UPLB Ch 17
by soapa“It makes sense that they would know a place that sells something like this.”
Yang Juwon laughed nonsensically. Choi Sungbin looked at him and also smiled slightly. What is he so happy about that he keeps laughing.
“Why were you at home all day today. You could have gone out to meet your friends.”
Choi Sungbin found Yang Juwon puzzling. Would he really be okay with me going to meet friends? He should know who the ‘friends’ I met all this time were. Or is he thinking I might have other friends?
Even though he knows about me. Wasn’t he the one who told me from the very beginning not to create any unnecessary scandals because my reputation was already bad.
If Yang Juwon had said he was meeting friends on his birthday…… I could already see myself flying into a rage. It was a moment that twisted all the time I had spent thinking birthdays were no big deal.
“Would you be happy if I went around meeting friends on my birthday?”
“Because I made you wait for a long time.”
“I don’t have any friends anyway.”
Choi Sungbin retorted matter of factly. He knew that the relationships he had called just friends were, in fact, not that. What kind of friends would go on dates and sleep together? It was just because the responsibility they had to have for each other was a nuisance.
Yang Juwon, who finally understood the meaning, also reacted with a short, “Ah.” Did he really not know? So stupid, anyway.
“Then your family, at least.”
“……”
“Is it because it’s awkward? I heard you’re not that far apart in age from your stepmother.”
“We ended things with money.”
“You could have at least had dinner.”
“That’s for when you’re celebrating a birthday. We’re uncomfortable meeting each other. If we met, we would probably just fight.”
Strangely, whenever I am in front of Yang Juwon, I end up rambling on and on. It was the same now. In the first place, just mentioning that my stepmother is six years older than me was a flaw for me.
Whenever family stories came up, I always changed the subject. I knew well how to avoid the conversation. I had also lied many times. I didn’t feel the need to bring up stories that could become a weakness.
“Why are you on bad terms with your family?”
It was the first time I had seen someone ask so directly. So, this was what it meant for a man’s world to be narrow. He would probably think it’s nothing serious. At most, that we fought or that I rebelled.
They were just that kind of family. The tragedy might have begun when a person who should not have formed a family, formed one.
And yet, it felt like I could say everything in front of Yang Juwon. I tried to harden my heart, telling myself it was because of the atmosphere. I didn’t want to tell a lie under the stars.
“My dad hates me.”
“Why?”
How would Yang Juwon react if he heard the story? Would he be surprised? Or would he just accept it as it is?
Perhaps he would say it is okay to my face, but behind my back, think I am the kind of person who deserves it. It couldn’t be helped. The image he had of me was, in the end, all of my own making.
Still.
“My dad.”
“……”
“He thought I slept with my stepmother. Or maybe he jumped to the conclusion that we were the kind of people who would end up sleeping together.”
I hope he believes me. Choi Sungbin mumbled it like a lament while looking at the night sky.
It felt like I could say anything under the stars. Looking at the night sky, I felt like a very small existence.
Choi Sungbin felt a change. He had noticed the existence of a star in the darkness.
“My grandmother is the second wife. She is not the lofty type. When she gets angry, her hands fly out first, she curses casually, she’s a bit, the type who doesn’t act her age. How much worse would my dad be, having grown up under her.
They say he provided enough in terms of money. Rather, the problem was that there was too much. Even if he couldn’t study or didn’t study, there was more than enough money, so he got bored and only indulged in entertainment.
There is not much of an age difference between my dad and me either. At most, twenty years, or somewhere around there. I don’t know who my biological mother is either. Well… I have no expectations. They must have been similar people who met.
I have lived alone since I was seventeen, but before that, I don’t know how many stepmothers came and went. He remarried several times, and there were times when I lived with all my noonas.
There were times when he told me to call someone stepmother, and she would leave without lasting even two months, and there were times when I had three stepmothers. Then, when my dad wouldn’t come home for months, I had to live with people I didn’t even know.
But honestly, I lived without feeling there was a problem. Because I had always lived like this.
One day, a noona came into the house, and we became close. Literally. She was young. Since she was six years older than me.
That noona also had a hard time after coming into the house without knowing anything. She was young, but there were other noonas living with us, and there was only one man, and she was in a position where she had to cling to that one man.
