PEN Vol 2 Ch. 11

Cheon Sejoo returned on Sunday evening.

It was too late to go to the grocery store by then. Seeing Sejin in the kitchen, he looked embarrassed, as if he had just remembered their plans. But Sejin had already gone grocery shopping by himself earlier that day.

“You handle the vacuum cleaner and rice deliveries yourself.”

Sejin spoke to Cheon Sejoo, who was leaning against the island counter, reeking of alcohol, and then turned away.

Kwon Sejin heard his name called from behind, but he didn’t look back.

Realizing that Cheon Sejoo had broken a promise to him just like his father and uncle had, Sejin was filled with disappointment. And he hated himself for feeling that way.

You knew this would happen.

A fresh wave of frustration surged within him as he grew angry with himself for being so foolish.

However, Sejin’s disappointment didn’t end there.

The next day, Sejin made breakfast for himself as usual. He prepared the protein shake for Cheon Sejoo and waited, expecting him to return, but the door never opened, even though the time he was supposed to come back had long passed.

As 8 a.m. approached, Sejin felt something was off. He walked over to the man’s room once again and turned the doorknob.

The door opened quietly, revealing the bed with the sheets in disarray. It was empty.

Did he go out for a workout?

Sejin thought as he returned to the living room.

It was almost time for him to leave for school, so he went back to his room and changed into his school uniform. As he left the room, he checked his phone and saw that a message had arrived from Cheon Sejoo.

Landlord

-Something urgent came up. I can’t drive you today. Take the subway.

7:32 a.m.

It had been sent while Sejin was eating breakfast.

The time now was 8:15. Taking the subway would make him undoubtedly late. Sejin frowned, pulling his lips into a thin line. Soon, his small lips curved into a bitter smile. Even in the midst of his disappointment, he could feel the last bit of lingering hope, which had stubbornly clung to a corner of his heart, finally fading away.

It seemed that the man’s act of pretending to be a good person, of pretending to care about a future that wasn’t his responsibility at all, had reached its expiration date.

He’d thought it would only last a few days, a week at most, but the fact that it had gone on this long made Sejin believe that perhaps Cheon Sejoo was different. But in the end, he turned out to be no different from the rest.

How many more days would it take before Sejoo kicked him out of the house?

Sejin scoffed at the thought of Cheon Sejoo’s inevitable change of attitude. There was a cold, aching feeling deep inside his chest, but he forced himself to ignore the pain.

That day, Sejin didn’t go to school. Since Cheon Sejoo didn’t come to pick him up either, claiming that he was busy, he didn’t even notice Sejin skipped school.

Sejin didn’t start going back to school until Thursday.

Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday passed without the man coming home, so Sejin spent his time searching for places near their house and school where he could get a part-time job during the vacation. Judging by the way the man had been acting lately, Sejin didn’t think he would care if he didn’t open a textbook even once during the school break.

It was only on Thursday morning, after Sejin finally found a place to work, that Cheon Sejoo returned home. Whatever he had been doing for the past few days had left him looking utterly exhausted, with visible fatigue on his face and even a small scratch around his eyes.

Sejin barely looked at him as he ate breakfast. He was thinking about how he should probably go to school today when Cheon Sejoo, who had made his own protein shake, sat down across from him.

“Did you study hard while I was gone?”

“…”

Sejin stared blankly at him before quickly averting his gaze. Of course, without anyone watching over him, he hadn’t studied at all.

He wasn’t motivated enough to study on his own, and since there was no one to explain what he got wrong, trying to study on his own felt like a waste of time to even try.

At Sejin’s silence, Cheon Sejoo chuckled as if he had expected this would happen then stood up from his seat, saying they would start studying again that evening.

As Sejin watched his back as the man headed toward his room to change clothes, he swallowed his irritation. He didn’t want to play along with his back-and-forth behavior. Sejin wasn’t just a tool for Cheon Sejoo to feed his hypocritical sense of morality.

Unable to hide his bad mood, Sejin got into the car with him with a sullen face. As he sat in the passenger seat, now used to Sejoo’s reckless driving, Sejin let himself sink into the seat. When they stopped at a red light, Cheon Sejoo glanced over him and casually asked.

“Are you mad?”

“Me? Why would I be mad at you?”

Being angry meant that he still had expectations left. Sejin wasn’t mad at Cheon Sejoo. Because he no longer expected anything from him.

