HMLU Ch 7

[I’ll return the bookㅠㅠ I told you I can’t take it]

As soon as I got home, I sent the message. I took off the clothes that still carried a pleasant scent, hung them up, and slipped into a stretched-out t-shirt. A nagging feeling suddenly hit me. Come to think of it, I felt like I’d forgotten something.

What did I forget? I brought the tumbler, and since I only went out with my phone and one card, there wasn’t anything else to leave behind…… Fiddling with the shopping bag full of snacks, I suddenly looked up.

Rummaging through the back pocket of the hung-up jeans, I found a simple yet sleek business card. It was the one Black Bear’s father had forced into my hand. I had no intention of contacting him about Black Bear, but if he was an app developer, I planned to beg for a Druid buff next time we met. Sitting on the floor, I looked at the front, where neatly printed text caught my eye.

{OnDo Publishing

CEO Woo Junghwan}

I couldn’t help but gasp. The small symbol etched on the white card and the company name were all too familiar.

“OnDo Publishing…….”

My slowly blinking eyes instinctively turned to the bookshelf. The first edition of The Saga of Isea, bought with every penny I scraped together as a kid, was displayed, sealed in a polybag. Like most old books, the bottom of its rough spine design bore the same words: OnDo Publishing.

“……Oh!”

He was the president of the publishing house for The Saga of Isea! The one that’s been completely ignoring my desperate pleas for a hardcover edition for years……! Swallowing my surging anger, I repeated to myself: Stay calm. Stay calm.

It all made sense now. With his father as the publishing house president, getting a rare event booklet would’ve been a piece of cake. That weird game account probably has some connection too. Maybe the Abyss scenario is based on Im Jungah’s new work.

“Gasp, does that mean a new release is coming?”

If so, it’d definitely center on Druids, right? The thought alone made my heart race. As expected, Druids would be the ultimate victors. Those who didn’t recognize their greatness early on would regret it too late.

I wanted to call and ask right away: Is Im Jungah working on a new book? But I held back. I’m a polite, diligent, and well-mannered fan, after all.

I carefully tucked the business card into a desk drawer and picked up my phone again. Black Bear still hadn’t replied. It felt less like he was driving and more like he was deliberately ignoring me.

[Get home okay?]

I sent another line and started the game. I figured he’d show up if I waited, but even as the sun set, there was no reply or sign of him.

“…….”

I wondered if something had happened. Just in case, I checked Discord, but it was quiet too. Unable to wait any longer, I called again. After patiently enduring the endless ringing, a familiar voice finally answered.

―Hyung, I’ll call you back later.

The content wasn’t exactly welcoming. ……Oh. Before my short reply could even go through, the call cut off. I glared at the innocent screen before setting it down. Fine, whatever. As long as he didn’t get into an accident, it’s all good.

Feeling sulky, I focused on daily quests when a Discord notification pinged. Checking it without much hope, it was, as expected, Popuri.

―Hyung! I caught Eglathus!

“Oh, nice. Bet you’re thrilled. Congrats. I’m jealous, man.”

―……Hyung, you sound down. Did I barge in thoughtlessly?

“If you know, hang up.”

―No, Hyung, wait! The Eglathus title event runs for a whole month. You can hit max level and catch it in time. What level’s your alt at? I’ll gear up with sandbags.

“Sandbags” is slang for shackles that weaken a high-level player’s stats. In Abyss, to prevent high-level players from carrying low-level ones through dungeons (known as “boosting”), a party with a large level gap gets an EXP debuff. However, if the high-level player equips shackles to match the low-level player’s stats, the debuff is bypassed.

The catch is that stats don’t mean much against level and gear advantages. Even with lowered stats, a max-level player in fully upgraded gear can dominate a dungeon. What was meant to be a system for fair play ended up favoring pay-to-win players who could profit from it.

“Nah, I’m not even sure if I can bring you along yet.”

―Why? Did your friend say they don’t like me? Did they check my post history or something?

“Crazy…… When did you go on Sasage?”

―If you play this trash game and don’t end up on Sasage at least once, you’re not a true gamer.

His genuinely proud tone left me speechless. Then again, given his way of talking, it’s not surprising.

―Anyway, got it. You still playing with that friend? I’ll head over, keep it chill, and drive the bus quietly.

“What’s ‘keeping it chill’…….”

―I’ll watch my mouth. I’ll be proper and just drive the bus. If you tell me not to say a word, I won’t. Okay?

At this point, most people would’ve given up after being ignored, but his persistent, clingy enthusiasm was kind of funny. More importantly, a dungeon that takes me 30 minutes solo can be cleared in 3 with him.