My dad would bring women over and party lavishly again. That noona was scared of things like that, so she came to my room to hang out. We talked. Now I don’t even remember what we talked about. Or why we became close. It’s just that the noona would sometimes come into my room. Saying my dad and the noonas were doing strange things.
I kind of know what it was, too. Because they did it in the living room and in front of my room.
Honestly, at that time, since I had just graduated from middle school, I knew everything there was to know and had done everything there was to do. What do you think I grew up watching? Even so, I didn’t have any of those feelings for my stepmother. I think I thought of her as something like a friend.”
However, that was just my thought. From a certain point on, my father began to harbor suspicions. Because he knew that just as he had, his son was also walking the same path.
That if a young man and woman of similar age were in a room together, they would do the deed. He thought purely from his own perspective.
That day, everything was crossed from the beginning. We were talking as usual, and the woman was drunk. We were laughing and talking when she accidentally spilled the drink she was holding, and Choi Sungbin took off his clothes to change his uniform while he was at it. And that was when his father came into the room.
I couldn’t forget those eyes. The man’s anger and sense of defeat were directed entirely at me. No matter what, would I really fool around with a woman who sleeps with my father.
“I remember the noona begging. That it wasn’t like that. Later, her eyes were bloodshot as she grabbed my shoulders and shook me. Asking me to beg with her to my dad.
I didn’t do anything, so what was there to beg for. Was I crazy to play around with the noonas at that age? Still, I just let it be. Because everyone in that house lived with a loose screw.
But honestly, I didn’t know I would be the one to leave. A few days later, my dad told me he found a place, so I should move out. In words, he said, now that you’re entering high school, wouldn’t it be better to live somewhere close, I’m sorry I couldn’t be a proper father, so it would be better for you mentally to live alone, he said things like this. But I could see it. Those garbage-like eyes that thought I had stolen his woman.
Still, my dad has come to his senses now. He married that noona and is still living with her. It’s only been a few years, but for my dad, that’s a big deal. She’s the woman he’s lived with the longest among all the women he has married. I guess he’s afraid she’ll be stolen again.”
Choi Sungbin finished speaking and chuckled. The last part was a joke, but Yang Juwon did not laugh.
It was true that I was the trigger. Whether his pride was hurt or he realized his feelings through disgusting jealousy. My father was in his thirties then, so I wonder if it’s understandable, but I still don’t know. He had a younger sibling too. I didn’t know the name, but I knew the face. In the family photo my dad had on his messenger, there was a young child instead of me.
“But I didn’t even know they were married. I found out later. They even had a wedding ceremony, the nerve.”
What was so great that they had a wedding hiding like that. There probably wasn’t anyone who congratulated them. They would have whispered and pointed fingers behind their backs, watching their every move as if it were a great piece of gossip. Other people’s business was always the most interesting.
“But you know. There’s something I don’t understand, no matter how much I think about it. Actually, shouldn’t he not have sent me away? I was about to enter high school then, and I’m his son, aren’t I?”
It might seem like self-pity. It probably was. Just because my father lived as he pleased, there was no need for me to live enjoying only pleasure. If I had been in my right mind, I would have struggled, vowing to become a different person from my father.
But in the end, Choi Sungbin walked the same path. Like father, like son.
I should have just said it briefly. I’m on bad terms with my father. Why? He thought I slept with my stepmother? It was a story that could have ended with that.
In this short conversation, everything about my family was laid bare. But there was no need to say everything out loud, from the story of my grandmother, to the stories of my stepmothers, to the resentment towards my father.
I’m so fucked. Choi Sungbin clicked his tongue, tsk, briefly.
“This is everything. I hate them both.”
Choi Sungbin washed his dry face with his hands and placed his hands down on the bench. Did I talk too much, even though he asked first? It was not a normal story.
What father would misunderstand that his son slept with his lover. Whooo, Choi Sungbin let out a long, shallow breath.
At that moment, warmth touched the back of his hand. Choi Sungbin tilted his head. The man’s hand was placed over his. A silver bracelet glittered on their clasped hands.
