TIN 164

A few days after that incident, my father came to the house. His eyes gleaming as he looked at Hyung, he firmly ordered me, who was blocking his path, to leave. I wanted to be with Hyung, but I couldn’t go against my father.

The conversation wasn’t long. But during that time, I felt an indescribable anxiety. I didn’t know what my father would do, and I was terrified that he might try to take Hyung away.

‘Hyung.’

I faintly smelled medicine from Hyung after the conversation. I’m not sure if the fleeting scent was a figment of my imagination or real. I only realized that it was the same smell as the food I had been eating.

‘What did he say?’

I’ve never felt so frustrated that Hyung couldn’t speak. My insides were burning as I watched him keep his mouth shut. What if he had been given medicine? What if he had been hit? What if he had said nasty things and looked down on him with contempt?

‘What did Father say, huh?’

I grabbed Hyung and asked, but I couldn’t get any reaction from him. He was paler than usual and ran to the bathroom in a hurry. I don’t know what he did inside, but when he came out, his face was stiff as if he had made a decision.

That night, I had a dream. In the dream, Hyung, who had been mute, whispered his name in my ear. ‘I am…’ I couldn’t hear the name that followed, but the farewell he left at the end was vivid.

‘Goodbye, Do-hwa.’

Where are you going, leaving me behind? I instinctively reached out, but there was nothing to grab. My consciousness faded as I was still drowsy, and I fell asleep again.

I thought it was a dream. No, I wanted it to be a dream.

But when I opened my eyes, no one was by my side.

* * *

At first, I thought my father had stolen him. I thought he liked Hyung so much, that he was so precious and beautiful that everyone would covet him, that he had taken him without my permission.

But the CCTV of the mansion showed Hyung leaving the house alone, without anyone forcing him. Crossing the hallway, jumping out of the first-floor window, and running away through the hole in the wall.

It wasn’t a short outing. If it was just a walk, there was no reason to sneak out, avoiding the eyes of the servants.

So, this was clearly an escape. Leaving my house, leaving my side, leaving me all alone, he had left the mansion. He had betrayed me and left me overnight without any warning.

‘…….’

How should I describe my feelings at that time? It was impossible to endure the feeling of emptiness, which was more than just betrayal. I should have been angry, but a sense of futility, greater than anger, suddenly struck me.

‘…Why?’

Why did you leave me? I treated you so well. Everything you wanted to eat, everything you wanted to have, I gave you everything I could. I held your hand tightly and endured the sleepless nights together.

‘Why did you leave…?’

When I asked Logan, Logan couldn’t say anything. He just lowered his head silently, as if he was ashamed.

‘Where did he go?’

‘…….’

‘Didn’t anyone see him?’

I hadn’t felt this way even when I left for the villa according to my father’s wishes. The presence of the child who had suddenly disappeared was so great that I couldn’t even fathom it. I traced back all the time I had spent with Hyung and finally came to this conclusion.

‘Did I do something wrong?’

‘…….’

‘Does he hate me?’

My father hates me. So, Hyung must have left me too. My trait, or my actions, something like that must have bothered him, so he left.

‘Then he won’t come back now?’

‘…Young Master.’

I didn’t know what to call the feeling of having a lump in my throat and a tightness in my chest. My voice trembled slightly, but I just thought it was because it was cold. I suppressed the nausea that was rising uncontrollably, even as my body trembled so much that my teeth chattered.

‘Find him, Logan.’

‘…’

‘You can find him, can’t you?’

I was taught that I could have everything I wanted. The only thing I couldn’t do as I pleased was anything related to my father. If my father didn’t take Hyung, I just had to pick him up again. Yes, even if Hyung hated me.

But a day, two days, three days passed, and a week went by without any news from Logan. I asked about Hyung every time I opened my eyes in the morning and fell asleep again, but he only gave me the answer that he was ‘looking for him.’

