SPGM Ch 18

I wonder if Weather knows.

That his gaze often lingers on the shape of a family, or on a child.

“Weather.”

A shadow fell over Weather, who had stopped drinking his tea to stare blankly out the window. Tak, a large hand placed a tray full of desserts on the table, and Weather’s gaze lifted. Facing the golden eyes that shone like glass beads in the sunlight, Weather put on a languid expression, then belatedly confirmed the contents of the tray and furrowed his brow.

“You’re joking, right?”

“Joking?”

His narrowed green eyes stared at the shamelessly innocent face.

“Surely you don’t intend for us to eat all of this. Please tell me you don’t.”

“I’m sorry, Weather, but I was planning on eating all of this with you.”

Jester pulled over a chair that was set a good distance away and sat snugly right next to Weather. His hardened resolve melted away at the sight of that friendly face and its gentle, smiling eyes. The voice that had been about to chide him also softened considerably.

“I told you sweets are bad for your health. Besides, this… no matter how I look at it, this is just not right. Look closely, this exceeds the recommended daily intake for a human. We’ll die if we eat all this, Jester. As I always say, I hate it when you’re sick.”

“I know, Weather. But we won’t die from eating all that.”

“Of course, we won’t die right away. It’ll just shorten our lifespan by a day.”

What’s a day. That amount would probably be worth two days of lifespan. Weather’s green eyes, staring at the desserts, narrowed even further.

“I don’t think so.”

“I think so.”

When Weather retorted without backing down, Jester’s lips jutted out in a pout. It was intentional. Jester knew all too well that whenever he acted stubbornly like a child, Weather would give in, unable to win.

But this time, Weather absolutely could not give in. This was a matter directly related to Jester’s health, after all. Ever since he started being with Jester, Weather had developed a unique obsession with the continuity of the life Jester was meant to enjoy.

He could not give in so easily, but he couldn’t help finding the pouting lips adorable. Weather, forcefully suppressing the urge to press his lips to that soft flesh right this instant, said.

“I’ll say it again, I hate it when you’re sick.”

“I know, Weather.”

“It’s not just hate, it’s horrifying. To the point where just imagining it is agonizing.”

“Yes. I know that too, Weather.”

“…….”

Swallowing a sudden sigh, Weather propped his chin on his hand and gazed at Jester. Jester boldly met the look that screamed, You bought this much even though you know that?, and picked up a fork. He skillfully cut a piece of cake and brought it to Weather’s mouth.

The firmly closed lips were like an impregnable fortress that would not allow an intruder, but Jester was no intruder; he was a guest of honor. One so lovely that he should be welcomed with open arms. So how could Weather possibly refuse that touch?

In the end, Weather opened his mouth. Jester’s gaze moved past the quietly chewing cheek and rested on the richly colored green eyes. He asked, his own eyes filled with a silent expectation.

“How is it?”

“Hmm, it’s not as sweet as I thought. It looked incredibly sweet.”

“See? I knew it. I actually looked into the ingredients before coming here. They use ingredients developed in Sector A, even if it’s a commercial grade. Eating this much won’t put a strain on the human body, so you don’t have to worry.”

So that’s why he was so stubborn today. Weather let out a soft laugh and nodded.

“You should have told me sooner.”

“You feel a little more at ease now, right? How does it taste?”

“It’s delicious. The clean aftertaste is quite nice.”

“Really? Then this too.”

Jester’s face, as he offered another dessert, was full of delight. This was because he had recently found joy in discovering Weather’s preferences. In reality, Weather himself had no interest in his own preferences, but he had no intention of interfering with Jester’s little amusement. On the contrary, he was pleased by the gesture that was for his sake.

Weather, who had been gazing at Jester while accepting the fork that went straight to his mouth, suddenly raised his hand. His long, firm fingertips touched the smooth bridge of Jester’s nose.

“Weather?”

Jester, who had gently closed his eyes thinking Weather was about to sweep back his hair, opened them. A firm, cool finger was softly stroking down the bridge of his nose.

The first stroke brought a fluttering tickle, the second a strange flutter of excitement, and the third a languid sensation. Closing his eyes with a soft sigh, Jester savored the continuing touch. When the tranquil act stopped, he even felt a sense of disappointment.

“A beloved cat must feel something like this.”

“What did you feel?”

A cat. It was an unexpected thing to say, but also strangely agreeable. Because Jester’s languidly relaxed expression looked like that of a cat right before it falls asleep with a full belly.

If he were a cat, wouldn’t he have the cozy appearance of one embracing the sunlight? As Weather stroked the hair that shimmered with a warm color instead of fur as soft as fluff, Jester whispered to him.

“It’s a little ticklish.”

And he slowly reached out his hand.

“And very comforting.”

He recalled the touch from Weather that had reached him, and gently stroked his lover’s firm nose bridge.