A beat later, he raised his gaze to the man. Even though he must have felt the gaze, he only looked at the night sky. As if that was what he was supposed to do.
“Are you comforting me?”
“Yeah.”
“What are you comforting me for?”
“Your father should have believed you.”
A blunt reply came back. Choi Sungbin tilted his head back. So that’s what it was. That was what made him upset.
I was only ever suspected and then thrown away. It was the same even when it was filled up with money.
I was upset. The seventeen year old Choi Sungbin seemed to have been. But now, I was really okay.
Still, he did not shake off the man’s hand. There was no one back then, but now there was someone comforting me. It was a scary thing that just holding a hand could be a comfort with only body heat.
I’m glad I decided to date this person. I am the one who found him. I don’t know how it started, but I was the one who recognized his true worth.
No one would know. That this gloomy and dark man is actually more affectionate than anyone.
“I’m okay now. I’m not angry. I just need to suck out as much as I can from him. When he gets older, I’m going to throw him away.”
Choi Sungbin answered in a voice tinged with laughter. Honestly, since it was not such a light story, he also wanted to lighten the mood. What sin did Yang Juwon commit? He was suddenly burdened with my family history. After this night passes, I will not tell him such stories anymore.
I used the night as an excuse. What story couldn’t we tell on a night with just the two of us? This was why the dawn was a scary thing.
Yang Juwon finally turned his head. He was smiling.
“Yeah, do that. Give it all back and end it.”
At the unexpected reaction, Choi Sungbin put on a sulky expression.
“Usually, don’t people say, but still, he’s your father.”
“Because I’m on your side. I don’t care about your father.”
“Sunbae, you’re on my side?”
“Yeah.”
“Why?”
“What?”
“Why are you on my side? You don’t even know me well.”
Choi Sungbin became genuinely curious. What does he trust to say he is on my side? Does he not have any suspicion that the story is a lie?
Perhaps I did have a relationship with my stepmother, and I was kicked out of the house after my father caught us. But what does he trust?
“You’re right.”
As if I was not the only one who felt it, Yang Juwon calmly opened his mouth.
“It could be a lie. But isn’t that what liking someone is like? Wanting to take your side no matter what kind of person you are. Your strengths are drawn hugely. Your weaknesses… they exist, but even those are you. It’s not just that I like you, but it feels like your very existence reaches me.”
Choi Sungbin was bothered by his gaze. The man was pretending to look at the night sky while recalling something. The fact that I noticed that also meant I had been constantly observing the man’s expression.
“Am I that kind of existence to you, sunbae?”
“Yeah.”
“Since when?”
“I told you. It’s been quite a while. …That none of it mattered.”
What on earth was it that didn’t matter so much. Choi Sungbin got up. He stood in front of the man who had been staring blankly ahead. Only then did Yang Juwon meet his gaze.
He was looking at me now.
The man’s eyes slowly opened, and I settled into his field of vision.
It’s the first time I have talked about my family. The first time in my life. Whenever someone asked about my parents, I would falsely paint a picture of a harmonious and wealthy family where everyone was doing well. If I hadn’t, everyone would have made all sorts of analyses about the direction of my life. Rationalizing it by saying, his father was like this, he grew up like that, so that’s why he is like that.
Choi Sungbin found that disgusting and hated it. So he saved his words.
When the morning sun rises, will I regret this night? Will I be embarrassed about having rambled on and on? Will I act like someone who has had their weakness caught by Yang Juwon?
I probably won’t. If it’s in front of Yang Juwon.
“Don’t look at me.”
Instead of answering, Yang Juwon tilted his head. Choi Sungbin knew he was being unreasonable. To block the man’s way and then tell him not to look at me. It was pure petulance.
“Don’t look at me, close your eyes. I’m going to look at the sky by myself too.”
“Ha….”
At the pointless stubbornness, Yang Juwon let out a short laugh.
“Alright, since it’s a gift, you look at it by yourself.”
He added the unnecessary remark and closed his eyes.
Choi Sungbin was a little angry. Why does everything feel okay if it’s Yang Juwon? How did I end up relying on this shabby man? I couldn’t even grasp from what point it started.
