LCL 62

Lim Dae-han just rubbed his forehead without saying anything. Since it didn’t seem like he would be much help, I asked a question first.

“Where did you seniors go?”

“Oh, we just went for a smoke. You guys don’t smoke, right?”

“No.”

“Ah, and Young-hyun, Dae-han…”

The senior hesitated. Wondering what he was going to say, I raised my head.

“That senior isn’t usually like that, but he gets that way when he drinks. Try to understand.”

According to the explanation that followed, he was famous for being a problematic senior. I heard there was always one in each year, but apparently, he was at his worst while still going to school. We were supposedly going to meet a more refined version of himself after graduation. So how bad was he originally?

“It’s okay.”

Lim Dae-han answered in a voice without much emotion.

“Yeah, once today is over, this semester is over too, so let’s wrap things up now. Let’s go.”

Senior Seong-hong lightly kicked the toe of my sneaker. It seemed to mean we should go back together. In the end, Lim Dae-han and I followed behind the seniors.

Senior Hyuna and Senior Seong-hong drank the chocolate milk. I had bought it for Lim Dae-han, but in the end, it became the seniors’ share as well.

“Don’t do that outside, really.”

I lowered my voice as much as possible. 

Lim Dae-han just replied halfheartedly, “Yeah, yeah.” 

As we walked quietly, he asked casually.

“Did you really buy it for the seniors?”

“…No. I bought it for you.”

“Really?”

He grinned happily again. I hurried my steps, knowing he was about to put his arm around my shoulder. Suddenly, Senior Hyuna was standing next to us.

“Dae-han.”

“Yes?”

“Go ahead with Seong-hong oppa. I’ll go with Young-hyun.”

“We can all go together, can’t we?”

“Oppa will be lonely. Go quickly.”

The senior pushed Lim Dae-han’s back hard. Drunk Lim Dae-han didn’t insist further and obediently went to Senior Seong-hong’s side. Senior Seong-hong joked with Lim Dae-han, but Lim Dae-han didn’t reciprocate.

As I watched the two from behind, I glanced at Senior Hyuna. Did she have something she wanted to say to me? The senior who had been walking silently opened her mouth.

“Young-hyun.”

“Yes?”

“I’m going to confess to Dae-han today.”

What did I just hear?

Before I could process Senior Hyuna’s words, I reflexively asked back.

“Pardon?”

“I said I’m going to confess to Dae-han that I like him.”

Ah…Senior Hyuna is going to confess to Lim Dae-han today that she likes him.

I wanted to think about whether there was another meaning to the confession, but she didn’t say anything else. I didn’t mind because I had known she liked him for a while now. It was impossible not to know. It was so obvious that even I could feel it.

He might like her! That was just how people’s hearts are. But…why is she suddenly trying to confess?

“You want to date him?”

“I’d like to say that I just wanted to say it…”

The senior trailed off. There was meaning in her hesitant voice. Having grasped her true intentions, I kept my mouth firmly shut.

I licked my lips, flicking my tongue over my mouth. I barely managed to swallow. I felt like I should drink the chocolate milk or sports drink myself.

I was suddenly thirsty. My mind went blank. I couldn’t think of anything. Unlike me, the two people ahead were just being noisy.

“L-Lim Dae-han! Isn’t the atmosphere great right now? This is the romance of college life. This is why we studied so hard all through high school, you know?”

Drunk Senior Seong-hong tried to link arms with Lim Dae-han. I could act without thinking because my mind was empty.

Lim Dae-han avoided the senior’s touch, twisting his shoulder around. Then he stood at an angle from the senior. He looked the senior up and down with irritated eyes.

“Ah, don’t touch my body.”

“You bastard, are you going to treat your senior like this? You don’t know how scary I can be.”

“Ah, is that why you couldn’t say a word to that Geun-sik guy or whatever? Because he’s your senior?”

“Hey…that hyung is…well. Don’t talk about him, he’s scary.”

Senior Seong-hong immediately backed down. I didn’t know what happened between them, but it seemed like Senior Seong-hong got scolded badly by that senior earlier.

It was funny how they were scolding each other when there probably wasn’t much of a age difference between them. Lim Dae-han seemed to find the senior amusing, his eyes curving as he laughed.

After watching the two excited grow more and more excited by the alcohol, I lowered my voice. I focused back on the conversation with Senior Hyuna. Actually, I wanted to avoid it.

