LCL 13

I wasn’t hiding, but because the lights were off, I ended up startling him unintentionally. Worried that he might be shocked if I suddenly appeared, I made my presence known as gently as possible. Though it probably wasn’t necessary to go that far.

When had Lim Dae-han ever been surprised? Looking down at him from above, I heard him say in an entirely calm voice,

“You startled me.”

“Were you really surprised?”

With a short “Yeah,” he came up the stairs. Taking three steps at a time. With every step he took, the bag in his hand rustled noisily.

He rummaged through the bag and placed a jelly-type hangover remedy in my hand. This was the hangover remedy that worked best for me among those available in the market.

“You don’t need water, so eat it before going in.”

“I really don’t need it. I just won’t drink much.”

“Eat it so you don’t complain about a headache later.”

I ended up opening and eating the hangover remedy. Shaped like a long tube, I sucked on it like a a popsicle. I pretended not to notice the gaze intently watching me as I soothed my stomach.

The mango-flavored hangover remedy was sweet, leaving a sugary taste in my mouth. I rolled my tongue around inside my mouth to clear it. Standing in the empty stairwell, I felt reluctant to leave so quickly.

I gave Dae-han a thank-you kiss. Not a kiss, but a peck. Smack, our lips met and parted. Dae-han grabbed my head and arbitrarily bumped our lips together a few more times.

“Let’s pretend we met out front.”

Leaving the wistful kisses behind, we entered the bar. Some of the classmates waved at us. The bar still smelled fishy. Amidst the fishy smell of alcohol and food haphazardly mixed together, chaotic noise and an excited atmosphere rolled around.

“Over here!”

The classmates greeted Dae-han warmly, acting like they knew him well. Dae-han handed the bag he was carrying to Ji-yoon. Ji-yoon rummaged through the bag and asked in a bright voice, as if the unexpected plastic bag was more welcome than Dae-han himself.

“What’s this?”

“I bought chocolate milk while I was at the convenience store.”

Was it to avoid getting too drunk or to stave off a hangover? Lim Dae-han had bought chocolate milk for everyone at the table. Everyone thanked him as they each received one. Dae-han, sitting across from me, picked up a glass that wasn’t entirely clean.

“This is the only seat left, huh.”

I said something unnecessary, even though no one would listen now that everyone was drunk. I turned on the burner.

The broth looked watery at a glance, as if water had just been added without boiling. Ji-yoon pushed the menu towards us.

“Order any side dishes you want.”

Through our classmate, and then through me, the menu landed in Dae-han’s hands. Dae-han flipped through the sticky menu.

“What do you want to eat?”

He asked me. I shook my head. I’m full, so I don’t really want anything. Dae-han put the menu down and read through it with a thoughtful expression.

“Dae-han, didn’t you drink with the seniors?”

A classmate next to us asked. Dae-han finally closed the menu, seemingly not finding anything he wanted to eat.

“I did, but not much.”

Instead of choosing food, he filled his glass with soju. I glanced around at the classmates. Park In-gong, who had been talking loudly in the center, was now pouting and grumbling.

He’s drinking the chocolate milk Dae-han bought just fine, though. He seems displeased that Dae-han has arrived. Dae-han always had one or two insignificant enemies like this. Both Jung Ji-pil and Park In-gong were unimpressive guys.

“It’s the first time we’re drinking with Dae-han since the beginning of the semester.”

“The seniors don’t leave him alone, you know.”

“Don’t you find the seniors uncomfortable?”

The topic turned to Dae-han. Dae-han downed his soju without any side dishes.

“They’re annoying. That’s why I came here.”

Dae-han raised the corners of his mouth, feigning nonchalance. Not uncomfortable at all, really. How can someone who claims to be uncomfortable ignore the seniors’ messages or wait until they track him down to the classroom to acknowledge them. It was absurd.

“…”

I pouted without realizing it. I lowered my head slightly and then raised it naturally so as not to be noticeable, but Dae-han was already looking at me.

My gaze faltered. What if I looked immature? I’ve been trying to break the habit of seeming childish, but it happened without me realizing.

I should blame it on the alcohol. It’s because I’m drunk. Emotions naturally become unstable when drunk.

