TGMND 138
by Springlila“Oppa, is the matcha latte not ready yet?”
“Huh?”
“The matcha latte.”
Matcha…. What was matcha again?
“Seriously,… what have you been doing all this time?”
“Ah. The matcha latte?”
“Iced, please.”
“Okay.”
“What are you doing there, washing the dishes?”
“…”
Why am I standing here? Yoon Ji-gu finally shook his head slightly and poured ice into a plastic cup with a clatter. The ice cubes filled the cup to the brim. Belatedly noticing something different about his coworker, Ji-gu turned and asked.
“Did you cut your hair?”
“Huh?”
“…Was it always like that?”
“Wow, you just noticed this now?”
The employee chuckled with an incredulous face. The employee, who had been working part-time at the cafe since it opened, had always maintained long hair since the day she first met Yoon Ji-gu.But now, the once chest-length hair was cropped neatly above the shoulders. The coworker couldn’t believe Ji-gu hadn’t noticed earlier and teased him for being so oblivious.
“I suddenly felt like it yesterday and cut it all off. Doesn’t it suit me? My mom said it looks much better.”
“But why?”
“I just got tired of it.”
“T-tired?”
“It feels lighter after cutting it. It’s easier to wash too.”
Her voice no longer registered in Ji-gu ears. He wasn’t really curious about why she cut her hair, and he couldn’t even remember how many pumps of matcha syrup should go into the drink.
Tired of it… Tired of it… Tired of it… Tired of it… Tired of it… Tired of it… Tired of it… Tired of it… Tired of it… Tired of it… Only that word persistently echoed in his mind.
Would Yeo-woon feel more comfortable if he was cut out of his life, like the hair that was cut off because she got tired of it? It might be hard to find someone more handsome than himself, but Yeo-woon could certainly meet someone better than him. Because Yeo-woon is a good person, and he deserves that.
‘…I must be starting to annoy him by being too clingy. I…’
He felt dizzy. Yoon Ji-gu took a couple of deep breaths while leaning against the wall.
“Ji-gu, Ji-hyeok will be here soon, so watch Yeong for a bit. Mom’s going to meet someone and talk for a moment…”
The chime of the café door interrupted his mother mid-sentence. She frowned as she saw him.
“Yoon Ji-gu, what’s wrong? Are you sick?”
“Huh? Oppa, are you sick?”
It hurt. His heart… hurt so much.
“It might be a cold. Ji-gu, take some medicine… Oh my, what happened? Ji-hye, you cut your hair! It suits you well.”
“Boss, you’re looking fabulous today too!”
“It’s a new outfit. Can you tell?”
As always, they left Ji-gu to wallow in his own world while chatting amongst themselves. Meanwhile, Yeong took out a small tree from a shopping bag.
“Grandma, this!”
“Put it wherever you want, Yeong.”
“Okay~”
“Boss, is that a Christmas tree?”
“Hmm, is it too late?”
“Hahaha, it is late!”
It’s Christmas Eve tomorrow! The employee laughed, saying this must be the only cafe putting up a Christmas tree just two days before Christmas. Knowing this fact herself, the boss also smiled in agreement.
“Well, if we leave it up all winter, we’ll get our money’s worth. Isn’t it nice for the atmosphere?”
“That’s true.”
Even as the two women were talking, Yeong approached Yoon Ji-gu, who was sitting in a daze with his mental state in shambles. He tilted his head, placed the tree on Ji-gu’s lap, and sat down in front of him.
“Uncle, what are you doing?”
“…”
Yoon Ji-gu didn’t answer. He couldn’t answer.
“Yeong, did you set up the tree?”
“Yes~”
Yeong, sitting on the chair, answered while swinging his short legs. The child took out a small sketchbook and marker from his little bag and started coloring an already drawn picture. In front of Yeong, Ji-gu was lost in thought, sighing deeply even though the not-yet-assembled tree was still on his lap. The two women standing at the cafe entrance glanced at him and chatted.
“Why is he like that today?”
“I don’t know. He’s been like this all day. Maybe he broke up with his lover?”
“Ji-gu has a lover?”
“Um, yes. I think he does? It’s so obvious. Smiling all day, being attentive. His attitude is clearly different from how he treats others… Haven’t you seen the ring on his hand?”
“Oh my, really? Who is it?”
“I’m not sure? You should ask him directly.”
“Whoever they are, they must have nerves of steel to put up with him. I should go thank them personally.”
“He’s your son, Boss. How could you know less than me?”
“Is that so? Ah, I’ll be late for my appointment.”
“Take care.”
Meanwhile, Yeong kept pestering Ji-gu, calling “Uncle, Uncle,” but he was lost in his imagination, even breathing seemed painful. In his mind, he pictured Yeo-woon lining up people and replacing them one by one. He couldn’t stop the spiraling thoughts and felt like dying.
“Oppa.”
“…”
“Do you want to just go home? You don’t look well at all.”