“It felt like someone was whispering that they would keep watching over me, so I could sleep peacefully without any worries.”

How about you? As he asked this, Weather, who had closed his eyes at some point, smiled softly.

“Yes. I think you’re right, Jester.”

Weather snatched the hand that was on his nose and planted kisses on each and every finger. Laughter seeped into Jester’s breath. Then, suddenly glancing toward the window, Jester asked.

“By the way, what were you looking at just now?”

“Just now? Ah… that.”

Weather, also looking toward the window, said.

“It was nothing special. I was just looking outside.”

“Yes.”

“A very sulky child was clinging to the leg of a person who looked like their mother and throwing a tantrum. The person who looked like the mother had a stern expression.”

“Really? I wonder if the child got a good scolding for asking for a toy.”

It must have been a gesture of trying to go back to the toy store somehow, holding onto the hem of the mother’s pants as she turned away resolutely, Jester whispered his own imaginings.

“Perhaps. That could be it.”

“So, did the child keep throwing a tantrum? What did the mother, whose steps were being hindered, do?”

“Hmm, the person who looked like the mother just stared blankly at the child. Judging by how her lips didn’t open, I think she just watched without saying anything. Then, a short while later, the crying child lifted their head, probably finding it strange that there was no reaction.”

Their gazes met, and the mother and child spent a moment exchanging not sounds, but the language of their eyes. When the child’s breathing slowly calmed and the tears stopped, the child’s mother bent down to meet the child’s eyes. At last, the firmly closed lips opened, and after whispering something, she reached her hand out toward the child.

“Gently.”

“Gently?”

Recalling the touch that followed, Weather continued.

“With her slender fingers, she gently stroked the child’s nose bridge.”

“Like you did to me?”

“Yes. Very gently. Softly. Her hand would be smaller than mine, so she must have stroked it even more softly.”

Then, surprisingly, the child’s pouting lips twitched. They slowly began to move and finally broke into a wide grin. The child, smiling with tears still clinging to the corners of their eyes, closed their eyes with a soft sigh, arms spread wide as if asking for affection. The mother, lifting the child into her arms, began to walk away.

The steady patting on the small back, and the expression on the child’s face, who had fallen asleep with their head buried in their mother’s neck. Weather watched them until they disappeared completely beyond the window’s scenery.

“It was an action I’d never seen before, so it caught my eye. I was also curious about what kind of sensation it evoked to calm the child down, to make them end up smiling and falling asleep.”

“So that’s why you tried it. To soothe me while I was going wild over the desserts.”

“Well, rather than that.”

Weather let out a soft laugh.

“I guess you could say I just found myself following along without realizing it. Because the expression on the person stroking that small nose looked so happy. And the expression on the child who received that touch looked so peaceful.”

Weather knows now. That there are moments when love becomes visible. Not beyond a screen, but in the corners of the world he had not yet examined. Whenever he encountered moments like these, Weather learned the visual expressions of emotion.

The expressions he collected, piece by piece, were directed at only one person. Jester, too, absorbed Weather’s language and expressions. Before they knew it, they found themselves facing each other, feeling the same emotions and using the same expressions, growing more and more alike.

“But then, I suddenly saw your nose. I think I wanted to try stroking it gently.”

“I see. It was the first time I’d ever received that kind of skinship, but it felt good.”

“It did?”

“Yes. Weather, how about you? How was it for you?”

Recalling the act of returning the exact sensation he had felt, Weather smiled.

“Me too. It felt good for me too, just like you.”

“I have a good idea. How about we touch each other’s noses before bed starting today? I feel like I’ll be able to sleep sweetly. I’m sure I’ll have good dreams.”

“You want to do that?”

“Yes. I want to.”

“Alright. If that’s what you want, let’s do that, Jester.”

Jester smiled at his lover, who wore a languid and gentle expression.

🎥

Sometimes, the one watching is the first to notice.

It is likely the path of the unconscious, which one does not even realize oneself. For Jester, whose gaze was bound to be directed, and whose destination was already set, it was possible to collect even the products of Weather’s unconscious and fleeting moments, the very terminus of his own nerves.

Freed from his terrible bondage, Weather was able to wear a more comfortable expression than before, but Jester also knew that he would make a peculiar face whenever he encountered the things he had not been aware of, hidden behind that bondage.

He couldn’t not know, since he was watching Weather all day long.

The countless laughing, crying, talking, and walking children on the streets. A child’s hand completely filling an adult’s. The shape of family, the bond, and the affection felt in their joined hands. Or children of similar sizes holding hands, expressing themselves in their own ways as they got along. Weather’s gaze was particularly drawn to such things, as if bewitched.

What Weather’s unconscious was drawn to, and what he was curious about. Or what he wanted. Jester couldn’t help but realize that it might be a yearning that comes from empty memories and time.