“Come to Riorea, then.”

I gave in with a sigh, and a cheerful “Yay!” rang out. He’s kind of cute when he’s not talking. The problem is he never stops.

🕹️

My phone was buzzing excitedly. ―I’ll call you back later. The fleeting voice made me fumble by my pillow, grab the phone, and bring it to my ear.

“Hello…….”

Even as I croaked with a sleepy voice, the ringing didn’t stop. Squinting at the screen, I realized it wasn’t a call but an alarm. One set for 4 p.m.

“…….”

I tossed the phone down and buried my face in the pillow. Popuri’s bright voice from earlier, after staying up all night and grinding until 10 a.m., still echoed in my ears.

‘I’m off to my morning workout! Let’s keep going when I’m back.’

I thought he was insane. Why doesn’t that guy sleep? Come to think of it, even during our brief time in Legend, I never saw him offline unless he was at the gym or school. Is it because he’s young? I’m young too, though.

I’d collapsed, saying I needed sleep and couldn’t go on, when I remembered the alumni meetup that evening, prompting the alarm. The meetup was at 5 p.m. in front of the school, so I could sleep another 30 minutes…… Wriggling, I steeled myself and got up. I had to at least shower before going. I didn’t want to show up looking haggard after such a long time.

After showering, I opened my closet. The only decent clothes were the ones I’d bought to meet Black Bear. After some thought, I pulled out the same hoodie and jeans from yesterday. Money does wonders—they still looked soft and smelled great.

On my way to the meetup, I checked Discord, messages, and call logs, but there was nothing from Black Bear. No matter how many times I looked, the same records made me sigh.

It’s not like he has to contact me. We’re not dating or even flirting.

But it’s funny that a guy who was so sweet until we parted would ghost me the moment he turned around. Suppressing my simmering frustration, I kept walking. Despite arriving a bit early, the place was already buzzing with familiar faces.

“Hey! Haemin—”

The bell on the glass door jingled as I entered, drawing attention from all sides. I responded to outstretched hands and casual greetings, putting on a cheeky smile like an actor on the red carpet.

“Haemin, we thought you were dead.”

“Why’d you lose so much weight?”

“Yeah, your face looks rough too.”

It wasn’t exactly rewarding.

“That’s terrifying…… I’m never going to grad school.”

I couldn’t bring myself to tell the genuinely worried alumni that I’d been living as a gaming addict. Flashing a suitably regretful smile, I sat where they gestured, and a full beer glass was promptly shoved my way.

“Whoa, hold on!”

As I reached for the handle, Sujung appeared out of nowhere, holding a shot glass. Oh no, not that. Before I could protest, the small glass plunged into my beer with a splash.

“Goddamn…… It’s barely evening, and you’re starting with somaek?”

“Chug it down. It’s all part of your noona’s grand plan.”

Sujung cackled and walked off. The place was packed with over thirty alumni. They seemed determined to drink hard after a long hiatus. I pretended to sip while scanning passing faces. Thankfully, JangDdo didn’t seem to be here.

“Haemin, you doing okay? We were all worried since you went radio silent.”

An alum across from me asked kindly. I set down my glass, cleared my throat, and replied.

“Yeah, sorry. I’ve been kinda busy.”

“Grad school’s tough, huh? I heard that professor’s a hardass.”

“It’s just…… I’m the one lacking. How about you?”

That conversation opened the floodgates. Fielding words, drinks, and food from all directions, the atmosphere quickly warmed. The chicken piled on every table was delicious, and the drinks I paced myself with gave just the right buzz. The power of alcohol makes even mundane stories hilarious. Laughing repeatedly, occasionally frowning, and moving from table to table, I barely noticed the sky darken outside.

“Time for round two. For the next spot, uh…… Let’s vote. Option 1: karaoke. Option 2: another bar.”

“Who suggested karaoke? String them up.”

“Who’s got time to sing? We need to drink more.”

Consensus was easy. Crossing one alley, we arrived at the group’s usual bar just past 8 p.m. It looked like the real drinking was about to start.

“What do we order?”

“From now on, only soju. No other orders allowed.”

“Let’s get some broth too.”

In the lively chaos, soju glasses circulated quickly. Out of habit, I downed one in a gulp, and my head spun. I chugged water, but it didn’t help much.

“Haemin, you okay?”

Sujung, suddenly beside me, asked with concern. I waved to signal I was fine and forced a steady voice.

“Think I hit my limit. Been a while since I drank.”

“For real? Then stop. I’ll get you a soda.”

“I want Fanta…… Orange flavor.”

“No Fanta. Have Sprite.”

