PCL Ch 42

Lim Dae-han’s walk to my house was slower than usual. His actions were relaxed and leisurely enough to match his personality and outward appearance in a frightening way, but today he had a dull feeling.

“…”

As I took a step and a half, Lim Dae-han took a heavy step to take just one step. Even if it was like that at first, I wanted to punch my chest in frustration because he continued to do this until we exited the alley.

That’s what I was thinking, but I couldn’t put it into action. I also couldn’t bring myself to ask him why he was walking so slowly. Even though we were dating and getting along, I still haven’t gotten used to Lim Dae-han’s tendency to try to control everything by force. That being said, it wasn’t just the body flinched as it had been before, but it was now enough to forcefully show my teeth and smile.

As I was about to leave the alley, I returned my gaze to Lim Dae-han, who was clutching my hand tightly, and asked,

“What’s the matter with you?”

It might be too much for him. We worked hard on these and other subjects until the early hours of the morning. It was a struggle just to get up slowly enough to eat at a restaurant near my house. Lim Dae-han acted like a junior, despite the fact that no one had ordered him to do so. He poured water and placed a spoon and chopsticks in front of me. Meanwhile, whenever he heard an “Ugh” sound from my mouth, he would tap my back, then his face would turn blue and he would look sad next to me.

As the main road appeared in front of us, Lim Dae-han slowly let go of my tightly gripped hand. I was held in his hot hands for a while, and I felt awkward because I had nowhere else to turn. Lim Dae-han rubbed his hands like flies rubbing its legs. With the sound of his fairly dry palms being rubbed, Lim Dae-han then slid his hand into his pocket.

“It’s too bad…”

“…”

“…Sending you home.”

Anyway. I laughed for no reason, pouting my lips and hiding my laughter. Come to think of it, Lim Dae-han was showing a lot of regrets.

Even when we went out to eat, he did not eat quickly and ate more slowly than usual. Even after eating soup a few times, I thought Lim Dae-han had a habit of only using a spoon. But today, he also used chopsticks.

That’s when I realized why he was walking so slowly. I bowed my head and looked at the front of my feet before raising it again. The sky was being colored by a scarlet sunset, and the summer evening was coming to an end. This summer was the most exciting and thrilling summer of my life.

So, it wasn’t that I didn’t understand Lim Dae-han’s feelings that it was a pity to send me home. Even if Lim Dae-han later regretted it, now was the time to go home. To be honest, after being away from home for three or two days, I wanted to be as relaxed as possible when I returned home.

“I’ll see you later.”

That’s all I said. The sweltering heat quickly enveloped us. The school year would begin soon, and by the time the second semester began, summer would have passed in the blink of an eye. We’d be dressed in spring and autumn uniforms as if summer had arrived, and then we’d be dressed in winter uniforms as the seasons changed.

Would we still be together at that moment?

I swallowed the words I couldn’t ask. Instead, I glanced at Lim Dae-han’s eyes. He hid his upper lip with his lower lip, and he just silently looked ahead. I looked at Lim Dae-han’s side profile which had a clear line, and touched my finger, feeling the empty space without realizing it.

Lim Dae-han exhaled deeply and tilted his head for a moment as if thinking deeply. As we walked out of the alley and onto the main road, I noticed the apartment complex where I lived. I cast a glance at the silent Lim Dae-han and matched his stride, which had suddenly accelerated.

He finally spoke up after a while.

“Ki Young-hyun.”

“…Yeah.”

“Can I go to your house to play?”

“…”

I stopped as soon as he finished speaking. Instead of responding, I couldn’t help but stare at Lim Dae-han with my eyes widened. Lim Dae-han even stopped following me. I was half a step ahead of him, I then turned my head.

“Uh, my house?”

Honestly, I was flustered. It was because I didn’t expect Lim Dae-han to say he wanted to come to my house, instead of his house which is like a paradise. When we come to my house, we have to pretend to be friends; we can’t hold hands, we can’t kiss, and, uh, we have to pretend to be friends, so neither I nor Lim Dae-han could take care of each other…

And first of all, my older brother was the problem.

My older brother blatantly did not like Lim Dae-han. He also said something about Lim Dae-han smoking while he himself was smoking, and he kept trying to find out about him. In fact, he had a tendency to view all my friends as scumbags. It was because I usually hang out with guys who have similar physiques and personalities to me. To such an older brother, he was the first different kind of person I ever met, so I didn’t think it was too much of a concern…

No. There was no need to overthink things. Basically, he didn’t like all human beings.