Fortunately, Dae-han didn’t say anything. The conversation that had briefly focused on Dae-han changed direction. This time, they picked on the average guys.

“These guys were talking about their grades non-stop until you came.”

It seems they had been going on about that since I had excused myself to the bathroom just minutes ago. Maybe it’s their drunk habit to repeat the same topic. While it was somewhat impressive, I was sure Park In-gong had been the loudest voice in the room.

I shifted my tired gaze towards Park In-gong, who seemed upset, crossing his arms tightly and turning his head away. Jipil-ah, I miss you. For some reason, tonight made me miss Jung Ji-pil.

Of course, Jung Jipil… was jealous of Lim Dae-han who got into a good university, and before admission, he was all excited about having a campus couple, but less than a week after admission, he caused a fuss saying he’d retake the entrance exam… Still, I missed Jung Jipil.

“Dae-han, were you good at studying?”

The guy who had been arguing about grades with Park In-gong asked Dae-han. I don’t understand why they keep questioning whether someone studied well or not.

Hadn’t someone already said earlier that all the smart ones went to Korea University?

“…”

“…”

My eyes met Dae-han’s. He might not have realized it, but I was flustered. He was one of those people whose college entrance exam results had turned out exceptionally well. Unfortunately, his high school grades had been close to the bottom.

Of course, I could confidently say how hard Dae-han had studied since his second year of high school, but our classmates didn’t know we were that close.

Instead of answering, Dae-han pressed his tongue to his upper lip. Then he shook his head. His words sounded like a joke as he smiled.

“No. I wasn’t good.”

“How bad is ‘not good’? 10th in the school? Or 2nd in the class?”

They didn’t seem to believe him. There are degrees to being ‘not good’ after all. I subtly averted my gaze and sipped my beer.

I was worried the guys who knew we were from the same school and class might question me too. But he really wasn’t good, I tell you. Whatever you’re imagining, he was worse than that!

Sometimes I remember the first day I studied with Dae-han. The workbook that was barely visible was full of red marks. Dae-han was embarrassed and hid the workbook. He had decided to start studying but didn’t know how, so he just read while underlining passages.

“Young-hyun, didn’t you say you were in the same class as Dae-han? You were first and Dae-han was second, right?”

Eventually, the attention turned to me. Dae-han met my eyes while drinking. I gulped down my drink like someone playing a truth game.

Several pairs of eyes turned to me. My head feels like it’s about to explode.

I have no idea what to say. I couldn’t say ‘Dae-han studied well. He’s just being modest,’ nor could I say ‘He really wasn’t good. He got 12 points on the English final exam in his second year. I saw him get 9 points in Math.’

Moreover, since we’re maintaining a somewhat distant relationship now, I couldn’t go into detail. I frowned and pretended not to see.

Dae-han glanced at me and then lowered his head, trying to hide a laugh. I kicked his shoe lightly under the table. The guy sitting next to him turned to me and complained.

“Hey. Why are you kicking me?”

“Sorry.”

I didn’t know it was you. After my brief apology, Dae-han covered his face with his large hand and laughed outright. Ah, how annoying. I said to the guys urging for an answer, pretending to be drunk.

“I don’t know. We’re not close.”

I tried to react as nonchalantly as possible, but the table atmosphere suddenly became awkward. Even I thought my voice sounded different from usual. Did it sound like I was being serious?

The others looked at me and Dae-han cautiously. Ji-yoon was the first to speak.

“So Lim Dae-han studied better than you.”

“What?”

“Come on, what are you doing at a drinking party?”

Even Dae-han looked at me with surprised eyes. My reaction must have been unexpected. No. This is unfair.

Do they think I’m getting unnecessarily upset because Dae-han studied better than me? And I actually studied better. There was nothing to be upset about.

I looked at Dae-han, silently pleading for help, but instead, he acted all coy, pretending to be hurt and lowering his gaze in a pitiful manner.

“Ki Younghyun, I’m disappointed.”

“…”

“There’s no need to be so serious about it.”

I bit my lip. Even though he knows it’s not true. Even though he knows I was the one he was closest to… I was the one who helped and encouraged him while studying.

Unable to say anything, I scanned the table that had fallen into silence. Thankfully, Park In-gong, ever the friend, jumped to my defense.