Her curt reply made me chuckle. Leaning my spinning head on Sujung’s shoulder, I closed my eyes. The somaek must’ve been settling when the straight soju hit, shocking my system. I was mentally clear, but dizziness like this usually meant that.

“What, Haemin’s already out?”

“Leave him. He’ll snap out of it and drink again.”

The chatter of alumni who knew me well ebbed and flowed. Somewhere  Somewhere, a big laugh erupted; elsewhere, a somber confession unfolded. The undercurrent of this gathering was probably anxiety.

Everyone’s obsessed with the headcount. Sitting with guys you drank, ate, and messed around with thoughtlessly at twenty, still young and reckless, makes it feel like your reality’s still stuck in that carefree time. For the same reason— as the years pass and more people settle into society, this gathering will probably fade into irrelevance. That’s just how human relationships go, isn’t it?

“Someone’s phone’s ringing.”

Sujung handed me a Sprite and left coldly. I sprawled in my chair, sipping the sweet soda. As she’d said, a long bzzz of vibration repeated somewhere. The dizziness had subsided, but I was still out of it. Staring blankly at the ceiling, a slurred voice cut through.

“Whose phone? It says Black Bear’s calling.”

My half-closed eyes shot open.

“Black Bear? What’s that?”

“A gang member?”

“Who turned into a thug? Who is it?”

Frantically checking my pockets, they were empty. I must’ve dropped my phone somewhere while tipsy. A mischievous alum holding my phone raised his voice.

“Mr. Black Bear’s looking for someone—”

“That’s mine, give it.”

I reached out, but his eyes curved slyly. ……This is bad. Now even more excited, he stood up.

“Let’s do it. Any call gets answered on speaker.”

“Hey, hey.”

“First up…… Shim Haemin’s phone, the guy who’s been ghosting us all—”

“Goddamn, don’t do it. Stop……!”

I lunged, but my head spun again. Clutching the table and dropping my head, he turned on the speaker.

“Hello—”

Every eye in the bar was on my phone. The once-rowdy place fell silent, as if it had never been loud. With no response from Black Bear, I clung to a shred of hope. Maybe he’d just hang up? Please, do it.

―……Isn’t this Shim Haemin’s phone?

Of course, as always, my fleeting hopes were dashed. A strikingly refined voice resonated low through the bar, now quiet as a mouse with mischievous curiosity. Gasps echoed here and there.

―Hello. Isn’t this Shim Haemin’s phone?

At the follow-up, alumni covered their mouths, exchanging glances. Every eye on me was smirking. How thrilled they must be with this unexpected event. I couldn’t laugh, though. It wasn’t about embarrassment or guilt toward Black Bear. Somehow, to my ears……

He sounded pissed.

“Oh— Haemin’s friend, huh? Haemin’s drunk and passed out.”

The guy who answered put on a sly tone. But no reply came from the other end. I lunged to snatch the phone. He dodged, twisting away, and spoke into it again.

“Hello? You there?”

―Where are you?

The voice was still thick with anger. I grabbed his arm, scowling.

“Stop it. That’s enough.”

Sensing my seriousness, he didn’t push further. I grabbed the phone, pressed it to my ear, and stepped outside the bar.

“Sorry, my friend was messing around.”

―……

“Bear?”

―Where are you?

The chilly early autumn breeze tickled my forehead. The heat on my face cooling felt nice. With a long sigh into the air, I lowered my voice.

“I said I’m sorry. My friend’s a bit drunk.”

―Hyung.

“Yeah?”

―Can’t you tell me where you are?

If it wasn’t my imagination, it sounded almost like an interrogation. What’s going on here? A hollow laugh slipped out in disbelief.

“What’re you gonna do if you know?”

―I want to see your face.

“…….”

―Hearing your voice made me miss you. So I want to come see you.

So this is what it feels like to be speechless. The little energy I had left drained away, and the forgotten dizziness surged back. Slumping against the bar’s wall, I saw a strikingly clear, bright moon between the old university buildings.

“What are you trying to do with me?”

Alcohol’s like that. It doesn’t completely strip away your filter, but it gives you the courage to slip it off briefly, blaming the booze. After a brief silence, he repeated like a parrot.

―Just tell me where you are.

And I’m not someone who’s good at hiding a tangled heart.

“Dunno. I’m just being dragged around.”

―Hyung, I……

“I gotta go back in. Hanging up.”

I stared at the disconnected call screen, but it didn’t ring again. With a sigh, I stood up. Maybe it was a question I should’ve asked myself. What am I doing right now?

🕹️

Popuri12345: Hyung, when you coming??

Popuri12345: I can get you to max level by the weekend!!