It happened gradually. Whenever I hit rock bottom, he always appeared. He saved me, helped me, and sometimes comforted me. He was like a prince from a fairy tale I had only read about in books when I was young.
Although he wasn’t handsome or rich like a prince. And his personality wasn’t cheerful or simply cool, but rather he just acted gloomy.
Still, my feelings had already tilted. It wasn’t that I thought it was comfortable, but it was comforting. I was depending on him.
There was no hesitation. He wrapped his hand around his nape. He brought his lips to the man whose eyes had widened.
Their lips met. I don’t think I acted this stiffly even on the day of our first kiss. My hand was filled with so much tension that I acted like a complete novice.
It was embarrassing. I couldn’t open my eyes. I didn’t want to see his expression.
I like this man. I’m so fucked.
📝
I decided to admit that I like Yang Juwon. A person’s heart is something that can’t be helped. Because you can’t possibly hate someone to whom you show your twisted inner self, and who, despite that, does not leave and offers solace.
“Ha.”
A low sigh broke the silence. Choi Sungbin let out a sigh while burying his body deep into the seat. The seatbelt across his chest felt constricting.
If I had to pinpoint it, there would probably be other reasons. I like Yang Juwon. I said I admit it. But there is, in fact, something like this. Of all the many people, why him of all people.
“……”
He lowered his gaze diagonally. He observed the appearance of the man who was fiddling in the driver’s seat, preparing to leave. He was just a rugged man.
A man.
Choi Sungbin had lived his life excluded from male society. It was closer to being uninterested. It made sense, since he had nothing he was curious about with them.
He preferred being in the arms of a woman with soft lines rather than pretending to be tough with bravado to solidify his position.
Of course, to them who were tightly knit together, it was natural for me to be an eyesore. When they started pointless power struggles to keep me in check, I would just snort. Honestly, I couldn’t say I did well in my military service either.
Still, you know, even if it’s a man, shouldn’t it be someone who grooms himself to some extent, is quick-witted, and has a somewhat charming or compatible personality.
Why of all people…….
This kind of tacky person.
“……Why?”
How did I get entangled with a rugged and blunt man? As he stared at the man with cold eyes, Yang Juwon also met his gaze. Choi Sungbin shook his head and looked out the window.
Look at his low voice. Can’t he ask a little more kindly and affectionately?
Unlike the dreamlike night sky, getting into the car felt like returning to reality. Even though the stars were still draped outside the window.
Choi Sungbin lowered the window. The air, certainly cooler than in the city, brushed against his cheek. Still, it was less so than the air conditioner.
He took in the dark night with his eyes one more time. He soon raised the window and turned his head again. Yang Juwon was staring at him motionlessly.
Look at his eyes. He has a fierce face, but his gaze is stupid.
Now that I admitted I like him, I disliked him even more. If I were to nitpick one by one, there would be no end to it.
Look at the stretched out neck of his t-shirt. I wouldn’t wear that even if someone paid me and begged me to.
“Look at me.”
He grabbed the man’s chin and turned it towards him. Seeing his blunt and sullen expression, his stomach twisted even more.
“Can’t you smile a little?”
“You’re not smiling either.”
“Smile a little, come on.”
“……Like this?”
Yang Juwon awkwardly raised the corners of his mouth. Choi Sungbin, still clutching the man’s chin, made a face as if he had chewed on something bad. He usually smiles so prettily, but just because I told him to smile, he smiles so uglily.
The man’s lips came into view. Is there any reason for his lips to be chapped in this summer? Come to think of it, I was the one who bit them. When we were kissing, he was so bad at sucking my tongue that I pulled on it, and blood had already formed.
The question that returned after the kiss was a complete mess.
‘Why did you kiss me?’
My pride was too hurt to say, because I like you, sunbae, to the man who ruined the moment as soon as our lips parted. But I also didn’t want to needlessly protect my pride by saying, I got carried away by the mood. So. I just kissed him one more time.
I hope that served as an answer. Please, I hope this clueless man has noticed.
But Yang Juwon was the same as usual. I kissed you, didn’t I? Far from being shy, he just furrowed his brow, saying his chin hurt.
“You’re ugly.”
In the end, Choi Sungbin said it. Because he did not have a pretty face.
