TGMND 105

The distinctive smell of the hospital tickled Yeo-woon’s nose. He fiddled with an empty drink bottle in his hand while looking out the window.

‘It’s snowing already.’

When he came to the hospital by car, the sky was just overcast with clouds, but now heavy snow was falling. He thought the traffic would be bad when he returned home.

“Hey. Do you have plans today?”

“Hey, if anyone has plans, it’s me, not Lee Yeo-woon.”

“Not you.”

Yeo-woon finally turned his head to look at Se-hyung.

“Me?”

“Yeah. You keep looking outside. Do you need to go?”

“No, it’s just… it’s snowing.”

Seon-young snorted at that. He carelessly threw a towel he had used to wipe his hands onto Jung Se-hyung’s head, who was wearing a patient gown, and said:

“What’s so special about that? Is it your first time seeing snow?”

“It’s not that, it’s just been a while since it snowed on Christmas. Haven’t seen it since middle school, right?”

“Someone without a lover sure has strange thoughts… What’s so great about a White Christmas. But my girlfriend was really looking forward to it too. Snow just makes the roads slippery and causes traffic jams, what’s pretty about it.”

“That’s true.”

The streets the day after snow were truly awful. The snow would be half-melted and slushy, and people walking on it would turn it into a dirty, grayish color. Plus, if the melted snow froze again in the cold weather, the roads would become slippery everywhere. Snow covering the whole world in white was pretty and romantic, but thinking about the next day made it impossible to fully indulge in the atmosphere.

“By the way, what happened with your neighbor?”

“Has that guy not moved out yet?”

The two asked simultaneously. The topic of Yoon Ji-gu came up unexpectedly. Surprised by the sudden question, Yeo-woon stared at them blankly before frowning.

“Why are you curious about that? Why are you making someone who’s doing fine move out suddenly?”

“I mean, the guy confessed to you and got rejected. And he’s your neighbor! Wouldn’t he be too embarrassed to live there?”

“Exactly. If it were me, I’d move out right away.”

“…Is that so?”

Would Yoon Ji-gu really move out if he rejected him? He didn’t have to do that. No, he hopef he wouldn’t. Yeo-woon’s face turned serious.

“He hasn’t confessed yet.”

“What do you mean? Didn’t he confess a while ago? You said he liked you.”

“That’s true, but he hasn’t confessed.”

“…?”

Their expressions became strange, as if asking what that meant. But Yeo-woon didn’t understand either. Why on earth wasn’t Ji-gu confessing? Did he want to remain just a secret admirer, or was he still lacking courage…

Yoon Ji-gu was obvious in his affection. His gaze was so intense that Yeo-woon would avert his eyes first out of embarrassment when looking at him. It was strange that he hadn’t noticed until now.

“Then what will you do if he confesses?”

“Hey, obviously he’d move out.”

These friends were something else. Were they incapable of minding their own business for even a second? Yeo-woon laughed and lightly kicked Seon-young’s shin.

“Mind your own business. I’ll handle it.”

“Hmm…”

Handle it, huh? What did they mean by that? Of course, if Ji-gu did confess, he’d have to turn him down gently, without making things awkward.

…He didn’t dislike Yoon Ji-gu. He was a good friend and a cute younger brother living next door. The reason he was planning to reject Ji-gu’s confession was simple.

‘Ji-gu is a man, and I’ve never liked men before.’

He didn’t want to ruin their relationship. It was the same feeling he had when a classmate had pulled him aside during gym class to confess or when a friend from another class had suddenly acted close during a school trip before confessing. Yeo-woon had just shaken his head awkwardly. He couldn’t think of them as anything more than friends.

He thought it was possible to develop feelings for someone you spend all day with. From morning, being trapped in the classroom together, attending classes, eating meals, talking, and sometimes even fighting… But Yeo-woon never felt the urge to hug or kiss them. Friends were just friends.

The difference between a friend and a lover is slight, but that small difference changes the entire relationship. And if you couldn’t cross that small gap, the relationship would never change.