The employee took the tree components from Ji-gu’s lap and connected the mini tree’s wires. Seeing the Christmas tree twinkling with pretty colors near the cafe entrance suddenly made him feel miserable again. Christmas was just around the corner, but was Lee Yeo-woon even aware of it? What if he abandoned him on Christmas too, going to work or spending it with someone else?
Ji-gu wished he could just faint. These thoughts kept coming as long as his eyes were open. Unable to stop the negative thoughts, Yoon Ji-gu just tightly closed his eyes. Time moved so slowly. Every minute, every second felt like hell.
“Uncle, I don’t like you.”
“Why?”
“I just don’t!”
Yeong, most of whose words had been ignored, puffed up his cheeks and turned his head away sharply. At the end of Yeong’s gaze, a man parked his car outside and entered the cafe. He was a man with a short ponytail neatly tied with a red rubber band. Yeong jumped up and shouted “Daddy!” as he saw him approaching the cafe.
“Up we go, our Yeong. Were you playing well?”
“Daddy. Uncle is acting strange.”
“Which uncle? Yoon Ji-gu?”
Yoon Ji-hyeok sat down across from Ji-gu while holding Yeong in his arms. Ji-gu looked at his eldest brother, who lived to tease him, and spoke sullenly.
“What.”
“He doesn’t seem strange. Our youngest is the same as always.”
“Why are you picking a fight again?”
“A fight?”
Yoon Ji-hyeok snorted and sat Yeong on his lap, resting his chin lightly on top of the child’s head. He pointed at the tree installed at the cafe entrance and said,
“But you’ve put up a Christmas tree? Isn’t it too late?”
“Daddy, daddy. Yeong bought it with grandma.”
“Oh, is that so? You chose a pretty one.”
What’s the point of that Christmas tree being pretty? Lee Yeo-woon is secretly getting other people’s numbers. To Ji-gu, he’s ‘Lee Yeo-woon hyung♥’, but to Yeo-woon, he’s just Yoon Ji-gu. Yeo-woon ignored his messages but communicated well with his friends. His fvcking Christmas is sure to be ruined again this year…
Yoon Ji-gu bit his lip, his face instantly turning gloomy. Maybe Yeo-woon was too kind, too affectionate, to tell him outright that he wanted to break up. Maybe being busy was just an excuse. Maybe Yeo-woon had been thinking about ending things for a long time.
As soon as that thought crossed his mind, he felt devastated. His heart ached so much that even breathing was difficult. Even if Yeo-woon said he wanted to break up, Ji-gu doubted if he could accept that fact. His whole body went limp, and he trembled. He didn’t understand why this crisis was happening to him. He wished the fvcking word ‘breakup’ would disappear from this world.
‘Fvck. The lights are so blinding.’
The sky outside had darkened without him noticing. Against the dark outdoor scenery, the twinkling Christmas tree looked hideous. He wished Christmas would disappear too. Better yet, let it all just disappear. He hoped it would rain heavily the day after tomorrow.
…I really hate winter.
“Ji-gu, what are you doing this weekend… What’s wrong?”
Yoon Ji-hyeok, who had been kneading his young son’s cheeks, looked up and faced Ji-gu. Seeing Ji-gu suddenly trembling and lowering his head while clenching his hands, he chuckled incredulously.
“Are you crying?”
“Uncle, why are you crying?”
“Are you crazy? I’m not crying!”
His eyes were bright red as if about to burst into tears at any moment, and his eyeballs were not just moist but wet, yet he stubbornly refused to let them fall. Ji-hyeok looked at his brother’s unfamiliar face and said in a playful voice,
“Don’t cry. Crying causes muscle loss.”
“Daddy, what’s muscle loss?”
“Muscle loss? It’s something that happens to your youngest uncle. It’s a disease that uncle can only fix by exercising hard. Yeong doesn’t need to know about it yet.”
“That, that doesn’t happen!”
“Alright, if you’re sick, go to the hospital first. Don’t just sit there and stubbornly endure it. That won’t make it better.”
“…I’m not sick.”
It hurt. The remark about not getting better by just sitting and enduring stung him, and tears threatened to come out again. In the end, he needed to talk with Lee Yeo-woon. He knew it. He was afraid of the outcome and couldn’t boldly step forward, but he knew the solution. He knew, but… what if Yeo-woon says he wants to break up? Yoon Ji-gu barely swallowed his tears. His nose stung.
“But why are you sitting there being so melodramatic? Didn’t you say you didn’t want anyone to understand?”
“Sh-shut the hell up.”
“Yeong is here. Watch your language.”
Yoon Ji-hyeok covered Yeong’s ears, who was sitting on his lap, and threatened. Yoon Ji-gu, not feeling threatened at all by those words, just snorted with teary eyes.
“Our youngest. Did your lover dump you?”
“…”
“What? What, really? When?”
“Not yet!”
“Not yet?”