Weather has no childhood.

“A memory from your childhood?”

“Yes. I was wondering if you had any that were particularly memorable.”

“Hmm, let’s see? A special memory…”

The man, who had been admiring the stranger’s delightful face to his heart’s content, fell into thought. It was a rather abrupt question, but the stranger before him often asked questions without context, so he had grown used to it in his own way.

“If it’s too difficult, you don’t have to find a particularly special memory. Something like an ordinary day from your youth would be fine too. Even something very trivial.”

The man, the sole cook and owner of the old restaurant, scratched his bushy beard. Seeing it undone instead of neatly braided into its usual three plaits, it seemed his mischievous youngest daughter had left on the late summer trip she had so eagerly awaited.

Weather would have been disappointed if he had seen the man now. He used to enjoy looking at the man’s unique beard. Jester, naturally thinking of Weather, smiled faintly.

“Umm…. That’s even more difficult.”

“Things like food you enjoyed eating as a child, or games you played, things you wanted to have or places you wanted to go. Or things you did have or places you did go. Anything is fine.”

“Oh, it’s nice that you give specific examples. At my age, memory and imagination start to fail, you know.”

The man, laughing heartily, thought for a moment before he began to speak.

“I don’t know if this is the kind of story you wanted, but, hmm. It’s a bit random, but my parents were very playful people. To what extent, you ask? You could say they lived their whole lives for the fun of teasing their own children. They pranked us three siblings in truly bizarre ways.”

A nostalgic smile appeared on the man’s face as he slowly traced his memories.

“When I was a kid, you see. They would always play tricks, even with the side dishes in our lunch boxes or our snacks. They’d pack hot sauce instead of ketchup, or give us muffins they called chocolate chip but were actually filled with raisins. Ha, honestly. They were cruel, no, they were relentless.”

“That’s a story I’ve heard a lot from Alisa.”

“That’s right. It’s what I do to my little pups. A top-down kind of love, you could say.”

The man shrugged and chuckled.

“When I was young, I can’t tell you how annoying and hateful it was. But now, it’s just something I miss, so time is truly an ironic thing.”

“Is that why you act the same way, because you miss it?”

“Hmm, I didn’t consciously do it on purpose from the beginning, but maybe that was actually the case. You know, that thing called the unconscious. Maybe every time I missed my parents, the memories stored in me manifested as actions. And then, when I’d catch myself treating my children a certain way, I think I confirmed the affection hidden within their pranks.”

The man cast his gaze toward Jester, who was listening intently with his chin propped on his hand.

“Do you know this? That pranks take a lot of effort. What kind of prank should I pull today to surprise my little pups? Or to make them cry their eyes and noses out? If a similar prank goes on more than three times, the rascals catch on. Then I have to come up with another, brand new prank. This is harder than you think. You can’t do it without affection, it’s too much of a bother.”

“I heard you almost had your carefully grown beard shaved off after you made them cry their eyes and noses out.”

“…Did Alisa tell you even that?”

“She and I are best friends.”

Jester pointed to his chest. The paper badge pinned to his white t-shirt was a token of friendship from Alisa. The man looked bewildered.

“When did you put that on?”

“I’ve been wearing it the whole time.”

“The whole time? Well, well, isn’t that something. I was so busy looking at your face, I didn’t even notice that thing was there.”

Tilting his head to the side, Jester asked brightly.

“Is that a compliment?”

“Of course! The highest praise.”

“Thank you.”

The man, taking the light smile as a form of fan service, chuckled. Jester asked the man once more.

“Besides pranks that were surprising enough to make you cry your eyes and noses out, were there any that were fun enough to feel good?”

“A prank that was fun enough to feel good…. Ah, there is one. Actually, this one is a bit far from being just a ‘fun’ impression…. Well, as for the feeling, it did go back and forth between the worst and the best, so maybe it’s roughly similar.”

“Such an extreme expression piques my interest.”

The man gave a grin to Jester, whose clear eyes were shining.

“Let’s see, was it Christmas when I was twelve? At that age, my head was screwed on right enough that I didn’t believe in Santa Claus, but I didn’t let on to protect my younger siblings’ innocence. I think my parents knew too. That I no longer believed in Santa’s existence. Still, it’s an age where you want to get presents using Santa as a pretext, isn’t it? I slipped my letter in with the ones my siblings wrote. I said I wanted the most popular toy that year. I was the only one among my friends who didn’t have it.”

And when he opened his eyes on Christmas day, a large gift box was placed by his head. It was an unexpectedly large volume. The man couldn’t hide his excitement. It was a similar size to the box for the toy he had so desperately wanted.