During his school days, when grades and friendships were the biggest concerns in life, Yeo-woon had his own phase of teenage angst. Despite attending an all-boys school, he’d received quite a few confessions. He even seriously wondered, ‘Could I be that way too?’

It was the late summer of his second year of high school, with cicadas buzzing in the background. Yeo-woon, who was the class president, had a friend on the track team whom he occasionally looked after at the teacher’s request. It was just lending him notes, sharing textbooks, or waking him up when he fell asleep in class. The usually quiet friend gradually started talking to Yeo-woon more often. One day, a strawberry milk appeared on Yeo-woon’s desk every morning. Then, on a rainy day, he confessed his feelings in an empty classroom. Yeo-woon had sensed something was off and had anticipated this. After Yeo-woon rejected him, he made one request: could he kiss Yeo-woon’s cheek just once?

That day was the turning point when Yeo-woon realized for certain: he don’t feel anything for men.

It was the same with Yoon Ji-gu. He wasn’t that special to Yeo-woon. Ji-gu was a good neighbor. Unlike previous neighbors who would bring friends over for drinking parties every day or play loud music all day during exam periods, Ji-gu’s place was always quiet. He was pleasing to look at, and his personality… while not exactly great, had its own charm. It wasn’t bad, but that was all.

Because he didn’t feel the desire to kiss Ji-gu. Even if Ji-gu were to kiss him first…

Yeo-woon suddenly remembered the feeling of Ji-gu approaching him while he was sleeping. The sudden warmth of a person in the darkness and drowsiness. Something touched his lips… He later realized it must have been a kiss, but thinking about it now…

‘…Don’t I not dislike it?’

The realization hit him now, unexpectedly. But why? Was it because he had been too drowsy at the time? Was it because it was just a simple peck, and he hadn’t fully grasped that it was Yoon Ji-gu?

“……”

Yoon Ji-gu was a guy, and he had stolen a kiss from him. Yet, Yeo-woon didn’t feel anger. In fact, he didn’t mind it. How could he think that way?

The belief that a guy could never be an option for him crumbled in his mind. The clear distinction that Ji-gu could never be a romantic partner began to blur.

He still wasn’t sure, but one thing he did know was that if that kiss were to happen again, he’d probably feel the same way about it as he did now. It was the truth.

‘I didn’t dislike it.’

In fact, he might even…

***

When the heavy snowfall briefly stopped, Yeo-woon left the hospital and caught a taxi. Ha Seon-young, who had prior plans, left in the opposite direction to pick up his girlfriend, and Jung Se-hyung was going to spend the night at the hospital with his family.

The radio, reporting on traffic conditions, droned on about traffic jams. As Christmas music with acoustic guitar started playing, the taxi driver hummed along. The sound of bells could be heard through the slightly open window. Yeo-woon silently watched the scenery flowing past outside the car window.

Christmas Eve. There were people dancing in mascot costumes in front of stores, couples walking arm in arm with happy faces, and even dogs cradled in their owners’ arms, enjoying what could hardly be called a walk.

Everyone must have their own story. There are people spending ordinary days even on special occasions, those spending time with loved ones, and those like me, suddenly lost in thought.

Yeo-woon sighed softly. The taxi stopped at the main road near his home. After paying with his card, he stepped out into the cold. His shoulders instinctively hunched against the cold wind. His feet crunched against the snow as he walked. He grumbled to himself about Se-hyung suddenly having surgery on a day like this as he caught the elevator.

What should I have for dinner? Should I just order something to create a bit of atmosphere?

As he was thinking these trivial thoughts, the elevator doors opened. As the heavy iron doors slid open, the person Yeo-woon had been thinking about was standing right there.

“Oh?”

“……”

Yeo-woon couldn’t take a step, looking up at Yoon Ji-gu standing in the dark hallway. The encounter was so unexpected that Yeo-woon couldn’t find the words. He glanced up to check the floor number. It wasn’t the first floor—it was the ninth.