“Not right now, but maybe later.”

As I was answering after thinking to myself for a long time and looking at him, Lim Dae-han lost his words. At that moment, I was aware that I looked at Lim Dae-han with flinching shoulders. He must have noticed my perplexed expression.

Even if he read my expression, I couldn’t cry. I turned my head as I chewed the flesh on the inside of my lips. ‘But not right away; you can’t come to my house!’ I couldn’t say that at all, so I shook my head awkwardly.

“Later… When the time is right.”

At the words, Lim Dae-han smiled brightly. He acted like a child, wrinkling his brows as he was distracted. When I saw the smiling face of Lim Dae-han, a small sliver of my heart was struck. I had no intention of taking Lim Dae-han home with me for the time being, at least until my older brother became independent.

Lim Dae-han and I wandered the street aimlessly until we arrived at the apartment complex where I lived.

Lim Dae-han spoke up as we walked through the alley after passing through a large market. When asked if I had seen a movie that came out three years ago, I nodded. And I also said something to Lim Dae-han as I passed by a fairly familiar convenience store. I used to go to a nearby academy, so I’ve been to this convenience store before. As soon as I finished speaking, Lim Dae-han nodded and said, “Oh, is that so.” 

Lim Dae-han finally admitted that it was time to part and came together to the front of my building after playing around at the pavilion and glaring at the students passing by on the playground a few times.

I climbed a few stairs up from the apartment entrance and faced Dae-han before entering the building. It made me a little taller than Lim Dae-han. The view from above was also fresh as it was. I looked around before making eye contact with Lim Dae-han.

Even in the summer, darkness fell gradually at 8 p.m., and insects who didn’t know when to stop cried loudly. The sound of the air conditioner’s outdoor unit running could be heard quite clearly. As a result, the air appeared to be more muggy.

“Lim Dae-han.”

I called him while facing him. Lim Dae-han’s answer was the same as always.

“Yeah.”

“It was really fun going on this trip and staying at your house.”

I frankly expressed my feelings. The ending was always depressing. I used to have a good time when I visited my relatives, but I always cried when I got home. I was no longer that age, but my regrets from that time surfaced. Anyway, I was going to see Lim Dae-han again tomorrow.

“Tomorrow…”

Lim Dae-han tried to talk while looking at me, but then he stopped talking.

“I have to go home for the rest of the vacation starting tomorrow.”

“Huh?”

“I have to help my father.”

“…”

I just blinked and looked at Lim Dae-han. I could see why he was depressed now. No, usually, shouldn’t you have told me about something like that earlier? Of course, I was just disappointed because it had become a habit for me to spend the entire day with Dae-han.

As I stared at him, he tapped my cheek with his big hand. Then he grabbed my cheeks and pressed them together with one hand.

With my lips pursed, I said.

“Can you not go?”

“…Well, it’s a little busy there.”

Lim Dae-han tilted his head slightly and showed signs of sadness as well. Well… he couldn’t help it. I couldn’t make a fuss about going there because it would make Lim Dae-han uncomfortable. I nodded as I grabbed him by the cheek.

“Well, okay then, you can’t help it.”

“Anyway, I need to study too and then, uh, time…”

“Ki Young-hyun, are you sad?”

“No, I just…”

Lim Dae-han rubbed my cheek with one hand as if he were kneading clay. “I…um,” I mumbled at the end of my sentence.

“We can see each other after school starts.”

“…Can I call you?”

“You do it every day anyway.”

“Yeah.”

Lim Dae-han lowered his hand after saying those words. He tilted his head, put his hand in his pocket, and looked me in the eyes. To be honest, it was a little difficult to look at him in the eyes. I curled my lips, bit it, and then let it go. Full of energy, blood rushed to my lips.

“I’m going.”

Lim Dae-han said his goodbyes. Still, it was obvious that Lim Dae-han would be there until I got on the elevator. I turned my head slowly. I was somewhat saddened.

“All right, I’ll go in. Bye.”

“Bye.”

Wasn’t he even saddened by the fact that he couldn’t see me? He raised his hand with a serene expression and voice. I returned with a sense of sadness after looking at the scene.

And when I got home, the whole family was outside. Mom and Dad were watching TV in the living room, and as soon as I walked into the hallway, my older brother jumped out of the room. Of course, I thought they would be in their own rooms, so as I came in, I said, “I’m back,” and my plan to run straight to my room went failed. To be honest, I spent three days outside, and it was difficult to be shameless and casual about it. My older brother looked at me and wiped his molars with the back of his tongue. He didn’t look that angry at all.

