stared blankly down at it on his desk for a long time. Thanks to that, the kid in the back seat had been able to leisurely scan the numbers over his shoulder.
Korean 65, Math 37, Science 83, English 62… Overall rank 174 out of 312. Doyoon’s score traveled from ear to ear throughout all of Class 3 that day. The kids were dumbfounded, and there were some who openly whispered and sneered, “Isn’t that bastard an idiot?” Woo Jincheol, for example.
<It is like he does all the studying in the world. So what if he hears? Hey, Kang…>
“…”
The homeroom teacher was an unpleasant person. But his concern was not entirely without merit. It was fine for now, but if left alone, guys like Woo Jincheol might slowly start to bully Doyoon.
Jaehyun found himself unconsciously staring at Doyoon’s side profile for a while. A fair and translucent face where fine veins were visible, soft cheeks that seemed to still have some baby fat, a small height that would place him around 5th among the boys if they lined up by height, and a thin body. The slender wrists and long fingers revealed beneath the sleeves of his black hoodie.
He looked like he would fall over if you gave him one light push. So, I mean, I can understand the homeroom teacher. Just then, Doyoon suddenly moved.
He stood up from his seat, his knees half-bent. His gaze was directed somewhere outside the window. Rather than a distant landscape, it was a posture as if he were examining somewhere on the outer part of the window frame. He craned his neck quizzically towards the spot where the air conditioner’s outdoor unit was. Is there something there? Jaehyun, getting curious himself, was slightly moving his head when Doyoon suddenly turned his face this way.
Dark eyes looked at Jaehyun. Their gazes met for a moment, but scattered just as quickly. It was because Doyoon had turned his head back so forcefully that it made a whooshing sound, fixing his eyes back on his desk. Then he slumped down in his seat, pulled his chair in, and, grabbing his pen, began underlining things in his textbook. As if nothing had happened.
What was that?
He was acting just like someone caught trying to do something secretive. Jaehyun let out a soft chuckle and stood up. Then he slowly approached, stood beside Doyoon’s desk, and spoke to him.
“Hey.”
“…”
“Was there something outside the window? What were you trying to look at just now?”
“…”
As expected, no answer came back. Doyoon kept his head down and continued to solve problems in his Korean workbook. Jaehyun looked down at his fingertips as well. Then he hesitated.
He could see pencil markings in the empty margin of the workbook. Or rather, marks that could barely be presumed to be notes. Is he working through the wrong answers? Judging by how they were scrawled around each problem, it seemed possible. But the shape of the handwriting was almost indecipherable. It felt like parasites or silverfish were crawling all over the page.
Underneath the workbook lay a textbook. There were no notes in highlighter or ballpoint pen, only underlines drawn straight over and over again with a mechanical pencil. Sometimes, important words were circled. Again, a circle drawn around and around multiple times until the paper was nearly worn through. As if pressing hard and drawing over and over would make the word memorize itself.
No, even that was strange. Normally, one would circle important words or phrases. But Doyoon’s method was different. He often circled particles, even quotation marks or commas. In a sentence like ‘The aesthetic is a symbol of ethical goodness,’ circles would be drawn around things like ‘is,’ and ‘of.’
This is beyond not knowing how to study… isn’t this kid a little weird? Jaehyun thought, a slight shiver running down his spine.
Then he quickly scowled at himself. How does this make me any different from the homeroom teacher? Judging someone arbitrarily just from seeing a few letters. In the first place, what is ‘weird’ anyway?
There was a time when he had hated that expression so much, had he already forgotten? Jaehyun chewed on the thought internally, while with his mouth, he brought up the words he had been thinking of ever since he started watching Doyoon intently.
“Kang Doyoon. Do you want to try studying with me?”
To be precise, it would be one-sided tutoring, not a study group. Jaehyun chewed on this thought inwardly.
The student ranked 174th in the school studying with the one ranked 3rd. Of course, it would turn into a situation where the 3rd ranker would unconditionally teach the 174th. Still, Jaehyun deliberately used the word ‘study.’ If he came across as looking down on him from their very first meeting, it would only heighten his resistance. Using an equal term would make it easier to persuade him.
“…”
There was no answer. Only the scratch-scratch sound of the pencil grew more agitated, and Jaehyun watched as Doyoon drew bizarre horizontal and vertical lines here and there on the choices of a multiple-choice question. It was like watching someone who was rambling. Except, it was a person rambling through reading, not speaking.
Doyoon checked option number 3. Wrong answer.
Does this kid not go to a private academy? This doesn’t seem like something he can handle on his own. In any case, Jaehyun began again. Not yet expecting an answer to come back.
“I ranked 3rd in the whole school on the midterms. I get a grade 1 on the mock exams too. I am pretty good at studying. I also have experience teaching others. In middle school, I helped kids who wanted to get into general high schools prepare for the joint entrance exam.”
“…”
“I know you do not like hanging out with people.”
Jaehyun continued speaking softly.
“But this is something that will help you with what you want to do well. I am saying I can help you.”
It would certainly be helpful, Jaehyun thought to himself.
If his grades improve, the other kids in the class will not be able to look down on Doyoon so much. The kid’s so-called status would rise a bit, would it not? Then the probability of it escalating to bullying would be high. As for himself, he would have roughly fulfilled his promise to the homeroom teacher and “looked after” Doyoon.
Since he is only helping in the specific area the other person desires, it is not crossing the line too much for him either. Jaehyun continued to look down at the top of Doyoon’s head, but as expected, only silence followed. After adding just a few more words, Jaehyun decided to leave for now.
“I am not asking you to decide right now. Think about it. I will ask you again tomorrow.”
Though he probably won’t answer tomorrow either.
I will just stick around for a few days. If it does not work, I will think about it then. The hallway side became noisy. It seemed like the kids were gradually returning to the classroom, so Jaehyun turned his feet and went back to his own seat.
After the end-of-day assembly, Jaehyun checked a text message on his phone and rose from his seat. A friend was asking to switch convenience store part-time shifts. It started at 5, so he had to go right away.
“Cha Jaehyun. Leaving already? We are going to eat hamburgers with Park Kanghyuk’s group from Class 1 and then go to a PC bang.”
“I have my part-time job today.”
“But you normally work on the weekend. Ah, then are you free on the weekend?”
“Probably? I will likely be free one of the days. See you tomorrow.”