DAH Ch 14

The car was unusually quiet. Ian, having expended all his energy at the amusement park, was fast asleep, and Jungjoon, offering his lap to the child, kept his mouth shut.

From time to time, Jungjoon glanced out the window or observed the road ahead. He wore a mask of calm on his face, but in truth, he was acutely aware of an unnatural tension in the confined space—more precisely, the silence of Yoonhae, who gripped the steering wheel.

“…Tired?”

In the car, stalled by traffic, Jungjoon cautiously broke the silence.

“……”

Seconds stretched into minutes, piling up with no response from Yoonhae. He merely remained silent, idly stroking the steering wheel he held a couple of times.

Unable to muster the courage to break the conspicuous stillness again, Jungjoon averted his gaze.

Why was he so conscious of this? He only genuinely questioned it after realizing he was stifling even his sighs.

Today’s schedule had been entirely Yoonhae’s doing. It was an event sparked by his impulsive behavior, and Jungjoon had been dragged along all day because of it. In reality, he was utterly exhausted from reluctantly playing along beside Yoonhae, who shamelessly acted like a husband and led the atmosphere at the amusement park.

Yoonhae seemed to genuinely enjoy it. Acting as Ian’s father and Jungjoon’s husband, that is. Watching him perform more naturally than an actor, Jungjoon felt chills.

And then there was Ian, naturally calling Yoonhae “Daddy.”

How on earth had he brainwashed the child so perfectly to make him his ally? Jungjoon couldn’t help but wonder. While feeling confused, he also, to some extent, acknowledged it. When it came to handling kids—at least handling Ian—Yoonhae was several times more cunning and adept than he was.

He couldn’t yet point out or correct Ian’s behavior of calling Yoonhae “Daddy.” After all, they had no choice but to continue the charade of being a couple, which had started with Yoonhae’s lie, so Jungjoon had no option but to endure the discomfort for now.

“……”

Jungjoon stole a sidelong glance at the driver’s seat. He couldn’t help but dwell on what this silence meant, even if he tried not to. It was only natural, given how Yoonhae’s demeanor had flipped 180 degrees from when they were with others.

At the amusement park, Yoonhae had worn a friendly smile and spoken with the eloquence typical of conmen or businessmen. He was proactive in interacting with adults and attentive and kind to the children. Even toward Jungjoon, who wanted none of that hypocritical service, Yoonhae had shown meticulous care and affectionate gestures, maintaining a warm and cheerful atmosphere throughout.

‘…Maybe he’s finally worn out from acting all day.’

If that were the case, this silence would make sense… But as someone who knew Yoonhae’s dark intentions, Jungjoon couldn’t help but be unsettled by the stark contrast.

“Was today fun?”

Yoonhae’s sudden question cut through his thoughts. Startled by the query that pierced his ears a beat late, Jungjoon stammered.

“Oh, uh… Ian seemed to really enjoy it.”

He couldn’t help but feel even more flustered because the person who hadn’t responded to his earlier question was now abruptly posing one himself.

The question felt suspiciously loaded, enough to make him unconsciously ponder its intent. Yoonhae knew full well that Jungjoon had been dragged along unwillingly, and surely understood that an adult like him couldn’t genuinely enjoy such a place—especially while forced to put on a fake act.

Was he implying gratitude because Ian had fun?

But with no desire to express thanks, Jungjoon only twitched his lips a few times.

“…Driving… must’ve been tough. Thanks.”

Unable to withstand an inexplicable pressure, he forced out a courtesy as if pushed. Yet Yoonhae, the recipient, remained silent, and the car sank into an even heavier silence than before.

His unilateral, capricious way of opening and closing his mouth based on his mood once again tightened Jungjoon’s throat.

The awkwardness made him want to forget manners and just sleep, but he already knew that closing his eyes would sharpen his nerves, making sleep impossible. Even with his vision blocked, he’d feel the gaze, and just imagining himself dozing off defenselessly made his neck stiffen for some reason.

Whirr—

His hand, drawn as if compelled, pressed a button to lower the window a few centimeters. A breeze rushed into the stagnant air of the car. The wind hitting his cheeks was cool, unlike the muggy afternoon. For the first time that day, feeling a refreshing sensation, Jungjoon stopped trying to decipher the incomprehensible man’s intentions and silently let the wind wash over him.

He stared blankly at the continuous flicker of passing streetlights. He recalled the nighttime parade they’d seen just before leaving the amusement park, briefly savoring its dazzling finale.

Set to an upbeat march, the vibrant colors and dance moves had captivated both children and adults alike. The image of Ian waving his hands in delight at the spectacle he’d never seen before came to mind, and Jungjoon let out a small smile.

But that smile faded quickly and coldly not long after.

“……”

It was because Jungjoon only then realized when Yoonhae had stopped talking.

⟡˖ ࣪

By the time they arrived home, it was the dead of night. Yoonhae, who naturally came inside with them, took the still-sleepy Ian to the bathroom to wash him first.

After bathing the drowsy, nodding child and bringing him to the bedroom, Yoonhae changed him into pajamas and put him to bed, completing the entire routine before finally leaving the room.

“……”

Jungjoon lowered his gaze awkwardly, rubbing his forearm. What should he say? His mouth wouldn’t open, and the discomfort only grew.

“Aren’t you tired?”

Yoonhae broke the silence first with a light question.

“…Uh… I mean, you did all the driving… so I don’t really have much to be tired about…”

Perhaps something in his response irked him, because Yoonhae just stared without a word. The longer the gaze lingered, the more it felt like the air was pressing against his skin. Growing restless and glancing elsewhere, Jungjoon carefully turned his body.

“Well, then, I’ll head to bed first…”

He tried to go to the bedroom, but his arm was grabbed instantly. Startled, Jungjoon tensed up and turned around.

“Don’t we have more to talk about?”

Gathering his flustered expression, Jungjoon dropped his head.

“…Yeah, right… How about we talk over some beer, then…”

As he tried to pull his arm free and move, the grip tightened.

“No need for that.”