It was a face where masculine features were more prominent than being pretty. Even when he dresses this shabbily, his looks are talked about, so if he were to dress up, he would look much better than now.
Why does he really go around like this? I can’t help how my heart feels, but I didn’t know my taste was this bad. Choi Sungbin shook his head.
“Can’t you dress up a little? Honestly, don’t you think that this is not the attire to wear for your lover’s birthday?”
As he poured out his nagging, Yang Juwon shut his mouth. Choi Sungbin lifted the man’s chin. Ah, I hate this expression. He hardened his expression just because I said something. It’s not like I said anything wrong either.
“Honestly, sunbae, you know you don’t dress up, right? You cut your hair because I told you to cut it, too. What kind of crazy person lives while growing out their bangs like that. And your clothes, always a hoodie, a sweatshirt, and what is this you’re wearing today. You think no one knows you wear this outfit all the time?”
“……I just came from my part-time job.”
“The people there probably all know too. That the night-shift part-timer always wears the same clothes.”
Ugh. Choi Sungbin sighed and finally let the man go. Yang Juwon, even after being scolded like that, couldn’t say anything and released the side brake.
Right, you go on and talk, is that it. Yang Juwon’s this kind of impassiveness sometimes really pushed his buttons.
Choi Sungbin swallowed his anger. Don’t think of it as me finding fault, don’t think of it as me taking out my anger. Please just get it.
Even in the midst of that, he extended his hand to the man who was shifting gears.
“……Why?”
“Hold my hand when you drive.”
I was the craziest one. Now that I admitted my feelings, I wanted to stick to him.
I know how ridiculous I am. Getting in the car, sighing, pouring out complaints, and then asking him to hold my hand. Sure enough, the look on the man’s face was a sight to behold.
The man, who had been staring at my outstretched hand for a moment, finally shook his head.
“That’s too dangerous. It’s too dark right now, and there are a lot of steep roads and curves.”
“……”
Fine, sunbae, do whatever the hell you want.
No matter how I think about it, I hate it so much. I am too good for this man.
📝
He really has to be the strangest person. How can he be so nonchalant when I’m supposedly head over heels for him? I even kissed him. I rubbed my lips all over his and even sucked his tongue?
“……”
Choi Sungbin was not pleased with the man. It wasn’t that there had to be a change in the relationship, but it was just too monotonous. Other than being steeped in fatigue, he was no different from usual.
The moment my mood started to sour was after we arrived home, finished getting ready for bed, and lay down in the covers. We lay in our separate comforters. The rustling sound was particularly grating today. Yang Juwon tossed and turned in his comforter and soon became still. He added no other words.
He’s going to sleep just like this?
I find myself marveling anew at Yang Juwon’s lethargy. I thought we had a pretty romantic night, but was that just my own thought? It’s not that I wanted him to recite a long review of the kiss, but yawning once and crashing out was just too much.
Choi Sungbin stared blankly at the ceiling and finally spoke first.
“Sunbae, are you sleeping?”
“No, not yet.”
“Lie down next to me.”
I suggested, patting the spot next to me. The man let out a small yawn. The sound of him inhaling was particularly stark.
He soon rustled and got up, then came and lay down beside me.
“Why are you telling me to sleep next to you? Can’t you sleep?”
“I might be able to sleep if I try.”
“I think I’ll fall asleep first today.”
“Then I’ll wake you up. Don’t fall asleep first.”
At those words, Yang Juwon laughed softly. He must like it even when I’m being unreasonable. Of course he does. Choi Sungbin gave a satisfied smile and then withdrew it.
I curled my body to the side and turned to look at the man. Even though he must have felt my gaze, Yang Juwon was just as nonchalant as ever.
He placed both hands on his stomach and quietly exhaled and inhaled. I pushed my finger into his soft cheek.
I liked the feeling of it pressing in, so I did it one more time.
“Sunbae.”
“Yeah.”
“Look at me when you sleep.”
Yang Juwon also lay down at an angle. Because my eyes had adjusted to the darkness, I could see his face particularly well. No matter how I look at it, it is not a pretty face.