“I couldn’t believe it. I don’t know how much I jumped up and down on the bed. It was the biggest of any present I had ever seen. The young me, filled with anticipation, untied the ribbon on the gift box. I still remember that moment so vividly. It was a red ribbon with a small pinecone attached. I usually didn’t care for such dainty things, but on that day, even that looked so beautiful…. I carefully untied the ribbon so the decoration wouldn’t get ruined. And I opened the box. But…”

“But?”

Lo and behold, inside the box that he opened with a swelling heart, there was no sign of the toy the man had been anticipating. There was only another box. His cheeks, which had been flushed with anticipation, deflated, and the young man’s expression gradually turned into one of near tears.

“When I opened that box again, there was another box. When I opened that box again, there was yet another box. It was truly… a terrifying box hell. Right, of course. There was no way my parents would give me a present so obediently. My Christmas as a twelve-year-old, which had been full of happiness for a moment, was thrown into the mud in an instant. I was so mad…. No matter how much my parents loved pranks, this was really going too far, I thought.”

“Oh, dear.”

Jester let out a weak laugh.

“Fine. At that point, I just wanted to see what on earth would come out, so I kept opening the boxes. I think I repeated that about six times. When I finally opened a box the size of my palm, do you know what came out?”

“Let’s see. Chocolate? Candy?”

The man snorted heartily.

“Wrong! Nope. It was some kind of note.”

At the unexpected story, Jester’s eyes shone with interest. The man, letting out a hearty laugh, shrugged.

“I was dumbfounded. Like you said, if there had been some chocolate or candy, I wouldn’t have known what to do, but just a single note. To waste all those boxes for that. What is that if not environmental destruction?”

Of course, it was only later that he learned that all those boxes were reused from previous years’ gifts with new wrapping paper added on. The man added.

“Well, anyway. The dejected twelve-year-old unfolded the note with a feeling of resignation. I was sure it would have a drawing of a mocking Santa or something written like ‘Merry Christmas’.”

But what was written on the small note was not a doodle or a phrase. Between complex lines were drawn various skulls and a conspicuous gift box sticker. It was a silent map pointing to a certain place.

The young man realized that the real present existed at the location on the map. That’s not to say he was as expectant as he was at first.

It’s probably something insignificant. He debated whether to go or not, but in the end, the man moved. It was his parents’ own form of dedication to put so much effort into teasing him this much, so he couldn’t bring himself to ignore it.

And so, the man had to wander for a whole day, examining the map with its crude drawings. As expected, the places marked with a skull were full of flimsy traps, and at the place marked with a gift box, there was a real gift box. A gift box that boasted a similar size to the one he had seen in the morning.

“I deliberately untied the ribbon without any expectations. I didn’t want to be disappointed again. But strangely, my heart was pounding. All the way until the moment I finally opened the box.”

And when he opened the box. The first thing that caught his eye was a familiar color. With the thought of no way, he pulled it up, and the man could only stare blankly. In the box that filled both his hands was the toy the young man had wanted so badly.

The man whispered in a low voice.

“Maybe it was because it was something I got after much hardship. I was so happy….”

Hugging the gift box tightly in his small arms, the young man ran as fast as he could. The moment he entered the house with a flushed face, the warm air and the delicious smell that wafted with it. The faces of his parents, peeking out from the kitchen and grinning. His siblings, running out with their own presents in their arms. The memory of tears welling up as he faced all of that.

“My mother and father told me. That presents obtained easily are soon forgotten. That the effort of that day, of diligently running around to get the present, is what allowed me to get it. They were happy that I didn’t stop at disappointment, that I didn’t give up and won the present for myself.”

“They were special parents.”

“That’s right. They were unique and special people. Actually, my youngest sibling hated that method of our parents, but I didn’t mind it. I’d say I came to enjoy it, starting from that Christmas.”

The man’s expression as he shrugged and smiled was just like that of a twelve-year-old boy. For a while, he was silent, caught up in old memories. For that moment while he lingered in reminiscence, the man was not the sole cook of a restaurant, nor the father of three children, but simply a young boy.

Jester silently observed the moment when the unchanging innocence, preserved within a changing shell, was revealed.

Soon, the man returned to the present and asked.

“Don’t you have any? Special memories from your childhood, I mean. I’ve told mine, so now it’s your turn to tell yours.”

“Well, nothing particular comes to mind.”

The man grinned mischievously at the light reply. Then, mimicking Jester from a moment ago, he said.

“Well, is there any need to find a particularly special memory. Something like an ordinary day from your youth would be fine too. Things like food you enjoyed eating as a child, or games you played. …What else did I say? Ah, was it something you wanted to have or a place you wanted to go? Anyway. Anything is fine, isn’t it?”

With such a striking appearance, the life he had lived was surely not an ordinary one. The man gazed at the clear-faced man with narrowed eyes. The stranger who had appeared out of nowhere had the air of a young master raised in comfort, even when dressed in shabby, comfortable clothes. It was probably also due to the fact that his companion, who was always with him, doted on the stranger before him excessively.