“……”

“…Are you trying to get drunk or something?”

Jungjoon shook his head briefly at the question.

“Let’s talk inside so we don’t wake Ian.”

Releasing his arm, Yoonhae headed to the guest room. Jungjoon glanced up at his retreating figure before dragging his heavy steps after a moment.

“What are you doing? Not coming in?”

Just before entering the room, Jungjoon froze, staring at the floor. Memories from not long ago bound his feet like a trauma.

“If it’s fine to talk in the living room, let’s do that.”

As Yoonhae started to leave the room again, Jungjoon’s hand grabbed him. Talk inside, he said quietly, finally stepping in.

Thud. The door closed, and with the cutoff of sound came a familiar tension.

“…So, what you wanted to talk about…”

Before he could finish, Yoonhae cut in.

“You know.”

And then he started undressing without hesitation.

“…What are you doing right now…”

In an instant, he threw off his top and looked down at Jungjoon.

“We need to do it. Sex.”

“……”

It felt like his blood ran cold.

“I-I never agreed to anything like that.”

Yoonhae smirked at Jungjoon’s visibly tense reaction.

“If you don’t want sex, pick something else. What, want to date instead?”

Or maybe marriage?

“……”

Jungjoon tried to calm his churning chest before retorting.

“Here we go again? Say something that makes sense, please. How long do we have to keep having these pointless conversations? Who—who would do that with someone like a brother…”

Exasperation broke through his words with a sigh.

“Do you seriously think I’d accept something like that?”

“There’s no reason you can’t.”

“…Putting everything else aside, you know my situation perfectly well, and yet you…”

“……”

“I’m finally living like a human being now. It’s been two years since Ian’s mom died… I’ve only just pulled myself together and am trying my damnedest to live well with Ian. I’ve told you over and over that I’m not in a position to let anyone in. Is that so hard to understand?”

“Oh… Not in a position for it? Then why’d you act like that back then? Losing your mind because a woman smiled at you once. Like a lonely widower who can’t sleep at night.”

“…That never happened. And let me make this clear right now: I have no intention of dating or marrying… not ever.”

“You’re changing your tune again. Didn’t you say you wanted to find Ian a new mom?”

“That… I said back then it’d be far in the future. And even that’s more likely not to happen. And to begin with, why are you bringing up marriage or whatever between us? Does that even make sense? Two men, an alpha and a beta—it’s obviously impossible, so why the hell are you doing this? You’re a grown adult acting like a lunatic…!”

Spilling his words in agitation, Jungjoon turned his head and covered his eyes.

“Why wouldn’t it work, us getting married? There’s such a thing as a trait correction application.”

His head lifted at the absurd statement piercing his ears.

“If you apply to switch your trait to omega, it’s entirely, ridiculously easy for us to get married.”

“…I…”

About to say something, Jungjoon closed his mouth. He realized there was no need to reiterate that he’d been a beta his whole life and would never change.

“I know a good doctor. Getting the paperwork for a trait correction isn’t hard, so don’t worry about that part… Let’s go through it step by step and think realistically. If we become a couple, Ian can enjoy the benefits granted to children of traited parents moving forward. It means he’d no longer grow up in an incomplete single-parent home but in a complete family, able to proudly enjoy many things.”

He spoke calmly about committing an illegal act, even confidently bringing up the child’s future as if pitching a promising business deal.

“……”

Jungjoon felt he no longer had the energy to continue this conversation. The more it went on, the more it felt like sinking into a quagmire; the more seriously he engaged, the more it seemed to unravel his sanity.

“…Let’s talk later.”

Realizing he could be so utterly fed up with a person, he headed straight for the door. As he grabbed the handle, careful not to brush Yoonhae’s shoulder in front of him—

“Let…! Let go, this…!”

He twisted in shock at Yoonhae’s sudden move to hug him from behind.

“I’ve been waiting for this day.”

Breath grazed his ear, and the heat of a body pressed tightly against his back overwhelmed him.

“To do this with you, this one thing is why I…”

His altered voice and excited breathing threw Jungjoon’s own breath into chaos. Look at me, please, a tone mixing plea and command pierced his eardrums. Struggling against the grip that slid up his abdomen and chest to seize his chin, Jungjoon’s forehead pulsed with veins.

“…Kiss me.”

The nightmare revived. That loathsome voice demanding repulsive acts dozens of times a day. That inescapable, horrific voice now bound Jungjoon even more darkly and stickily.

“Ha… Do it.”

Kiss me, hyung.

From behind, the inexplicably aroused man tugged at Jungjoon’s chin.

Crack—!

Pushing with all his strength, Jungjoon flung the door open. But no sooner had a gap appeared than Yoonhae, shoved back, lunged forward and reached out. Bang! The door slammed shut with a loud noise, and Jungjoon’s body was lifted half into the air.

“Let go of this…!”

Yoonhae, hoisting Jungjoon over his shoulder, charged straight for the bed. Using his size and weight to pin him down, he subdued Jungjoon in an instant.

“Get off, get off, I said get off…!”

In a frenzy, Jungjoon gripped him tightly with all his strength. His wild thrashing, driven solely by the urge to escape, froze like paralysis not long after. Realizing the friction from twisting his limbs, Jungjoon panted heavily, eyes darting anxiously. He became aware of his leg rubbing against a protruding part of Yoonhae’s body and the disgustingly engorged area.

“……”

It sounded like excited breathing reached his ears. Noticing the approaching face, Jungjoon turned his head. Clutching the sheets with a pale face, he felt a horrific sensation settle on his nape. Spreading groans mixed with breath, the oversized, heavy body—far beyond average—began moving up and down deliberately, creating intentional friction.

Creak…

Creak…

The creaking bed springs drilled into the back of his skull. At the same time, a sensation of his autonomic nerves going haywire shot through Jungjoon from head to toe.

His eyes rolled back in a literal sense, and without realizing it, Jungjoon swung a fist. With a thud, a heavy sound rang out, and the moment a gap appeared, he scrambled out with all his might, escaping the bed.

