TGMND 110

Let’s leave, the two of us. Hmm hmm, mmm, leave it all behind…

“Assistant Lee.”

“…!”

Yeo-woon, who was absentmindedly humming any song while mumbling unknown lyrics, was startled by a voice calling him and turned around. Behind Yeo-woon, all the office people were looking at him. …What’s this, everyone together? Yeo-woon blinked in confusion and made a stupid sound.

“Huh?”

“We’re going to the cafe. Do you want anything, Assistant Lee?”

“Ah, no. I’m fine. Assistant Manager Kim bought me coffee.”

“You don’t want any bread or anything? You didn’t even have lunch….”

“Assistant Lee says he’s totally stuffed. He said he can’t eat that kind of thing. Right?”

Assistant Manager Kim pretended to know and gave Yeo-woon a meaningful look. His smug expression, as if expecting gratitude for speaking on his behalf, was strangely annoying. That damn busybody… Yeo-woon nodded politely.

…But why is he going too? It was Assistant Manager Kim who bought him coffee. Yeo-woon had seen him carrying up two cups earlier, so why was he going back to the café? Squinting at him, Yeo-woon gave a forced smile. Assistant Manager Kim gave an even bigger smile to Yeo-woon, who seemed touched by his kindness.

“Ah, okay! Then we’ll just go by ourselves!”

“Assistant Lee, keep up the good work. Oh my, it’s hot!”

“Do you think the AC will be fixed by the time we get back?”

“Shh, shh…!”

So that’s what it was.

“…Okay. Have a good time.”

It meant they were leaving the office while the air conditioning was being fixed because it was too hot. Their intentions were as transparent as water, but they all had such innocent expressions while sweating profusely that there was nothing more to say. The office staff left Yeo-woon alone and evacuated in a line to the air-conditioned cafe.

“…..”

Damn it!

Yeo-woon barely swallowed the curse that had risen to the tip of his tongue while pretending to be calm. These people had all gone to the cafe for a cool break, leaving only him behind. The office was already hot and humid with the broken air conditioning, and now he just felt unjustly left behind.

A little while later, after a few clicks on the remote control that only made beeping sounds, the AC repairman managed to fix the air conditioning quickly. The repairman explained in detail which part of the air conditioner had been the problem, but it was so hot that Yeo-woon didn’t hear a word of what was said. Even if he had listened properly, he would have forgotten it soon anyway. After sending the repairman away, Yeo-woon stood weakly in front of the air conditioner for a while, drying his sweat.

He hated summer so much. He wished summer would disappear entirely, leaving only the other three seasons.

It felt like he would have no regrets if he could just take a short break anywhere. Maybe because he couldn’t take a proper vacation last year, this year he really wanted to get out of Seoul.

“Maybe I should go to the beach for a day trip….”

Yeo-woon muttered while looking at the calendar on the wall. And in his mind, he imagined waves crashing under the bright sunlight. How cool and pleasant would it feel to walk on the sandy beach and feel the waves washing over his ankles? He should rent a big tube and swim in the sea too. And in the evening, he would sit on the terrace of an outdoor restaurant overlooking the sea and watch the sun disappear beyond the horizon. After shaking off the sand from his feet, he’d head back to his lodging…

“…Huh?”

In an instant, his imagination shattered, and at the same time, Yeo-woon’s eyes wavered. The person walking beside him along the beach in his imagination wasn’t a close friend, nor his younger sister, who ignored his calls nine times out of ten. It was none other than Yoon Ji-gu. Yeo-woon shook his head slightly, unable to hide his surprise at the identity of the man who had so naturally infiltrated his imagination.

It wasn’t that the idea of going on a trip with Ji-gu was unpleasant. In fact, he even… But still… A trip alone with him seemed like a bit much for now.

“…..”

Yeo-woon frowned as he stared at the calendar. The more he got to know Yoon Ji-gu, the stranger he became.

***

It wasn’t that there had been no progress in their relationship for half a year. Yeo-woon always kept his weekends free to spend time with Yoon Ji-gu. They would play from morning till evening, talking about trivial things, and when evening came, they would put on any movie and continue their conversation as if by appointment.

One day, the movie was so boring that Yeo-woon simply closed his eyes. Yoon Ji-gu, after observing him for a while, came closer and asked in a voice so soft even an ant couldn’t hear, “Are you sleeping?” Then he kissed him on the lips with a soft smacking sound.

Of course, Yeo-woon was surprised. How could he not be? A sudden kiss when he wasn’t even sleeping… But he was so dumbfounded that he kept his eyes slightly open to see how far Ji-gu would go, and it seemed Ji-gu mistook him for being asleep. Ji-gu kissed not only his lips but also his cheeks, near his eyes, all over his face for quite a while, then sat back down beside him as if nothing had happened. He even placed his large hand gently over Yeo-woon’s, not moving again until Yeo-woon opened his eyes.

