PCL Ch 20

“I’ll take you home today.”

Lim Dae-han responded indifferently to my words.

“I don’t want to.”

“I’m sorry you always take me home every day.”

“If you date me, I will take you to my house.”

Unlike me, who had a sparkle in my eyes, Lim Dae-han maintained his usual demeanor.

I took a deep breath. We went to the arcade, ate a light dinner, and were almost ready to go home when I realized I couldn’t even hold a kiss today. Even in the room cafe, all we did was joke around. Lim Dae-han ran into people he knew halfway through, which made the situation awkward. All of my friends were most likely hanging out near their house.

Anyway, time passed. I lowered my head. Lim Dae-han smoked more often than I thought. What if he gets sick later? It made me worry. It’s time to go.  Even though it was my first date, I was a little disappointed that I couldn’t do anything.

“Let’s go get a taxi.”

Lim Dae-han grabbed my wrist and pulled me into a taxi before I could say anything. We sat in the back seat. Now he has skillfully named my apartment to the taxi driver. It was a big change in a month. I was more hesitant and awkward than I had been at the room cafe. Again, it was never because there was nothing.

Outside the window, the sun was setting dimly. I stared blankly out the window. My ears were filled with Lim Dae-han’s low voice.

“Was it boring today?”

“No, it was fun…”

Lim Dae-han, on the other hand, was most likely not having fun. I’m not sure how he plays with his friends, but he won’t sit still and chat while trying to avoid the heat. “It was fun,” I said once more.

Lim Dae-han lightly tapped my fingertips. Tap. Tap again. I smiled helplessly and grabbed his finger for a brief moment before releasing it.

“Why are you touching me?”

Maintaining my usual way of speaking, I loosened my hand. As the sun set, darkness descended. The taxi eventually stopped in front of the apartment. While I was rummaging through my wallet, Lim Dae-han put out his card again.

Lim Dae-han gave me everything one by one. It could be good, but the emotions were complicated. It seemed familiar to him and he seemed to be good at it. However, he didn’t give an answer, but usually…there wasn’t any kind of physical contact on a first date.

Lim Dae-han stood in front of my apartment, looking as if he was awaiting my farewell. If I said “Bye,” I expected him to turn around right away.

The cicadas couldn’t understand what was going on and just kept buzzing and crying. It was late in the evening when it entered the night pastures. Lim Dae-han looked down at me as I remained motionless. The word bye. It didn’t come out of my mouth.

“Lim Dae-han.”

I called his name instead. He looked down at me with his head tilted at an angle.

“Do you want to talk a bit more?”

Lim Dae-han made a strange expression. Nonetheless, he replied, “Yeah,” as if he didn’t dislike the idea. I dragged Lim Dae-han to the pavilion in the apartment complex’s corner. It was a pavilion tucked into the corner of a high fenced-in wall surrounded by security. It was a location that even the residents of the apartment were unaware of, and it was possible that there were no people there at any time of day or night. Even delinquent youngsters are unlikely to be aware of this location.

Lim Dae-han and I sat there together. I was staring at the same spot blankly. I turned my head to look at Lim Dae-han’s lips, then away again. I repeated it a few times. When I turned my head again, I made eye contact with Lim Dae-han.

“…”

“…”

We remained silent. I looked down, licked my lips, then looked back at him. My fist clenched and unfolded. I could feel my palms sweating. I wiped it away on my thighs. Lim Dae-han exhaled briefly and woke up from his seat.

“I’m going to smoke a bit.”

He didn’t hide it this time. But, how would you go about going to the bathroom here? I nodded my head. Lim Dae-han walked around the corner, smoking a cigarette. It also had a strong cigarette odor. I couldn’t take it anymore. I’m paying so much attention to someone!

I approached the location where Lim Dae-han smoked after much thought and deliberation. He held a cigarette between his index and middle fingers and expelled smoke from his mouth. Then he shifted his attention to the sound of my footsteps. As I approached, he flicked his cigarette against the fence. I approached him with a determined expression on my face.

“Lim Dae-han.”

“Yeah.”

He avoided my gaze. I grabbed Lim Dae-han’s cheeks with both hands.

“Let’s just kiss once.”

“…”

And before Lim Dae-han could respond, I stood on my tiptoes, pulled his face, and kissed him. Hmph. It lasted with a short sound. Lim Dae-eyes han’s were wide open as I looked at him. It’s even better than I expected. It wasn’t all bad.

“Do you want to try one more time?”

I stood on my tiptoes again. Whenever I lifted myself, my lips touched and fell with a choppy sound. I did it several times. The first time was difficult, but the second and third times were easy.