“Well, with Younghyun’s personality, he wouldn’t act like that just because someone studied better. It’s probably just because they’re not close. They don’t really match, do they? Lim Dae-han looks a bit scary, and Ki Younghyun is too gentle.”

I couldn’t tell if that was a compliment or an insult, but I nodded along enthusiastically, as if I agreed completely. I glanced over at Dae-han, trying to gauge his reaction.

But something seemed off about Dae-han. I’d thought he was just pretending, but now he was stroking his jaw and avoiding eye contact.

Why was he acting like that all of a sudden? I wanted to ask, but I couldn’t risk ruining the mood again when everyone else had already moved on to laughing and chatting.

The drinking party, which lasted longer than expected, finally ended after 2 AM. Because Dae-han and I lived in the same area, we ended up sticking together.

Some people left, some stayed. Park In-gong, who’d stayed behind to have one last cigarette before heading home, patted me on the shoulder.

“You shouldn’t say you’re not close like that in front of the person. That’s how human relationships are. Did you ever think in high school that you and Lim Dae-han would end up in the same university and department? Try to get along well.”

“…”

“I believe in you. I don’t think you’re that bad of a person.”

His serious, lecturing tone while drunk was bewildering. With a flushed face and unfocused eyes, he probably had no idea what he was even saying. Even in this ridiculous situation, I nodded along.

“Yeah, thanks. Get home safely.”

I answered halfheartedly. What conversation could I have with someone so drunk?

Some took taxis, and those who lived at an awkward distance left in groups with those who had their own places. After seeing off the classmates, citing that I was less drunk, only Dae-han and I remained.

Dae-han went out to the street to catch a taxi, but at this hour, there were no taxis willing to take us for a trip that wouldn’t even take 10 minutes by car.

I kept my distance, watching him carefully. What was all that earlier? Was he upset? Or did he really not know I was just pretending?

I needed to figure out how to handle this. Maybe I could act like I’d been too drunk to remember anything tomorrow. But I wasn’t a good liar, and my feelings always showed plainly on my face.

Dae-han would surely notice. I was deep in thought when Dae-han finally managed to catch a taxi. He opened the back seat door and gestured to me, standing at a distance.

I took heavy steps. My teeth pressed into the soft flesh of my inner lip as I climbed in.

The taxi was filled with silence. The driver, who should have been listening to late-night radio or music to ward off drowsiness and boredom, only yawned widely without turning anything on.

Usually, drinking makes me feel excited, but not today. I couldn’t even enjoy the drinking party properly because I was too busy watching Dae-han’s reactions.

“…”

“…”

I swallowed dry saliva as I watched him. I also swallowed my frustration and anxiety. I cautiously asked.

“…Are you angry?”

Instead of answering, Dae-han turned to look at me. He wiggled his fingers resting on the seat. I overlapped the tips of my fingers with his. Dae-han bent his joints and hooked his fingers with mine. There was no answer. I licked my lips before adding.

“About earlier, in front of everyone…”

“What? That you don’t know because we’re not close?”

“Yeah…”

He knew I was acting. So why was he being so vague? Had my act been too convincing? It couldn’t be that good.

It was a childish but serious conversation, and the taxi driver glanced at us through the rearview mirror. Our eyes met. I stiffened and pulled my hand back, placing it on my knee. I sat up straight and looked out the window.

If one of us had been a girl, holding hands in the back of a taxi wouldn’t have felt so strange. But we were both guys.

After passing through the noisy streets, it finally became quiet. But it was still just as lively. The university area was always bright and bustling.

“Wait, sit down for a moment.”

As soon as we got home, I sat Dae-han down on the sofa. I took off the coat I was wearing and put it down. Dae-han also slowly took off his jumper.

Normally, I would have hung it in the closet right away, but not today. I sat down facing Dae-han. I held his hands tightly.

Dae-han looked at me silently. I raised my eyes and put strength into my lips.

“I was close to you. I just said that in front of the others because we were with them.”

I thought I wasn’t good at lying or acting, but if I managed to fool Dae-han, maybe I wasn’t as bad as I thought. Dae-han furrowed one eyebrow and asked back.

“What?”