After that day, Yoon Ji-gu started bringing strange documentaries like “The Mystery of Sea Cucumbers,” “Emperor Penguins’ Hunting Methods,” and “The Life of Killer Whales.” Yeo-woon wondered what the criteria were, but later found out that the voice actor narrating these documentaries was the same as in the movie he had closed his eyes during because it was boring. It seemed Ji-gu thought Yeo-woon would fall asleep again if he showed these kinds of movies. His intentions were really obvious.

Every week, Yeo-woon pretended to fall asleep halfway through watching the documentaries Ji-gu brought. As soon as Yeo-woon closed his eyes, Ji-gu would approach and secretly kiss him again and again. While Ji-gu would tremble just holding his hand when Yeo-woon was awake, he did all sorts of things to someone he thought was sleeping. But Yeo-woon didn’t dislike him for it. He thought Ji-gu was cute in his own way, and he felt like he was becoming as strange as Ji-gu.

Afraid that if he said he knew everything, Ji-gu would get scared and run away like a turtle hiding in its shell, Yeo-woon continued to pretend he didn’t know anything until now.

But that was all. It was just careful kisses that wouldn’t wake him from sleep, without even pushing his tongue in or anything. It seems he was secretly a bit disappointed by such teasing skinship. Thinking about how he had been hoping, just maybe, today…

From that day on, Yeo-woon started thinking it might not be bad to date Ji-gu. While being cautious is good, he wondered how heated up the kid must be to act like this. Plus, he felt zero repulsion from their skinship. When Yeo-woon realized he thought it would be okay to go further than this, even he was surprised. When their eyes met while laughing and talking about trivial things with Yoon Ji-gu, his heart tickled as if he had swallowed a bunch of dandelion seeds.

It seemed Yoon Ji-gu had also noticed his change, as he stopped asking when Yeo-woon would finish thinking at some point. Instead…

“…Hyung.”

“Hm?”

“…..”

“Hmm?”

After months of going to the swimming pool together, Yoon Ji-gu had never shown himself undressed in front of Yeo-woon. But about two months ago, as if suddenly gathering courage, he appeared before Yeo-woon with a determined look. With a white towel wrapped around his waist. He looked around nervously, then with a red face, quickly removed the towel from his waist.

“H-how is it?”

“…..”

To be honest, the only thought Yeo-woon had at that moment was that Yoon Ji-gu seemed really perverted. Suddenly coming in front of him and revealing his naked body, asking how it was…? And when he lowered his gaze a bit more, he couldn’t say anything. It was just… incredible. It was the moment that proved right the words of the elementary school kid who had been whispering in his ear every day, calling Yoon Ji-gu the “big d1ck hyung.”

Yeo-woon couldn’t applaud and say it was really impressive, nor could he keep staring and evaluate it down to the nano level. What was he supposed to say?

When Yeo-woon just opened and closed his mouth, unable to speak, Yoon Ji-gu suddenly snapped, asking why he was licking his lips. It was no use for Yeo-woon to protest that he hadn’t done such a thing. Ji-gu went to the shower farthest from Yeo-woon and let cold water run over him, slumping his shoulders. A nearby elementary school student who got splashed with the cold water was startled and ran away quickly. Yeo-woon tried to look away from him, feeling confused.

Despite the awkwardness, the walk home with Ji-gu that day was unusually beautiful. The red sky reminded him of Ji-gu’s neck, and even the puddles on the street from yesterday’s rain seemed amusing and special. Perhaps the reason the ordinary streets felt so special was because of the decision Yeo-woon had made.

“Hyung, why haven’t you said anything for a while?”

“Huh? What? Sorry, I was just thinking for a moment…”

“Hyung, when you look at me… What do you usually think about?”

Yeo-woon raised his head at those words and met Yoon Ji-gu’s gaze.

“…What do I think about?”

Yeo-woon tilted his head. He wasn’t sure what he usually thought, but… his current thoughts were clear. He wanted to say that he wanted to hold Ji-gu’s hand without caring about the gazes of countless people. As the green traffic light started blinking, people began to walk quickly. Yeo-woon took the opportunity to grab Yoon Ji-gu’s hand and run. Then he let go when they reached the opposite sidewalk. Yoon Ji-gu tended to have a particularly low body temperature. Holding his hand brought a cool sensation to his palm, making him feel good.

As they entered the alley, a street light with a burnt-out bulb flickered. It was far from romantic, just an excessively ordinary scene…

“I have something I want to ask you.”

Yoon Ji-gu asked with his ears turning bright red. Yeo-woon also had something to say. Although he wasn’t certain yet, he didn’t think he would regret his decision.

‘I’m not sure if this is the right moment to say this, but, Ji-gu… I think I like you too.’