In the meantime, the painting was completed. It was a sunset seascape that I had asked him to paint for Hyung.

‘…Shall we discard it?’

Logan, who knew the reason for the painting, looked at me blankly and spoke with difficulty. He seemed to think that I was spacing out because I had lost the owner of the painting. The painting, which was so vivid that it looked like the waves would break at any moment, was practically useless garbage to me.

‘No, don’t throw it away.’

But instead of throwing away the painting, I decided to hang it in the hallway. On the wide wall in front of the stairs, so that it would catch my eye every time I went somewhere.

‘I’ll give it to Hyung when I see him again.’

Wouldn’t he have left if I had given him this? If I meet him again, I’ll give him the sea and tell him not to go. Even if he wants to leave because he hates me, he won’t be able to leave because he likes the sea.

Maybe even then, I still had a vague expectation that Hyung would come back someday. Maybe I wanted Logan to find Hyung and see him happy looking at this painting. Without knowing how stupid that thought was, how naive that expectation was.

I spent months looking for Hyung. I would wake up in a fit in the middle of the night and habitually prepare meals for two. I would read fairy tales aloud in Hyung’s empty room or hold a pillow next to me and fall asleep clutching the blanket. And sometimes, I would squat in front of the painting hanging in the hallway and dream of leaning on Hyung’s non-existent shoulder.

‘The Vice Chairman is calling for you.’

It was about half a year after Hyung left that my father called me in. I had been counting the days, but around that time, I was worried about my eyes, which had turned completely yellow. It was a serious concern for me: what if Hyung couldn’t recognize me because my eye color had changed?

‘Oh, Do-hwa, you’re here?’

Unlike usual, my father greeted me warmly, and in front of him was a mysterious wooden box. It was an awkwardly large, long box that was hard to call a container for things. I was puzzled by its unfamiliar appearance, but I clenched my fists tightly with an inexplicable sense of unease.

‘Are you still looking for that… Hyung these days?’

I reflexively shrugged my shoulders at the word ‘Hyung.’ Seeing me staring at the box with my hands clasped together, my father said in a relaxed voice.

‘I think I’ve found that child.’

‘……!’

I raised my head abruptly. It was rare for me to look directly at my father, but I did it without realizing it. My father frowned at my eyes, but then he smiled kindly.

‘I found him, so I have to let you meet him too.’

At the same time as he gestured, the secretary standing behind him came closer. He squatted next to the box that was between my father and me and opened the lid. With a creaking, gruesome hinge sound, light seeped into the tightly closed inside of the box.

The first thing I felt was a musty smell that wafted out. It smelled fishy, and it smelled rotten, a stench I had never felt before pierced my nose. The strong smell, which made me gasp for breath, made me frown involuntarily.

And I saw it. Familiar clothes, a familiar physique, but a corpse with an unfamiliar face. A child lying neatly in the box, swollen with water and now closer to fish food.

‘Say hello.’

‘…’

‘It’s Hyung you were looking for.’

My stomach twisted violently. The words my father spat out rang in my ears. I couldn’t even breathe, and my mind, which had turned completely white, was filled with only this thought.

‘…’

This isn’t Hyung.

This can’t be Hyung.

It wasn’t just denial of reality. It was closer to instinct. It was a corpse that had been so badly damaged that I couldn’t even recognize it, but it never looked like Hyung to me. Not because his fingers were swollen, not because his hair was tangled, not because his skin had turned red. It was a purely rational judgment.

‘Huuegh…’

But, even knowing that, even so, I felt nauseous. I was sure it wasn’t him, but on the other hand, I couldn’t stop the vomit that was rising uncontrollably. Whether it was because of the terrible smell or the terrible sight, my stomach churned painfully.

‘Huuegh…!’

I threw up everything I had eaten, and I shed tears and even snot. My father didn’t say anything even as he watched me spew out everything in a mess. He just gave a short order with me crying in front of him.

‘Clean it up.’