“Ki Young-hyun.”

“Yeah…”

“Come to my room.”

“Young-han, don’t be too harsh on Young-hyun.”

My father advised my brother, but he didn’t respond. I quickly concluded that it had to be because I had stayed out. I felt like a cow being led to the slaughterhouse, I took turns looking at my brother and my parents.

My parents looked very worried. I sighed and followed after my brother.

My older brother was very strict. That was the reason why I went through puberty without any rebellion. The commander-in-chief was not my mother or father, but my older brother. To be honest, I had no idea where my older brother came from, especially since our family was naturally gentle.

I stood up straight as soon as I walked into my older brother’s room. He sat in the chair and looked me up and down before settling on my face. I looked into my older brother’s eyes who didn’t say anything. It was also the case with his hands, which were clasped together. He’d probably tensed his shoulders. I wished my parents would get me out, but that never happened. The sound of the TV buzzing outside was annoying.

“Why don’t you just quit school?”

As soon as he took his stance, he snapped at me.

“You were playing instead of studying, well done.”

“Mom…”

“What.”

“Mom told me I could sleepover.”

Even so, it was quite unfair because I had permission from my mom.

“So, if Mom tells you not to come home, you’re going to stay there?”

“…”

“You must have been there; would Mom have told you to stay if you hadn’t? You’re not far from here. You don’t know your mom that well?”

Nonetheless, I was unable to defeat him. When I returned home after spending time with Lim Dae-han, I felt as if I had crossed the bridge between heaven and earth. It wasn’t hell, but it wasn’t heaven either.

My brother nagged me endlessly. I shrugged my shoulders every time he threw a word. I’d have to stay at home for a few days, but everything was dark in front of my eyes. To be honest, I was using the library as an excuse to see Dae-han, so I had to stay at home because he wouldn’t be there for a few days. Anyway, my older brother don’t look so happy, but I didn’t know what to do. As I was thinking, my brother looked at me and asked.

“Do you have a girlfriend?”

“Huh?”

“You got a girl, you punk.”

“Oh, no… Why, why would I…”

“That’s enough. Get out.”

My brother waved his hand as if it wasn’t worth discussing. He had me like a mouse until now, then he threw me out again. I was in a position where I didn’t know what to say and couldn’t do anything. Still, my brother was urging me to leave, so I walked out slowly. My mother, who was worriedly sitting on the sofa in the living room, spoke to me.

“Young-hyun-ah, did your brother scold you a lot?”

“Go and wash up!”

As the door swung open, my brother shouted. I hurried to the bathroom after being startled by the shout. I hadn’t even brought any clothes with me. And…

“Ah… ”

Deep inside the neck, near the ears, there were traces of Lim Dae-han’s sucking.

“… “

My older brother must have asked if I had a girlfriend because of this. I must be crazy. I raised my hand and fiddled with the marks. Still, there was nothing to say. On Lim Dae-han’s neck, there were even darker marks. My mouth was dry in embarrassment. My mom then knocked on the bathroom door.

“Young-hyun-ah, I brought your clothes. Wash up and get changed.”

“Yes, yes…”

I gave a rough answer and threw off my clothes. I was just about to take off my underwear, “Aah…” I exhaled a long exclamation and raised my body again. I must be crazy. I patted my cheek without pain. I also shook my head.

My phone then vibrated. It vibrated a few times before stopping. What was it? I tilted my head and looked at my phone. It was a message from Lim Dae-han.

Lim Dae-han: [I got home safely.] 9:02 PM.

Lim Dae-han: [Entrance #6235#] 9:02 PM.

Lim Dae-han: [House 85236 Come to my house and study] 9:03 pm

I glanced at the message. It felt like my heart, which had been hardened because of my brother, melted away. I wondered if it was immature to say that I wanted to spend every day with Lim Dae-han from now on. But it was like that in my heart.

I mumbled and tapped the keypad.

Me: [Thank you] 9:04 PM

I pondered what to say after that. Should I say I missed him? Should I close my eyes and ask if I can see him again? I hesitated as my finger couldn’t hit the keypad correctly.

Lim Dae-han sent another message at the same time.

The bear wearing the beast’s gloves pretended to be cute by jamming his fingers. To be honest, I had no idea what it meant, but I got along strangely with him and eventually laughed out loud.