But just like before, he was quickly caught at the door. As his nape was seized and his body tilted, a terrified “Hngh!” burst out.

“Is it that bad?”

Yoonhae’s voice carried rough breaths.

Thump, thump, thump…

What was that sound? The ceiling? Someone running upstairs? In his confusion, Jungjoon soon realized it was his own heart pounding.

“So… it’s that unbearable?”

Frozen pale, Jungjoon nodded only after silence lingered.

“…No matter what happens… even if I die, it’s a no?”

Clutching the doorknob, he nodded once more, and finally, the questions stopped. In a silence where the air seemed to vibrate faintly and his spine chilled, Jungjoon squeezed his eyes shut.

“Ha…”

Yoonhae let out a hollow laugh and couldn’t stop laughing after that. The longer the manic, choking laughter dragged on, the tighter Jungjoon’s whitening hand gripped the doorknob.

“…Can I leave?”

The laughter spreading at his cautious words finally subsided. Instead of answering, Yoonhae let out a “Ha…”—a sigh weary from prolonged laughing.

Then came an out-of-the-blue question.

“Was today fun?”

It felt familiar—he’d already asked it in the car. Unable to fathom why he asked again, Jungjoon quietly waited for what followed.

“I had fun.”

“……”

A bad feeling slithered down his gut.

“Do you remember?”

“……”

“The first amusement park we went to.”

It was just as fun back then.

Muttering to himself, his voice made Jungjoon feel an inexplicably cold pit in his stomach.

“And then, you… ran away the next day.”

“……”

“When I was sick with a fever and couldn’t do anything, you ran off without looking back.”

Following his reminiscing voice, memories of that day suddenly awakened Jungjoon’s senses. The smell of soil dug up in the rain, the wet ground of the slope he’d frantically descended with a backpack in his arms—they came back vividly.

“Even delirious with a high fever, I kept calling for you. Lying alone in an empty room, shouting where you were, that I was sick, until my throat cracked and bled.”

You didn’t know.

Or maybe you didn’t even think about it.

The low accusations pierced his skin and stabbed deep.

“That day… unable to move, calling for you until I fell asleep, I’d dream of that amusement park we went to. In that chaotic parade we saw together, I’d be searching for you.”

His voice continued, as if fumbling through a dream.

“There, among happy families, I’d be wandering alone, searching for you. Shivering, wailing, screaming, pushing through crowds… desperately calling for you in the dazzling lights, endlessly.”

Forever.

“……”

He didn’t want to look back. But he couldn’t not look back.

Letting go of the doorknob he’d gripped painfully, he turned. When their eyes met, Yoonhae faintly curled the corners of his mouth.

“After that, I kept having similar nightmares and thought I’d grown to hate it… But seeing it in person after so long felt good again.”

“……”

“The day you first took me to an amusement park, I was the happiest kid in the world. Remembering that feeling after so long was strangely nice.”

As a long silence followed his wistful recollection, Jungjoon couldn’t lift his head, like a sinner before a judge. The urge to vomit, the impulse to sink into the ground—his lost eyes darted aimlessly.

“But you shouldn’t have taken me there in the first place.”

The resentment he most wanted to avoid finally stabbed and tore into him like a blade.

“You could’ve at least left a note if you were going to leave like that.”

With each added word, his insides sank to his feet.

“If you absolutely had to go that way… leave a single line. That you were sick of me, done with me, abandoning me and running.”

Then I wouldn’t have…

“Ha… No, forget it.”

Exhaling, he covered and rubbed his eyes for a moment.

“When I woke up after being sick, the moment I opened my eyes, I think I already knew. That you weren’t coming back… I felt it instinctively.”

Jungjoon had no choice but to stand and listen. Even standing still, his body felt like it was shrinking, the ground wavering as if rippling.

“Funny, right? But even knowing it, I couldn’t accept it for a while. That you’d abandoned me.”

“……”

“So from then on, I searched for you like a madman. Doing every crazy thing imaginable… Even after leaving that hellhole, I kept going back every other day, hoping to hear something about you, until I saw the director go to prison and the orphanage shut down—I kept haunting that damn place, the places you’d been, the people who knew you, every single day until I was sick of it…”

Saying it took too long to accept reality, his eyes held no trace of lingering emotion. But facing those dark, dead eyes as he recalled, it was Jungjoon who broke into uncontrollable tears.

“Sorry… I’m sorry…”

At the repeated apologies in a hoarse voice, the corners of Yoonhae’s lips turned up.

“For what? Planting a happy illusion in me and then dropping me into a cesspit right after?”

“……”

“Or for running off with even my snot-stained money?”

His eyes widened, and the tears stopped for a moment. Noticing it, Yoonhae let out a breath through his nose and chuckled quietly.

“That money, you know. The money I’d saved up separately.”

His heartbeat quickened, as if chased.

“Did you really think I earned that through honest ‘work’?”

I don’t want to hear this.

I don’t want to hear this.

I don’t want to hear this.

I don’t want to hear this.

“Did you actually think a kid that young could’ve saved that much doing legitimate ‘work’?”

That money had indeed exceeded expectations. When he later confirmed it, the amount was far larger than he’d guessed, and Jungjoon had writhed in guilt once more. Yet, undeniably, it was also true that he’d used it so crucially.

“I begged for it.”

“……”

“While you were flirting with your girlfriend in a warm indoors, I was dragging myself across subway station floors, pretending to be a cripple, begging for money.”

Man, that little brat was persistent. Doing beggar work no one asked him to, all on his own.

The hollow laughter echoed softly in the room.

“Anyway, I got beaten by the beggars or thugs in that area, had the money stolen… but I scraped it together, penny by penny, treasuring it in my own way.”

Jungjoon’s face contorted around his eyes. The image of Yoonhae, often showing up unusually filthy back then, flashed through his mind.

“Why? Because I wanted to live with you.”

For that one reason alone.

His trembling body, pushed past its limit, began to shake finely.

“…That… that, that kind of…”

That he’d had no idea, that he’d never have touched it if he’d known it was that kind of money, that he’d had no choice because all his own money had been stolen—he wanted to explain, but no excuse made it past his lips.