But… Yoon Ji-gu’s ears, having presumably been indoors all day, were bright red from the cold. His nose was flushed as well, and more than anything, his expression was far from normal.

He looked uneasy, as if he was holding something back. Yeo-woon quickly pressed the “open” button before the elevator doors could close again and stepped out. Though Yeo-woon had thought Ji-gu was on his way down, Ji-gu stood motionless, biting his lower lip, watching the elevator door shut behind him. The sight filled Yeo-woon with a sudden fear, though he didn’t know why.

“What are you doing here?”

He finally managed to ask, keeping his voice as calm as possible.

“Ji-gu.”

If he had nothing to say, he could at least move aside, but Ji-gu stood still as if frozen in place, not moving an inch.

“Don’t you have plans?”

“…I just got back from somewhere.”

Ji-gu finally spoke after moving his lips for a while. His voice was suppressed. What could have happened? He looked as if the world was about to collapse, making Yeo-woon unnecessarily worried.

“I just met a friend for a bit.”

“…A friend?”

“It’s cold outside, zip up your jacket all the way when you go out.”

“Then what about me?”

“…Huh?”

“How… how could you do this?”

Yeo-woon felt Ji-gu’s eyes gradually turning red. No, it wasn’t just a feeling. There was definitely moisture reflecting in his eyes. What Yeo-woon had initially thought was just his eyes trembling was actually the beginning of tears. Blinking slowly, Ji-gu continued in a quiet voice.

“I’m just asking, just in case.”

“……”

“You know that I like you, right?”

Yeo-woon’s lips froze, unable to form a response. He already knew. But hearing it directly from Yoon Ji-gu’s mouth made him feel as though the world had shrunk to just the two of them. Ji-gu watched his expression closely before lowering his head. His eyes fell on the scarf Yeo-woon was holding. Letting out a bitter laugh, Ji-gu muttered under his breath.

“So you knew.”

“……”

“You knew all along….”

“Um, Ji-gu.”

“How could you… knowing that…!”

“I don’t understand what you’re saying right now…”

Ji-gu, seemingly frustrated, breathed heavily and then murmured in a small voice.

“You like me too.”

Huh? What?

“…You like me too, don’t you?”

Yeo-woon replayed what he had just heard in his mind. The way Ji-gu spoke might have come off as if he was throwing a tantrum. But the trembling in his voice, the tears pooling in his wide eyes, and his deeply furrowed brows… it was all so heartbreaking. Yeo-woon was suddenly overwhelmed by the feeling that he had become the villain.

“Don’t you?”

“Ji-gu, I…”

Yeo-woon was flustered.

“…I don’t know.”

Ji-gu had confessed first as he had wanted, and he should have been able to say what he had prepared… but his mind went blank, unable to utter the pre-planned lines. He didn’t want to.

“I don’t know. I’m confused…”

“Confused? Don’t be ridiculous. You’re the one who confused me.”

He reproached Yeo-woon without even blinking.

“In the end… all you wanted was my body, right?”

Finally, a teardrop fell from his round eyes.

“Are you just playing with me? Am I that easy?”

What… what is he even saying? He felt rooted to the spot by the tear Ji-gu had shed, unable to move at all. He blankly stared at Ji-gu, who was silently shedding tears, and unknowingly raised his hand to Ji-gu’s eyes.

“Thank you for liking me.”

“If that’s all you’re going to say, just shut up.”

“Thank you.”

“Shut up, please…”

His voice was heavy with sorrow. As he wiped away the tears from Ji-gu’s inexplicably cold cheek with his finger, Ji-gu shook his head, brushing off his hand. Yeo-woon lowered his hand awkwardly and spoke softly.

“Why are you crying, hm?”

“Don’t talk to me, damn it.”

“Ji-gu, I…”

“This is so embarrassing…”

“I… I’m not sure if I like you or not.”

“What?”

Yoon Ji-gu’s eyes widened in an instant. He sniffled, looking as if he was about to fall apart at any moment.