Even if it’s not to the point of being unwatchable, a person should look a little bright, but he’s so gloomy, walking around with a dark cloud hanging over his face, so how could I possibly see him as pretty.
“Sunbae.”
“Why do you keep calling me.”
“Were you happy that I kissed you?”
Yang Juwon blinked his eyes without a word. Did you not like it? I twisted the finger I had on his cheek, and he feigned pain, saying, “Ah—.”
“Did you not like it?”
“I liked it.”
“Then why aren’t you saying anything.”
He seems like he would have a lot to say. Or he could pester me to do it again. I was willing to do it if he wanted.
Choi Sungbin gave the man a chance. Ask me to kiss you. I’ll suck on you right now.
But the moment he saw the man’s brow furrow, Choi Sungbin also frowned, as if looking in a mirror.
“The whole way here.”
“Yes.”
“You kept sighing while looking at my face.”
“Ah.”
“And you said I was ugly……”
Haha, at the unexpected words, Choi Sungbin burst out laughing. It wasn’t the reaction I wanted, but it was surprising. So he knows how to grumble. Then should I be telling him he’s pretty, he’s pretty?
Usually, I would have glared at him once and told him to just go to sleep, but today was fun. I wanted to keep talking. Was he always this fun? Instead of mulling over the question, Choi Sungbin swept the man’s bangs back.
“So you thought you were handsome? With me right next to you?”
“……”
“Wow. You thought you were handsome. This guy was a total prince.”
“It’s not that I thought I was handsome, but……”
“Then what.”
He would know if he has eyes too. He’s about 180 cm tall, so he’s quite tall, and honestly, wouldn’t he know just by looking at the people walking around?
In a world where ugly guys strut down the street, someone like Yang Juwon was exceptionally decent, even more than that. It’s just that he doesn’t quite meet my standards.
The man, who was rolling his eyes around for a moment, asked.
“Am I ugly?”
“Pardon?”
He asked it very calmly, but I was the one who was flustered. I opened my eyes wide at the question he tossed out. No, if he suddenly asks if he’s ugly. I did sigh the whole way here and say he was ugly, but…….
I was at a loss for words when he asked it himself. Flustered, I couldn’t continue. I bit my lip slightly and moved closer to him.
“You’re close……”
Yang Juwon mumbled. Choi Sungbin meticulously examined his face. Short eyelashes and fierce-looking eyes. His T-zone was quite defined.
No matter how I looked at it, it was not a pretty face. Still, he’s the type that stands out, so I wonder how I lived without knowing all this time. To be precise, since he was a man, I probably had no interest at all.
“You’re not my type.”
“What kind is your type?”
I don’t have a particular type, but I had never imagined a man in it. There was a time when I thought of Yang Juwon as simply a toilet. Because I didn’t know it would turn out like this.
I tormented the man just because it was comfortable. This person probably did everything for me because he liked me.
Choi Sungbin paused his voice for a moment.
“No matter how I think about it, it’s not sunbae.”
But why did I come to like him? Is it because of his personality rather than his face? Well, would I ever have thought that I would come to like a man, and even date a man like that? Whatever the case, now I want to treat Yang Juwon a little better.
Choi Sungbin kissed the man again. It wasn’t in a fit of anger, but because I wanted to.
No matter how I think about it, he’s not my type at all, so why do I keep wanting to kiss him. I grabbed his ear and tickled him by wiggling a finger into his ear canal.
He was a man who clashed with all of my tastes so far, but what could I do.
I made smacking sounds as I held his lips in mine and then pushed my tongue in. It was soft and hot and moist. The man, who had been flinching his shoulders, also carefully entangled his tongue with mine.
Seeing his awkwardly pecking tongue, he wasn’t good at kissing either.
Was that kiss when we were drunk his first? Is every first for this man with me?
It doesn’t matter if he’s bad at it. I can just teach him by doing it a lot.
📝
It seems my sleep habits have changed to become more regular. I woke up because I was bothered by a presence, and my body felt heavy because I had gone to bed later than usual.
Choi Sungbin happened to place his hand on the spot next to him. Yang Juwon, who had fallen asleep with him, was gone.
He slowly lifted his eyelids.
