BOREDOM 8

If you think it’s expensive, you just don’t have to buy it. I was about to point that fact out when I stopped moving, hearing what he said next.

“Should I give you about ten million won?”

Considering he had paid one million won for one night, ten million won must have been an exceptional amount even by his standards. Of course, to me, it was an excessively large amount. The fact that he was willing to spend that much money just to fuck someone like me made the back of my neck grow cold in an instant, and Kwon Taeshin’s true intentions became suspicious. It didn’t seem like he was doing this just for fun, so I frowned and spoke in a distinctly defensive tone.

“No, I can’t.”

“What did you say?”

“Selling my body once was enough. One such experience is plenty.”

He looked bewildered, his lips moving without a sound, as if he hadn’t expected this situation at all. It was truly absurd to see him like that. Who was the one who should be bewildered right now? Wasn’t it me?

He seemed to be mulling over my words, his brow furrowed, but when he opened his mouth again, the words he uttered were endlessly light.

“So, you’re saying you don’t want to sleep with me?”

His tone was one of utter disbelief, as if asking how that could possibly be. It was as if he couldn’t comprehend in the slightest what it meant for an ordinary person to spread his legs for another man for a million won. He seemed unaware that for me, that night was a dark history so shameful I wanted to erase it from my memory forever. It was just that he couldn’t understand why I was refusing his proposal, as if he found it absurd.

“When I’m saying I’ll give you money?”

A sense of disregard he himself was unaware of was embedded in his words as he looked me up and down and asked again. It was tinged with the accusation of, “What business does a guy who does designated parking at an adult entertainment establishment while everyone else is asleep have refusing ten million won, as if you have so much money?”

To tell the truth, I hadn’t known I would be like this either. It wasn’t because I was particularly moral or had some kind of conviction. I was just a poor, ordinary citizen, and a person who couldn’t help but be weak in the face of money. Naturally, if he were offering ten million won, I should accept any proposal, but surprisingly, I didn’t want to.

If he had offered ten million won from the start, my judgment might have been clouded. But perhaps because I had gone through something so agonizing and unpleasant that it was too much to endure for a million won, I wasn’t inclined to accept even if he offered ten million now.

“It has nothing to do with the money. No matter how much you offer, what I don’t want, I don’t want.”

Hearing my words, Kwon Taeshin’s eyebrows contorted strangely.

“Then what do I do?”

“Excuse me?”

“I’m asking what I’m supposed to do.”

Wondering what he wanted me to do, I stared blankly at him. Kwon Taeshin also stared at me in the same way. It was a situation where we were each demanding an answer the other couldn’t provide, so I spoke with the feeling of, “Why are you asking me that?”

“Perhaps you should look for someone else…”

“You think I haven’t?”

He retorted somewhat aggressively, then smoothed down the eyebrows that had shot up on his forehead and rubbed his forehead with his hand.

“What am I supposed to do when I’ve tried this and that and nothing satisfies me.”

I rolled my eyes. Did he actually like the disastrous sex we’d had? It was truly a mystery, but his circumstances were none of my business. What I said about the pain of being pinned under another man and spreading my legs being enough with just one time was sincere. It was the same even if that partner was Kwon Taeshin.

No, rather, the thought occurred to me that it had to be no precisely because it was Kwon Taeshin. It was clear that if I were to become physically attached to him, it would be incredibly difficult to break away. I could easily end up clinging to him, saying even just his body was okay, or I might even delude myself into thinking I liked or loved him. It was as clear as day that this would plunge me into an irretrievable mire, so I didn’t study his expression for long. I bowed my head to him as he roughly rubbed his hair, as if tearing at his bangs.

“…There’s nothing more to say, so I’ll be on my way now.”

Although he wasn’t in a position where he had to maintain social decorum and status, he didn’t forcefully hold me back. Perhaps because of his pride, he pulled down his disheveled bangs and sighed, “Do as you wish.” Then he turned around so sharply it made a whooshing sound, got on the elevator, and disappeared from my sight. I, too, turned my body, left that place behind, and started walking.

Trudge, trudge. As I walked down the sloping road, I suddenly looked back. His house, which occupied a hill to take advantage of the good scenery, had its lights off. It was a sensor light, so it should have turned on automatically. Did he not go into his house? Perhaps it was just my imagination, but it felt like his gaze was on me, but I didn’t think about it for long. Realizing my own pathetic state of staring up at his house for a good while, I hurriedly turned my head and quickened my pace.