Ji-gu wanted to punch that face with a smile on its lips, treating his sadness as mere amusement when he could barely function in daily life due to his sorrow. He was holding back because Yeong was there. If it weren’t for the child, he wouldn’t have spared even his older brother.
‘Dump me? No way. I’ll never break up with him.’
He would prevent such a disaster even if he had to cling desperately to his ankle. Lee Yeo-woon has a weak heart, so if he cries and begs, he might reconsider at least once.
Yoon Ji-gu stood up abruptly, leaning on the table. The chair scraped against the floor with a screech.
“Where are you going?”
“Pharmacy.”
“Is a pharmacy even open at this hour?”
“Please, mind your own business.”
Whether he bought headache medicine or lemon-flavored vitamins, Ji-gu just wished they would leave him alone. The time on his phone screen already showed eight o’clock. Normally, this would have been well after Lee Yeo-woon’s off work. Just thinking of that name made his throat tighten, and he firmly closed his lips.
“Yeong, pack your bag. Let’s go home.”
“Okay.”
It seemed that Yeong and his father were also getting ready to head home. Yoon Ji-gu rushed out of the cafe without saying goodbye to them. Unlike the warm interior of the cafe, a cold wind blew fiercely as soon as he opened the door. And a moment later, with the sound of a honking horn, Ji-gu turned his head and found himself sprawled on the asphalt.
“Oh, my goodness! Are you alright, young man?”
The driver of the car, who had slammed on the brakes, hurriedly got out of the driver’s seat and waddled towards the pedestrian he had almost hit. Although Ji-gu hadn’t been seriously injured thanks to the car stopping just before hitting him, his palms were scraped and bleeding from hitting the ground hard as he fell.
“Ahem, well, people should always be careful on the road, you know.”
“…”
As Ji-gu’s gaze turned towards him, the man avoided eye contact with a guilty expression.
“Of, of course, cars should be careful too, but wouldn’t it be good if we were all careful with each other? You understand what I’m saying, right, young man?”
His rambling excuses didn’t register in Ji-gu’s ears at all. The only thought in his mind was that Yeo-woon wasn’t there to worry about him when he was hurt. Even though he had fallen and ended up in this state as soon as he left the cafe, his heart still hurt more than his torn palms.
When Yoon Ji-gu didn’t respond at all, the driver gained courage and started subtly blaming Ji-gu, saying things like “Why did you suddenly jump out? Will just paying for medicine be enough?” But Ji-gu just stared blankly at his bleeding palm. His mind was in a fog.
Yoon Ji-hyeok, who had strode out of the cafe, stood between the two and held out his hand. It seemed to mean “get up quickly.” Ji-gu looked around. Not only the people in the cafe but even the employee who should have been at the counter were gathered by the window, staring at him with round eyes. Intimidated by the gaze of so many people looking at him, Ji-gu’s face turned bright red in an instant.
“Ah!”
The moment he hurriedly tried to get up by grabbing Ji-hyeok’s outstretched hand, Ji-gu withdrew his hand due to a sharp pain in his wrist. The eldest brother’s expression hardened coldly as he looked down at his youngest brother, who seemed to be complaining of wrist pain while holding his scraped hand.
“Were you on the phone?”
“Ah, well…”
“You almost hit a kid who didn’t even jump out suddenly, and you’re blaming others. You’re being overly confident. Let’s take a look at the black box, shall we?”
“Come on, sir. It’s not even an accident, why do we need to look at the camera for something like this…”
“Let’s call the police and resolve this. Even a non-contact accident is a traffic accident.”
“…”
“There are many witnesses here, let’s make this easy. Contact your insurance company. If you’re thinking of just glossing over this, you’d better drop that idea.”
“I, I meant it in the sense that it would be good if we were both careful, sir. I said it to end this nicely, so please calm down…”
The driver, who hadn’t expected to be caught on the phone here, hung up and subtly hid his phone behind his back. He realized he’d stepped into a mess. Initially planning to offer some compensation and flee, the man eventually backed down, exchanging phone numbers with Ji-hyeok. Yoon Ji-hyeok called the man’s phone right there to confirm, then kicked the still dazed Yoon Ji-gu lightly.
“Yoon Ji-gu, is this your bedroom? Don’t just lie there, get up. Let’s go to the hospital quickly.”
“…”
“If we leave it, you might not be able to use your hand. I’ll bring Yeong out, so wait in the car…”
“…Hic.”
“…What’s wrong?”
Only then did the two men realize something was wrong and turned their heads. Yoon Ji-gu was shaking his broad shoulders with his head bowed low. As if embarrassed to show his crying face in front of others, he roughly wiped his eyes with his uninjured hand.
“Does it hurt that much?”
It hurts.
Love hurts so much. Has Lee Ye-woon really gotten tired of him…?
The weather was miserably cold, his arm wouldn’t move properly, and the stares from people were mortifying. Yet, even amidst all this, all he could think about was Lee Ye-woon. He felt utterly pathetic and disgustingly pitiful for being so hung up on him.