“Ah, come to think of it, where did you leave your handsome partner and end up sitting here all alone?”

As if pleased by the expression used to refer to Weather, Jester suddenly smiled sweetly.

“My handsome partner is resting at our lodgings.”

“Why, is he sick somewhere? He looked so healthy, as if he’d never known a sick day in his life. I guess he’s more fragile than he looks.”

“No. Weather is so healthy it’s reassuring. He’s a very dependable and affectionate partner who doesn’t create things for me to worry about.”

It was as if he were boasting. The man, annoyed by the lilting voice, gave him a half-lidded glare.

“Then why did you leave him behind and come out? You two are always stuck together like you’re one person.”

“That’s true. It feels empty without my other half. It’s dreary, and lonely….”

“…He just says whatever he wants to say.”

As he thought of Weather resting at their lodgings, Jester’s eyes softened. He smiled like a cat that had become languid from receiving the sun’s infinite love.

“…My, it seems just thinking about him makes you happy, doesn’t it?”

“Yes. To the point of being overwhelmed.”

So much so that it’s hard to believe a world like this exists.

“If you’re so happy, why are you sitting here alone?”

“Actually, I forced him to rest today. Though persuading him wasn’t easy.”

Weather still couldn’t shake his worries because of Mikhail, who pursued them relentlessly. He had already had several altercations with Mikhail when they finally came face to face. Although he had expected to some degree that Mikhail wouldn’t leave them alone easily, Mikhail was far more persistent than Jester had thought.

The first attack was in the third town they had stayed in since their escape. Mikhail, who had secretly bought out the motel where they were staying, committed the atrocity of pumping sleeping gas into their room in the middle of the night. Just as the cramped room was about to be filled with enough sleeping gas to knock someone out for a good four days, the coward in a gas mask burst into the room triumphantly.

But his excitement at the thought of collecting the helplessly unconscious ‘Louis’ was short-lived. In reality, Weather, who had already sensed the unfamiliar atmosphere lingering in the motel, had handed Jester a water-soaked towel as soon as the gas began to seep in and had hidden himself by the room door. Mikhail and his lackeys, caught off guard and struck in a vital spot, fainted helplessly.

Jester personally took his cousin’s gas mask and exposed him to the sleeping gas, anticipating the effect the gas would have on a body that looked impressive on the outside but was insubstantially weak. Weather, who witnessed his lover’s vile act, was at a loss for words, but made himself an accomplice by snatching the gas masks from the remaining riff-raff.

Mikhail, who only opened his eyes after a considerable amount of time had passed, trembled with rage upon realizing that all his money, valuables, weapons, and mobile devices had been completely stolen. The failure of the first attack fueled a terrible pursuit along with humiliation.

After that, a great variety of things happened. The scale of the pursuit grew larger by the day, and among them, there was even a time when he bribed the people in towns across all sectors, regardless of their status, to tie their feet. It was a move that saw through Weather’s tendency to be fundamentally unable to be cruel to people.

Weather, upon realizing that the townspeople who had shown him kindness were in league with Mikhail, pretended not to be, but a bitter look would inevitably show on his face. For Jester, that was an incredibly heartbreaking thing. He couldn’t just stand by and watch Mikhail leave a scar on him, who deserved to have only happiness planted in his heart.

That was why he used the wealth and power of ‘Louis’, which he had turned his back on after becoming ‘Jester’ and running away with Weather. The number of times he had planted people to watch Mikhail and ruined his plans was already too many to count. But Mikhail did not yield. He struggled desperately to return ‘Louis’ to Sector A somehow.

One time, he had tried to administer a memory-erasing drug, but ended up getting a taste of his own medicine instead. Weather, while subduing Mikhail, had accidentally pricked Mikhail’s arm with the syringe.

A small amount of the drug induced temporary amnesia. The blackout was short, and the drug’s effect was certain. There was just one problem: the first person Mikhail saw when he opened his eyes happened to be Weather.

“Hello….”

That image of him, greeting with a half-dazed face, was the spitting image of a fool who had fallen in love. The eyes that used to look at the ugliest villain in the world now shone with excitement and ecstasy, as if gazing upon a noble prince.

Fortunately, his memory returned quickly a few hours later. The incident came to a close when he roughly pushed away Weather, whom he had been desperately clinging to, but for Mikhail, that day’s events were nothing short of a humiliation. The blow must have been quite severe, as he didn’t appear before the two of them for a while.

After he reappeared, he had a particular habit of glaring at Weather as if he wanted to kill him, but he couldn’t hide the fact that it was a desperate struggle to conceal his own dark history.

In any case, what was certain was the fact that Mikhail was tirelessly chasing after the two of them. His weed-like, terrible obsession was exasperating, but it was surprisingly useful. Just when they were about to forget, he would appear and add a small incident to their peaceful daily life.

