HFS 58

“Then let’s watch a movie with me tomorrow.”

“Get real, when do we have time for movies?”

“You never let me do anything. It’s so annoying. But you were the one suggesting cafes, movies, and drives before…”

“Let’s go after clearing the boss.”

Seo Hee-won, who had been slumped dejectedly, brightened up again at those last words. Since the meetup, Seo Hee-won would get irritated over trivial matters and then quickly cheer up over even more trivial things, but with alcohol in his system, these mood swings seemed even more pronounced. While observing the unpredictable changes in his emotions with curiosity, Lee Cheong-hyeon casually remarked, “What’s with you? You do seem drunk…”

“…”

“Be honest, you like me, don’t you?”

Startled by the question, Seo Hee-won dropped the glass he was holding. It crashed to the floor with a sharp sound. Surprised by the noise, Lee Cheong-hyeon stood up and carefully approached, avoiding the broken fragments. Until then, Seo Hee-won remained frozen in his seat, only his eyes blinking rapidly.

“Are you okay?”

“I don’t like you.”

“…What?”

Isn’t that not the important issue right now? Seo Hee-won ignored the broken glass and fixed his gaze only on Lee Cheong-hyeon. His face showed clear signs of distress, as if he’d been greatly startled. As Lee Cheong-hyeon silently studied his expression, Seo Hee-won’s eyes wavered dramatically. A long silence followed, contrasting with the earlier noise. It felt as if the flow of air had suddenly stopped.

“…I’ll clean this up. Stay seated.”

As Lee Cheong-hyeon turned to clean the floor, Seo Hee-won rose from his chair and grabbed his arm.

“I really don’t.”

His voice trembled faintly, filled with anxiety and unease. Lee Cheong-hyeon noticed his eyes darting around restlessly and his fists clenched so tightly his knuckles had turned white. Above all, he could feel the suffocating tension on his skin. Seo Hee-won rubbed his eyes as if immediately regretting his words.

“I know. I was just joking.”

Lee Cheong-hyeon spoke in a calm voice, shrugged his shoulders, and pulled his arm free. As he began picking up the scattered glass pieces, he could feel Seo Hee-won’s keen gaze on his back. In the uncomfortable silence, Seo Hee-won also started cleaning up the fragments. Glancing up to check on his expressionless face, Lee Cheong-hyeon returned to focusing on cleaning. While wiping up the smaller pieces with a wet tissue, he noticed a faint red mark near Seo Hee-won’s foot.

“Are you hurt?”

“Ah…”

As if just realizing it, Seo Hee-won slightly lifted his left foot. A shallow, long cut had appeared on the top of his foot, probably from a flying shard. When Lee Cheong-hyeon got up to his feet, Seo Hee-won’s gaze followed him up as if he were hooked by a fishing line.

“Sit on the chair.”

“I’m fine.”

“Sit down and don’t cause any more trouble.”

After wrapping the broken pieces in tissue and throwing them away, Lee Cheong-hyeon opened the living room drawer. Having visited Seo Hee-won’s house so often that it felt like his own, he knew exactly where the first-aid kit was. Lee Cheong-hyeon took out ointment, antiseptic, and bandages and stood in front of Seo Hee-won. Placing everything on the table, Lee Cheong-hyeon opened the antiseptic bottle. Standing there briefly contemplating, he handed the bottle to Seo Hee-won, who was staring up at him.

“You can do it yourself, right?”

He stared at the antiseptic in front of him before looking back up at me. Seo Hee-won slowly shook his head. With no other choice in the matter, Lee Cheong-hyeon sat on the floor and held Seo Hee-won’s foot. Looking closely, fortunately the wound wasn’t deep and would heal quickly. Ignoring the piercing gaze he felt on the top of his head, Lee Cheong-hyeon finished the simple treatment.

“Let’s stop drinking now.”

“Okay…”

“Let’s just go to bed early today. I think I should go home.”

“Stay over.”

Lee Cheong-hyeon stepped toward the room where his coat was hanging and stopped. With his back turned, he touched his cheek and checked his expression. After softening his tight lips, Lee Cheong-hyeon turned around to find Seo Hee-won resting his chin on his hand, looking in my direction. His long fingers half-covered his face, but through the gap, Lee Cheong-hyeon could see him nervously chewing his lips. With his other hand, he anxiously tapped the table in an irregular rhythm.

“You’ve had a lot to drink and it’s getting late…”

“…”

“I’d like to take you home, but I can’t because I’ve been drinking…”

“…”

“You said you’d stay over, hyung.”

“…”

“I’m not trying to do anything, just, just…”

His voice, which had been trying to sound nonchalant, gradually lost its strength. When Lee Cheong-hyeon momentarily failed to hide his discomfort, Seo Hee-won rubbed his face as if frustrated and then completely buried it in his palms. He spoke as if he had given up.