After that Lim Dae-han finally wrapped his arm around my waist. I also wrapped my hand around his neck, which was previously holding Dae-han’s cheek before. Lim Dae-han slowly turned me and made me lean against the wall. His nose touched the tip of my nose. Our lips barely touched each other.

We looked at each other with our heads tilted and our eyes locked. I swallowed dry saliva. My throat clenched.

“I want to try a deep kiss too…”

I didn’t stutter, but the end of my voice trembled relentlessly. “I smoked,” Lim Dae-han said after a moment of hesitation. I shook my head without saying anything. It meant it’s okay. Lim Dae-han couldn’t take his gaze away from me. Ah, that’s strange. I hugged Lim Dae-han a little more with my hand wrapped around his neck.

“Put out your tongue.”

I slightly stuck my tongue out as Dae-han suggested. Lim Dae-han’s lips were interlocked with mine and our tongues touched each other. I put a lot of force on my arm. The soft and moist tongues rubbed against each other. The saliva was sticky as the tongues rubbed against each other. Hmph, Uhm, Mmm. The sound was cut short. The sound was strangely racy. And it tasted exactly like cigarettes. I hope Lim Dae-han doesn’t smoke anymore.

Lim Dae-han held me tighter in his arms. His hands were rubbing my forearms and back. To be honest, I felt Lim Dae-han’s lower body poked me, but I pretended not to notice. However, I suppose I did as well.

I tightened my grip on Lim Dae-han’s neck and kissed him passionately. Lim Dae-han’s hand reached up and wrapped around the back of my neck. Lim Dae-han’s sucked my tongue. I wiggled my tongue at Lim Dae-han and hugged him even tighter. It was scorchingly hot.

Lim Dae-han’s strength pushed me into the wall. He raised my head so much that my shoulders and neck were all sore. Every time I stumbled and swept the ground with unclean fallen leaves, they were trampled on, making a rustling sound.

Our lips parted after a passionate kiss. Lim Dae-han looked down at me with heated eyes. My lips were hot. I thought we would kiss you again right away.

“You should quit smoking.”

Lim Dae-han nodded without saying anything in response to what I said. This time, I inserted my tongue first into Lim Dae-han’s lips. Even before summer vacation, it’s already hot, but how much hotter will it be in the future? The sticky heat enveloped us.

***

“Bye…”

After saying my goodbyes, I tapped the combined entrance password and pressed it. I was rushing and fumbling, and I got it wrong twice. I was embarrassed to sense that Lim Dae-han was watching.  When the door opened, I said goodbye one more time and walked in. I took a seat on the stairwell while waiting for the elevator.

I kissed Lim Dae-han.

That’s also a passionate one.

I had no idea how much time had passed. I looked at the time and realized it had been an hour. My lips were sucked mercilessly, and they are now swollen.

“Ah, I think I’m going crazy.”

I slammed my head against the wall and entered the elevator when it arrived. I pressed my lips together as I approached my house. I  entered the password and walked in through the door. In the living room, someone was watching television.

“I’m home.”

I took a step to my room after saying a basic greeting to no one in particular. It was back then.

“Ki Young-hyun.”

He was my older brother. He’s not anyone else, he’s not dad or mom. He was the brother I feared more than my parents. I, uh, said something and crept into the room.

“Change your clothes and come out.”

My head turned. My brother seemed to have had a drink. The chicken was laid out on the sitting table. He seemed to have been waiting for me without eating a thing. That was his strange drinking habit. He bought something to eat when he drank without my parents knowing since high school because of me, who was especially skinny and small since I was young. Even after a long time has passed, it remains this way.

“I, I’m full…”

“What’s wrong with your lips?”

When asked by my brother, I just said what I had in mind on my way.

“I had spicy food for dinner.”

“You had to be bluffing because you couldn’t even eat properly in front of your friends.”

“…”

“Come out and eat.”

I’m really full… Even more so now that I’ve eaten until dinner. But my brother told me to come out and eat tomorrow, without saying anything. Cheek-tak. My brother took the lid off the can. Carbonation rose from the beer in his hand and then slowly subsided. I think I’m going to eat it myself. A rebroadcast of an entertainment program that was buzzing hahaha was played on TV.

I had no choice but to eat if my brother told me to. If he let me eat alone, I’d pretend to eat only one piece before going to clean it up. Today, however, I will have to awkwardly face my brother and eat the chicken. I would have stayed with Lim Dae-han a little longer if I had known this was going to happen. My excitement faded like the beer bubble in a can.

***