“I saw you take everything—my belongings, my money—and disappear with my own eyes, but I still couldn’t believe it. That you’d abandon me in a place like that, make such happy memories the day before, and then ditch me so miserably when I was sick. As a kid, I couldn’t bring myself to think that way.”

“……”

“For a while, I lived in a delusion that you’d been kidnapped somewhere. That I had to save you quick, that no matter what, I had to go rescue you… Like a neurotic, 24 hours a day, I couldn’t think of anything else.”

The physical pain of his fragile insides being gouged made Jungjoon grimace.

“Maybe that crazy guy we met at the playground took you. Or some thugs, or human traffickers… You’d been kidnapped, so why was everyone so calm? Why wasn’t anyone looking? You might be in danger, your life at risk, maybe desperately calling for me…”

So I ran to the police station like a lunatic, crying, begging, clinging, doing every damn thing, screaming for them to find you, every single day… Yeah, every single day.

“And that’s when I started hurting myself. Instinctively.”

At the word “self-harm,” Jungjoon swallowed hard.

“Pulling out handfuls of hair, punching my head…”

Later with a box cutter…

Unable to bear hearing the rest, Jungjoon surged forward. Without warning, he wrapped his arms around Yoonhae’s neck and sealed his lips with his own. Frantically, breathlessly, he rubbed their lips together to stop him from saying another word, to silence him. It was a desperate plea through his body—I’ll give you what you want, just shut up.

The soft sound of lips meeting and parting echoed, and with their faces close, Yoonhae asked,

“…What are you doing?”

“……”

“You need to hear what I did with the box cutter to the end. I used it on my body…”

With a distorted face, Jungjoon kissed him again. Ironically, now Yoonhae tried to pull away, turning his head. To stop him from saying more, Jungjoon grabbed his jaw and kissed him fiercely.

“Mmph…”

Tongues entwined, rubbing… crying, clinging, pleading with his whole body. Even feeling their colliding erections, Jungjoon didn’t pull away. After tumbling onto the bed together, even as excited breaths filled his ears, he clung desperately, pressing their lips together.

“…Are you seducing me?”

Jungjoon’s body was pinned under Yoonhae again. Wet eyes darted between Jungjoon’s eyes and lips. Facing the vivid arousal, Jungjoon nodded voluntarily.

“…Want to do it? With me?”

Another nod, and a long, hot “Ha…”

After staring down silently, Yoonhae’s command dropped abruptly.

“Then undress me.”

He pulled Jungjoon’s hand down to his buckle.

Sweat flowed like tears, and tears fell like sweat. Jungjoon’s hands unfastened the buckle, lowered the pants, brushed past the already protruding erection, and pulled down the underwear.

Now completely naked, Yoonhae roughly stripped Jungjoon’s clothes, leaving him in the same bare state.

Jungjoon lay still, holding his breath, wiping his damp face. Yoonhae, crouched over him like a dog, paused all movement and looked down at him. More precisely, he stared blatantly at Jungjoon’s defenseless, naked body.

“……”

He scanned the entirely unclothed form slowly, almost tediously. The gaze felt like contact, making the fine hairs on Jungjoon’s skin stand on end. Feeling the condensed emotional energy in that look, Jungjoon instinctively suppressed a rising revulsion.

A hand, as large as his frame, rose over Jungjoon’s body. It kneaded his shoulder before sliding down his neck to his chest. Jungjoon clenched his teeth hard. It was right after five fingers circled his pectoral muscle.

The sensation of the spread fingers slowly drawing inward. Enduring the strange act of brushing his areola and nipple, tension stiffened Jungjoon’s neck. He gripped the sheets tightly. Without straining, he felt he might swing a fist or kick at the man any moment.

The ticklish touch soon shifted to enveloping and kneading his entire chest. Like caressing a woman’s breast, it lifted and squeezed the modest fat and muscle from below.

“Hngh…”

Veins bulged in Jungjoon’s neck. Being conscious of his chest’s shape and protruding volume was, quite literally, horrific. He’d never once thought about it in his life, but the persistent, probing touch forced him to vividly recognize his flat, angular chest, the presence of his nipples at its center, and their sensitivity in a way that made him shudder.

“I’ve always wanted to suck on this. Since we were kids.”

His voice sank wetly. Jungjoon squeezed his eyes shut.

“I know no milk will come out… but I still wanted to suck. Like a baby, sucking on your nipples, clinging to you all day.”

Lowering his head, he took the entire areola into his mouth. With a slurp, he sucked audibly, circling the slightly raised nipple with his tongue. After a few repetitions, the area around it quickly reddened.

Staring intently, he devoured the chest like food. The sound of inhaling air before swallowing, the pressure of sucking flesh in his mouth, the smacking as he released it, and the flicking of his wet tongue over the nipple followed.

“…Tastier than I thought.”

The muttering pierced his eardrums. Jungjoon’s tightly shut eyelids and lashes trembled repeatedly.

Burying his face in it, Yoonhae lingered for a while. Only after Jungjoon’s chest was red and raw, the tormented nipple protruding comically, did he move downward.

He brushed down the sides and abdominal muscles, caressed the navel, then picked up the limp penis.

“……”

In resignation, Jungjoon felt a rising revulsion. Clutching his fist with the sole thought of paying for long-buried sins, he endured. Below, the hand toyed with his flaccid penis, a voice muttering that the circumcision was nicely done.

But when he noticed the act of sniffing it, Jungjoon involuntarily sat up.

“…I-I didn’t wash today…”

It was when he mumbled an excuse about needing to wash, instinctively trying to escape the bed. Yoonhae’s hand came up and pressed heavily against Jungjoon’s chest.

Jungjoon fell back with a thud, and Yoonhae’s face soon buried itself between his legs. The sensation of a prominent nose rubbing against his groin made Jungjoon’s limbs stiffen. Following the hot breaths blown against him came a murmur about a lewd smell, and the sound of deeply inhaling it plunged Jungjoon into shame and helplessness.

