BOREDOM 7

He hadn’t left yet. His car was parked in front of the club, and Kwon Taeshin, who had just exited the club entrance, was moving toward the car.

Someone was clinging to his side. I didn’t know the face, but it seemed he had found a new partner.

“…”

Watching the scene of him getting into the car and disappearing, I was surprised by my own feelings. It was a good thing that Kwon Taeshin was meeting someone else instead of seeking me out again. It meant there would be no more reason for him to trouble me, so I should have been relieved. And yet, a feeling I couldn’t define—whether a fleeting sense of disappointment or regret—pricked a corner of my heart.

It was just a one-night stand for money anyway, and Kwon Taeshin’s monstrous cock was so horrific that I had resolved never to go through that again. Nevertheless, it was frightening to feel this way. Could this be what they call physical attachment? We had only made a deal, but perhaps because we had pressed our bare skin together without a single thread on, I had the illusion that I had grown closer to Kwon Taeshin. A physical exchange without any emotional exchange… no, it couldn’t even be called an exchange. It was strange to feel this way despite having been unilaterally invaded.

Perhaps if my partner had been someone else, I wouldn’t have been like this. It’s because the partner was Kwon Taeshin. Because it was Kwon Taeshin and no one else, this absurd feeling was creeping in.

Feeling that it was dangerous, I guarded myself. I wouldn’t get entangled with Kwon Taeshin again, so this feeling would surely die down soon, but what if… what if the relationship were to repeat, a second time, a third time?

I recalled the touch of his hand stroking my back as he calmed me while I sobbed that it hurt. I remembered his voice whispering, ‘Shh… it’s okay, it’s okay,’ and his body that I had embraced with my own. When I thought of the penis that had delved into a place so deep I didn’t even know existed inside me, a shiver ran down my spine, and I felt the space between my thighs, that place that had been opened to its limit, clench tightly.

It was a first experience filled only with pain, and my only memory of selling my body for money. Even though it was something I would never repeat, it had left a strong impression, as if carved with a knife.

It was a relief that I hated having sex with him. If I had liked it even a little, I might have ended up just like those who ignore the fact they were paid and become obsessed with Kwon Taeshin. I didn’t want to become a pitiful figure who would ignore what he had demanded in exchange for money and cling to him, begging. I told myself that this was something to be nipped in the bud, and I stomped my feet as I returned to the security guard post.

🍃

While I was avoiding Kwon Taeshin here and there, he went through several partners. For me, nothing had changed before and after sleeping with him. Of course, my youngest sibling, who got a new phone, started posting on social media more frequently, and the top-loader washing machine was replaced with a new one, but other than that, everything was the same.

Ah, of course, some things did change, such as my resolve to never sell my body again, the way I would duck my head like a turtle and hide whenever I saw Kwon Taeshin from afar, and the fact that I could no longer say anything back to Jaeyoung, who sang about wanting to sleep with him.

Just like the rapidly chilling weather, the memory of him also grew distant. The shame and self-loathing, the complex state of mind that I couldn’t quite put my finger on, also faded. Kwon Taeshin was still a topic of the employees’ gossip, but now, even when his story came up, I could avoid tensing up like someone who had done something wrong. I nonchalantly let it in one ear and out the other.

“Hey, Wonwoo.”

On the last day of November, I heard the parking foreman call and looked at him. He threw me a car key from the safe and said.

“You be the designated driver today.”

“Why, is it an expensive car again?”

“Yeah, yeah. You can go home right from there.”

“Then can I take this Sunday off?”

The parking foreman readily agreed, so I took the car key. Looking at the key, it was a car model and number I didn’t recognize. Once the thought of “what if” disappeared, I headed to the parking lot with light steps. And there, I got into the driver’s seat of a large four-wheel-drive SUV parked there. Then, just as I was about to start the car, I heard an unexpected voice.

“It’s been a while.”

I was so startled it felt like my heart would leap out of my mouth, and I pressed the horn without realizing it. A BEEEEEP! sound echoed through the eerie parking lot, and I quickly took my hand off the horn and looked behind me.

In the back seat, Kwon Taeshin was sitting with his arms crossed and his legs crossed. He happened to be wearing a leather jacket, so sitting in the back seat of a car in the dark parking lot, he was hard to see. Not knowing this was his car, I was flustered and my lips moved without a sound. Only after a short while did I come to my senses, sit up straight, and speak.

“Ye-es… it, it has been a while.”

When I glanced at the rearview mirror, Kwon Taeshin’s reflection was in it. All I could see through the narrow, oblong mirror were his lips, his smoothly moist lips.

“I hadn’t seen you around, so I thought you quit.”

“Ah, it’s not that… Since I’m a parking attendant, I just haven’t had a chance to see you.”

“You weren’t avoiding me?”

In the mirror, Kwon Taeshin’s lips parted silently, revealing his teeth. With just that, I couldn’t guess his expression or mood. Thinking he was probably sneering, I shook my head.