“……”
The good thing about a small house is that I can see what Yang Juwon is doing at a glance. The man, with his back to the bedding, was rummaging through the closet without a shirt on.
He didn’t seem to work out particularly, but his body had a nice line. The sharp drop of his shoulder line, the arms with their fine muscles, the straight line drawn down the middle of his back with just the right amount of shadow.
‘Was that why he only ever did it from behind.’
Choi Sungbin stared blankly at that back. Why am I turned on by a body like that. I thought that, at least in terms of appearance, he wasn’t my type. I must be crazy.
The man took a t-shirt out of the closet and held his arms up to unfold it. The moment I saw the grotesquely striped t-shirt, my face scrunched up. Does he buy things like that with money?
It might be better for him to just wear tracksuits.
Since his frame was at least decent, he was a man who looked better wearing tracksuits. And yet, he always wore t-shirts of an ambiguous size and strange pants that were neither cotton nor jeans.
By the way, where is he going?
“Where are you going.”
My subdued voice was sharper than usual. Yang Juwon, who was squirming as he pulled on the t-shirt, finally turned his head.
He has a decent face, but look at the state of his clothes. I thought the stretched-out t-shirt he originally wore would be better. I was no longer just appalled by the ‘HAPPY’ embroidered on his left chest; I was genuinely amazed.
“You’re up?”
Yang Juwon asked in his usual affectionate voice.
“Yes, where are you going?”
Just answer the question I asked, why ask something unnecessary. Would I be asking him if I were asleep? Choi Sungbin alternated his gaze between the word embroidered on the man’s chest and his face.
“To school for a bit.”
“Why.”
“They told me to go get the assignment I submitted.”
“You’re going to school like that?”
“Yeah. I haven’t worn it at all this year.”
Yang Juwon folded the hem of his t-shirt into creases. As if anticipating the scolding that would pour out, he made a pathetic excuse.
Does not wearing it at all this year mean he wore it last year? The more I looked, the more amazed I was. I got up with a dumbfounded look on my face.
“Aren’t you embarrassed to go around like that?”
“You usually didn’t say so much about my clothes.”
“It was bothering me, though, continuously.”
“You only said a little in words.”
I did say it. Seeing that he hasn’t changed despite me consistently doing so, his stubbornness must be no joke. Who would like it if their lover went around dressed like this.
I guess I really am twisted inside. They say when you like someone, they look endlessly pretty, but all I see are the things that bother me.
Wasn’t Yang Juwon the same? He wanted to take my side, and he saw my strengths as huge. But I was not that kind of person.
This won’t do. No matter how I think about it, this is not it. As they say, strike while the iron is hot.
“Get more sleep. I’ll be back soon.”
“Sunbae.”
“Yeah.”
“You just have to go to school and come back?”
“Uh-huh.”
“Okay.”
Choi Sungbin got up from the bedding. His body was stiff, so he stretched. I felt like I was going to die from exhaustion.
Instead of asking what I was doing, Yang Juwon just watched. Choi Sungbin moved his head from side to side and walked towards the bathroom.
“I’ll take you.”
“Why?”
“Because I want to?”
“I’ll be back soon.”
Choi Sungbin gripped the doorknob silently.
Let’s not get angry, let’s not get annoyed. Even if he acts annoyingly, let’s not get annoyed. I know at least how I should treat someone I like.
No, but he’s acting like this even when I say I’ll take him.
Why is he always like this? Can’t he just accept it?
“Can’t you just not talk back? Why are you always like that?”
In the end, I couldn’t hold it in and threw a fit.
“Okay. Sorry.”
Yang Juwon rustled and sat down on the floor.
I didn’t want to get annoyed. Choi Sungbin clicked his tongue briefly and turned the doorknob.
📝
I know it’s an absurd thought, but sometimes I wish I could read Choi Sungbin’s mind. Even if it wasn’t for a good reason, if I could just read it, I think my mind would be a little more at ease.
He, who said he would take me, spent a long time just getting ready to go out. It was just to the front of the school, and we were going by car, yet he changed into neat clothes, did his hair, and even put on cologne.
Even though I said I would just submit it and come out while he waited at home, he waited in the parking lot, and as soon as I got in the car, he turned the car in a different direction from the way we came.