Enduring the act of Yoonhae rubbing his nose, philtrum, lips, and cheeks against him, Jungjoon’s toes gripped the sheets. Despite all the stimulation, his penis didn’t harden—it shrank instead.

“Ha…”

A heated moan escaped Yoonhae’s mouth as he took the penis in and out. He gazed at the glistening, saliva-soaked glans before running his tongue over it again. He probed the slit with the tip of his tongue and licked thoroughly around the ridge between the glans and foreskin.

Finally, he pressed the penis against his palm, bending it back, and licked upward from the scrotum along the shaft.

“……”

This is a dog.

A dog’s tongue.

The tongue of some unknown beast.

With his entire body tensed, Jungjoon desperately tried to hypnotize himself. He made every effort to erase Yoonhae’s presence, to avoid picturing the face licking his groin.

The self-hypnosis failed the moment he noticed hands digging into his buttocks. Startled and raising his body, Jungjoon was met with Yoonhae closing in and gripping his hips.

“I want to lick here too.”

The whispering voice cracked unpleasantly.

“…Why… why that place…”

Jungjoon muttered in confusion.

“I said… I didn’t wash today…?”

He grabbed the arms that felt like stone with strength and pushed them away. His forcibly upturned mouth trembled faintly. His face, drenched in ceaseless sweat and tears, had no chance to dry.

“It’s fine.”

What was fine? That it wasn’t washed? That it was a place for excretion? Jungjoon, at a loss for words, just stared with shaking eyes. A cold voice flowed from Yoonhae’s mouth a little later.

“You don’t like it?”

“……”

“You can’t handle it?”

Unable to answer, Jungjoon lowered his eyes. At that moment, Yoonhae’s kneeling legs and scarred thighs entered his sunken gaze. Staring blankly at the healed marks of large and small cuts, Jungjoon nodded as if entranced not long after.

The moment permission was given, Yoonhae let go and stepped back, issuing a command.

“Get on your stomach and lift your hips.”

He could no longer say he couldn’t do it. Only the resignation that he had no choice remained. Following an infinitely heavy and cold sense of duty, Jungjoon severed the taut thread of rationality stretched to its limit and obediently got on his stomach.

“Lift them more.”

Jungjoon swallowed hard. Pushing down the humiliation, he raised his hips further. He felt the gaze piercing the inner part of his buttocks. Even amidst the dizzying vertigo from the torment of his reviving rationality, tears continued to spill from his eyes.

Was this the right choice?

Did it really have to come to this?

It felt like surrendering the last bastion of his humanity. Not the pride he’d already abandoned hundreds, thousands of times growing up without parents, but the minimal dignity forming the foundation of being human—the most basic something he should protect—felt like he was casting it aside himself.

When Yoonhae’s hands spread his buttocks, shame struck his head like a blow. Exposed in a humiliating position, revealing what shouldn’t be seen, Jungjoon suddenly recalled an old memory. Remembering the discomfort and shame of probing his own anus for a health certificate, he was soon gripped by an incomparable sense of insult and bit his lip.

“……”

As his buttocks were spread further, air slipped into the crevice, and his toes curled inward.

It was wretched. Both Yoonhae, who said he’d lick this place, and himself, who allowed it. It felt like they’d both abandoned their humanity. Everyone knew how filthy an excretory organ was without needing to say it, yet what defect in him sparked this perverse desire was simply pitiful.

Ah.

Perhaps it’d be better if Yoonhae faced an unbearably revolting situation instead. If it could somehow snap him out of this, Jungjoon could endure the humiliation of losing his humanity.

“…Hic.”

Waiting for the horrific act to come, a strange sensation from behind made Jungjoon’s spine convulse. The wet tongue touched his tailbone. As it reached the path to his anus, Jungjoon trembled with an unfamiliar sensation he’d never felt before.

Yoonhae circled an utterly ambiguous spot with his tongue. He eagerly sucked at a place with no flesh. Gripping Jungjoon’s convulsing body—wracked by an endlessly strange and unpleasant physiological rejection—he gradually moved his tongue downward. And into the spread opening, into the narrow valley contracting involuntarily with tension, he finally inserted it.

“Ugh…”

Jungjoon clutched the sheets. The feeling of the tongue entering, probing inside, moving in and out slowly, made him shudder. After several back-and-forth motions, a slick sound rang out. It was the sound of the tongue shallowly and quickly striking the entrance.

“…Urgh…!”

The thought of wanting to die. The thought of going mad. Jungjoon’s groaning feet pushed against the sheets. The more he struggled, the stronger the fingers spreading his cheeks became, the thumbs digging in growing firmer.

“Hmm…”

Yoonhae plunged his tongue deep inside Jungjoon and sucked with smacking sounds. While Jungjoon flailed, scattering tears, feeling Yoonhae’s tongue, lips, and nose in a place they shouldn’t be, he felt his face there too.

“…Please…”

What a disgusting, bizarre sight. On one bed, both stark naked, the one called “hyung” on his stomach with his hips raised, and the one called “dongsaeng” clinging to that backside, ravaging the filthiest place. Mmm, mmm, mmph… Each time Yoonhae, engrossed in the act, rubbed his face and thrust his tongue back and forth like sex, letting out immersed moans, Jungjoon felt like he was falling into the deepest, darkest abyss of hell.

Please.

Please.

God.

Please.

His mind turned to mush. The tongue clinging below felt like it was stirring and scrambling his brain. At some point, he’d gone from clawing the blanket to covering his ears.

The act of sucking as if to draw out his insides, like a ravenous beast, dragged on like a punishment. Enduring the unendurable, enduring again, after a grueling ordeal, when his mouth finally parted, no trace of strength remained in Jungjoon’s body.

“Hu…”

Before Jungjoon’s exhausted, prone eyes, a flushed penis bobbed. Having already ejaculated once, it dangled thick semen in a filthy state hard to look at. Fluid stretched from the glans’ slit like a drooling demon. Its shape and size felt alien, unlike a human penis.

“…Lie flat and lift your legs.”