The only person Sejin was angry at was himself. Angry at his foolish self, who, after everything he’d been through, still clung to the hope of relying on someone.

At Sejin’s response, Cheon Sejoo fell silent and simply looked at him. Then, with a look of guilt, he rubbed the corner of his forehead until it turned red and muttered.

“I’m sorry.”

“…”

“I’ve been busy. It was something only I could handle, so I had no choice.”

And what came next was an unexpected apology. Sejin turned to look at him, doubting his own ears. His handsome face that was usually so composed now wore a troubled expression. It was an expression that didn’t suit his cold, handsome features.

Seeing him like that made Sejin feel a sudden surge of emotion. He didn’t want to get angry, but before he knew it, a sharp response slipped from his mouth.

“Were you busy making another idiot like me?”

“…”

The man frowned. He quietly closed his mouth, furrowing his brow, and stared at Sejin for a while before the sound of the car honking behind them snapped him out of it, and he stepped on the accelerator.

Their brief conversation came to an end, and silence filled the car once more.

Sejin regretted what he had said, but he didn’t want to take them back. After all, that’s just the kind of person he was. That’s the kind of work he did, so nothing Sejin said was really wrong. Calling a thief a thief only makes them feel uncomfortable because they know it’s true. That’s what Sejin told himself as he tried to justify his words.

It wasn’t until they were approaching East Seoul Boys High School that Cheon Sejoo began to speak again. As the familiar school building came into view, and they neared the spot where they usually parked, Sejoo said to Sejin.

“I’ll make sure you can see your mom next Wednesday. And it would be better if you just went to a private academy.”

An academy?

Sejin didn’t know why, but those words made him really furious. His stomach churned, and a wave of heat rushed up to his eyes. He turned sharply, glaring at Cheon Sejoo with reddened eyes. Staring at the man’s handsome profile, Sejin opened his mouth with a voice full of resentment.

“You really are a nice guy.”

“…What?”

At Sejin’s sudden remark, Cheon Sejoo, who had been parking the car, turned to look at him in surprise. Meeting his eyes, Sejin continued.

“You’re really handsome, kind, gentle, a saint like no other, and a person of great morals. You’re so full of compassion, you have such deep understanding and you know how to help the weak. You’re truly a good person.”

“…”

Ignoring the bewildered look on Cheon Sejoo’s face, as if asking if he had lost his mind, Sejin finally voiced what he really wanted to say.

“So, stop it now. Stop pretending like you care about my future, stop pretending like you’re worried about me, stop acting like you’re trying to teach me something I don’t know. You’re tired of it by now, aren’t you? You’ve been doing this for two months and I know you’re fed up with it. I understand how you feel. So let’s just end it here. It’s what you want too, right?”

“…Hey.”

Cheon Sejoo’s eyebrows furrowed. He opened his mouth as if he had something to say to Sejin, but in the end, he closed it without saying anything. Seeing this, Sejin instinctively felt that his guess had been correct.

This man also wanted to stop.

He was exhausted from pretending to be a good person, so he momentarily ran away to avoid his responsibility before coming back.  Now that Sejin had given him a valid excuse to quit, he would gladly take it, wouldn’t he?

Watching the man remain silent, Sejin thought that’s exactly what was happening.

“Starting today, you don’t have to pick me up anymore. I’ll handle it myself. And I won’t think of you as a bad person either. I’ll still think you’re a good guy, so don’t worry about it.”

“Hey, Kwon Sejin.”

After throwing out those words which came out like a final notice, Cheon Sejoo, visibly frustrated, ran a hand roughly through his hair and called out to Sejin. However, Sejin didn’t respond. Instead, he pressed the switch on the door panel himself and opened the door. Ignoring Cheon Sejoo’s voice as he tried to stop him, Sejin got out of the car.

“Hey!”

Cheon Sejoo yelled after him, sticking his head out of the passenger window, but Sejin didn’t look back.

His heart felt too heavy to say another word. He had only said what needed to be said. The man was tired of him, and Sejin had given him the excuse he needed to leave him alone. Now, he wouldn’t interfere anymore, so Sejin could do whatever he wanted, whether it was working part-time or quitting school altogether.

So why did he feel so bad?

Sejin couldn’t understand himself as he hurriedly walked away, almost fleeing, and headed toward the classroom.

By the time he reached his seat, Cheon Sejoo had already called him twice. But Sejin simply pressed the reject button and turned his phone off.

He didn’t want to talk to him. It was obvious what the man would say anyway.