“…Go if you want to.”

Seo Hee-won pulled the confiscated glass back toward himself. Lee Cheong-hyeon, who had been standing as if frozen, was finally able to move again. When he came out wearing the padded jacket he had hung in Seo Hee-won’s room, Seo Hee-won was sitting in the same position as before, drinking alone. Although concerned by this sight, he didn’t stop his steps toward the front door. With his hand on the doorknob, Lee Cheong-hyeon hesitated for a moment before turning to Seo Hee-won.

“Take care of that wound so it doesn’t get worse.”

“…Okay.”

“I’m going then. See you next time.”

After saying goodbye, Lee Cheong-hyeon finally went out the front door, and it closed with a thud. Silence filled the house where Seo Hee-won remained alone.

“…Liar.”

You said it like you’d never see me again. Seo Hee-won collapsed onto the table, sliding against it. He must have been found out. There was no way he wasn’t. It was pathetic how his feelings had leaked out uncontrollably in his drunken state, and how he had stupidly confirmed his suspicions by hurting himself. The image of Lee Cheong-hyeon’s troubled expression wouldn’t leave his mind.

He hadn’t even properly confessed once, yet he’d been rejected twice. How could it be so miserable? He never dreamed that unrequited love would be this difficult. All of this was too much to handle for Seo Hee-won, who was experiencing it for the first time.

“Ah—I’m screwed…”

* * *

Lee Cheong-hyeon concealed the feeling that his mind had gone completely blank and acted as normally as possible as he left Seo Hee-won’s house. He walked all the way home without stopping once. He felt he needed to cool his complicated thoughts by facing the cold wind. The time spent at Seo Hee-won’s house until just moments ago felt like an unreal dream. It was because of Seo Hee-won, who had been directly hit by his casually thrown joke.

Ironically, it was Lee Cheong-hyeon who was bewildered by the unexpected response. It was the first time he had seen Seo Hee-won look so anxious and agitated. Recalling that suffocating silence and the alert gaze that had carefully watched him, he felt a tingling sensation at the back of his neck. It was a reaction that simply couldn’t be a misunderstanding.

It seemed that Seo Hee-won liked him. After summarizing it in one sentence, it finally started to feel real. His heart beat unsteadily—thump, thump—at this fact he wished to deny, and even his breathing became irregular. Despite walking in the cold wind until his cheeks felt frozen, he couldn’t easily calm down.

“Seo Hee-won likes men…and this Seo Hee-won who likes men likes me.”

Arriving home, Lee Cheong-hyeon sat on his bed without even changing his clothes. With a serious expression on his face, he reviewed each of Seo Hee-won’s past behaviors one by one. When had it started? The most suspicious time was definitely during the meetup at the pension house. He vaguely guessed it might have been around that day when the cold wind suddenly blew. Seo Hee-won had certainly changed after that.

Now all the behaviors he had found puzzling made sense. The meals that felt like dates even to himself, the considerate gestures that felt awkward coming from another man, and the unpredictable mood swings. When he recalled how Seo Hee-won, who had been lying right next to him last night, had suddenly gotten angry and fled to another room, he felt like he was going crazy and stopped thinking about it.

What should I do now?

Lee Cheong-hyeon unconsciously shook his leg. Looking back, there had been so many signals that it was ridiculous he only noticed now. Was it fortunate that he finally realized it? If only Seo Hee-won had actually confessed, he could have just rejected him outright. His head throbbed with a headache.

No matter how much they had acted as a couple in the game, he couldn’t actually date a man in real life. Lee Cheong-hyeon was heterosexual and had no interest in men. Naturally, his only dating experiences had been with girlfriends. Realizing that their couple role-playing had contained real feelings on Seo Hee-won’s part was both shocking and made him feel sorry he had ever gotten involved in the first place. If he had known earlier…but there was no point in regretting what couldn’t be changed.

I need to keep some distance now.

He didn’t have any prejudice against homosexuals, but it was quite…uncomfortable that Seo Hee-won, who was gay, liked him. Once again, he felt that sensation again as if his hair was standing on end. Even if he wanted to put an exact name to this feeling, he couldn’t express it with any word other than “awkward.”

He couldn’t accept Seo Hee-won’s feelings, nor could he continue pretending not to know and go on as before. He needed to distance himself from Seo Hee-won, but there were many complications that made it difficult to immediately grow apart. The biggest issue was Artilens, which they were currently practicing.

Even if he stopped visiting Seo Hee-won’s house and kept his distance, it would be meaningless if they spent all day together on boss raids. If he were to leave the party, where would he find new party members right away? He didn’t want to inconvenience the others, and above all, he didn’t want to part with his party members, even though they had only been together for a short time. He wanted to see the fruits of their joint efforts toward clearing the boss.