…That’s what Yeo-woon was going to say. Honestly.

“Didn’t you have any thoughts when you saw my body?”

“…What?”

“But it seemed like you did when you licked your lips.”

“When did I lick my lips…?”

“Then tell me. Does my body not appeal to you sexually at all?”

“…What?”

“Don’t you have thoughts like… wanting to tie me up or hit me?”

At that moment, Yeo-woon forgot everything he was going to say. Tie up what? Hit what…?

“…Cough.”

“Why are you looking at me like that? I’m just curious.”

Yoon Ji-gu grumbled in a sulky tone. It felt unreal to hear such strange words coming from Yoon Ji-gu, who only seemed to know about holding hands and kissing. Yeo-woon couldn’t believe it. He didn’t want to believe it.

“At first, you used to stare at me like a total perv. But now you’ve changed.”

Yeo-woon, who was about to deny it, closed his mouth tightly. Looking back, it’s possible that his actions in trying to get close to Yoon Ji-gu at the start might have been overwhelming for him.

“Is my body not attractive?”

“Huh?”

“…Shit, did I really gain weight…?”

“Huh? Not at all. You look just fine.”

“…I look fine?”

“Yeah.”

“Do you get turned on when you see me?”

“…..”

“I wasn’t going to say this, but you’re really making me suffer. Do you know that?”

He certainly… looked that way. No, maybe all those sneaky kisses were a result of pent-up frustration. Yeo-woon looked up at Ji-gu with a serious expression. The timing felt awkward, and he didn’t know what to say. Sensing the silence, Ji-gu gave a resigned sigh and spoke again.

“…I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to pressure you.”

“No, I should be the one…”

“…Ahem.”

“Hmm….”

The atmosphere had grown even more awkward than before. Yeo-woon glanced at Ji-gu, who couldn’t keep his hands still, fidgeting with every step. He kept glancing around, deliberately swinging his arms as he walked faster. After walking far ahead, he finally turned around and stopped to let Yeo-woon catch up.

“…I believe in premarital chastity.”

After a long pause, Ji-gu suddenly blurted it out, It was a phrase Yeo-woon hadn’t heard in so long that he was dazed for a moment, wondering what premarital chastity meant.

“Did you have a religion?”

“Religion? Well, my dad does, but…”

“What is it?”

“Ah, that’s not the point. What I mean is, until we officially start dating, I’m not going to do anything like that.”

Yeo-woon tried hard not to make a strange expression. Until now, he had been going on about how his body felt, licking lips, tying up and whatnot….. Despite all that perverted talk, his values were very pure and old-fashioned.

“I take responsibility for what comes into my hands. I never let go.”

“…..”

“So… don’t try to test me with half-hearted feelings.”

Yoon Ji-gu’s expression was very serious. It wasn’t a joke. Yeo-woon was going to tell Yoon Ji-gu that he thought he liked him too. And behind that confession was an unspoken willingness for things to go beyond just kisses.

“I’ve made up my mind. I’d even be fine if you hit me.”

But if this was what Yoon Ji-gu thought by “beyond things,” then it’s a whole different story.

“Hyung?”

After chattering about his values and thoughts with such a serious face, he found it lovely how Ji-gu was now urging for an answer when none came. It seemed the answer was already clear. Yeo-woon looked at the face with deeply furrowed brows, as if anxious, then raised his hand to press the wrinkled forehead, smoothing out the expression.

“Okay.”

“What does that mean?”

“It just means I get it.”

“…What are you saying?”

It was as if he’d just realized that being with a man was an option for him, or maybe, just maybe, he had a hint of those preferences deep down after all. Who knows?

“I don’t really know either… Let’s figure things out together, step by step.”

“…Really?”

Yoon Ji-gu swallowed hard as if he had just heard a proposal to start dating immediately, then nodded with his cheeks turning peach-colored. After that day, Yoon Ji-gu started openly expressing his preferences to Yeo-woon, at every opportunity.

He was okay with hitting, but blood scared him. He wasn’t sure about pain since he hadn’t experienced it yet. He’d adjust. Role-playing? No problem. He could adjust to anything…

“…..”

To be honest, Yeo-woon wasn’t sure what Yoon Ji-gu was talking about. It seemed a bit perverse, but he thought it wasn’t so bad to learn about and adjust to each other’s unknown aspects.

…That’s what he thought at the time.

“There should be a limit to this…”

After that day, Ji-gu constantly revealed his interests, and each time, Yeo-woon kept postponing what he wanted to say because it clashed so much with his perception of Ji-gu. To be honest… he really didn’t want to do it! It’s not that he hadn’t looked into it. Yeo-woon just wasn’t interested in either being hit or hitting. However, because Ji-gu was so expectant, he missed the timing to say that he wasn’t interested in this thing.