To be precise, it was what followed because of him, that is, it presented them with a romantic journey called ‘escape’.

A red truck, old in appearance but with a performance as sturdy as a new model. The side profile of Weather as he gripped the steering wheel. Whenever his green eyes sent a gaze through his loosely fallen hair, a breathless thrumming would stir inside Jester.

They listened to the radio, shared trivial chats, and sang along at the top of their lungs when a song they liked came on. Every time, Weather would laugh, and at some point, he began to hum along quietly too.

They spent time in towns they stopped at on a whim, encountered various types of people, and experienced an ordinary life. They were together in every moment. That would be the same in the future as well.

There were also things he came to learn anew by being together. For the sake of what stemmed from that realization, Jester, for the first time since getting together with Weather, ventured out on his own.

Because he had to find out. About the shape of childhood and the memories that people have.

He wanted to gift Weather the things he never had, even if it was belatedly.

His own childhood, where he had lived a life others would not envy but had never held much interest in anything, would not be a gift to Weather. Weather’s gaze was directed at utterly ordinary things, and his deficiency was something that could not be obtained from things that were merely flashy on the outside. It was a realm Jester could not easily conjure.

Therefore, he had to collect the average childhoods of as many different people as possible. Moreover, Weather must not find out, so he had to leave him alone and go out. He couldn’t very well prepare a gift for him together, could he?

But how was he supposed to go out alone? By the time he had that thought, he had already declared his outing to Weather. It was only after seeing Weather naturally putting on his overcoat that he belatedly thought, oops, but he couldn’t bring himself to stop him. Because Weather had only done what was natural for him.

“You’re not going?”

He, who had quickly finished preparing to go out, sent a look from the doorway. Jester forced open his reluctant lips and spat out a weak excuse. That he wanted to go out alone today.

And the expression Weather returned was….

The flustered Jester quickly added more words.

“W-well, today I’m just planning on looking around the town lightly. I’m fine on my own. Besides, Weather, you’re always going through so much for me. So I was thinking, how about you get a good rest by yourself today….”

“Jester, what kind of nonsense is that.”

But it didn’t work in the slightest.

“How can I rest when you’re not here?”

What came back instead was an attack that deeply moved his heart and a piece of affection he had not expected to receive.

“…….”

Yes, let’s go together. How about a walk in the park holding hands today? The weather outside is nice. But you know what, Weather? It feels good to hold your hand in the summer because it’s cool. No, actually, it feels good to hold your hand in the winter too. Because I like feeling your hand get warm from my body heat. It’s like that for all the seasons.

Jester, forcefully swallowing the words that rose up to his throat, gave a bitter smile.

“I know, Weather. It’s the same for me. But today, I just want to walk alone. You know, there are just some days like that.”

Having time alone wouldn’t indicate a change of heart. Weather froze as if struck by a thunderbolt and couldn’t say a word.

The one who was flustered by that reaction was, in fact, Jester. His heart sank. He couldn’t help but flounder, not knowing what to do. The ‘Louis’ of the past might have been able to handle it skillfully, but ‘Jester’ could not.

“No, Weather, what I mean is….”

“It’s alright, Jester. I understand.”

Just as the frantic Jester was about to add more, Weather suddenly agreed.

“Huh?”

“You’re right. You can go out alone. I’ll be resting at our lodgings, so take your time and have a nice trip.”

He should have been relieved to get permission, but for some reason, his heart felt heavier. Instead, he felt he had to change the subject somehow.

Just then, something popped into Jester’s head. Fiddling with his mobile device, he immediately hacked into Mikhail’s secret account and played a video of a play ‘Louis’ had participated in during his student days. Weather’s eyes widened, and he slowly approached and sat down in front of the screen. As it was something that had not been solved in the world, it was enough to capture Weather’s attention.

And so, having succeeded in his outing, Jester had now succeeded in collecting a total of four people’s worth of childhoods, including the man before him.

“If he’s not sick, why did you force him to rest?”

“Because there’s something I need to find out secretly, and it won’t be a secret if Weather is by my side.”

“Something to find out secretly? What, are you planning a surprise event or something?”

“Something like that.”

“Oh.”

The man showed a look of interest. He skillfully twisted his beard between his thick fingers and opened his mouth in a suggestive tone.

“I’m very well-versed in this area. Here, tell me what kind of event it is, just me.”

“I already told you.”

Jester replied with a grin. The man, who blinked blankly for a moment, asked again.

“When did you tell me?”

The man couldn’t easily grasp the meaning of the answer. After all, he was the one who had been talking nonstop until now.

“Trace back the flow of our conversation. Then you will find the answer.”

“What? The flow of conversation?”

