TIN 159

Not being able to go far and staying here. So, not being able to fly and falling. Wasn’t the word he spouted, ‘wing-clipped,’ meant to imply this?

I had already dropped the crutches I brought up here over the edge of the roof. There was nothing to hold onto here, so with my leg broken, I could barely stand in place. Now, I have no way to go to him, nor any way to leave this place.

“You should have thought of this when you broke it.”

“……”

Joo Do-hwa didn’t say anything for a long time at the mocking words. No, it would be more accurate to say he couldn’t. His gaze, which had changed blankly as if he had been hit in the back of the head, showed that he was speechless.

“……Ha.”

The burst of laughter that finally came from his mouth after a long time contained many emotions that I couldn’t fathom. A bit of annoyance and frustration, and perhaps even a sense of futility. Could there possibly be regret in there as well? Thinking that, I cautiously asked.

“Did Lee Yuna go home?”

I wish I could have said thank you. That was the only regret I had left. But as soon as that name came up, Joo Do-hwa looked at me with eyes that had turned coldly.

“Lee Yuna?”

I didn’t even have time to be surprised by the chillingly cold gaze. He spoke in an utterly dry voice.

“I killed her.”

“……”

A corner of my heart seemed to turn frigid. Joo Do-hwa tilted his head with a face devoid of any hint of joking.

“You said it yourself, that she would die at my hands.”

His golden eyes lowered heavily. As I didn’t say anything, his red lips drew a soft curve.

“Why, did you think you would live if it didn’t die?”

I had no words to answer. No, I wasn’t in the right state of mind to answer. I felt like the quiet inside my womb was being mixed up haphazardly.

“Kei, Theo, Lingling.”

“……”

“Seo-kyung.”

“……”

“Or that old man?”

All the people he spat out flickered before my eyes. The few people I had associated with in my entire life.

“Who else do I have to kill for you to come to me?”

The reason why that question is cruel is because Joo Do-hwa is an existence who can actually make those words come true. If he set his mind to it, he could grab everyone in his hands and shake me up.

But that was only until today.

“…Then there’s even less reason for me to go back to you.”

His brow furrowed at the small reply I gave. The complicated feelings soon calmed down. I never wanted to repeat the situations I had been wary of to the point of my blood running dry.

“You should have kept her alive and threatened me, Do-hwa.”

The value of a hostage is their life. If Lee Yuna died at Joo Do-hwa’s hands, there was no longer any need to listen to him. Even if I went back to him now, something similar to today would happen someday. In that case, it’s better for me not to know even if he kills them all.

“It’s a relief. That I won’t see the corpse.”

It’s better to leave without knowing anything than to suffer while living. I was too tired to think about what would happen after that.

“So what are you going to do?”

Joo Do-hwa, who spat out the words irritably, gritted his teeth. Before I knew it, I could see the veins standing out on his jawline.

“You won’t die even if you fall from there. Do you know how many doctors are in this house?”

Why wouldn’t I know? The child had kindly told me, counting on his fingers, that there were more than five resident medical personnel.

“Saving one Hyung is nothing. If we treat you…”

“I know, I won’t die.”

I calmly cut off his words. I would die if I fell headfirst, but if I was unlucky, I could survive. Then, that would be the time when I would be crippled for life and tied to this house. Of course, I had thought that far as well.

“When did I say I was going to fall and die?”

You should think that I know what you know. I scoffed inwardly and took out the object I had kept in my pocket. A sharply honed piece of glass that I had picked out after breaking the window with the crutches.

“Put that down.”

As if he sensed something, Joo Do-hwa urgently spat out those words at the same time. I ignored his words and brought the sharpest part to my neck. The moment I touched the tip to my skin, a stinging sensation spread out instantly.

“Put it down.”

“……”

“Get rid of it, quickly.”

His voice lost its composure. He looked as if he would rush at me any second, but he stood rooted to the spot, unable to move. He just gritted his teeth as if he were going crazy and shouted.

“Didn’t you hear me telling you to stop?”

His voice, which had suddenly become agitated, cried out sharply. Wow, so you can get anxious too. I couldn’t help but admire him, inappropriately. Especially as he contorted his face, chewing on curses.

“Don’t.”

“…….”

“…Don’t, please.”

He didn’t seem to be aware of what he was saying. He covered his face with both hands, then glared at me, grinding his teeth.

“If you do that, the kid will die too.”

How hypocritical. He doesn’t care about the kid at all, yet he’s resorting to such outrageous threats. You were the one who told me to erase it.

“It’s better than dying by your hand.”

I chuckled and gripped the glass harder. Blood began to seep not only from my neck where the sharp edge touched, but also from the palm of my hand that was clutching the shard. I thought I would be indifferent to this whole process, but somehow I felt so cold that my teeth were chattering.

So this is how it ends. When I fell into the ocean, I was so overwhelmed, but unlike my trembling body, my heart was calm. Maybe that’s why the scenery now was being imprinted on my mind one by one.

The sky, so blue it felt like I would fall into it, and Joo Do-hwa standing beneath it. This moment, so dazzlingly beautiful and alien.