Back inside the bar, I ignored the Discord notification and sat down. Everything felt tiresome. Maybe it’s time to let go of gaming and focus on real life. Even if gaming’s the center of my life, to keep playing, I need to tend to reality a bit……

“Haemin, who was that? His voice was super hot.”

“Oh…… Just someone I know.”

The sudden question made me answer reflexively, but it felt off. The alum across from me, clueless about the online world, asked brightly.

“But why Black Bear?”

“……A nickname.”

“Big and dark? I’m into that. Got a girlfriend?”

“Hey, you don’t even know what he looks like.”

Another alum laughed, chiding the eager one. I thought, this is bad. If they knew what he looked like, it’d be even worse.

“With that voice and a big build, who cares about the face?”

“What? You gotta know the face.”

Thankfully, they soon left me out and started debating men’s looks. This place was starting to feel tedious too. I sipped a soju glass that came from nowhere when a commotion erupted at another table. Turning, I saw two drunk alumni yelling incoherently, grabbing each other’s collars.

Yeah, it’s about time for that. It was common, so no one was surprised. They’d wake up tomorrow with no memory of it anyway.

“…….”

I’d probably forget today by tomorrow too. I’d casually talk to Black Bear like nothing happened. That’s how I’ve maintained all my relationships so far.

“Is Haemin asleep?”

“Leave him. He’ll wake up and drink again.”

The faint chatter sparked a strange déjà vu. I’d zoned out again. Coming to, I was lying on the lap of an alum whose name I vaguely recalled. Sitting up, I rubbed my haggard face. The forgotten exhaustion hit me all at once. All I wanted was to wash in warm water and collapse.

“I gotta go home…….”

Mumbling, I stood. An alum, waving with a slur, suddenly shouted.

“Haemin’s leaving!”

It was like dropping a bomb in calm waters. Instantly, protests erupted from all sides.

“Leave? Where you going!”

“Sit down. No one’s leaving till we hit today’s quota.”

“These people are insane…”

Since I knew it was half a joke anyway, a hollow laugh slipped out first. In the meantime, my shoulder was grabbed, and I had to sit back down.

“Ugh, I said I’m going home… I’m so tired I could die.”

“Haemin, are you the only one who’s tired? Are you the only one who wants to go home? Everyone’s holding back and drinking.”

“Why do we have to do something so torturous… Let’s just go…”

How old are we, anyway? Isn’t it about time we graduated from this reckless binge-drinking? I pleaded and tried to pry their hands off, but it wasn’t easy. The lunatics who had already put me on the chopping block didn’t seem inclined to let go of what they’d bitten into.

“If you’re so set on it, sing a song and then go.”

“Yeah, sing and go.”

“If you pick a good song, we’ll let you off after just one.”

Something was shoved into my hand, and when I opened my sleepy eyes to look, it was a Bluetooth microphone. Where on earth did they even get this? I was laughing in disbelief when they started urging me to sing already. The only songs I know the melody to are the national anthem and the Copy Class theme song. Whether it’s the national anthem or the Copy Class theme song, with its lyrics entirely made up of nyam nyam pong nyam nyam, the mood would turn icy the moment I started singing, but if I had to choose, the former seemed like the better option. I steeled myself and was about to spit out the first verse.

In a space crowded with people, where the air feels stifling, there’s a flow to the atmosphere. Breath follows the direction of gazes. What people often call an aura is probably the presence that makes the chests of those who miss a breath feel constricted.

Thanks to that, I felt like I knew what had happened even before I turned my head. At the end of my slowly drifting gaze, a large figure came into view. A man wearing a knee-length black trench coat was staring right through me.

I couldn’t read the words reflected in his eyes, glinting under the cheap lighting. In the blink of an eye, the man took a step and closed the distance between us. I could only blink dumbly as he snatched the microphone from my hand, set it down, and somehow found my phone, which I’d left lying around somewhere. My mind had somewhat cleared, but the sleepiness hadn’t fully left me. It almost felt like I was dreaming.

“Let’s go.”

My wrist was grabbed. No one interfered as he pushed through the booze-soaked air of the bar and shoved open the glass door. I caught a faint whiff of sweat from him.

“Bear…”

I mumbled absentmindedly and ended up laughing to myself. At the sound of my laughter, he made a slightly displeased face.

“Chanhee.”

Even when I called his name, it was the same. He just furrowed his brows, neither responding nor stopping.

“Wait a sec. I think I’m gonna throw up.”

Out of some twisted impulse, I blurted out a blatant lie, and only then did the hand gripping my wrist hesitate. Afraid of being dragged off again, I crouched down in a quiet corner of an alley. The moon was still bright, and the air felt a bit colder. Goosebumps crept up both my cheeks.