“Yes. The flow of conversation. It’s not difficult. Slowly trace it back…. Ah, dear. The time already.”

Jester, who had suddenly checked the time, clicked his tongue. He hurriedly got up from his seat at the unexpected delay.

“I should get going now. I miss my partner. This was a very informative conversation.”

“Huh? No, wait a minute…!”

Jester, who strode forward with steps as large as his long legs, was already crossing the sidewalk on the opposite side. The man, suddenly left alone, clicked his tongue in bewilderment. It was then. A familiar figure was caught at the edge of his vision.

“Well now?”

The man gazed across the street from the restaurant with narrowed eyes. The figure who had been watching someone from the gap in the alley and then hurriedly ran off somewhere was familiar. A strikingly handsome man with ashen hair and clear green eyes. It was undoubtedly the affectionate partner of the stranger the man had been talking with just moments ago.

Weather. Why was he here, when he was supposed to be resting at their lodgings…? What’s more, for someone who had been looking so longingly at his departing lover, what was the reason for running into the alley without even acknowledging him? And who was that guy following him?

“…What are those two doing as a pair?”

🎥

He swore he had no intention of tailing him.

“I’ll be back, Weather. I won’t be too late.”

But seeing him actually about to leave alone, his resolve melted like snow. His fingertips, holding the remote, tightened. Crack, a cracking sound came from the surface of the tightly gripped remote. Leaving the remote gently on the sofa, Weather headed to the doorway and slowly nodded with an awkward expression.

“Have a safe trip, Jester. And, uh, …have a good time, by all means.”

His mood had sunk miserably by the time he uttered the last words, but he didn’t bother to show it. Jester, with his usual sweet face, pressed his lips to Weather’s cheek. Mwah, mwah, mwaah. He even shook his head and playfully kissed him, then waved his hand.

“I’m really going now. Get some good rest.”

“Yes. Okay. You too, uh, take it easy…. Have a good time.”

For some reason, it was difficult to meet his gaze. Weather, who had 괜히 turned his eyes to Jester’s chest, spotted the badge. It was a paper badge handmade by Alisa, a smart twelve-year-old girl who lived in the town. Come to think of it, Jester and Alisa were quite a well-matched combo, and it had been like that since they first met.

It was now entering the second year of their wandering life while dodging Mikhail. Their entering the town was an impulsive decision, as usual. They were in need of a rest, and there was no reason to pass by a town they happened to see.

Late at night, the only restaurant that was open was the one run by Alisa’s father. The child, who had been doing her homework with a bored face while sitting at an empty table, raised her head at the sound of the bell.

Thud, a dropped pen hit Weather’s feet. Weather, who had picked up the pen that was small enough to fit in his palm, carefully handed it to her, but Alisa just stared blankly.

On behalf of the embarrassed Weather, Jester handed her the pen. Fortunately, Alisa, who took the pen, hid behind her father who had come to take their order and cast a cat-like gaze at them.

Alisa’s gaze attack continued throughout their meal. It was especially focused on Weather. The moment Weather, who had been trying his best to ignore it, finally met her persistent gaze, Alisa, as if she hadn’t expected him to look back, was startled and ran off into the kitchen.

“I guess she was surprised.”

He had turned to her with a smile, in case the child might get scared. But it seemed that even that was scary to Alisa. Jester whispered to Weather, who was smiling awkwardly and letting his bangs hang down.

“That’s not it, Weather. Can’t you tell just by looking? She’s hiding because she’s shy.”

Weather, too, was aware that his appearance was special. However, perhaps because of his intense impression, children were usually afraid of him. Jester, knowing that Weather was inwardly bothered by it every time, would offer that kind of comfort with a gentle smile.

Jester was like that. All the words he said to him were as sweet as his face. Weather, letting out a soft laugh, pushed his share of the meal toward him, expressing himself instead.

The warm food, which they had enjoyed for the first time in a while, added vitality to their tired bodies, and he had dismissed the earlier event as a usual happening.

The unexpected situation occurred when Weather was paying the bill with satisfaction. Alisa, who had been hiding in the kitchen the whole time, stealthily approached and tugged on Jester’s pant leg.

What is it? Jester, who met Weather’s eyes, shrugged and bent his body. Swish, swish, following the gesture of the small hand, he lowered his body as much as possible, and Alisa whispered something in his ear. Jester, who listened seriously for a long while, also whispered to the child, but he couldn’t hear what kind of conversation it was.

Whisper, whisper

Whisper, whisper

After whispering back and forth like that several times, they exchanged names and shook hands. They looked resolute, as if they had formed some unspoken alliance. Weather sent a look that said, what are you doing?, but Jester just shrugged his shoulders, swallowing his answer.

After that, Jester and Alisa often hung out. The two of them usually met when Weather was out grocery shopping, and Alisa would suddenly appear out of nowhere, whisper with Jester, and sneak glances at Weather.