“…I lost.”

A voice like a breath was heard just as I was finally closing my eyes. Joo Do-hwa’s pheromones, which had been gushing out like crazy, suddenly stopped quietly.

“I lost.”

“…….”

“I’ll do as you wish.”

In the slowly meeting eyes, a resignation that even I couldn’t believe flickered. His wildly shaking pupils couldn’t have looked more desperate. Even knowing what kind of guy he was, I couldn’t help but have a glimmer of hope.

“To the ocean…”

“…….”

“Promise me you’ll send me back.”

His mouth snapped shut. I steadied my trembling voice and chewed on each word.

“Promise me you won’t look for me, and I’ll put it down.”

If I can live, I want to live. Because what I want is freedom, if there’s a way not to die, I’d gladly do it. Actually, yes, I didn’t want to die either.

“Ah…”

But Joo Do-hwa didn’t readily say he understood. He just let out a hollow laugh and hung his head low. “Fuck.” He chewed on that curse, then suddenly straightened his face and looked up.

“Hyung.”

Was it just my imagination? His eyes, reflecting the sunlight, were unusually red. Whether that was anger or something else, I couldn’t tell.

“Sixteen years.”

The single word that popped out pierced my ear. The bright yellow glint in his eyes flashed as if to devour me.

“I couldn’t find you for sixteen years.”

An ominous premonition brushed against the back of my neck. Could it be… While I was thinking that, he spewed out the words he had been holding inside like a madman.

“I lived hearing bullshit about a bloated corpse, insisting that it was Hyung.”

“…….”

“And now that I’ve found you like this, you’re telling me to send you away again?”

So you knew.

The vague realization felt like a blow to the back of my head. That I was Hyung, that the person you were looking for was me. You finally realized that too.

“Where are you going to abandon me to again?”

“…….”

“How many more years do I have to search for you to be satisfied?”

Since when? No matter how much I pondered, nothing would change. Maybe I was caught because I couldn’t hide it perfectly, because I imitated it perfectly. The moments I dismissed, assuming he wouldn’t know, must have been hints to him.

“How much more are you going to drive me crazy?”

The emotions he was feeling were fully conveyed. I could tell from the pheromones swirling around him that his anger was constantly seething. And even the words that burst out with a hollow laugh.

“I’ll let you go outside.”

“…….”

“But the ocean is out of the question.”

The hope I had barely clung to finally crumbled. I couldn’t believe how foolish I was to have expected it even for a moment.

But at the same time as resignation, I felt a strong sense of futility and disappointment. Not because I couldn’t deceive him, but because I couldn’t believe that he did it knowing everything.

And it was ridiculous that he still couldn’t remember.

“The ocean(Bada), that’s enough with just Hyung.”

So that’s all I am to you. You can’t remember me, enough to think of me as ‘Bada’.

“…You really don’t know anything.”

I could see him flinching at the words that flowed out mockingly. I blankly looked up at the blue sky and twisted my lips. From my parted lips, a self-deprecating voice flowed out without my knowing.

“‘Bada’…”

“…….”

“You think that’s my name?”

He stopped moving abruptly. As if time had stopped, even the wind that had been caressing my hair subsided for a moment. I sighed faintly and muttered softly.

“Why would I use my name in a place like that?”

I didn’t say it because no one suspected it. Just like Kei’s name was a pseudonym, I had simply created a pseudonym as well. There’s no way I would use my real name in such a rotten place.

“You said you don’t remember my voice.”

That was what he said when we fell into the swimming pool together. My face, my name, my voice, it was as if someone had cut out only those parts. Without even knowing how natural that was.

“I guess so.”

“…….”

“Because I lived like a mute.”

His expression changed blankly. Like when I was a child, hearing the doctor’s words and making a tearful face.

‘…You can’t speak?’

The first parting I faced was too shocking for a young child to experience. The sense of loss from leaving my home was also immeasurably great for a kid who had just turned nine.

‘Yes, I don’t know if it’s congenital, but…’

So I had shut my mouth. I showed Logan my fingers when he asked my age, and I nodded to the child who kept talking to me, but I didn’t say a word and lived like a mute.

“We never talked.”

“…….”

“Not even once during the six months we were together.”

So there’s no way he would remember my name, my voice, or anything like that. I didn’t tell him anything, and the child just kept wondering until the end.

The only thing I told him was one thing.

“I’m not Bada…”

The last greeting I whispered in his ear as he slept.

“Yoon Hae-rim.”

‘I’m Yoon Hae-rim.’

“I’m Yoon Hae-rim.”

His eyes widened. His golden eyes were filled with astonishment, and his red lips slowly parted. Only after seeing all that did I finally feel relieved.

“Goodbye, Do-hwa.”

Ah, I never thought I’d say these words again. We finally reunited, but I hope this time it’s a truly eternal farewell.

“…No.”

A soul-less voice flowed into my ear. Of course, it was now too late to turn back.

“No!”

Thud, the sharp shard of glass pierced my neck. Beyond the darkening vision, I saw him reaching out towards me. But before that, my powerless body collapsed and fell off the roof.