“But why are you telling me this, sunbae…?”

“I thought you should know.”

The senior showed a strange reaction. I wanted to understand her intentions, but unfortunately, I wasn’t particularly perceptive.

How much did the senior know? I was curious but couldn’t ask. If I heard the answer, it would only confirm that ‘me by Dae-han’s side’ as seen by the senior was no match.

I puffed air into my cheeks. I repeatedly inflated and deflated my cheeks. I tried to act calm, but it wasn’t easy.

It was fine if the senior confessed to Lim Dae-han.

Anyway, Lim Dae-han liked me…I could be sure of his feelings. Lim Dae-han liked me as much as I liked him.

The slump that long-term couples supposedly experience hadn’t come to us.

But strangely, my voice trembled endlessly when I spoke.

“You know Dae-han has a lover, right?”

“I know.”

“You’re going to confess to someone who has a lover?”

“Yeah, so what. Dae-han kissed someone at the MT. He doesn’t seem that pure-hearted.”

I closed my eyes deeply and then reopened them again.

That damn MT…!!! Why on earth did we kiss there? If I could go back, I absolutely wouldn’t do it. I regretted it, but it was already in the past.

Now I wasn’t even sure if I was even managing my expression properly. My eyelashes trembled pathetically as I opened my eyes.

The senior who finished speaking patted my back. She looked so nonchalant that I stared at her blankly.

“Let’s go, Young-hyun. I heard there’s going to be fireworks soon.”

The senior hurried her steps. She walked quickly toward the two people ahead. Her long straight hair swayed behind her back.

“Let’s go together!”

Senior Hyuna took her place between Lim Dae-han and Senior Seong-hong. She jumped in place to put her arms around their shoulders.

She was like the protagonist of a youth movie. A protagonist with a beautiful romance and bright future ahead of her.

I watched that scene in front of me. Though it was far from me, I…

Chichi-chichi-chichik…Bang, Bang, Bang!

Simultaneously, fireworks exploded in the sky. All sounds were drowned out by the roar of the fireworks.

“…”

I looked up at the sky silently. I stood still in place, blankly staring at the brilliant fireworks spreading in the darkness.

I should be feeling excited by the display, but I wasn’t.

The fireworks burst so beautifully, but after they ended, only shabby smoke and the smell of gunpowder remained. They say fireworks are the flower of festivals. Why am I having such negative thoughts?

Ah. This wasn’t like my usual self.

“Ki Young-hyun.”

Lim Dae-han called me. When I lowered my gaze, he had somehow come to stand beside me. He tilted his head slightly to meet my eyes. Instead of answering, I opened my eyes wide.

“Aren’t the fireworks pretty?”

“Uh…yeah.”

Lim Dae-han had his back to the fireworks. How can he speak those words at a moment like this?

“You should look at the fireworks.”

“It’s nice to see the colors changing on your face.”

Lim Dae-han said that with a straight face. Over his shoulder, brilliant fireworks went boom, boom, boom.

His jet-black hair was faintly tinted with the colors of the fireworks. I must look the same, facing the fireworks. But that wouldn’t be funny.

I smiled weakly, lifting the corners of my mouth.

“Don’t look at me, look at the fireworks.”

“I’ll look at what I want with my own eyes.”

Lim Dae-han reached out and lazily touched my chin with his index finger. When I looked at him intently, he said, “Are you annoyed?” He came because he wanted to see me, but it looked like he was putting on airs for no reason…

“Hey, come quickly!”

Senior Seong-hong called us. The two who were ahead had stopped and were waiting for us.

“Yes!”

I answered energetically, as if to pierce through the explosions. Then I nudged Lim Dae-han’s stomach with my elbow as I passed. 

“Let’s go quickly.” At my words, Lim Dae-han also started walking leisurely.

As I walked, I thought, Don’t worry about it. Really. There’s nothing to worry about.

Despite trying to reassure myself, my mood sank as more time passed. I stood in the corner of the pub, blankly staring at the scene before me. Why did Senior Hyuna like Lim Dae-han so much? If she liked him enough to confess, her feelings must be to the point of overflowing.

Did she like Lim Dae-han so much that she couldn’t hold back her confession?

I tried to recall why I had come to like Lim Dae-han, but nothing specific came to mind. In the early summer of my eighteenth year, I received a confession, and from then on, I became conscious of him. At first, I was scared, but somehow he naturally seeped into my life. So, I knew this from experience.