“…What on earth are you two talking about?”

“I can’t tell you. I can’t easily reveal a secret shared between two people who have built a friendship.”

Even if he asked out of curiosity, he only evaded the question, so Weather couldn’t probe any further. He had no intention of interfering with their friendship either. Because Jester, whispering with the child, looked quite happy.

However, the fact that Jester was keeping a secret from him was very bothersome. On top of that, he had to say that he needed time alone, so how could he just brush it off as nothing?

Ever since they got together, Jester had always stayed by Weather’s side. Weather, seeing Jester who was naturally there whenever he turned his head, who was always in the same spot at any moment, felt that he had become a part of him. And so, as if they were one, they spent every moment together. He prided himself that they were unspeakably fulfilling and happy days.

But what if, blinded by the happiness he felt, he had failed to consider Jester’s discomfort? If so, how much had Jester been enduring and tolerating all this time?

The dam of thought, once burst, leaked out uncontrollably. He couldn’t concentrate even with the student-era Louis right in front of him. The young Louis was very fresh and beautiful, but to Weather, the present Jester was more important.

And so, after putting aside even the rare video of Louis for a moment, he had been following him to the doorway, lost in thought and biting his lip.

“Weather? What’s wrong?”

“Huh? Oh, no….”

Weather, suddenly snapping out of his thoughts, shook his head. He hid his own fluster by needlessly straightening Alisa’s badge and clothes.

“The badge seemed crooked. There, it’s fixed.”

“You’re so sweet. Thanks, Weather. I’ll be back. See you later.”

“Yes. See you later.”

Jester turned around without any lingering attachment. Weather, who had been pacing the empty doorway, dragged his heavy feet. He trudged back to the living room and played the paused video for a moment. He then rushed to the window and watched Jester’s retreating back.

“…….”

Look back, look back, look back.

“…….”

Look back. Look back, Jester.

“…….”

No matter how much he screamed inside, it couldn’t even create a vibration on the glass right in front of him. For someone who didn’t even have the courage to call out loud, Jester, who didn’t look back, felt cruel. Weather, who was gloomily watching the retreating back, let out a sigh.

“…Time alone. Yes, humans need time alone.”

In fact, that wasn’t limited to just humans. Hadn’t Weather, himself, felt it before? On a day when Jason had left the house to care for his mother. The feeling he felt being alone for the first time wasn’t loneliness or desolation. It was peace.

Jester also has the right to peace. He needs freedom too. Perhaps he had been shackling him too much. The story of a relationship being destroyed because one partner obsessed over the other under the excuse of love is not a subject that only happens in content beyond the TV screen.

It was something that could fully happen in reality, and to Weather himself. No, in fact, it was something he had already experienced.

He must not forget the result brought about by trapping ‘Louis’ under the name ‘Jester’. Because of the foolish greed he committed, Jester had to go to the brink of death. The fact that he returned safely and chose him was a miracle-like stroke of luck.

Let’s admit it. That this is obsession and restraint hiding behind the shield of love. Slap, Weather, who had struck his own cheek hard, caught his breath. Slowly composing himself, Weather headed to the sofa and watched the playing video. A ‘Louis’ with a youthful air smiled brightly at his co-star.

“…….”

But.

“…….”

Is it wrong to just watch secretly? If I watch from a distance, there won’t be any problem, right? If the person involved doesn’t notice, what’s the difference between two people or one person? As long as I don’t get caught, it’s fine, right?

“…Mikhail might have already found his way here.”

Come to think of it, that was true. They were currently being chased. Now that they didn’t even cover their faces, they were bound to stand out even more.

But that didn’t mean he had any intention of living in hiding like in the past. It was their will to throw everything away and decide to be together, and it was because a belief had grown that they could overcome whatever situation came their way.

The sense of liberation from freedom, once tasted, was far greater than the fear of gazes. The wind brushing against their skin and the scent of the seasons. The clear sound of people’s voices and the noise created by the world. The warmth and comforting scent of the being standing side by side. Those were things that could not be felt while wearing a helmet and gloves.

He was no longer afraid of the emotions embedded in gazes. He enjoyed filling his daily life with his complete self. With the mistakes he had committed, he could never live an ordinary life, but that level of inconvenience was nothing compared to the preciousness of what he had.

Now, even Mikhail’s existence was not as frightening as it was at first. The guilt he had felt for him for losing his cousin had also faded long ago. For him, who ignored and condemned Jester’s will, guilt was a luxurious emotion.

But it was still true that he was annoying, so it would sometimes cause him a headache, and what if Mikhail were to show up now, when Jester was alone? That would be a huge problem.

“…I think I have to follow him.”

If they were together, there would be no problem. Because he was confident he could protect him no matter what. But Jester alone would not do.