Wiping his saliva-drenched face with his palm, Yoonhae commanded. Jungjoon tore his gaze away from the swollen, crimson lips as if fleeing.

“……”

Unable to move even a fingertip, Yoonhae approached and pressed close, lifting Jungjoon’s legs. Spreading and holding them up, he aligned the head of his penis with the drenched, softened hole.

“…Ugh…”

The tears, briefly paused, began flowing again.

“Ha…”

The penis rubbed the hole and pressed firmly, but kept slipping downward. The slick, massive glans—unlike Jungjoon’s, its flared ridge and protrusion were starkly vivid and menacing. In truth, not just the glans but the entire organ was far from average or normal.

Jungjoon stared in terror at the huge slab of flesh forcing its way between his forcibly spread legs.

“Urk…!”

The sensation of the hole stretching and the tip slightly pushing in brought a dizziness as if the world were flipping.

“Ahh…!”

Swallowing a pained groan, Jungjoon felt it impossible for that mass to enter without tearing him. It wasn’t just physical—the mental agony felt like torture meant to rip him apart. Convinced this violation of nature was why it felt so repulsive and painful, his breathing grew increasingly erratic.

When the penis wouldn’t go in, Yoonhae inserted a finger instead. Though not as thick as his penis, the rough, knobby finger went deeper, rubbing inside, sparking a new wave of nausea in Jungjoon.

“Ha…”

Rubbing the mucous membrane, Yoonhae let out a low breath. His penis twitched too. Despite doing nothing, it throbbed, engorged with blood, clawing at the air, drawing Jungjoon’s anxious gaze.

“Mmm…”

Yoonhae slid his index and middle fingers in together, rubbing. To Jungjoon, his fixation on a male body no different from his own seemed like a sickness, yet he explored Jungjoon’s insides with reddened eyes, unable to stop.

Suddenly, the sight struck Jungjoon as profoundly pitiful and sad. He bit his lip.

The terribly misguided affection grieved him. That the interest and love meant for a woman, an omega, had been twisted by some inner distortion and directed at him since those days felt horrific, yet also pitiable and tragic.

Unable to fully escape responsibility, knowing it was wrong and warped, he had no choice but to silently comply—a tragedy.

“Hic…!”

Looking down, Jungjoon grimaced and twisted his body. When something inside was touched, sparks seemed to burst before his eyes.

But Yoonhae rubbed that spot again. Observing Jungjoon’s reactions and expressions, he deftly manipulated his hand. The shocking sensation of a forbidden place being prodded made Jungjoon reach out and writhe.

“There, wait…!”

Breaking his position and sitting up, Jungjoon was restrained as Yoonhae moved his hand faster.

“Wai… No, stop…!”

His spine tingled sharply. A rising, unfamiliar unease—different from the prior foreign sensation—felt like something might burst out.

Please.

Please.

“……”

Grabbing Yoonhae’s wrist, Jungjoon reopened his eyes as cold sweat trickled down his temples. Yoonhae had suddenly stopped. Not just stopped—he pulled his probing fingers out and got off the bed.

Jungjoon was utterly dazed. Bewildered that his plea to stop had seemingly been answered, he stared at Yoonhae.

But the brief relief and illusion shattered as Yoonhae dressed and left the room. Through the slightly open door, Ian’s whining and Yoonhae’s soothing voice pierced his ears.

“……”

With his heart sinking in shock, Jungjoon reflexively pulled the sheets to cover himself. Listening closely, he heard the conversation calming Ian, followed by the two returning to the bedroom and the door closing.

When had he come out? What had he heard? What sounds had he made? The more he dwelled on it, the deeper he sank into panic. That he hadn’t noticed Ian waking and coming out was the most shocking. If Ian hadn’t just opened the door but come all the way here and looked inside…

Nausea surged, and he vomited onto the floor.

A relentless series of worst-case scenarios triggered his sickness. After repeated vomiting and stomach-clenching pain, he barely regained his senses, cleaned the mess with disinfectant, and headed to the bathroom.

Only then, alone, did he grasp his state, overwhelmed by an unbearable feeling, and sank to the floor. Washing his soiled face, brushing his teeth, still feeling the lingering sensation in his backside, he leaned over the sink and wept softly.

Even after showering, unable to bear the filth, Yoonhae was still in the bedroom. It seemed he intended to stay until Ian was fully asleep. If only he’d fall asleep there… but Jungjoon couldn’t optimistically imagine that happening.

“……”

Standing in the hallway, Jungjoon turned to look at the front door. What if he opened it and ran far away? A sudden, impulsive thought arose. Of course, with Ian here, he couldn’t, but it was a mental escape.

Soon, his head dropped. The inescapable shadow of the past loomed over him, pulling him deeper into darkness even now.

In the end, he returned to the room and sat on the bed with a vacant face.

Soon, Yoonhae would return after putting Ian to sleep.

He’d have to repeat the earlier acts again, trapped in a cycle of punishment like rolling a boulder uphill endlessly, facing something darker than death.

“……”

Sitting blankly, Jungjoon collapsed sideways. In the waning summer heat, a chilling shiver rose.

Pulling the sheets over himself, he calmed his faintly trembling body. Pushing aside the anxiety of when that door might open, he slowly closed his eyes.

⟡˖ ࣪

Rain was falling. He was running desperately, not even knowing what he was fleeing from.

After running for a while and lifting his head, he saw the orphanage ahead. Only then did he realize he’d been escaping from there.

Feeling a tug on his clothes and turning, he saw an all-too-familiar face.

The small, familiar figure suddenly grew, transforming into a massive black hole with an open maw. Peering into the abyss swirling within, ready to swallow everything…

Strangely, he saw nothing, and the moment he realized it, he jolted with a “Hic!”

Jungjoon opened his eyes.

“……”

It was dark all around. In a room both familiar and strange, the lights were off, and shadows from the streetlights seeped through the blinds onto the ceiling. Lowering his eyes slowly, he saw a figure darker than the darkness looming.