Confessions had that much power. They might not capture the entire heart, but they could shake it a little. Love started from that small vibration.

If Lim Dae-han received a confession, wouldn’t he suddenly become aware of the other senior? Maybe the pretty and confident Senior Hyuna would suit Lim Dae-han better than a boyfriend who couldn’t even show to others that they were dating.

“…”

Lim Dae-han, who had rejoined the table, was drinking even better now, perhaps thanks to the hangover remedy. As the number of drinks going down his throat increased, my mood plummeted further.

Why was he drinking so much, unlike his usual self? He could refuse if he wanted to. Lim Dae-han wasn’t the type to humor that rowdy senior.

“Young-hyun, In-gong, come here for a moment.”

“Yes?”

The senior manning the counter called us. As Park In-gong and I approached, the senior handed us a card. She said more customers were expected, so we should go buy paper cups of various sizes.

With strict instructions to bring back the receipt, we nodded our heads and left the pub together. It was better to leave than to stay and keep stealing glances at the seniors’ table while just serving drinks.

Even though it was getting late and the crowd should have thinned out, the streets were still bustling. We squeezed our way through, creating a path.

Despite the crowd and the exciting music that gripped you, I felt lonely.

Park In-gong kept looking around, drooling at the passing people. I ignored his nonsense about wanting certain girls to come to our department’s pub.

“In-gong, why aren’t you hanging out with the seniors today? You were always wagging your tail, begging to be included.”

“Ah, well…”

“What is it?”

“They’re just too senior, you know. There are even graduates present today.”

“Do you discriminate by year when you hang out?”

“Who said I’m discriminating? Honestly, those seniors are a bit scary. I’m staying away because I’m not confident in maintaining proper etiquette. You know I’m not good at reading the room.”

I was a bit surprised. I didn’t know Park In-gong was this self-aware.

“Ah, I see.”

Having nothing more to say, I responded indifferently and continued walking. We left the campus and headed toward the dollar store.

Of course, there was a convenience store nearby, but the dollar store was cheaper and had more variety. Also, I had once experienced a long wait at the convenience store, which made me even less inclined to go there.

Park In-gong held up the card given by the senior and said, “Can’t we just buy an ice cream each with this?”

We were on our way back after stopping at the dollar store. Park In-gong suddenly said something out of the blue.

“I envy Lim Dae-han.”

“…Why all of a sudden?”

“Just. He’s tall, handsome, and from a well-off family. He’s the only twenty-year-old in our class who drives a car. Everyone else with a car is older.”

“I heard it’s not a new car, but one he got from his family.”

“That’s exactly it. How many families have such cars to spare?”

I see…He wasn’t wrong. Well, they were definitely well-off.

I nodded in agreement, and Park In-gong added, “And honestly, I envy how he always carries himself with such confidence, not discriminating against anyone. He doesn’t lose face even among seniors.”

“Yeah, that’s true…”

“Young-hyun, don’t you stay quiet when seniors are around? That’s how it is for people like us. We only act tough in front of friends.”

Why do these guys always lump me in with them? I looked at him with a disgruntled expression on my face.

“It’s not that I don’t say anything at all. And you’re the only one who acts tough, not me.”

“What I envy most is how well he gets along with Hyuna noona. I heard from the seniors that they’re 100% going to date. Even if not now, they say they’ll date eventually…Damn, I liked noona first.”

“…Why do they say they’ll date?”

“Can there be friendship between men and women? Didn’t you learn that in engineering school?”

Park In-gong added fuel to my already unsettled feelings. Right, yeah…

“Young-hyun, do you have any female friends besides your classmates?”

“No, I don’t.”

“You seemed to have a lot of friends. Introduce me to some before summer vacation. I want to spend the vacation with a loving girlfriend too.”

“Just…live as you have always been.”

“You!”

Park In-gong bent his knee and jabbed my thigh. They say a man should only kneel three times in his life, but I almost fell to my knees due to the sudden force.

“Hey!”

As I shouted at Park In-gong, he laughed out loud. They say you can’t spit on a smiling face, but right now, I really wanted to.

I decided to calm my agitated feelings. By the way, did Park In-gong also think Lim Dae-han and Senior Hyuna would date? No, it seemed not just Park In-gong, but others saw it that way too.

Normally, hearing such things would have just left me feeling uneasy, but having heard from Senior Hyuna herself that she was going to confess made me even more depressed.