The place we arrived at was a department store.
I couldn’t figure out what he was thinking. Judging by the way he was humming a tune, he seemed to be in a good mood.
Do I have to buy him something? Since he was someone with a different scale of consumption, it was true that I was worried. I could spend money on things like meals, but I had been severely scolded once over shoes, so of course, money worries followed.
The inside of the department store smelled nice. I didn’t know if it was the smell of cosmetics or perfume, but it was not a comfortable scent. Unlike me, who was awkwardly looking around, Choi Sungbin seemed comfortable in this space.
Sure enough, he naturally headed towards the luxury goods section. There were many people despite the early hour. Some were even lined up in front of the stores.
What kind of people were they to be out spending money since the morning.
Even if I was curious, I knew they were people from a different world than me, so Yang Juwon focused on the man right in front of him. And in the end, he stopped him.
“Choi Sungbin.”
“Yes. We don’t have to wait. I contacted them in advance while I was waiting for you, sunbae.”
“No, that’s not it.”
“Yes.”
“I didn’t bring my wallet.”
Seeing his expression harden frighteningly, my words naturally trailed off. It’s not that I work part-time jobs just to save money, but keeping up with Choi Sungbin’s spending was a burdensome task.
Moreover, I was in a state of having been hit by the unexpected expense of a birthday gift. It wasn’t that I regretted the money I spent on him, but it was sudden.
Choi Sungbin was still wearing the bracelet with the big star on it. Even though he said it was tacky and weird. He didn’t actually take it off.
“What do you want me to do if you didn’t bring your wallet?”
“Because I have no money at all.”
“Anyone would think you always spent money extravagantly.”
I couldn’t say anything back to his sarcastic words. The man who had been facing me came and stood beside me. The hand that was slowly stroking my back came to rest on my waist.
Why is he doing this. He has been acting strangely since yesterday. A kind Choi Sungbin was awkward. To be honest, it was more like he was nagging me with words more severely rather than being kind…
“Let’s go in first. I’m too embarrassed to be seen with you looking like that, so I can’t go around with you.”
Phew, as I let out a sigh, Choi Sungbin, who was sitting across from me, tilted his head up.
“Why?”
“I don’t want to talk about money.”
“Then don’t.”
“Why are you being like this?”
My heart was so uncomfortable I couldn’t stand it. I knew Choi Sungbin was well-off, but I didn’t know it was to this extent.
He spent money as if there was no tomorrow. Like binge-buying snacks at a convenience store in a drunken fit of anger.
What worried me most was that all his spending was tailored to me.
If he said my clothes were tacky, I could have shopped online or bought them near the school. If he had done that, my heart might have been less uncomfortable than now.
Honestly, I don’t even know how much money he spent. We went to three stores just inside the department store, and after coming out, we went to two more clothing stores. Every time we came out, we were carrying two or three large shopping bags, all of which were stuffed into the back seat of the car.
As if the shoes I had tried to buy for him before were nothing, Choi Sungbin nonchalantly handed over his card, making me, who had struggled to hand over my card, look pathetic. When I was fidgeting, he later told me to wait outside the store, so I couldn’t even know the exact prices.
“Why did you buy me so much……”
“I told you. When I see what you wear, I’m too embarrassed to be seen with you.”
“Then we could have just gone home. Why……”
Why are we eating on a terrace.
Moreover, this place was a restaurant in the middle of a bustling downtown area. People, regardless of gender, dressed stylishly, were sitting and enjoying their leisure time.
Choi Sungbin also seemed familiar with this place, as he glanced over the menu and ordered on his own.
French toast with onion soup, salmon salad, and chicken stew to go with it. It was a luxurious-looking restaurant at a glance, so the burden grew even larger.
Still, I had a conscience. Yang Juwon, glancing around, lowered his voice.
“I’ll pay for this here.”
“Just eat your food. And stop talking about money.”
In the end, Choi Sungbin got annoyed. Still. I know I look pathetic. But honestly, even if I’m one thing, I didn’t understand Choi Sungbin either.
What got into him that he was suddenly spending that much money just on clothes. Is it that embarrassing? To the point where he can’t stand it without spending money?