“Of course not.”

“Hmm.”

“Then… may I start the car?”

Following his unspoken consent, I started the car. Compared to the sports car he usually drove, the large SUV was easy to drive. Unlike before, I didn’t have to crawl along and drove at a steady speed, so it was a short trip to his house. I hurriedly finished parking, got out of the car, and opened the back-seat door where he was sitting.

His legs, which were astonishingly long no matter when I saw them, came out first, and he stood up from inside the car. Instead of looking up at his rising face, I quickly bowed my head and held out the car key.

“…”

Even with my head bowed, I could feel Kwon Taeshin, who had taken the car key, watching me intently.

A gaze that seemed to be observing.

Everything was similar to that night.

I became conscious of the fact that I was here again, in front of his house, late at night. The thought, “Surely, he wouldn’t do it again,” crossed my mind, but at the same time, the suspicion arose, “If not, then why did he wait for me in the car?” I wondered if bringing a completely different car from the one he usually drove and waiting as if hiding in the back seat were all part of a scheme to lure me here. I also began to think that the parking foreman sending me as the designated driver might not have been because he genuinely couldn’t find one, but because Kwon Taeshin had specifically requested me.

Of course, this was all just my premature assumption. After all, there was no reason for Kwon Taeshin to do that, was there? As I was muttering the words “self-important” to myself, he suddenly opened his mouth.

“I’ve been thinking about it carefully.”

I waited silently for Kwon Taeshin to continue, but he dragged on for a long time. It didn’t seem intentional; he himself seemed unsure of what to say. He fiddled with his chin and chose his words for a long while. When his hand finally dropped from his chin and his mouth opened, once again, unexpected words flowed out.

“It seems I want to do it with you one more time.”

“…”

He had never once said what I expected him to. In the discomfort of my predictions always being wrong, I frowned.

“With me… why?”

He shrugged.

“I don’t really know.”

If he didn’t know, then who would? Dumbfounded, I looked at him, and he smiled. It was different from the sneers, scoffs, snorts, or the cold, threatening smiles he had shown until now. Perhaps it was just my imagination, but it was brazen, as if trying to coax me, and it looked like a seduction.

“I think I’ll know if we do it one more time.”

“…”

“Just stay the night one more time.”

His voice lowered to a whisper, and his smile deepened. A scent, both familiar and unfamiliar, wafted from him and hovered at the tip of my nose. What was this scent? No matter how much I thought about it, I couldn’t identify it; it just seemed to be Kwon Taeshin’s scent. It seemed that the scent exuded by him as a person had seeped into my body while I was getting in his car and driving.

Standing there blankly, I quickly came to my senses. This wasn’t the time to be spacing out. I shouldn’t stand here listening to him for long. What if I get tempted again? Hadn’t I resolved never to accept his proposal again? Thinking I had to refuse quickly, I replied at once.

“No, I can’t.”

Kwon Taeshin tilted his head. His expression was one of questioning, as if there should be no reason for that.

“Why?”

I was about to say that his thing was so monstrously big that I couldn’t do it a second time, but I closed my mouth. Not only was it awkward to talk about his penis so openly, but that wasn’t the only reason I didn’t want to do it with him, so it was difficult to explain. So I summed it up and replied curtly.

“Just because.”

Frowning at my answer, he muttered, “There’s no such thing as ‘just because’ in this world,” and then let out a sound, “Ah,” as if he had just realized something.

“You didn’t like the amount last time?”

“It’s not necessarily that…”

“If it wasn’t enough, you should have asked for more.”

“That’s not it…”

“I’ll give you double this time.”

I hesitated. Double? Did that mean two million won?

With two million won, I could immediately get my second sibling a new phone. I could also replace his constantly lagging tablet and buy him a padded jacket to prepare for the cold weather… I might even be able to go to a meat restaurant that wasn’t all-you-can-eat.

Feeling extremely tempted, I swallowed the saliva that had gathered in my mouth for no reason. But the words he added next made my blood run cold, as if doused with icy water.

“Because I can just do it double the amount too.”

Those were truly terrifying words. I was horrified when I heard them. Last time, for one million won, he had come three times. How long did that take? Two hours? Three hours? Double meant he intended to come six times, which meant I would have to be tormented for a long time. The thought that even once was too much, let alone six times, made me say quickly.

“No, I won’t do it.”

Hearing that, Kwon Taeshin clicked his tongue.

“Ha, this is annoying.”

Not only can he not accept a perfectly reasonable refusal and gets annoyed, he doesn’t even think to hide it. His lazy rudeness and arrogance were, in a way, so quintessentially him that I didn’t even feel like getting angry. I was just wondering why I had to have this absurd conversation and searching for a way to end it quickly when he swept back the hair falling onto his forehead and spat out.

“You’re playing really hard to get.”