“What can I do to help?”

Chanhee, bending down, asked. It was an unfamiliar question. So this is how you ask if someone’s okay. I brushed back my bangs and muttered.

“Um… It’d probably help if you told me what’s going on right now.”

“Right now…”

He slowly lowered himself, crossing his arms over his knees. As a result, the hem of his long coat dragged on the ground, but I seemed to be the only one who cared.

“I suddenly wanted to see your face, so I came looking for you.”

“…”

“He said the people you were with were classmates, so I figured you’d be near the school… I checked a few places and found you. And then…”

His calm gaze briefly scanned my upper body up and down.

“As soon as I saw you, I had something I wanted to ask.”

“…What?”

“Did you stay out last night?”

What’s that out of nowhere? I was about to laugh and scold him but caught myself looking down at my clothes. He must’ve noticed I was still wearing what I had on yesterday.

“What if I did?”

I asked nonchalantly, and he pressed his lips shut. The way he averted his gaze, eyes lowered, reminded me of a sulky puppy, and it was kind of funny.

“Did you sleep at that friend’s place we saw yesterday?”

“…”

“Your girlfriend?”

“Chanhee.”

Somehow, my heart was growing calmer. I rested my chin on my knees and lowered my gaze. In the shadowy alley, the toes of his white sneakers stood out strikingly clear.

“Why are you so curious about that?”

Not looking at his face made me feel at ease. He continued in a slow tone.

“Probably for the same reason you’re thinking of.”

That stirred a strange feeling in me. It felt like freedom, or maybe like frustration. I rubbed my face with both hands, letting out a sigh that rose from deep within. Haa… Even as the unusually loud sigh echoed in the quiet alley, he didn’t react.

I’d vaguely expected it. I’d just been pretending not to know, out of some foolish stubbornness. I’d even found his SNS, and it didn’t make sense to think it was someone else when we went to the same school and had the same first two letters in our names. He’d obviously known and was waiting for me to open my mouth.

“When did you figure it out?”

“I thought your voice sounded familiar from the first time we did voice chat. I was sure when I heard your name.”

My voice? I racked my brain and suddenly remembered the YouTube channel for Legend. Since I usually took on the role of leading during raids (the act of someone familiar with raid strategies giving instructions to the entire raid group), my voice had been exposed a lot.

“But why didn’t you say anything…”

“If I’d asked you out of the blue if you used that ID, wouldn’t you have blocked me right away?”

“…”

He was right. The mere thought made my skin crawl. I scratched my tangled head, trying to calm my mind. Since it’s come to this, why not just think simply?

“Fine, whatever… I’m not the person you’re looking for.”

Like everything in this world, the truth became impossibly simple the moment it left my lips.

“There’s probably someone else using the same ID. If it’s about helping you find them as promised, I’ll do it.”

As soon as I finished speaking, I sneezed. I sniffled, savoring the refreshing aftertaste, when he suddenly took off his coat.

“…”

No way. He wouldn’t go that far, would he? I tried to suppress the fleeting excitement, but it was no use. He went ahead and draped the coat over my shoulders, then said with a serious face:

“You’re that person, aren’t you?”

The constriction came rushing back.

“No, I mean, I’m Nickmer, sure… but I’m not the first love you’re looking for, I’m telling you.”

“Hyung. I told you before, didn’t I? I’m certain.”

“…”

“If you’re the person called Nickmer, then you’re my first love.”

What kind of nonsense is this… My head was starting to hurt.

“Look, I’m telling you, I don’t know anything about it.”

“I was puzzled too. I wondered if you were pretending not to know for some reason, but the more I saw you, the more it seemed like you’d genuinely forgotten everything.”

“…”

“So I felt hurt and resentful…”

His large hands carefully fastened the front of the coat. The face I met up close carried the raw hurt he spoke of. His trembling eyes even looked sorrowful. At that point, I felt guilty without having done anything and shut my mouth.

“What can I do? You’ll have to remember.”

Tap. A cold fingertip brushed the tip of my chin.

“There’s a little over three months left until Christmas this year.”

“…Huh?”

“Just keep the promise we made. Then…”

His pale pink lips curved into a soft arc.

“Then I’ll give you everything you want.”

“…”

“Get up.”

He stood first, grabbing my arm and pulling me up. I followed along in a daze, but my insides churned. What is all this? What does he want from me?

“Chan…”

Above me, the pure white moon still poured out the light it had absorbed during the day, and the familiar scent rising from the coat wrapped around my shoulders seeped into my entire body.

“…”

That was the only reason I couldn’t shake off the arm holding me.