He soon recognized it as Yoonhae. Without putting weight on him, Yoonhae straddled Jungjoon, looking down. He was masturbating with his penis exposed. Amid the calm silence, excited breaths reached Jungjoon.

Jungjoon recalled the moments before falling asleep. He also roughly pieced together the sequence leading to this. Yoonhae had likely returned to the room, found Jungjoon asleep on the bed, initially lain down to sleep himself, then started relieving his unmet desires as dawn approached.

Jungjoon’s lips moved silently. It was a gesture to say Ian might wake, that the door should be locked.

“I locked it. The door.”

The sound of rubbing his penis overlapped. The palpable arousal in his low voice sent a chill down Jungjoon’s nape.

Would he have to endure the same thing again?

The thought made him dizzy, his body freezing. If it were just him masturbating alone like this, he could bear it, but…

Of course, it wouldn’t end so easily. As feared, a hand soon came down and lifted Jungjoon’s t-shirt. Swish, it pulled up, exposing his right chest and nipple. The swollen nub, tender from earlier, brushed against thick fingers, making his spine stiffen.

“……”

Jungjoon was on the verge of breaking. Physically and mentally drained, with the sole desperate wish to avoid a repeat of earlier for the rest of the night, he propped himself up on his elbows.

And reached out.

“…!”

It stemmed from the thought that making him finish would calm him. Grasping the shaft and stroking, Yoonhae reacted more than expected. Just roughly holding and shaking it made his abdomen heave with moans.

“Ha…”

A low, throat-scraping sigh echoed in the quiet room. Wet moans and slick friction sounds alternated.

Jungjoon had no leeway. As time passed, his movements grew rougher and less careful. Contrary to expecting a quick finish, the prolonged act exhausted him. Forcing himself to touch something unpleasant, he couldn’t even look at the flesh before him.

Breathing heavily, Yoonhae caressed Jungjoon’s waist and began kissing him. The slippery tongue sent shivers to his scalp. It wasn’t mere disgust—it was a deeper torment. To hasten the climax, Jungjoon sat up more, using both hands. One stimulated Yoonhae’s scrotum, the other his glans, increasing the intensity.

“Ah…!”

Yoonhae soon let out a rough moan and ejaculated. Frowning, Jungjoon quickly withdrew his hands, sinking into belated regret. Realizing he’d caressed him the way his wife once had, the way he’d most enjoyed, an indescribable self-loathing surged.

Even relief at finishing eluded him. Yoonhae didn’t calm down after one release, and what met Jungjoon’s eyes was still an erect penis.

“Ha…”

Perhaps the last one felt especially good, as Yoonhae pressed close, trembling with satisfaction. Calling “Hyung…”, he nibbled Jungjoon’s cheeks and ears, his rough hands stroking his shoulders. Sliding down, his hands hurriedly pulled off the thin blanket and tried to strip Jungjoon’s pants, startling him.

“Wai…!”

Turning Jungjoon onto his stomach, Yoonhae climbed atop him. He inserted his penis between tense thighs. As Jungjoon floundered, Yoonhae took position and began thrusting so hard the bed shook.

Thud, thud, thud…!

The sound of thick flesh colliding was no different from intercourse. Amid the dizzying shaking, Jungjoon struggled to stay conscious and whispered sharply.

“The… sound…!”

A feeble plea to keep it down. Perhaps hearing it, Yoonhae pressed his penis closer to Jungjoon’s buttocks, moving shallower and faster. Biting Jungjoon’s nape, he swallowed animalistic groans. After barely moving, unlike before, he reached climax in an instant.

But it didn’t end there either. He shifted positions, laying Jungjoon flat. Gathering and lifting Jungjoon’s legs, he thrust between the pressed thighs. Holding them tightly, he rammed his hips in and out repeatedly.

“Urgh, ngh, hic…!!”

He couldn’t stifle his moans. Each time he shook his hips like a beast, the bed’s clattering echoed like an alarm, jarring Jungjoon’s mind. Clunk, clunk, clunk, gripping both legs, he thrust with all his might. The plea to quiet down no longer worked.

Unpleasant heat, ceaseless groans, and noise filled the air. Even in the chaos, fearing discovery or waking Ian, Jungjoon could barely breathe. Shaken violently, his chest felt ready to burst with anxiety.

“Ah…!!”

Releasing a heightened moan and ejaculating, he sought Jungjoon’s lips. The loud pounding—whose it was, unclear—overlapped. Amid the fishy stench turning his stomach, his fiercely struck thighs and buttocks ached numbly.

Tirelessly, Yoonhae clung to Jungjoon. Lying side by side, he rubbed his penis against Jungjoon’s inner thighs once more, thrusting hard to reach a third climax. Only then, seemingly satisfied, did he let out a languid moan and pull Jungjoon into an embrace.

“Hyung…”

Even in the dark, a piercing gaze was palpable.

“Seo Jungjoon…”

Calling his name freely, he slipped a hand under Jungjoon’s t-shirt. Stroking bare skin, he rubbed his nose against Jungjoon’s ear until it flattened.

Stripping off his wet underwear and t-shirt, he also peeled off Jungjoon’s semen-soaked clothes. Naked, he hugged Jungjoon tightly, entwining their legs by slipping his between Jungjoon’s. Without wiping or washing, he fell asleep, breathing evenly and deeply within seconds.

“……”

All that remained was a sticky, filthy sensation. The strange, musky scent of a male filled the air. A heavy heartbeat thudded against his back. Lying there like a corpse, a foreign question settled over Jungjoon. The heat-strewn semen and warm body temperature plunged him into pure doubt.

Where am I?

Realizing he’d fallen back into the mire he thought he’d escaped, he also understood his feet were now shackled—far heavier and sturdier than back then.

This wasn’t the end but the beginning.

And the start of countless repetitions, he knew without being told.

Jungjoon lay prone, staring endlessly into the void. No matter how many times he blinked, an impenetrable darkness layered before his eyes.

⟡˖ ࣪

It was an especially exhausting day. Returning home after a quick grocery run, an unexpected guest awaited.

“Oh…”

Seeing Sungha in his living room, Jungjoon fell into confusion.

“Oppa, you’re here— It’s been a while—”

“…Yeah… Sungha-ssi, it’s been a while…”

He’d thought they’d never meet again. Since it was revealed he and Yoonhae weren’t lovers, it seemed only natural.

“But how are you here…”

Judging by the toy-strewn living room, she’d been playing with Ian. Ian, too engrossed in playing with Sungha to notice his returning father, was visible too.

“You’re back?”

Just then, Yoonhae appeared from behind. He gripped Jungjoon’s shoulders firmly and said,

“Go wash up. Let’s eat.”

“……”

Questions still swirled in Jungjoon’s mind. But after a few seconds of silence, he turned with a short “Uh” as his only reply.

Asking why Sungha was here and hearing the answer wouldn’t change anything anyway. Since nothing would change, he merely moved listlessly like a puppet.

Entering the bedroom alone, Jungjoon opened the wardrobe. Ignoring the gloomy face in the mirror, he unbuttoned his shirt one by one.

Click. The sound of the door opening stiffened his fingers. Pretending not to notice the approaching presence, he continued unbuttoning.

“Good work today.”

A low whisper accompanied warmth pressing against his back. Yoonhae hugged Jungjoon’s waist, resting his chin on his shoulder. With a “Hmm” and a hot breath, he pulled Jungjoon’s rigid hands down.

“…What are you doing? I need to change.”

The odd atmosphere he was trying to create felt uncomfortable. When Jungjoon pushed with force, Yoonhae, surprisingly, let go easily.

But his sticky gaze reflected through the mirror.

“Get out.”

Even snapping coldly, Yoonhae didn’t budge. Noticing his eyes lingering near his chest, Jungjoon hesitated before reaching for a button.

“…What’s wrong?”

Turning to ask, Yoonhae smiled.

“Nothing. The clothes just suit you.”

It was a plain sky-blue long-sleeve shirt, nothing noteworthy. A typical dress shirt office workers wore like a uniform—why it warranted such a look was beyond him.

“Were shirts always this provocative?”

His hand came up, lightly kneading Jungjoon’s shoulder.

“…What are you saying? Stop spouting nonsense and get out.”

Turning his head nonchalantly, he couldn’t stop his body from tensing from the core.

“What’s wrong with a husband helping his spouse unwind after work, taking off their clothes and massaging their shoulders?”

“……”

At a loss for words, the hand slid down, brushing his forearm and caressing his chest.

“Your arms and chest are subtly thick, hyung. That’s why it looks sexy.”

The soft voice and perverse touch continued. As he stroked the muscles outlined by the shirt, Jungjoon stood frozen. The fit of the shirt he’d never noticed, the everyday outfit suddenly turning lewd, enveloped him in discomfort.

“It’s almost settled down.”

When a finger brushed his nipple, Jungjoon’s waist trembled.

“……”

Familiar shame and self-loathing flooded in. It had calmed now, but days ago, he’d had to wear pads or bandages there. After Jungjoon’s neurotic reaction, it hadn’t swollen like that day, but the nightly “careful” fondling persisted under that excuse.

“…Please…”

“Ha…”

A thick index finger pressed firmly against the center of Jungjoon’s chest. Yoonhae, growing aroused while touching, alternated between Jungjoon’s stiffening face and the increasingly prominent nipple.

“Ian’s outside. Sungha-ssi too.”

He tried to pry off the persistent hand while reasoning.

“Then let’s finish quick.”

Pressing closer, Yoonhae whispered. The sticky tongue licking his ear sent shivers through him.

“…If we don’t get out soon, they’ll think it’s weird. Do it at night if you must.”

“Ian’s too busy playing with Sungha.”

I locked the door… Just keep quiet, hyung.

He whispered. Realizing he’d come in with this intent, Jungjoon was dumbfounded. The warning to keep quiet was absurd too—it was always Yoonhae, not him, who roared like a beast.

“Please, please, at night…”

Pleading, Yoonhae pulled Jungjoon’s hand down to his groin.

“Then make it quick.”

Resigned, Jungjoon reluctantly began stroking. Yoonhae tensed with excitement. Rubbing his lips against Jungjoon’s ear, he exhaled hot breaths. Following Jungjoon’s reluctant touch, his muscles quivered. Forcing the erect flesh toward climax, Jungjoon bit his teeth in misery.

Even after reaching it, Yoonhae breathed roughly like an animal.

“Mmm…”

Pulling Jungjoon in, he kissed him. Making revolting sucking sounds, he moved from Jungjoon’s nape downward.

Without undressing, he sucked Jungjoon’s chest through the shirt. Soaking the thin fabric with his mouth, he scraped it with his teeth.

Kneeling, he hurriedly unbuckled Jungjoon’s pants. Jungjoon recoiled as Yoonhae pressed against the sweat- and grime-laden lower half without hesitation.

The promise of a quick end was a lie—it wouldn’t stop until Yoonhae was satisfied. Watching him rub his face over the drawers and bite the waistband with his teeth to pull them down, Jungjoon realized.

And the question lingering since entering the house was answered. Laughably late, he understood why Yoonhae had brought Sungha here.

Simply put, he needed a babysitter. Someone to handle Ian while they did this. Not content with nightly filth, he now intended to cling even after work, with Ian awake just outside—a revelation that made Jungjoon’s skin crawl and teeth chatter.

Jungjoon despaired. Each time he glimpsed Yoonhae’s depravity, a new despair hit. The Yoonhae he’d thought had grown into a proper adult was a hollow shell—nothing more or less than a pervert obsessed with deviant acts.

“Urk…”

Yoonhae pinned Jungjoon against the wardrobe, lifting his legs. Burying his head between them and biting the limp flesh, Jungjoon bit the back of his hand as he looked down.

⟡˖ ࣪

“Oppa.”

At the call, Jungjoon snapped his head up. Coming to, he saw Sungha’s puzzled expression. Yoonhae and Ian’s gazes were fixed on him too.

“Are you sick? Why aren’t you eating?”

“…Oh… No, I ate something before coming home…”